lbh33 Posted October 28, 2017 Posted October 28, 2017 Just looking for general advice.. I am a girl and I have just begun dating after a 2.5 year relationship. I am finding myself so caught up! I forgot how fun it can be. But, with all the attention from guys I'm engaging with, I find myself constantly thinking about them and distracted from other things in my life. Also, when I go on date with a guy that goes really well, I find myself so caught up in the feelings that it's all I can think about and I feel like I'm in high school again. Along with that, I start almost overthinking interactions he and I have and getting jealous knowing he sees other women, too. Similarly, if a date goes really well, I have a hard time being interested in going on dates with other guys even though I tell myself I should bc it's what the guys I'm dating are doing? I'm looking for anyone to say if they've experienced something similar and for any advice as to *not* being so obsessive about dating? Please no harsh comments, I'm trying to figure this all out and get myself together!
hercules22 Posted October 28, 2017 Posted October 28, 2017 not all guys date multiple women at the same time . i myself wouldnt even have the time to see multiple women already busy enough with long hours at work . plus i feel it harder to focus on one person to get to know them and if i already like the girl i would like to take my time with her rather then trying to ask another girl out and if i dont think were a match guess ill let her go or she will let me go .
meeji Posted October 28, 2017 Posted October 28, 2017 Is it possible that you're dating too many guys at once? Try spacing it out. For example: Maybe you could see 2 guys at a time. See how things go with them and only move on to a new guy after you've determined that there are no sparks with those 2 guys. Are you dating for fun or to find another relationship? It sounds like you just want to have a good time and enjoy being single again. There's nothing wrong with that. Just be honest with yourself about why you're dating and what you're looking for.
caveman621 Posted October 28, 2017 Posted October 28, 2017 I think what you're experiencing is normal. I started dating after divorce from 25 year marriage!!!! Yes. It's like high school again just a bit. "Oh, does she like me? What did that little comment or gesture mean?" All is so fraught with meaning, but it can be fun!!!!! Just don't get fired because you're daydreaming about your last date while you're at work!
OatsAndHall Posted October 28, 2017 Posted October 28, 2017 It seems like the core of your issue is multi-dating and that is understandable as that can be stressful. I dated multiple women at once when I jumped back into the dating scene and I didn't enjoy it for the very reasons you described. So, I stopped and just focused on one woman at a time. I also made it clear to the women I was seeing I didn't go out with multi-daters. I don't judge them for doing so but it was better for my own well-being to avoid it. Some folks say that you're limiting your options by only seeing one person at a time but the same can be said for multi-dating. I was dating two women at once and was scrambling to make schedules work. I had a great date with one woman and we really hit it off. She texted me the next day to see if I wanted to go out again that evening but I had made plans with the other woman. I took a rain check on it, went out on a mediocre date with the other woman and then contacted the first woman to try and set up another date. She told me that it wasn't going to work with us because of our "conflicting schedules" as it had been difficult to set up a date as I was seeing two women. I tried to assure her that my schedule was more open (I was intent on ONLY dating her) but it was too-little/too-late. We wished each other well and went our separate ways. And, as I have described in other threads, multi-dating can be a serious hassle because it can turn into the "Rolodex" cycle. I meet someone, communicate continually before and after the date, they disappear, you write it off as loss and then they pop up out of the blue. It's a serious pain in the butt when you're trying to set up times to meet.
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