I have no idea ...

[Kison]

So im a guy who just wants a relationship that i can care about, care for someone, and someone to love.

 

So long story short, I wanted to ask out this girl but she had a boyfriend at the time. she told me that she had feelings for me then. a month later, she broke up with her boyfriend and i wanted to start slowly moving in. but she said that she doesn't KNOW if she still has feelings for me anymore...

 

My question is what do i do?

 

Do I continue trying to get with her or back off and be her friend?

Also do feelings ever go back to what they were?

 

She makes me really happy and i dont want to say goodbye to the possibility of me getting together with her.

 

P.S. this would infact be my first attempt at getting a girlfriend. im a junior in high school.

 

Thanks

Edited October 29, 2017 by Kison
title was wrong

[smackie9]

Be cool and distance yourself to make her miss you.

 

Let her see you talking with other girls.

 

To be more desirable is to be less available. So if you push yourself to be around her all the time, she will have no desire. Young girls like guys who are aloof/distant, unemotional. They like the challenge.

[d0nnivain]

High school girls are fickle.

 

Like smackie9 suggested you need to live your life & have fun. Make sure she sees you having fun. That may make her long to be a part of the fun you are having. Meanwhile you should be talking to other girls & seeing if there is somebody you like better.

 

N.B. for anybody else who is reading this: the above advice works because the OP is in HIGH SCHOOL. Beyond graduation it's immature game playing. Teenagers are allowed to do this, not adults.

[coolheadal]

We men or boys fail to listen to what the women or girls say to us. She told you she didn't think she still has feelings for you. That means you move on to the next girl my friend.

[Miss Spider]

Don't try to date girls who are flirty when they have bfs. They are trouble. Move on and find a good girl!!! Because you seem like a cool guy

[maxi105]

Hi Kison,

 

I think your best bet is to back off and go for the friendship route. This girl has told you she doesn't know how she feels for you, which I wonder if its her way of saying gently to you that she maybe likes you, but possibly has someone else in her head.

 

if you can remain friends (which is not easy for everyone, it can be harder to do than to say about someone you really like), but if you can then you will come away with a close friend who may have other friends or could help you meet someone as equally as nice as her in social occasions; or at least later, if her feelings change - then you will have a head start as you will be more comfortable and closer (yes old friends do get together years later and its usually more powerful as you've had time away to see what works and doesn't and what you want).

 

if you have time away from her at least she can see for herself how she feels and know more clearly after a time away from you to see if those feelings could grow more for you.

 

I wouldn't honestly hold too many hopes for this girl i'm afraid,

but at least she has been honest with you; it isn't fair or worth your time to try to push anyone (however a nice person you are) into a relationship (even if you do it in a well meaning or gentle way) I think she will see through any tricks like that, and if she does then you it wont go well so it goes against what you are trying to achieve with her.

 

your age for me isn't my key responding feeling for you on this, but it does play some part in my answer of course, but love is love if you are 12 or 103 and you sound like a really nice guy; so if it doesn't work with this girl then dont try to let it worry you too too much as I'll bet there will be LOADS of girls out there that would love to be with someone like you.

 

maybe someone likes you already out there but you don't know it because you are so into this girl and haven't noticed them?

 

get out and about more, I don't mean that in a patronizing way, just a literal way, get out and see who'se out there when you can, from now to the new year, there will be loads of girls who will be as equally good as this girl is.

 

if it doesn't work for you and you can get the skills to move on without too much heartbreak you will save your heart a lot of heart ache in the future. it's a big lesson to learn (regardless of how old you are) and can trip you up sometimes; but whilst you are robust in your outlook, use that to heal if you need to for a while, but if you can remain friends and hang out with her then you will still be able to admire her, but look to getting more confidence to meet another girl, and if she is a friend, then maybe she can give you some tips to help boost your confidence with other girls.

 

feelings can get back to where they were in terms of friendship and can bring you to becoming very good friends if she wants that, and maybe in time if she does decide she'd like to be with you then yes, feelings can get back that way to for you too; but for now, I feel those feelings are only what you feel.

 

but I wish you very very best wishes with this. I think whatever happens you'll come through this ok. take care and enjoy a bit of social fun in-between your studies or in the holidays so enjoy it. maxi.

 

ps...I have a feeling that she may actually still have a thing for her ex! so if that happens, don't take it personally, she knows him and is comfortable with him, and may actually be missing him so is telling you she doesn't know what to do (because she may genuinely not know for now); but if that is the case of her liking him but wanting not to be alone, even if she got with you, I suspect she would end up breaking your heart even more if she was just filling the gap not to be alone!

 

so good luck again. and very best wishes. let us know if you catch a lovely lady, because I think you will.

[Kison]

Hi Kison,

 

I think your best bet is to back off and go for the friendship route. This girl has told you she doesn't know how she feels for you, which I wonder if its her way of saying gently to you that she maybe likes you, but possibly has someone else in her head.

 

if you can remain friends (which is not easy for everyone, it can be harder to do than to say about someone you really like), but if you can then you will come away with a close friend who may have other friends or could help you meet someone as equally as nice as her in social occasions; or at least later, if her feelings change - then you will have a head start as you will be more comfortable and closer (yes old friends do get together years later and its usually more powerful as you've had time away to see what works and doesn't and what you want).

 

if you have time away from her at least she can see for herself how she feels and know more clearly after a time away from you to see if those feelings could grow more for you.

