Lovehel Posted October 28, 2017 Posted October 28, 2017 So basically I am kind of stressed because I said I would go over tonight, but I am not in the mood, I am not in a great mood, and I don’t want to pretend to be…or be there feeling crappy. I feel guilty though cause I think he might be expecting me, I haven't checked my messages cause I he will see I am online and I don't know what to say yet, cause he wanted me to come over yesterday which I made an excuse of being somewhere. I was thinking about the situation with him, and I am not sure if I should continue it anymore. My ex and I had an extremely turbulent relationship, where we would fight so much, but then be really loving towards each other, this happened all the time. I always submitted and apologized cause I was terrified of losing him. When I went to counseling after suffering depression, she said it was emotionally abusive, so I am extremely cautious now with people. He is a nice person don’t get me wrong and he is very generous but I just don’t know if my heart can be in it, I am still extremely raw over the breakup and need to pick myself up properly, make friends etc…and more of a life for myself. All the friends I have had so far in my life, have either let me down, rejected me, or caused me pain in one way or another, and that is why I am hesitant, because my trust is so low. I am going to be completely frank about this guy, so I can get some objective opinions, which would be great. Anyway he is so nice and intelligent, but he has no personality, he doesn’t really make me laugh, or feel understood. He mainly just talks about work and is obsessed with study, but for me if someone has an interesting personality, I don’t care what they do. I feel like he wants someone to make him less lonely or something, and when he told me about his ex, I 100% felt he was not over it. When he was saying how is ex cheated on him he stared on the ceiling for about 2 mins, and then goes I don’t want to talk about this. I was like okay, but got a bad gut feeling. I don’t have burning desire to be with him, and I don’t think we have anything much in common. I don’t want to be used as a rebound either, and to be honest the sex is not great. He also has OCD tendencies and is constantly fixing stuff, which to me is very unhealthy, he is open about it though. He goes to me to keep it down when I was laughing with a comedy we were watching in his bed but not in a nice way. It felt very official like Lauren can you keep it down, I was like oh sorry, then he explained the situation that his flatmates might be back. I was like okay so I can’t laugh freely or be myself great….also the way he was putting his hand over my eyes was cute at first at the gruesome parts but became an annoyance, when he kept doing it at them and he wouldn’t remove it, and was like wait, wait it is not over. He then hogged all the food and it was non stop he opened packet after packet, offered me some. I like to take my time with my food, not eat it like it is a race. He then was feeding me popcorn as I was lying there watching the movie but kept going so fast and shoving it into my mouth, I was like wait, you are going too fast, then he goes missed, when he was pressing it against my chin because he was looking at the movie, it felt really awkward. Then on the other side, he makes drinks, food, etc…and I enjoy cuddling with him. He does call me beautiful etc… and compliments me, he seems to really think I am great. But I feel this sense that I have to conform around him, I don’t know if it is cause I am in his space. I feel I have to present myself in the best light. I am not in the a great place in my life, but don’t feel I can express this. Again when he says something it comes across as controlling, we can’t smoke in my room, the smell was there for days, I was thinking maybe say that before we smoke a cigarette? It just felt a bit humiliating, like I was a child being scolded. Maybe he doesn’t mean these things, and I feel it is way too early to start telling him what annoys me about him. He does seem to have a great work ethic though, which I admire. I don't know if I am overanlayzing this guy and the situation cause of my past or not. Should I stop this while I am ahead?
smackie9 Posted October 28, 2017 Posted October 28, 2017 Classic emotionally unavailable guy. Stop wasting your time.
Miss Spider Posted October 28, 2017 Posted October 28, 2017 Just say you don't feel like going over tonight. I think you might be making that too complicate d. You both seem like emotionally unavailable fwbs so theres no obligation to each other
kassy Posted October 28, 2017 Posted October 28, 2017 Like if the sex was great and you're just FWB then I'd say tell him not today but reschedule. But the sex isn't that good and you sound like you don't even like him or have any attraction to him. I'd just tell him it's just not working out and move on. 1
Highndry Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 It really doesn't sound like a match. I don't think his personality is what you are looking for, and you are just going through the motions because he offers the most basic level of comfort.
JamesDaniels123 Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 If you already have this much doubt, it's safe to say that it's not working out. Hey, that rhymes! But seriously, if you just want casual sex, there are plenty of guys available, and if you want something more, i'm sure you'll agree that he's not the one. I don't see any actual reason for you to continue talking to him, especially if you're at the point where you want to make excuses not to see him!
alphamale Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 you're not ready to date yet. wait for another year or so
joseb Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 (edited) How long have you been single? It sounds like neither you nor he is ready to date. You said you were just hooking up though, so not sure - I would take that to just mean casual (fun) In that case, if you say the sex isn't great, then not much point. Edited October 29, 2017 by joseb 1
Author Lovehel Posted October 29, 2017 Author Posted October 29, 2017 How long have you been single? It sounds like neither you nor he is ready to date. You said you were just hooking up though, so not sure - I would take that to just mean casual (fun) In that case, if you say the sex isn't great, then not much point. I have been single for 8 months now, because it was a 6 year emotionally abusive relationship, it wasn't so easy to move on from, and I went into the depths of depression for about 5 months afterwards. I am feeling better emotionally these days, but still need to work on building my life, which I am finding really difficult because in the latter 4 years of the relationship I had no friends, because of how bad I felt. I am really feeling the social pressure these days, especially with the whole college situation. The thing is it is not enjoyable, I enjoy the cuddling with him though. Should I talk to him about if I see him again?
Author Lovehel Posted October 29, 2017 Author Posted October 29, 2017 Classic emotionally unavailable guy. Stop wasting your time. Why does he sound like a classically emotionally unavailable guy? just trying to understand fully, thanks.
Author Lovehel Posted October 29, 2017 Author Posted October 29, 2017 Just say you don't feel like going over tonight. I think you might be making that too complicate d. You both seem like emotionally unavailable fwbs so theres no obligation to each other I think you are right about me making it too complicated, I am not really sure how this whole FWB's work. Also he msgs me everyday to check in on me and see how my day went or how I am doing, which is nice. Maybe I will see him again tomorrow and see how it goes.
Miss Spider Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 (edited) I am not quite sure how it works. It sounds really complicated because with serious relationships, as difficult as they seem, at least you have an idea of what's expected. I guess just play it by ear and find what works for you guys . Best of luck. Edited October 30, 2017 by Cookiesandough
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