can anybody give me some swift advice regarding sending a final email?

[newbby]

i need some advice, pretty quickly as i am in danger of doing something rash.

xmm has been barely talking to me the last few days, sometimes not even saying goodbye at the end of a conversation.

he had no reason at all to do this, as we were being friends, nothing more, i did not give him any reason to suspect that i still had any feelings for him, i was friendly and polite.

even if he were finding me irritating to talk to, he could have answered and been polite and then blocked me alot of the time, theres no need for rudeness at all.

anyway, i just said something to him and he then just went offline, with no reply at all!

well, i feel really hurt about it, and angry!!!!!

i feel like sending him an email. i am intending to leave this alone but feel i just want to say something about it, i know he would never reply, but i just am so angry i want to have the final say.

should i????

[New_Wife]

You should write the email - absolutely. But DO NOT SEND IT.

 

Write it for you. Write down every vile nasty 4-lettered thing you can think of. Really let it fly.

 

Then delete it. Or set it up to mail to yourself in 2 months, when you're feeling better, and can have a good laugh at your sick thoughts.

[whichwayisup]

Vent it out, do a draft but do NOT put his email addy in the TO field. DO not send it...

 

You need to get to the point of just not caring enough to bother. Change your ways of thinking towards him and how to handle him in general. Don't react, don't care. Don't do anything.

 

It is just isn't worth it...Even if you send that off, 10 bucks says that you'll sit and worry...Then regret it and then worry even more.

 

So, don't send it!!!

[Art_Critic]

All great advice ...

[newbby]

thanks all

but i have blocked him, isnt that a reaction???

[Art_Critic]

Originally posted by newbby

thanks all

but i have blocked him, isnt that a reaction???

 

It is.. But it is the good reaction .. You need to also delete him

[newbby]

i know i do :sigh:,

that is the hardest part.

[newbby]

just out of interest, any ideas why he would just ignore me like that? i mean why sign in in the first place, why not just not ever sign in and block me before i speak to him rather than afterwards?

be as harsh as you like, i probably need it.

[New_Wife]

What answer would help you move on, my friend?

 

I'll give you as many as I have on top of my head:

 

He's a butthead

His brain was stolen by aliens

He's a huge butthead

Wild varmits chewed his tongue off

He's a hemerroidal butthead

The earth is round.

 

Work on you, hon.

[newbby]

thanks new wife,

i think the reluctance to delete him is just wanting to know what he is playing at, will he unblock me tommorrow? if so, why?

i have too many questions, but i guess i can apply your answers to each and every one of them, and i like them.

[Art_Critic]

Originally posted by New_Wife

He's a butthead

He's a huge butthead

He's a hemerroidal butthead

 

 

 

Delete him .. You need to feel free of him and move on.. Kinda like starting fresh

[newbby]

do you think perhaps it was all a plan, to be friends with me so that he could then just rid of me? but even that doesnt make sense as to why he would wait for me to speak, before ignoring me. perhaps he was trying to make it clear as possible that he was no longer speaking to me, and just straightforward blocking would not have done that?

maybe, he is trying to get a reaction out of me? maybe the whole a for him was about knowing that i wanted him and he thrives on getting reactions, which he has not done for a while, whilst i have been friendly.

i must confess that a little while ago i sent him a nasty email, telling him exactly why i did not find him attractive any longer and that all i wanted was a friendship, this was, of course another reaction. since then we have been very very friendly, like as though we are friends friendly, 'til this past week, that is.

he also recently has made it very public that we are friends.

i know new wife, that i should forget the questions and work on myself, i can tell you that i work on myself alot, in fact pretty much all of my time is dedicated to that after falling into the pit of depression just before meeting xmm. however right now, i am obsessing with these questions, i really dont mind how harsh anyone is with the truth as they see it.

i sure as h3ll cannot get any perspective at the moment.

[Good&BadGuy]

I don't know what he's doing but a suggestion would be maybe he is having more than friend feelings and is just shutting up before he says something to that affect? I know before I have done that after a nc not in a mean way or hanging up without saying bye but I would just start being quiet and acting weird. Sometimes you get mad at yourself for not being able to stop something that you are trying really hard to stop and you just shut down the MM gets pissed at himself and it is perceived that they are mad at the OW or something they said or did.

 

I remeber One time after I swore up and down to myself i would not let it get physical again, it eventually did and I was so pissed at myself for doing that to me and her .... I couldn't talk to her for a couple days not cause I didn't want to or was mad at her but I was just pissed I had no self control, of course she understandably thought I was mad at her and got maed at me but it wasn't that at all. Not sure if that has anything to do with what your mm is doing.

[ww]

don`t send anything

don`t make mistake i did for months

[joodee]

Hi Newwby,

 

Don't send him anything. Quit the cycle, quit cold turkey. That's what I am doing, that's why I haven't been around for a little while. Just tell yourself you've had it up to here, that you are done. And keep him blocked, too.

