He's unsure of his feelings for me and is now dating someone new, rebound or not?

[shastaa]

My ex dumped me because he was unsure of his feelings for me and wants to date other people to see if he can develop feelings for another girl.

 

He asked a girl out for a lunch date days prior breakup, I think he's dating her now and in the getting close, getting to know each other stage.

 

Is it rebound? Or is it something more than that perhaps?

 

I know it's a pointless question given I've read most stuff here about moving on a me forgetting the dumper but I would like to gain perspective especially from guys to BRACE MYSELF FOR THE COMING DAYS. All honest, blunt, ugly truth are welcome. Thanks.

 

I can tell you what I learned. You want someone and deserve someone who loves the experience being WITH you so much that they keep choosing YOU everyday. Not someone who wants you after experiencing the absence or void of you.

[Zahara]

No one can tell you for certain if it is a rebound. It may be, it may not be. It's irrelevant.

 

You work with what you're presented. A guy that doesn't want to be with you anymore, has little investment in you and wants to be with other women. You take that and use that to help you propel forward. Don't sit back and be an option.

[shastaa]

No one can tell you for certain if it is a rebound. It may be, it may not be. It's irrelevant.

 

You work with what you're presented. A guy that doesn't want to be with you anymore, has little investment in you and wants to be with other women. You take that and use that to help you propel forward. Don't sit back and be an option.

Yes, I am well aware of that. I have been working on myself double so I can forget about him.

 

I guess I am looking for something objective. He did not wanted to cut ties during breakup but I insisted on it. I keep on wondering if there will be emotional baggages or none at all considering he chose her over me.

[d0nnivain]

It doesn't matter whether it's a rebound. He can live his life however he pleases.

 

 

He made a decision to not date you. His stated reason about not being sure of his feelings for you is a white lie. He's sure he is not head over heels in love with you. He also wants to play the field. He knows you are not "it" but he used wishy-washy language to break up with you in an effort to soften the blow.

[Trust666]

Exactly what you didn't want to hear....he moved on and you need to now also.

 

NC you two are done, it's hard I am going through same thing. A woman I knew for more than half my life and trusted with all my being betrayed me and left me for another man. Whether it is a rebound or not is irrelevant, all that is objective is this "he is with her and not you". He needs to know you are gone and no plan b, so full NC, he's dead to you.

 

If you dwell on his moving on with her or try and figure it all out you will not heal and only end up far worse.

 

I went from rejection, to replaced, to humiliated, and it ****ed me up so badly. NC is a must as is not worrying about them anymore. He is dead to you and you to him and life goes on.

 

Best of luck and sorry you are experiencing this.

[shastaa]

It doesn't matter whether it's a rebound. He can live his life however he pleases.

 

 

He made a decision to not date you. His stated reason about not being sure of his feelings for you is a white lie. He's sure he is not head over heels in love with you. He also wants to play the field. He knows you are not "it" but he used wishy-washy language to break up with you in an effort to soften the blow.

I appreciate the input. He did really had wishy washy reasons and different ones that doesn't make any sense.

 

I am just dying to make time faster so I can forget him FASTER so the things he does won't matter to me anymore.

 

Is it fair to say that it might be the 'real deal' considering he never really had feelings for me?

[iVisa]

Just forget him. You know you deserve better men. Go on and don't look back.

[shastaa]

Exactly what you didn't want to hear....he moved on and you need to now also.

 

NC you two are done, it's hard I am going through same thing. A woman I knew for more than half my life and trusted with all my being betrayed me and left me for another man. Whether it is a rebound or not is irrelevant, all that is objective is this "he is with her and not you". He needs to know you are gone and no plan b, so full NC, he's dead to you.

 

If you dwell on his moving on with her or try and figure it all out you will not heal and only end up far worse.

 

I went from rejection, to replaced, to humiliated, and it ****ed me up so badly. NC is a must as is not worrying about them anymore. He is dead to you and you to him and life goes on.

 

Best of luck and sorry you are experiencing this.

Thank you. I needed these rude awakenings really, sometimes you need a good slap to wake up and get back to reality.

 

I really do appreciate the replies as I am going through this partly alone and the betrayal is all too much when you haven't done anything wrong.

 

It is selfish of me to wish for karma and I am ashamed of it. How can some people have the audacity to string you along when they aren't really feeling anything towards you. I feel so used mainly because Dari ng the early part of relationship he'd feel unsure but I'd tell him he can go and find what he wants because I do not want to be an option. But he insisted on saying it's not that. I have been deeply hurt.

[shastaa]

Just forget him. You know you deserve better men. Go on and don't look back.

Yes, that is what I am determined to do. During breakup he did not want to completely cut ties, he said he'd give me space but don't wanna say goodbye forever. I insisted on it, I told him to never speak to me again for as long as I am breathing because I want to forget him.

 

He was the one persistent on having the relationship, I told him we should take it slow and be good friends first but he won me eventually.

 

I cut ties because the betrayal made me lose the trust and respect that I have for him. I told myself that if he's gonna dump me soon as better options are available, he don't deserve a seat in my life, he. means. nothing.

Edited October 27, 2017 by shastaa
Grammar error

[stillafool]

How do you know he has taken this girl to lunch and is not dating her?

[Trust666]

I appreciate the input. He did really had wishy washy reasons and different ones that doesn't make any sense.

 

I am just dying to make time faster so I can forget him FASTER so the things he does won't matter to me anymore.

 

Is it fair to say that it might be the 'real deal' considering he never really had feelings for me?

 

Wishy washy reasons usually mean = all I know is I do not want this relationship but I am not going to just say it out loud.

 

He might have had feelings for you at one point, and you and him and what transpired have no relation to him and her and their "real deal" or "failed relationship".

