heavenonearth Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I just need some input on this, since I just got thinking about it after last night and after reading a similar thread. My boyfriend and me have been dating almost 5 months. In this time, he met my best (male) friend twice. He also met a close female friend of mine briefly. I only met his work partner briefly. I have not met any of his friends. We live in different cities. 90% of the time he comes to see me. He always urges me to come see him more often, but I do not drive and it is expensive to take the train all the time. Every time we meet he brings this up, and says "I really want you to meet my friends!" Now, I want that too! But I am VERY VERY nervous about this. I know I can come across as very polarizing to some people, and usually people either love or dislike me. I think my boyfriend and me are very much alike in the way we are (humor wise, but also: hard on the outside, soft on the inside), so that gives me a bit of comfort (aka, if his friends like his personality, they will like my personality). But a big part of me is especially nervous because I love him so darn much, and I really want to stay in his life, and if I do anything wrong, I will screw it up for good. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself. My girlfriend invited me out to this super fun halloween party this weekend, and I told him last night, that I am going. His response: "I thought you are coming to me this weekend? I was hoping you could meet my friends." Anxiety rushed through all of my body! I said "Oh, ok.., I just don't know yet!" And then I changed the subject. I don't know how much longer I can postpone meeting these people in his life. I feel like such a wuss.
kendahke Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 Better to do it sooner than later when he's had enough time to ruminate over the fact that you're avoiding meeting important people in his life.
Author heavenonearth Posted October 26, 2017 Author Posted October 26, 2017 Better to do it sooner than later when he's had enough time to ruminate over the fact that you're avoiding meeting important people in his life. I know, I am trying to change my plans for the coming weekend to get it 'over with'. I think he is very aware of my anxieties, though.
Els Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I think it's very normal for a generally anxious person to be nervous about this. But really, putting off things that aren't ACTUALLY dangerous just because you're nervous is not a good way to go about your life in general. I would strongly suggest you GO and meet his friends, and also seek help with working on your anxiety. Don't let it cripple you.
Miss Spider Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 Be confident! Smile. Just look happy to be there and try to engage a bit here and there. If he is sensible I doubt he will expect you to be 100% comfortable at first. How far do you to live from each other in travel time?
Noenoe Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 Yeah OP I would go to meet his friends since he is coming 90% of the time and you have yet to meet the important people in his life. I think if you dont go and stay with your girls this weekend, we could see you back on Loveshack with some more issues about him being upset with you lol. Sacrifice a girls weekend imo! 1
Gaeta Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 Think of all of the things you will learn about him by meeting his friends. By holding back on meeting them you are holding back on getting to know a facet of him. If I may suggest, ask your boyfriend to meet his friends while out and doing an activity. It's very much less stressful. Example: When came time to introduce my adult daughter to my ex-boyfriend I organized a pool night. It was a great way for everyone to speak to him, we'd change team and it allowed him and my daughter and friends to exchange in a fun way. It's much better then all be sitting at a bar or in someone's living room. 4
d0nnivain Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 You say you can be polarizing to people. Think about the qualities that make you that way & refrain from doing them on a first meet -- don't express strong opinions about controversial subjects, for example. If somebody else starts talking about a controversial subject say something non-committal like "that's interesting." You have to meet his friends some time.
Author heavenonearth Posted October 26, 2017 Author Posted October 26, 2017 I think it's very normal for a generally anxious person to be nervous about this. But really, putting off things that aren't ACTUALLY dangerous just because you're nervous is not a good way to go about your life in general. I would strongly suggest you GO and meet his friends, and also seek help with working on your anxiety. Don't let it cripple you. I have been in treatment for my anxiety for three years now and have come very far, thank you very much. I dont put off things all the time in my life, this is not a general situation. I met the man of my dreams and I really don't want to screw up is all!
Author heavenonearth Posted October 26, 2017 Author Posted October 26, 2017 Be confident! Smile. Just look happy to be there and try to engage a bit here and there. If he is sensible I doubt he will expect you to be 100% comfortable at first. How far do you to live from each other in travel time? I am usually on the train for 1,5 hours to go see him. On a good day it takes him 40 min by car, if there's traffic, he's in the car for 1,5 hours to come see me. He comes see me twice a week usually. We dated for 5 months now and I have been to his place to sleep over maybe 5 times and he has been at my house about 35 times. Yeah OP I would go to meet his friends since he is coming 90% of the time and you have yet to meet the important people in his life. I think if you dont go and stay with your girls this weekend, we could see you back on Loveshack with some more issues about him being upset with you lol. Sacrifice a girls weekend imo! You are right, I should go and see him. I was out for drinks with a friend tonight and my boyfriend tried to call me several times, then wrote me this text: "I know how you love Halloween parties and I don't really (yet). I know you were all thinking about a possible outfit so if you want to go to another party then please go {nickname}, I don't want to poop on your party." I haven't texted him back yet. Think of all of the things you will learn about him by meeting his friends. By holding back on meeting them you are holding back on getting to know a facet of him. If I may suggest, ask your boyfriend to meet his friends while out and doing an activity. It's very much less stressful. Example: When came time to introduce my adult daughter to my ex-boyfriend I organized a pool night. It was a great way for everyone to speak to him, we'd change team and it allowed him and my daughter and friends to exchange in a fun way. It's much better then all be sitting at a bar or in someone's living room. You are right, I will learn so much more about him by meeting his friends. He always says this as well. Yes, I think it is a good idea to do something active, but you must understand it is quite a bar culture where we live. I liked it that he chose two active events for me to meet his family for the first and second time, but not sure if the same is possible for the friends. I think it would just be a bar night or maybe a dinner at a restaurant... You say you can be polarizing to people. Think about the qualities that make you that way & refrain from doing them on a first meet -- don't express strong opinions about controversial subjects, for example. If somebody else starts talking about a controversial subject say something non-committal like "that's interesting." You have to meet his friends some time. Yeah, it is true, I tend to have strong opinions, I think I'd better lay low with that for the first time... 1
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