 

I wouldn't honestly hold too many hopes for this girl i'm afraid,

but at least she has been honest with you; it isn't fair or worth your time to try to push anyone (however a nice person you are) into a relationship (even if you do it in a well meaning or gentle way) I think she will see through any tricks like that, and if she does then you it wont go well so it goes against what you are trying to achieve with her.

 

your age for me isn't my key responding feeling for you on this, but it does play some part in my answer of course, but love is love if you are 12 or 103 and you sound like a really nice guy; so if it doesn't work with this girl then dont try to let it worry you too too much as I'll bet there will be LOADS of girls out there that would love to be with someone like you.

 

maybe someone likes you already out there but you don't know it because you are so into this girl and haven't noticed them?

 

get out and about more, I don't mean that in a patronizing way, just a literal way, get out and see who'se out there when you can, from now to the new year, there will be loads of girls who will be as equally good as this girl is.

 

if it doesn't work for you and you can get the skills to move on without too much heartbreak you will save your heart a lot of heart ache in the future. it's a big lesson to learn (regardless of how old you are) and can trip you up sometimes; but whilst you are robust in your outlook, use that to heal if you need to for a while, but if you can remain friends and hang out with her then you will still be able to admire her, but look to getting more confidence to meet another girl, and if she is a friend, then maybe she can give you some tips to help boost your confidence with other girls.

 

feelings can get back to where they were in terms of friendship and can bring you to becoming very good friends if she wants that, and maybe in time if she does decide she'd like to be with you then yes, feelings can get back that way to for you too; but for now, I feel those feelings are only what you feel.

 

but I wish you very very best wishes with this. I think whatever happens you'll come through this ok. take care and enjoy a bit of social fun in-between your studies or in the holidays so enjoy it. maxi.

 

ps...I have a feeling that she may actually still have a thing for her ex! so if that happens, don't take it personally, she knows him and is comfortable with him, and may actually be missing him so is telling you she doesn't know what to do (because she may genuinely not know for now); but if that is the case of her liking him but wanting not to be alone, even if she got with you, I suspect she would end up breaking your heart even more if she was just filling the gap not to be alone!

 

so good luck again. and very best wishes. let us know if you catch a lovely lady, because I think you will.

 

Thanks, this helps a lot... wish that my first try would have gone well.

eh what are you going to do. Thanks all, ill see what will happen in the coming weeks. ill try to be her friend.

[kendahke]

Back off and don't try to be her friend. You don't want to be her friend. You want to be her lover/boyfriend.

 

Being her friend is the fastest route to the friendzone from which you will never leave.

[alphamale]

im a junior in high school.

that pretty much explains your post. you're too young to date so concentrate on your education. there's plenty of time for girls later on.

[Simple Logic]

So im a guy who just wants a relationship that i can care about, care for someone, and someone to love.

 

So long story short, I wanted to ask out this girl but she had a boyfriend at the time. she told me that she had feelings for me then. a month later, she broke up with her boyfriend and i wanted to start slowly moving in. but she said that she doesn't KNOW if she still has feelings for me anymore...

 

My question is what do i do?

 

Do I continue trying to get with her or back off and be her friend?

Also do feelings ever go back to what they were?

 

She makes me really happy and i dont want to say goodbye to the possibility of me getting together with her.

 

P.S. this would infact be my first attempt at getting a girlfriend. im a junior in high school.

 

Thanks

 

Tell her she had her chance and move on.

[maxi105]

good luck Kison, and don't worry too much or be too hard on yourself for not getting the 1st try to work out for you; there are not that many people who get the first try and make it work for the rest of their lives.

 

 

It can and does happen for some, but not for that many i'l bet. (and besides) you'll have more experience to learn from other girls, so when you do find the one - they will treasure you EVEN MORE!!!!!

 

 

you've learnt a lot here from what's gone already to do with feelings and no doubt within the different posts from different persepctives - so draw from the things that you think will help you because in the end of the day, you know this girl and we don't; but at least you'll have another point to start from and think things over with.

 

 

again, if it doesn't work out as friends or you feel too overwhelmed just pull away from her and explain (if you feel she's the sort of girl that would understand that and respect your feelings enough not to gossip to her friends or make fun of you if she feels you are weak for opening up to her in that way). but whatever you do, only do what you feel is best for your heart based on what sort of person she is and how she will treat you.

 

 

don't open up to someone who is a showoff, insecure or is thoughtless or unkind; it will only back fire and leave you feeling a billion times worse.

 

 

I suspect that you will meet someone at some point, but I think you will probably meet them when you are least expecting too, so just go about things in the best way you can and do the best you can with your studies and things will pan out the way they will....there are always chances, but you have to weigh up if they will be good for you and the situation you are in.

 

 

if you do meet someone just let things grow at a slow and natural pace as that may make a girl run if she thinks you are going too quick blah blah...

 

 

its often the case that sometimes you meet the right people at the wrong times, but sometimes you just meet the wrong ones!!!! hahaha...but I think if you keep a focus on your real priorities - then when you have more free time to really let go, ie: holidays, celebrations etc, then you will be more relaxed, be more able to enjoy your down time without feeling so much pressure to date or find the one.

 

 

life and love have a habit of throwing curve balls at times, you just gotta do the best you can that way the regret will be less of a torment to you.

 

 

you tried at least - and none of us know what is around the corner, so just be you and do it in the best way you can....no girl will be able to resist that....the hard part will be finding her and dealing with all the curve balls!!!...

 

 

but look, my time is up so I gotta run; I only dropped by honestly to give you the courtesy of an answer (if you got back to me), so all I can say now until the next time is

 

 

very best wishes, take care of yourself. maxi