lovephule Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 I don't know about who's being selfish and who's not. I do think that she has a more monochronic personality and you a polychronic one (you can Google chronemics if terms are foreign). That's a hard fit in the best of circumstances, and if she's very ambitious that goes double. She seems to be giving you her best when you are actually together. If that's not enough for you I don't see much hope here.
smackie9 Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 Its annoying how before she went out she rang me and ended the call with 'love you'. Then 5 hours later I text hope you're having a nice time, I'm off to bed now goodnight' And read it and ignored. Just don't understand the hot 1 minute then cold shoulder the next especially when she's had a beer. Would you all not be concerned if you text your partner the same and they didn't even bother to respond People that are hot/cold, you should be ignoring them, and run in the other direction.....away, very far away from them. 1
kendahke Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 When we are together it is amazing and she isn't on her phone And so why can't she be afforded the same latitude when she's out with friends and not on her phone? Bantering with friends on facebook doesn't turn into a protracted conversation about managing someone's feelings when she may not be in the headspace after work to do that. If texting you becomes a protracted conversation because of your insecurities, then that's why she doesn't return your texts. It's that plain. It feels like the moment she's out I'm an after thought. What about your texting interaction makes you think that you're demoted to an afterthought when you are not in close proximity to her while she is out enjoying time with her friends? Why does it go to that extreme? Does she hang you up on the hook all of the time to go hang out with her friends and leave you to twist on said hook? Does she spend any time with you at all?
kendahke Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 Its annoying how before she went out she rang me and ended the call with 'love you'. Then 5 hours later I text hope you're having a nice time, I'm off to bed now goodnight' And read it and ignored. Could it be that you said you were off to bed?
Gaeta Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 OP, she doesn't make you feel good that's all you need to know to make your decision. You feel neglected and un-important, that's enough to end the relationship. It doesn't matter if it's you being too demanding or her being too indifferent, YOU are not happy - end of story.
Author Notsurewhat83 Posted October 27, 2017 Author Posted October 27, 2017 I have to agree with Gaeta and should of a long time ago. I found out months ago that she was still texting the ex. I didn't mind but I asked her why, a week later she ends things with me. I have just had a conversation with her and decided it's time for me to move on. I told her she hadn't done anything wrong but deep down I know the relationship isn't going anywhere and that I'm finding fault as an excuse to do what my head and heart has already decided. She didn't cry or get upset she plainly agreed so whatever has or will happen I've had my fill. Onto new and better things. I'd advise everyone to trust their gut instinct as 99/100 it's telling you something is amiss for a reason and sometimes it's better to just accept it and walk away rather than stay and fight/argue until you're both exhausted from trying to discover the problem. Sometimes the only problem is invincible and that's that you're incompatible. Wish her all the best but im nearing 31 and its time to settle down with someone who gives ME what I need. 2
Coffeeguy Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 I will never accept the idea that someone is so busy for so many hours that they can't send one response. Seriously. My ex did it all the time. Send her a simple text and no response for hours because she was busy. But whenever I was around her, there she was on her phone living on Fakebook. I can't stand today's environment. Or maybe I just hate her now.
GemmaUK Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 I will never accept the idea that someone is so busy for so many hours that they can't send one response. Seriously. My ex did it all the time. Send her a simple text and no response for hours because she was busy. But whenever I was around her, there she was on her phone living on Fakebook. I can't stand today's environment. Or maybe I just hate her now. The problem with being busy and replying is that usually minutes or seconds later there will be another message to read and reply to - that's precisely why I don't send a text until I am free and not busy. I might have time for one message but not a whole bunch of them. I don't use FB on my phone but FB is easy, no response required, you can either join in or not. Most people I know just scan it, click like or one comment on a few things and not a lot else. It's vastly different to a text conversation with someone you're dating. 1
Author Notsurewhat83 Posted October 27, 2017 Author Posted October 27, 2017 I have to be honest here usually it is staring you in the face but you fight yourself to not accept it. There wasn't just 1 red flag in mine there were 100000. Cancelled plans last minute to hang out with a friend who she supposedly got the days mixed up with so.. Cancels on me Constantly liked a certain guys Instagram photos even when I said it bothered me yet... Never liked any of mine When she was out with friends shed tell me not to text as didn't want to be on her phone... then she logs into WhatsApp and Facebook chat every 5 minutes. Never told anyone we where dating as didn't want her friends to get involved... nice excuse Never initiated dates I'd always be the one planning and once when I decided not too we didn't meet for over a week Told me she loved me 1 day and was all over me... the next day I'd be lucky if she text me twice (no joke) And much more... the stupid part was everytime she came and gave me breadcrumbs I made it a meal and accepted she loved me but then.. 2 or 3 days later it all went cold again. Speaking to everyone bar me and back too 'I'm too busy to talk to you now' everytime I got close she pushed me away. I decided myself that shes emotionally not available or just plain wasnt interested but either ends the same way... end. 1
Highndry Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 She was using you and treated you like a doormat. Hopefully you learned from it and don't end up in that position again.
greenicon Posted October 28, 2017 Posted October 28, 2017 In all honesty the reading and non reply would annoy/upset me. Life is all about compromise and the way I see it is as follows: She's out with friends, fine we get that etc. In my opinion you've made a nice gesture by sending her a quick message. Its not like your swamping her with countless needy type texts. Quite the opposite in fact. Seriously, how long does it take to type - 'ok, night- love you xx' , less than 10 seconds if that. Its hardly ruined her evening. I have a sub conscious rule that I would expect a response but not neccesarily straight away etc. I think.your right to feel a little aggrieved by this.
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