 

If it helps you move on quicker, pretend they are the real deal and move on now.

 

I would love to speed up the healing, it takes as long as it takes. DO NOT date someone else until you are healed, it may temporarily make you feel better but in the end it usually catches up with you, and devastates your "rebound".

 

Heartache sucks, but we need to face it head on to make ourselves heal as quickly as we can.

[shastaa]

Wishy washy reasons usually mean = all I know is I do not want this relationship but I am not going to just say it out loud.

 

He might have had feelings for you at one point, and you and him and what transpired have no relation to him and her and their "real deal" or "failed relationship".

 

If it helps you move on quicker, pretend they are the real deal and move on now.

 

I would love to speed up the healing, it takes as long as it takes. DO NOT date someone else until you are healed, it may temporarily make you feel better but in the end it usually catches up with you, and devastates your "rebound".

 

Heartache sucks, but we need to face it head on to make ourselves heal as quickly as we can.

I am trying my hardest to move on and strangely I feel nothing for my ex but unfathomable hate. I am moving on for myself and wanting to speed it up not to date other guys in the long run.

 

I think I might be already jaded. People are sh*t. The missery thought me to never trust anyone again. One moment they hover to give them a chance then will do a 360 when you're already invested. My ex did not deserved my trust and respect. When I think about him all I see is an a*ssh*l* with no soul.

[shastaa]

How do you know he has taken this girl to lunch and is not dating her?

He confessed during breakup and I qoute "like the other day, I went out for a lunch date with somebody".

 

+ his initial reason for leaving was "i am sorry, i can't explain properly, it's just that im feeling weird, i never really had freedom since my ex and i can't give you the wrong idea now, that's where my head is at. when people ask me my status, i wanna be able to say

what it is and not some lie i.e. im single, i know this is going down bad, and im sorry, you're the nicest girl I've ever met in my life but i had to tell you something"

 

I took that as his breakup speech and he keeps on telling me it's not black and white, he just needs to figure out what he wants and who he is bec he just moved in a different country, with new job, away from friends and family. But dunno, those ff reasons might just be lies.

 

And I have mistakenly lurked through his FB page and the girl's Instagram posts.

[Trust666]

OK so he is telling you he thinks he rebounded with you, "did not have freedom after last ex".

 

Not black and white = I want to go play the field while you think of me and hope I come back. Plan B.

 

Similar situation as me, I even got the I can't explain it and then got multiple BS excuses. In the end she reconnected with her high school boyfriend, she also told me she doesn't think I am long term, she used me as a rebound after her failed marriage. She lied to me about how long she was separated. I also hate my ex right now for her betrayal.

 

Sometimes people jump into new relationships and skip grieving their last relationship, they usually crash and burn and then realize they hurt someone else and or never grieved the last relationship.

 

STAY AWAY, you are a human being and not someone's object to get over an ex or someone's fallback when all the green grass out there turns out to be lame.

 

I don;t do rebounds, I know how bad they are from both sides...unfortunately we have to go through the healing process and lots of time, BUT you'll be OK and most likely find someone who KNOWS they want to be with you and not play these games where they make you hang around while they go pay the field.

 

Disappear on him and no doubt he will get the message and you don;t trust him so there is no future. My ex gave me the old "we can reconnect down the road" aka I might be back if this new guy doesn't work...same lack of trust, same feeling of betrayal and I told her never contact me EVER. Accept it's over and move on NOW.

[shastaa]

Hi Trust666

 

Yes I do think I was a rebound. Just like you ex he lied about tons of things to me.

 

He did have a little fling with another girl before we got on. That other girl perhaps liked him to some degree physically but wasn't enough to get steady with him (plus the girl had a boyfriend that time and was on a temporary breakup) it confused the hell out of him.

 

I just find it unfair that I am the one paying the price for the things I warned him about when he told me he like me. I was always honest, upfront and direct to the point. I met him 8y ago and we are really good friend until he reconnected with me on FB 2y ago. I live in Asia whilst him in England (half Asian). When he said he wanted something more than friendship, I asked, suppose I give it a chance, ehat makes you think it'll work? Time difference, distance, cultural gap, my situation (separated from ex husband for 5y, not legally annulled bec its fffffing expensive here in this country) but was persistent telling me we'll never know unless we try and he always fancied me since 8y ago. I am a very trusting person, I'd always try to see the good in people even if they had made huge mistakes, knowing we were good friends and knowing I know he knew what pain was, I trusted easily and let down my walls for him.

 

I would always ask him if I am a rebound or a placeholder but he'd flip whenever I do because he said that was unfair to say. Looking back, I saw the signs, I was always okay to tell him he can date other people etc but do not expect me to play the GF part for you but he never let me go. He even went as far as wanting to pay for my annulment so we can be legally together, I just refused bec that's not right and didn't wanna take advantage of him. I got a job, I only need to save up.

 

I guess that's why I strted the thread, I know he still got emotional baggages from his past he might not have any for me but well. I guess it's the hurt, selfish part of me that's wishing he'd make the same mistake as having me as his "training wheels" and being happy all in the expense of my emotions isn't fair.

[shastaa]

I cannot thank enough the people who replied on the post opening my eyes to what really the situation is, I am sorry for venting too much and replying with walls of text as I am going through this alone, I am away from my family and friends as I work in the city.

 

I guess I have experienced a slight sidetrack when another forum member told me we had unfinished business and try to open the doors of communication with my ex. The oth forum told me that it is normal for people experiencing new life to get anxiety and ask for space to sort their head out and I might have just overreacted.

 

It has been so hard for me since this is only my second breakup and I don't really do well with moving on, my brain gets obssesive sometimes, I hate it.