Notsurewhat83 Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 Now I dont know if I'm overreacting but my girlfriend never texts me when she's out for work or with friends/family. I am not expecting her to text me at all but I do find that when she's out for a work doo or with her friends I can text her, she will read it and not reply. Yet she will respond her to friends on Facebook etc. It feels like the moment she's out I'm an after thought. We've been together a while now and I can't think of 1 occasion where she's text me. She works long hours so when she's at work we don't text either, when she finishes work she does always call or text so I'm not blind to the good parts but It bothers me that I am not a major priority when she's out. Am I completely wrong to be annoyed that she will text her friends or update snap chat stories but won't respond to me? I did mention it jokingly a while back and she said she doesn't text when out as just wants to concentrate on her friends. That's fair enough but I feel like I can't even say goodnight. Tonight for example I text to say 'have a good night I'm about to go to bed, love you' she read it and didn't reply. It isn't a trust thing it just annoys me that she feels the need to ignore it, it would be nice to just get a 'goodnight' text back. When we are together it is amazing and she isn't on her phone which makes me feel like maybe I'm overreacting but it bothers me that if a friend text her when we was together she would respond but not give versa when she's out with friends and j text
smackie9 Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 Just tell her that it makes you feel good that she takes the time to respond to your texts. 3
Author Notsurewhat83 Posted October 26, 2017 Author Posted October 26, 2017 I said that jokingly a while back and it never changes so if I do it again I'll look needy
GemmaUK Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 When we are together it is amazing and she isn't on her phone which makes me feel like maybe I'm overreacting but it bothers me that if a friend text her when we was together she would respond but not give versa when she's out with friends and j text So, she 'isn't' on her phone when you're together. The easiest way to sort this is by not texting her when she is out with friends, leave her be to have fun. All you keep doing by texting is winding yourself up. You shouldn't be her priority when she is out with friends, her friends should be the priority. You are her priority when she is out with you - that's why, as you say, she isn't on her phone when you are out together. It's just the same in reverse for you when you go out with your friends too. I never text a guy I'm seeing when he is off out with others, I'd be invading his space. I expect the same courtesy in return. 11
Miss Spider Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 (edited) No one is necessarily right and no one necessarily wrong. If this is a serious issue, you're simply incompatible. I, for one, could not handle the amount of communication you require from your gf. It would make me feel suffocated. Talk to her about it Edited October 26, 2017 by Cookiesandough 2
Imajerk17 Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 (edited) Dating Relationships have gotten so so much easier since Social Media came along. Said no one ever If you are a priority the other times I wouldn't sweat it. I mean, maybe the only way she gets to interact to these friends (the ones whom she is getting back to on social media when she is out) is via responding back Facebook, Snapchat, ect., and she decided to designate the time she is out with friends as her "friend-time" to do this. As she already had a phone conversation with you earlier that evening but only gets to chat with her friends via social media, she probably doesn't see the need to contact you again when she is out. It would be a much bigger deal as far as I am concerned if (a) you never get to see her in person because her friends take priority, or if (b) when the two of you are together in person she is distracted by social media. If you get to see her often and she is focused on you when you are together then you're probably good. Edited October 26, 2017 by Imajerk17 2
iVisa Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I depends whether this situation is once in week or more often. If more often I think you aren't a major priorityin her life. I had a boyfriend who didn't text me when he was with friend. And he was with friend several times in week. He didn't care about me, he prefer time with friends than me, so he is ex.
