solway86 Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I've not had much time to date people due to work, research projects for work, personal research for webdesign, family issues, travel etc. but now I'm ready to date. However, I'll admit that I'm not great with flirting at women but also don't want to be seen as a pick-up artist, and don't want to go down the Seduction Community route. I do have qualities people want in a relationship - people say I'm kind, gentle, caring, helpful, good at technical stuff, and have a lot of interesting things to talk about. I've also realized that, technically, I'm bisexual, even though I'm mainly attracted to women, I also have some attraction to men, yet my preferences in men aren't as well-defined as that with women. I'm not very confident at all at flirting, and with women, I'm better at being friends with them than romantic partners. I also am not open about being bisexual, and have a possibly illogical worry that some women will assume I'm gay, and some men will think I'm not really gay, especially as it's 2017 and sexuality shouldn't be an issue, but is. I tried online dating, but most people were inactive; I used Plentyoffish, and OKCupid found people well outside my search area. In terms of women I like, I'm generally attracted to women outside of my race, usually black, Indian or Chinese women, but in recent times I've also started to like expat women, often Americans/Canadians or South Africans, although where and how I'd meet expat women in my town (it's not a big city like London is) is the main problem. My reasons for liking these types of women are fairly simple: In terms of Indian/Chinese women, in their culture, family is important, and family is important to me, our family have a semi-Mediterranean lifestyle so to speak. As for expat women, well, I do have an interest in foreign news, read sites like city-data, CNN, globeandmail etc. and was a bit of a geography geek in high school. In terms of personality, I've nearly always gone for feminine women as a preference compared to tomboy-ish women. What I want to do is try not to rely too much on online dating to meet these people, but not rely on a single source of meeting people too much. For meeting the two types of women Also, what's the etiquette regarding asking friends/family to set you up with single friends without sounding like someone wanting something, and getting nothing in return? How should I have this sort of conversation? I will admit that I'm not very good at writing online dating private messages, usually they're just a polite how was your day type thing etc. and I end up getting no further than friendships. While this may be for another thread, I occasionally have seen a woman I like when I go into a supermarket for snack foods (when on the move as a commuter), yet I'm not confident enough to flirt with her, and largely keep my conversation to things like the weather, Christmas etc. (she works there, by the way) I tried Meetup.com but the things I was interested in seemed inactive, which put me off it, one hadn't been active since March 2015. Despite not being from London, I considered joining a London-based meetup group simply as a way to meet new friends (it's a city I like, and although I'm miles from it, i did used to visit it a fair bit from 2012-2014). If anyone could help me work out how to solve these issues, then I would really appreciate this, as now I feel more ready to have someone special in my life than ages ago.
d0nnivain Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 You need to put yourself out there. Confidence is kind of a fake it 'til you make it thing. Plaster a smile on your face & just brave through it. When I was single I made it a point to go to at least 1 singles event per week. OLD is but 1 toll; use it as such, not exclusively. Smile. Look people in the eye. Be an active listener -- listen to hear not just reply. Be interested in the other person. Ask questions.
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