jnr586 Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 35-year-old gay man here. A couple years ago I was traveling for work and saw a guy near me on a dating app and thought he was the cutest guy I'd ever seen. Messaged him, no reply. I "favorited" him because he was just too attractive to forget about. A few weeks ago I noticed he was back in my proximity (but still kind of far- I was traveling again). His profile alluded to meeting the right guy no matter the distance, taking risks romantically and otherwise, etc. (and everyone means what they post online, right?). I figured it was my opportunity to try again. Said hello and he replied. Couldn't believe my luck. We chatted a bit, became Facebook friends, occasionally like each other's posts (if this sounds juvenile, we're both in our mid 30s and I kind of can't believe myself). He lives very far away. I've certainly pursued communication more than he has (all platonic) but he's not ignoring my conversation attempts either. I've only gotten more intrigued now that I've learned more about this adorably rugged imaginary guy. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic (maybe I'm just lonely). I'd like to pursue him more. Anyone with similar experiences? Other sound advice certainly welcomed.
smackie9 Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 You are getting yourself caught up in a fantasy. You are getting that hit of dopamine every time you imagine yourself with him. Don't get yourself into a whole lot of disappointment. Been there done that.
Space Ritual Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 Yep, I just anted to add that I actually was a Catfish victim in 2006 before I even knew there was a term for it. It was my one and only time I ever entertained any ideas of finding romance at the the end of a computer screen. Some may have had really good Luck. I didn't and wasted a good 40 hours driving between Chicago, and New Hampshire and back. On the way to New Hampshire I was excited I was going to track my lover down.....on the way back I was cursing my stupidity of falling for it. Be VERY careful
d0nnivain Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 You actually haven't "met him" yet. You have 2 missed connections & a lot of lust. Unless you can organize yourselves to meet in person this is a hopeless fantasy. Even if you do meet & he's everything you ever wanted, are you prepared to relocate? You can't assume he will want to move. It sounds like the stuff daydreams are made of but I don't see this becoming a reality
Author jnr586 Posted October 27, 2017 Author Posted October 27, 2017 Thanks to you all. Kind of what I already knew, but it's helpful to have it confirmed. To those of you that got disappointed in the past, were you able to find true love closer? I get frustrated that I can find "boyfriends" but can't seem to find "the one".
kendahke Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 (edited) 35-year-old gay man here. A couple years ago I was traveling for work and saw a guy near me on a dating app and thought he was the cutest guy I'd ever seen. Messaged him, no reply. I "favorited" him because he was just too attractive to forget about. A few weeks ago I noticed he was back in my proximity (but still kind of far- I was traveling again). His profile alluded to meeting the right guy no matter the distance, taking risks romantically and otherwise, etc. (and everyone means what they post online, right?). I figured it was my opportunity to try again. Said hello and he replied. Couldn't believe my luck. We chatted a bit, became Facebook friends, occasionally like each other's posts (if this sounds juvenile, we're both in our mid 30s and I kind of can't believe myself). He lives very far away. I've certainly pursued communication more than he has (all platonic) but he's not ignoring my conversation attempts either. I've only gotten more intrigued now that I've learned more about this adorably rugged imaginary guy. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic (maybe I'm just lonely). I'd like to pursue him more. Anyone with similar experiences? Other sound advice certainly welcomed. How amenable is he to meeting you the next time he is in town or nearby? How amenable are you to flying to his home town to meet him? Book a plane ticket and go meet him. My advice is to rein in the emotional investing and imagineering until you two have looked in each others eyes in person. For all you know, he might be a scammer. You are investing in an artificial construct that exists only in your head. Successful relationships take place in real time and in person. My experience was last year when I went to Europe on my bucket list trip to Mont St. Michel. I stopped over in Manchester UK to meet a guy I'd been talking to for some time. While the visit was nice and we had fun, who he said he was and was like in texts and phone calls wasn't who he actually was in person--it was like I was dealing with his socially awkward twin brother. I don't regret going at all, though. I♥MCR... fell in love with the city, love the people I met and had too much fun there and want to go back, even if I don't visit my friend, because the vibe is so infectious; also, I finally went to see MSM after learning about it in high school French class 40 years earlier. The getting there and back by train was an immense challenge due to broken down SNCF trains and rail strikes, but I made my way back Edited October 27, 2017 by kendahke
Recommended Posts