Tallgirl91 Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 Hello, I know this post might seem melodramatic but bare with me. I am 23 years old and have never even been close to being in a relationship. It's really starting to get to me because I'm at the age where a lot of my friends are getting engaged. Growing up I was picked on and called ugly and I thought that maybe things would change for me in college. I recently graduated from college and I get upset whenever I reflect and realize how only one guy showed the slightest of interest in me through the whole 4 years. Now I'm in the real world and have no idea how I'm going to meet someone! My parents tell me to "put myself out there" but I do! I go out to concerts, clubs, lounges, etc.... and nothing! I feel so ugly and unlovable and depressed. All my friends love to talk about what they'd like their weddings to be like but I never have anything to contribute because I don't see that happening to me. What am I supposed to do? I feel utterly unlovable and hideous! Link to post Share on other sites
Unordinary_Feelings Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 Hi TallGirl, First and foremost, let me say that attraction isn't just about appearance. It's about the feeling that you get from talking to someone and getting to know them. From making a connection. From my perspective (and I am a man), women can and do become far more attractive than they may be physically (by society's standards ) simply by virtue of being interesting, talented, funny, or just plain old friendly. The older I get (I'm 27) the more I realize that everyone has things about them that are beautiful and worth appreciating. In these kinds of ventures, your mindset has a lot to do with it. If you go into situations feeling like you're ugly, unattractive, etc. then you're going into every scenario with an inflexible mindset. You close the door on opportunity and then every social event becomes a foregone conclusion. But to be clear, it isn't about positivity or any of that BS either. It's about not focusing on what you think you don't have. Just act like yourself and take the time to really get to know people. Get into the flow of what you're good at. When you stop trying so hard, amazing things happen. Take it from someone who ****s this up all the time. The best things happen when you don't try so hard. Your worth as a human isn't defined by others' interest in dating you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Yosemite Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 Your screen name is tall girl…how tall are you? How is your personal style? Do you wear tasteful amounts of makeup? Stylish haircut? Do you wear similar style clothes that are popular with women your age? When you’re out and see a cute guy, do you make eye contact with him and then smile? Do you have a bubbly, outgoing personality or are you less talkative and quiet? If you are on the quiet side, go after quiet guys and participate in the activities that they like and that you find interesting as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 Hello, I know this post might seem melodramatic but bare with me. I am 23 years old and have never even been close to being in a relationship. It's really starting to get to me because I'm at the age where a lot of my friends are getting engaged. Growing up I was picked on and called ugly and I thought that maybe things would change for me in college. I recently graduated from college and I get upset whenever I reflect and realize how only one guy showed the slightest of interest in me through the whole 4 years. Now I'm in the real world and have no idea how I'm going to meet someone! My parents tell me to "put myself out there" but I do! I go out to concerts, clubs, lounges, etc.... and nothing! I feel so ugly and unlovable and depressed. All my friends love to talk about what they'd like their weddings to be like but I never have anything to contribute because I don't see that happening to me. What am I supposed to do? I feel utterly unlovable and hideous! Maybe you are not understanding the advise... Putting your self out there doesn't mean just going to a concert or sitting in a lounge. You need to engage with people and "network". This idea of just waiting for men to gravitate toward you with your looks is a misnomer and a big one at that. I've seen many men actually cheat on their more attract girlfriends/wives with less attractive women and I've seen very attractive women who never get hit on. So looks are just half the battle. Also... I see your name is Tallgirl are you ok with dating shorter guys.. I have to ask. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing, It makes no sense. If John Doe is married, but you aren't, will worrying about it suddenly make anything different? All it will do is create desperation, anxiety, and depression. All of those make you less likely to meet anyone, and less likely to get into a relationship. If you want to be in a relationship, focus on what you can bring to anothers life, as opposed to what you can gain from theirs. If you feel unlovable, then that is about how much you love yourself, not how much anyone else does. It's easy to go for the external ''solution'', because it allows you to avoid the introspection and the hard work needed to appreciate yourself enough to love yourself, or to become the person that you love. