Too soon to meet my friends?

[Pretensit-y]

So I've been dating this guy exclusively for 3 months now, we've gotten to the point of discussing exclusivity and he constantly shows that he cares for me and everything is going pretty well.

 

Halloween is coming up next week and my friends are planning to go out for a party, I decided I would like to invite him since it would be fun and because I would like to introduce him to the people I hang out with.

So I asked him again today but he sounded so disinterested, as if it was a chore for him to come out and meet my friends. He even said I could go alone if I wanted to because he has to take care of his dog at home since his parents(he lives at home, he's 19) are going for holiday for a couple of day during Halloween...

I just feel bummed out because I was hoping and excited to have him be ingergrated into my social life.

 

I've already met his Friends on 3 separate occasions, which included all his coworkers the first time. I've also met his parents and sister multiple times as I stay over at his house every weekend(we live about 1.5 hours away from each other and have busy schedules). I get along really well with his family, and his friends even though I'm a shy person. Even if it was really hard to step out of my comfort zone and meet them, because I'm socially awkward, I still tried my best as I know they're important people in his life.

 

He's told me multiple times he sees a future with me, but I don't understand why he can't show some effort or even apologise for the fact he wont come out with me. It makes me think e doesn't care as much as I hoped.

 

What could be possible reasons he's like this?

 

Thank you in advance

[alphamale]

if things are going well then don't rock the boat. eventually he'll have to meet your friends. maybe now isn't the time for him.

[JEG88]

he constantly shows that he cares for me and everything is going pretty well.

 

He's told me multiple times he sees a future with me, but I don't understand why he can't show some effort or even apologise for the fact he wont come out with me. It makes me think e doesn't care as much as I hoped.

 

So...which is it? In the beginning he's great at showing he cares, yet at the end you're criticizing his effort.

 

There will be countless other opportunities for him to meet your friends. I don't think you should suddenly question your whole relationship, or his effort, since it seems like you're contradicting yourself from this one incident.

[GemmaUK]

Maybe he feels it's too soon (which doesn't make any sense as you've met his friends and his family) but his disinterest would highlight to me something else in that he doesn't really appreciate that you have friends of your own.

 

If there is any of that to it then leave it a while, see how things go but be aware that it might be the beginning of a tactic abusers use - isolating you from your friends and possibly family too.

I only know this from experience and having researched the type of signals to watch out for.

One signal on it's own does not an abuser/controlling type make though.

 

Three months in these are the kind of signs you should be alerted by and remember, you're just at the point of beginning to get to know who he really is. It's also not too soon to integrate a partner into your social circle.

[basil67]

Have you told him how you feel about it?

[heavenonearth]

I am dating my boyfriend almost 5 months now, and I have yet to meet his friends. he only met one of my friends properly (another one flimsy), and I only met one of his friends (actually more like his work partner) for a short moment. Gladly I already met his family.

It's not like we do not want to meet each other's friends, but there just hasn't been the time yet. This includes other parties' schedules as well, and most of his friends have families, kids, etc.

I do think that part of me is also avoiding going to his city and meeting his friends, yes, but not because I don't want to, but more so because I am afraid to. You will have to make an impression, you want them to like you, etc etc. Right now I have a big pimple in my face, not a good time... etc. and then you find excuses out of insecurity. That's me.

I want to meet them, but I am nervous.

And the thing is, this might be the case for your boyfriend as well?

 

Do not push it. Give it time. meeting them all at once at a party might be a bit too much as well for him.

[kendahke]

He's told me multiple times he sees a future with me, but I don't understand why he can't show some effort or even apologise for the fact he wont come out with me.

 

Does he even like going out partying? Is he introverted and awkward with social events?

 

Does he know that you expect both? Expectations, especially this soon in, are future resentments under construction and indicative that your relationship's foundation is weak.

 

It makes me think e doesn't care as much as I hoped.

 

That's a possibility. You are at the point in this new relationship where the representatives have been sent packing and the real you and the real him come to the fore--and the real him doesn't want to meet your social circle yet.

 

If everything else is so wonderful, any reason why you can't chill on this and give the relationship some time to blossom further?

[d0nnivain]

No, 3 months is not too soon to meet the friends. 3 minutes is not too soon because many times you are with friends when you meet a new person. Meeting the friends should not be stressful at all but it is a little nerve wracking because you want your friends to like your new squeeze.

 

 

For a 19 year old to pass up a party with his new GF to sit home & babysit a dog sounds ridiculous to me. When he says he sees a future with you, he'll telling you what you want to hear which may not be the truth.

 

 

I don't understand your logic. At 3 months in you ask if it's too soon to have him meet your friends but you have no problem stay over at his parents' house with him (yikes! I would never unless I was married) AND you think his statements about seeing a future with you are genuine. 90 days in about as far into the future you two should be able to see or be willing to talk about is next month.

 

 

Your analysis is skewed.

 

 

Go to the Halloween party by yourself. Wait until he calls you & then go from there but I wouldn't buy any non-returnable holiday gifts for this guy or assume you have a date for New Years' Eve just yet.