LotusAvx Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I have been seeing this guy pretty regularly, a few times a week for a month and a half. We have grown pretty close in this time. He is going through a difficult time mourning and coming to terms with a death of a family member a few months ago. Him going through this as we are dating kind of forced me to take things really slow and not get ahead of myself. I didn't want to pressure him or be selfish or make things about me during an already difficult time - I just wanted to be there for him. Now a month and a bit in, we have had the "exclusive" talk, we both agreed that we aren't seeing/dating anyone else. The past few times we have seen each other, he keeps hinting very subtlety at the fact that he is my "boyfriend". He also introduced me as his "lady friend" and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I am just terrified to out right ask him "are you my boyfriend." Obviously things are going in the direction of a relationship, I just don't want to pressure him. And I don't want to obsess over labeling what we have either. Not sure how to go about this without coming off as pressuring him to define what we have. Also, what are the differences between being "exclusive" and a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend)?
kendahke Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 The next time he calls himself your boyfriend to someone else, when that conversation is done and it's you two alone again, tell him "I like that you call yourself my boyfriend. Is that how you think of us?" unless you don't and you feel it's too soon for labels. . 1
TaxMan Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 Honestly, six weeks is (to me) a bit early for that conversation. But I am one that moves pretty slow generally, so it's really a personal preference. I'd probably balk if someone wanted a "definition" that early in, but like I said that's just a personal preference. My advice would be to forget about labeling it at the moment and just concentrate on getting to know each other and having fun together. Give it a few more weeks and you may find that it happens naturally. 3
GunslingerRoland Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I would take the fact that you are dating regularly and exclusive to mean that yes you are boyfriend and girlfriend. I don't think that labels define a strong level of commitment that go beyond what you are describing. 2
alphamale Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 he's your boyfriend after six weeks??? wtf?
heavenonearth Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 My boyfriend asked me 4 months into dating to be his boyfriend. We had the exclusivity talk 2 weeks into dating. Everyone has their own pace. Enjoy exclusivity now. 6 weeks is still very early to proclaim relationship labels. 2
kendahke Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I think it depends upon how old you are and your relationship history. People who know their own minds don't take 6+ weeks to say "I want to be your boyfriend/man", unless there is something about you that doesn't sit all the way right with them and they're just marking time with you. Those who aren't sure of their own judgement might need 6 months to get there. 1
MrsSimpf Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I just love the advice you've received thus far and some of it is the polar opposite. You can't go wrong waiting a bit longer and, being a big fan of direct communication between two people who care for each other, I think it's perfectly fine to take the advice that suggests you tell him you like when he says boyfriend--and have the conversation. It's always a good thing to know where you stand. Yet, it's true that actions speaker louder than words or labels. So I hope if it walks like a duck, it truly does through wonderful actions toward you and with you toward him--treasuring each other! Send prayers for you as you decide your next steps. 1
smackie9 Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 My experience, this sort of thing just came naturally. I don't recall anyone hesitating to call me their GF. What is with people these days?? 1
Gaeta Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I don't think it's important at 6 weeks. What's important is that you are dating exclusively. If he lost a family member recently he needs more than 6 weeks of peace of mind for that reason I would not bother him with the are we GF/BF. Give him around 3 months to put a label on it. 2
TaxMan Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I think it depends upon how old you are and your relationship history. People who know their own minds don't take 6+ weeks to say "I want to be your boyfriend/man", unless there is something about you that doesn't sit all the way right with them and they're just marking time with you. Those who aren't sure of their own judgement might need 6 months to get there. For some people it has nothing to do with trusting your judgement or not trusting yourself or not knowing your own mind. Some people, like me, really need to get to know someone well before jumping into an actual, full-on relationship with them. That takes time. It takes me several months, at least, of dating someone before I feel like I know them well enough to decide this stuff. Remember everyone is different and not everyone follows the same timetable for these things. And that isn't because they are just marking time or that something is wrong. 3
smackie9 Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I say speak your mind. I don't get why people are so afraid. If you are going to be in a relationship, you need to learn to communicate. You want to call him your BF then do it. You don't need permission....like I said it should just come naturally. 2
Versacehottie Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 For some people it has nothing to do with trusting your judgement or not trusting yourself or not knowing your own mind. Some people, like me, really need to get to know someone well before jumping into an actual, full-on relationship with them. That takes time. It takes me several months, at least, of dating someone before I feel like I know them well enough to decide this stuff. Remember everyone is different and not everyone follows the same timetable for these things. And that isn't because they are just marking time or that something is wrong. I also have seen with me and my friends is that a lot of guys who don't rush to label it, don't because when they label it they are committed and take it seriously that's why they don't throw around the label too easily. At 6 weeks in, enjoy being exclusive and see if YOU want him to be your bf. Sometimes I think women rush for the the label rather than the behavior. If you are getting the behavior you find boyfriend-like (and to your liking in a boyfriend), no need to worry. Make sure you have good standards of what you want in a person and see them exhibited, not rush to get the title. Good luck 3
heavenonearth Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 I also have seen with me and my friends is that a lot of guys who don't rush to label it, don't because when they label it they are committed and take it seriously that's why they don't throw around the label too easily. At 6 weeks in, enjoy being exclusive and see if YOU want him to be your bf. Sometimes I think women rush for the the label rather than the behavior. If you are getting the behavior you find boyfriend-like (and to your liking in a boyfriend), no need to worry. Make sure you have good standards of what you want in a person and see them exhibited, not rush to get the title. Good luck This is exactly what my boyfriend told me 3 months in, when I asked him if we are boyfriend and girlfriend, and he said he can't use the label yet. For him, it means complete and utter unconditional commitment. He asked me at 4,5 months into dating. Happiest moment of my life, lol! But yeah, it's best to be patient at times!!!!! 2
caveman621 Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 Enjoy his company and don't worry about labels. 1
soyou Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 I think you can flat out asking him. What is there to be afraid? He can either say 1) YES 2)NO 3) Or he's not there yet. If he likes you, he will not be afraid of this question. He's only afraid of this question when he knows that he doesnt have the feeling for you the way you have for him. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 My boyfriend asked me 4 months into dating to be his boyfriend. We had the exclusivity talk 2 weeks into dating. Everyone has their own pace. Enjoy exclusivity now. 6 weeks is still very early to proclaim relationship labels. What?! This is contradictory. If people move at their own pace, then how can one claim that 6-weeks is too early?! 1. There are no rules. 2. People DO move at different paces and exclusivity is when both people are ready. There is no # of weeks or months rule. 3. As far as labels go, they are important and again, you as a couple decide what you want to call yourselves WHEN you want to call yourselves 'whatever.' 4. In regards to this 6-weeks, well it depends on how often you've me one another and gotten to know one another. How well do you think you know the other person to consider exclusivity/bf/gf status. Too many variables....
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