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LoverOfDance Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 (edited) My first relationship literally just ended. I entered into that relationship when I was 25. Don't worry, I promise you'll find someone. Online dating sucks but it is a good way to meet ppl. Stay positive. It will happen one day. Also, the funny thing is that being "beautiful" is not even going to keep any man. Beauty will attract men but it will NOT keep them. Focus on loving your life and loving yourself. You will be fine. Edited October 25, 2017 by LoverOfDance 4 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 Hello, I know this post might seem melodramatic but bare with me. I am 23 years old and have never even been close to being in a relationship. It's really starting to get to me because I'm at the age where a lot of my friends are getting engaged. Growing up I was picked on and called ugly and I thought that maybe things would change for me in college. I recently graduated from college and I get upset whenever I reflect and realize how only one guy showed the slightest of interest in me through the whole 4 years. Now I'm in the real world and have no idea how I'm going to meet someone! My parents tell me to "put myself out there" but I do! I go out to concerts, clubs, lounges, etc.... and nothing! I feel so ugly and unlovable and depressed. All my friends love to talk about what they'd like their weddings to be like but I never have anything to contribute because I don't see that happening to me. What am I supposed to do? I feel utterly unlovable and hideous! Do you live in a small town or culture where it's normal to get engaged in your 20s? I'm 26 and most of my friends (mostly 3-4 years either side of me) are still single - don't get hung up about what your relationship status should be at a given age. When you go out do you chat to new people or do you tend to be a little more reserved? I agree with Unordinary_Feelings, if you go into any interaction with a negative mindset it won't allow you to fully express yourself. Your worth doesn't depend on whether you can find a partner or not. So try and be yourself, but the best version of yourself (as in: don't hide the bad, highlight the good!) Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 Hi Tall Girl, I was a tall girl too, the boys didn't want to go out with me cause I was taller than them. Also I was ugly. Well, I thought so. I didn't have a relationship until I was 25 and it was amazinggggg and I was so shocked that this 10/10 guy was attracted to me. I find it hard to believe you are that ugly. I think tall women look gorgeous. I really only had luck online. I think it would be hard to meet guys at lounges and concerts as it is quite noisy and crowded. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AllyStrass Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Tall girls unite ... I need to echo Unordinary_Feelings' post... beauty and attractiveness comes from who you believe you are... that's what people see. I know very personally that it is really hard to be the single one is the midst of people in relationships when it's the desire of your heart to be with someone. I spent most of my 20s being in eight weddings of my friends and being single. I spent many of nights crying and struggling with the fact that I was single. .... now I am married and feeling like I wasted my single years wishing I was in a relationship is one of my biggest regrets. I am a very happily married person, but I believe there is a purpose in being single - growing personally (emotionally and otherwise)- and most people miss it because they are so focused on wanting a relationship. I encourage you to look for the things you CAN do during this time, rather than focusing on what you don't have. It can be hard to see, but there are so many awesome opportunities that single people have that married people wish they had. Good luck. Know you are beautiful! Your identity and beauty do not come from a relationships status. I encourage you to read Psalm 139 Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 tall girls are sexy. Go out there, be flirty (even if its "not you") and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Growing up, I was the ugly duckling, BUT I did something about it. I really invested in my appearance, developed my flirting skills and ditched my social awkwardness for confidence and found out what guys like to talk about to make myself connect with them more. If you want guys to notice you, you have to walk the walk, and talk the talk. You can't just sit there and hope someone will see you. Not everyone has that luxury. Time to transform yourself. You have lots of gfs, get them to help you out, give you tips/advice. Don't let anyone tell you to not focus so much on appearance. That's BS. With attracting guys, getting your foot in the door for their attention, appearance is key....Holding their attention:Guys are visual, sexual creatures...you need to use that to your advantage through flirtation. Strong eye contact, smile lots, maybe put on some red lips stick. The first thing guys have an interest in is the face...the eyes, the lips. Doll those up girl and you will be turnin heads. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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