Author Notsurewhat83 Posted October 26, 2017 Author Posted October 26, 2017 I think everyone is just different. I prefer a relationship where they're the priority and that's not in an unhealthy way where I'm out with my friends I dont mind my missus messaging 'are u having a good nigjt' or 'I miss you' i actually like that kind of thing. With my partner it's different and I respect that but I guess I'm not sure it's for me long term anymore. For me personally I couldn't imagine my partner messaging me to say goodnight and me reading it and ignoring her. I'd feel bad for doing it to be honest
snowboy91 Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 It sounds like she places her priorities on what's happening in the moment with the people she's with rather than messaging others who aren't there. Social media posts are a form of expressing to everyone what they're doing (and "everyone" includes you, don't forget!). I imagine if you were out with friends you probably wouldn't message back immediately either. I do exactly the same thing, and my partner understands that if I'm enjoying myself I won't text back immediately. I also expect the same of her, if I don't hear back from her I assume she's having a great time.
basil67 Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I would like for my hubby to text a bit when he's out with mates. But it's not going to happen and I recognise that I'm just being needy anyway, so I don't ask. Let her have fun and don't be bothering her with texts.
Author Notsurewhat83 Posted October 26, 2017 Author Posted October 26, 2017 That's the thing I am not saying I want to bother her with texts I mean saying goodnight for it to be ignored. If we ever are out she will reply to friends but she doesn't reply to my texts. I want her to have a good night but when she's 100 miles away at a work doo it would of been nice to hear she's gone to bed safely or whatever just out of courtesy. Maybe I am completley wrong but if I was away drinking at a work party I do or would still send probably 2 or 3 texts throughout the night and I certainly wouldn't read her text saying goodnight and ignore it.
Gaeta Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I had a look at your past threads and I am sorry to say but your girlfriend may be back with you but her heart isn't there anymore. In September you speak about her being very busy and not feeling like there is a place for you in her life. In October you speak about her breaking up with you because it was too stressing to date you. Now you are just back together and she is ignoring you between visits. Don't you see it's not working, it's never been working. You are 30 years old. I think it's time you drop her permanently and you offer yourself the relationship you've always wanted with someone new, genuine, someone who really means to invest herself in a relationship with you. This is going nowhere, it's a matter of time before she breaks up with you again. 2
heavenonearth Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I had a look at your past threads and I am sorry to say but your girlfriend may be back with you but her heart isn't there anymore. In September you speak about her being very busy and not feeling like there is a place for you in her life. In October you speak about her breaking up with you because it was too stressing to date you. Now you are just back together and she is ignoring you between visits. Don't you see it's not working, it's never been working. You are 30 years old. I think it's time you drop her permanently and you offer yourself the relationship you've always wanted with someone new, genuine, someone who really means to invest herself in a relationship with you. This is going nowhere, it's a matter of time before she breaks up with you again. Generally, I'd say that OP is overreacting in his situation. When my boyfriend goes on a night out with his friends where he's not going to be home until 5am, he won't text me. He is with his friends. He will give attention to his friends. His friends, who he sees half as much as me. So I won't bother him then. When he is with me, his phone is always on flight mode. No bothersome calls from parents, friends or work to distract him from the quality time he was with me. So, generally, I'd say OPs girlfriend is just like that as well. And I would not bother her or nag her too much about this kind of stuff. But from what Gaeta writes, and I won't bother reading OPs old posts now, because this is self explanatory: Yeah, she's likely not 100% in it anymore. OP, Do yourself a favor and move on.