 

Hugs to you.

[newbby]

g&bg,

thanks for your advice, i suppose it could be whats going on, however, the last time we actually saw each other he physically rejected me and i am quite sure he no longer has any other feelings for me.

i was the one that pushed for a friendship, and for a long time, he was continually being flirtatious and suggestive, then suddenly he changed and even physically rejected me, i got mad the next day as he had totally messed with my feelings that night (was being really romantic and sweet in conversation, kept me up talking for ages and persuaded me to let him round, and then physically rejected me after talking for hours about himself and then talked about how great his wife was!)

i got really mad and sent him a nasty email saying why i couldnt possibly find him attractive and i know exactly how childish this is, so nobody needs to tell me. i also know it didnt make me win anything, rather lose as i snapped and had to resort to and lower myself to insults.

in that mail i also said that i wanted friendship and nothing more, and had done for a long time, as i had already told him, and that it was he who was not just being a friend and was being flirtatious etc.

he ignored me for a couple of days and then began actually being a normal friend. we were chatting quite normally as friends would and it was quite strange, and a little bit awkward as we had gotten used to a way of being with one another.

now, this?????

ww and joodee,

i have not sent anything, i have blocked him.

[newbby]

i am obsessing today.

i just kind of know how he must see me as an inconvenience he wished he didnt have to know. the more i think about it, the more i think he was just using the friendship to get rid of me gently but it didnt happen quick enough for him. the fact that he did some nice and helpful things for me recently was just to appease me, i really, really, really hate him.

so now he has his great marriage an everything is great for him, his life was always really easy compared to mine anyway and he knew i had hardships, and i actually opened up to him recently about a few things in my life. and all he can think is how to plan to get away from me as easily as possible.

i feel so mad with him. he will never realise, because he has his wife to take care of everything for him whilst he just gets on with whatever he wants to. he doesnt even work, he is able to do courses and further his education because everyone looks after him, even though there are two of them both their parents help them out with everything.

[BoatingBabe]

Well, I wrote an email, but I DID send it. It was the only way I could stop it. A closure type thing, and it has worked so far. It wasn't a nasty email though, quite polite, but unfeeling. His response was one of anger and denial and then refusal to do as I asked. (in his response emails)...but it was evidently just him venting because he IS staying away.

[newbby]

well, yes bb, but he WANTS to stay away from me.

[BoatingBabe]

Originally posted by newbby

well, yes bb, but he WANTS to stay away from me.

 

Then give him what he "Wants". When he hasn't heard from you, hasn't seen you laugh, smile, give him attention...he may realize something else. But the only way to bring him to that is to go NC, not even friends. Yes, you risk him moving on without you, and if that's the case, then you might as well find out sooner rather than later...But chances are, he may get really weird about not hearing from you...and then the tables will turn and you'll be the one he is chasing....(of course, at this point you stay strong, and things will only be on YOUR terms) in other words, D his wife and he can have you.

[newbby]

yeah i know bb, its what i did before, except i didnt stay strong for long enough! one slip up and back to this. wierd thing is, i dont actually want him to leave his wife for me, not in reality, i mean it would be great if he were single and i could have some fun with him, but to actually leave his wife to be with me, too much pressure on me! you would then have to take it from the outset as a very serious relationship.

anyway, i had a great compliment today from a SINGLE GUY!!! ok he is kind of interested in somebody else as well, but still, i was feeling really down on myself and a friend told me he had told her that i was great and interesting to talk to and really smart and good looking, only reason he didnt ask me out is because i was a bit cool with him. iknow that he will probably hook up with this other girl as she sounds really nice too and i kind of missed my chance with him, but i feel good anyway.

still got it!!

[starreyes]

Originally posted by newbby

theres no need for rudeness at all.

 

Newbby,

You hit the nail on the head, as I am experiencing this myself. There's no need for rudeness, not at all. And that's where I, and you, should draw the line. If you are being nice to him and normal, and he is being rude, what the h*ll is that? No one needs that in their life. That is something I can't tolerate.

Also, he seems like a he likes drama. And he likes to get a reaction out of you. The best reaction is no reaction...he will get the point.

The only thing I would think of sending (not saying you should) is "when you're done being rude to me, let me know....bye" LOL (hope that brought a smile to your face).

Hang in there!

[joodee]

Here's what changed my thinking:

 

Don't take it personally. Don' take his actions personally. Keep saying that to yourself.

[newbby]

starreyes thankyou!

IF (and i seriously doubt it) i decide to send an email, i will surely take your advice.

 

joodee, yeah that does help! thankyou!

 

but this single guy, this is good news, yes?

[joodee]

Single is good, keep that up!