Gaeta Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 My first thought was to tell him he was over-reacting but then I thought most of the time when people feel neglected it's because they are and it got me look at his history. Notice on here, people that have confidence in their relationship don't count the minutes or hours between their text. 4
heavenonearth Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 My first thought was to tell him he was over-reacting but then I thought most of the time when people feel neglected it's because they are and it got me look at his history. Notice on here, people that have confidence in their relationship don't count the minutes or hours between their text. Good point. I just always try to think from my own experience, and compare to my own relationship, so i wasn't even thinking as far as underlying issues with OP and his girlfriend. OP, sorry, it sucks! But you should be with someone who does not leave you be so anxious all the time. 1
Author Notsurewhat83 Posted October 26, 2017 Author Posted October 26, 2017 (edited) It's my own fault for constantly going back. She offers a branch I take it then the cycle starts again. Says she loves me etc etc then it just goes cold whenever she's occupied elsewhere. Her work doo ended at 11pm. It's 1.10am and still nothing yet she will log Into WhatsApp etc. I realised myself that I was never this way with my previous partner and that's because i trusted the relationship was an actual relationship. This one seems all on her terms and extremely selfish. I give up as of tomorrow I'm moving on from this and jotting it down as just plain incompatible. The more she pulled away the more insecure I got and a strange thing is ive never been insecure in any other relationship Edited October 26, 2017 by Notsurewhat83 6
Gaeta Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I am glad you came to that realization. Something and someone better is waiting for you. Beleive in it and it will happen. 3
Highndry Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 It's my own fault for constantly going back. She offers a branch I take it then the cycle starts again. Says she loves me etc etc then it just goes cold whenever she's occupied elsewhere. Her work doo ended at 11pm. It's 1.10am and still nothing yet she will log Into WhatsApp etc. I realised myself that I was never this way with my previous partner and that's because i trusted the relationship was an actual relationship. This one seems all on her terms and extremely selfish. I give up as of tomorrow I'm moving on from this and jotting it down as just plain incompatible. The more she pulled away the more insecure I got and a strange thing is ive never been insecure in any other relationship I didn't read any other threads of yours, but the first thing that came to mind reading this one is that she's just not into you anymore. You are right to move on. 1
Author Notsurewhat83 Posted October 26, 2017 Author Posted October 26, 2017 Its annoying how before she went out she rang me and ended the call with 'love you'. Then 5 hours later I text hope you're having a nice time, I'm off to bed now goodnight' And read it and ignored. Just don't understand the hot 1 minute then cold shoulder the next especially when she's had a beer. Would you all not be concerned if you text your partner the same and they didn't even bother to respond
kassy Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 Honestly, it sounds from the history that she is just not very into you. Best to move on from this and find someone who is also into you
GemmaUK Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 Would you all not be concerned if you text your partner the same and they didn't even bother to respond Me? Honestly, most likely I wouldn't send a text. If I did I wouldn't sweat it if I didn't get a reply, not at all. You mention getting home safe earlier - the overwhelming majority of people do get home safe after a night out so I'd not worry until there was a reason to worry. I haven't read your older threads but from what Gaeta said it wasn't working when you were together before so you're just incompatible. Just to bear in mind for future relationships though that when your SO is doing things or on a night out let them be if they are not texting you. And realise that if they text you whilst out with others then they will also likely be glued to their phone texting their friends whilst out with you. I know which behaviour I would prefer and it would 100% be giving that person space and trust. 1
Author Notsurewhat83 Posted October 27, 2017 Author Posted October 27, 2017 Well as an update it's now 7.30am here. She's logged into WhatsApp this morning at 7am. Still not messaged me so I am gathering she's picked someone up last night as she's never been this cold towards me
heavenonearth Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 Well as an update it's now 7.30am here. She's logged into WhatsApp this morning at 7am. Still not messaged me so I am gathering she's picked someone up last night as she's never been this cold towards me Stop assuming things. Just end it with her already. Do you really want to be with a woman who makes you have thoughts like these at 7.30 in the morning? *smh* 1
Author Notsurewhat83 Posted October 27, 2017 Author Posted October 27, 2017 That's the thing I'm more concerned now that I'm insecure and that she might of done nothing wrong but in all my relationship history I've never had anyone who goes out all night and doesn't even text in the morning. I rang her and said how it bothered me that she ignored me and she just said 'don't start I've got to get packed to come home I'll talk to you later' so again now I feel like it's me who's made a mistake. It comes across selfish but being with her has completley ruined my confidence
heavenonearth Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 That's the thing I'm more concerned now that I'm insecure and that she might of done nothing wrong but in all my relationship history I've never had anyone who goes out all night and doesn't even text in the morning. I rang her and said how it bothered me that she ignored me and she just said 'don't start I've got to get packed to come home I'll talk to you later' so again now I feel like it's me who's made a mistake. It comes across selfish but being with her has completley ruined my confidence You said it right there. She is not good for you. END IT. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE have the strength to end it.
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