coolheadal Posted October 25, 2017 Posted October 25, 2017 I usually don't post here too much about my dating habits but one thing always kinda get to me. When a woman you date has kids but then kids have kids. Then they become her grand kids. They usually don't have so much time with you again. Sure they can make the time but they generally say "sorry I don't have that much time to spend with you because I have to baby site the grand kids" Sure I don't have a problem with that, but sometimes it gets carried away. You hardly see them. I have someone who I see and have told she can move in my house with me be my sleeping partner girl friend. So that part is on the table. She ask me if it was okay for her grand kids to stay over a few nights. I said I have no problems with that. See if I said no she would spend more time over her own daughters house. So I made it easier for her to have them here plus I can be around her with the kids. I would like get some feedback on you guys or gals who have dated women who become grandma at early age. I am not talking old gal I am not that old! LOL Just wanted to see how many have see the same issue if there is one.
smackie9 Posted October 25, 2017 Posted October 25, 2017 (edited) I have the same issue with my long time friend. Ever since her grandkids came along I might be lucky to see her twice a year. He daughter can't seem to get her head on straight, has got fired or quit jobs, bf to bf, parties, had to live with my friend and her husband due to fiances, them having to drop off kids at daycare, and all that crap before they went to work. And we are talking about the mom being in her late 20's early 30's. My GF just enables that behavior. I know she is doing it for the grandkids because her mom never helped her out. She feels guilty if she doesn't help out. I think after a few years she finally told her she wasn't moving back in. I think if the daughter is a single mom, she is going to be depending on the grandparents to pick up the slack. I have seen it many times the grandparents being the baby sitter, taking the kids for the weekends, and all that crap, when in reality the kids parent/s should suck it up and take care of their kids and spend time with them. Grandparents have lives too, still have to work, etc. I guess you have to be careful who you date. Someone who's kids are grown ass adults that don't depend on free babysitting, etc. and can hold their own. Edited October 25, 2017 by smackie9 2
Author coolheadal Posted October 25, 2017 Author Posted October 25, 2017 Thanks for sharing you story there. I've been with a few who are grand mothers. I find the same thing happens always. The grown kids have more babies and one was fell out into the toilet because the girl didn't know she was pregnant. EMS came and taken the birth mother and newborn to the hospital. The grand mother was with me when she got the call. She didn't know if she was needed. I told her let your kids deal with it you don't have go. Her son and his girl friend they live in the living room in king bed. She has all 3 out 4 kids living with her. I wasn't going to be int hat Brady bunch heck no! Today she has no time for me she can me all the time she could but her son wants his mom to babysit all 3 grand kids. The new woman she's tired of her daughter living the less then 1 year old with her of taking her to daycare. Also this single mom sleeps late now. Her mother so tired.
Fair Posted October 25, 2017 Posted October 25, 2017 This is part of a bigger picture. All my female friends were preoccupied with their kids when they were younger, and now have grand kids so now the grandkids take center stage... a lot of men now too, are more into their kids and grandkids than with anyone else in the world. So you end up standing on the outside looking in... I'm just getting the overall impression that people after a certain age don't need or want to connect with anyone new for either dating or friendships ... they already have their little nests and at the end of the day, believe they can't count on love from anyone but their families so how can you compete...? Especially if most of their emotional needs are already being met by loved ones. Unless someone is lonely and needs someone to fill the void, no one is emotionally available anymore.
carhill Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 IDK, I dated a grandmother who also had a 15yo at home. Looking back, I probably should have married her. She knew exactly how to balance the kids/grandkid and being a doctor thing. Good lady. Every woman I ever dated had children, save for my wife. Experiences varied but I thought nearly all balanced things pretty good. I enjoyed kids so that probably colored my perception. A guy who demands a lot of alone time with a mate probably would have been less enthusiastic. In any event, no bad memories over the 20 or so years of that.
Author coolheadal Posted October 26, 2017 Author Posted October 26, 2017 This is part of a bigger picture. All my female friends were preoccupied with their kids when they were younger, and now have grand kids so now the grandkids take center stage... a lot of men now too, are more into their kids and grandkids than with anyone else in the world. So you end up standing on the outside looking in... I'm just getting the overall impression that people after a certain age don't need or want to connect with anyone new for either dating or friendships ... they already have their little nests and at the end of the day, believe they can't count on love from anyone but their families so how can you compete...? Especially if most of their emotional needs are already being met by loved ones. Unless someone is lonely and needs someone to fill the void, no one is emotionally available anymore. This is what I come up with myself you have nailed it. Women who have kids that have kids don't really need anyone in their life because they have it all. Family plays an important role. I really don't need much just some to cuddle and snuggle and listen to me when I talk. That's all. I am not woman doormat I am not a push over for anyone. But I feel when their a grandma their is not time for everything. She gets up early and gone to help her daughter get her kids off to school. She babysit the baby girl less than 1 year old. Don't get me wrong the little girl is a gem. But the grandmother can't do much to entertain me she so busy with her grand kids and kids. That leaves no wrong for me. I don't have kids.. I am uncle grand uncle but that's another story. I need to work that out they don't know I exist long story too. I have lots of time on my hand to enjoy the life I have left. Nice to see new people but I can't live anyone drama. My life, my time, my choice, my love, my social event and purpose. Just seems not fair at times. 1
smackie9 Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I don't think it's about fairness, it's about life, lives and choices. Not everyone chooses to have kids, like myself and I have met plenty who are like this too. So that being said, your search just has to be a little more refined. When I was dating in my 20's, I always stipulated I was never having kids so if they didn't like this they could back out. You can do the same. Make your expectations a little more clearer and stop dating enablers. 1
Author coolheadal Posted October 26, 2017 Author Posted October 26, 2017 (edited) I don't think it's about fairness, it's about life, lives and choices. Not everyone chooses to have kids, like myself and I have met plenty who are like this too. So that being said, your search just has to be a little more refined. When I was dating in my 20's, I always stipulated I was never having kids so if they didn't like this they could back out. You can do the same. Make your expectations a little more clearer and stop dating enablers. No I stay open minded when it comes to dating.. Most of the women I date have kids already. I have a woman I know had 5 year old now 8 year. I've heard from out of the blue. I got a sneaky feeling she wants to get back to gather. We had split off about 2 years ago this month. She met another guy in November where she was with him for 2 years. She found out he lied to her and was married. It too 2 years to get a divorce and custody of his son. But she said those 2 years were rough all he wanted was her to be his babysitter. Oh well so when he told her to pull her 6 year old out of the school her favorite school she split with him. Now she's back. I never go back for try not to get into the endless loop. She loved me but it was too late what I had left. I have to think about this. Single Woman with 2 grown kids and 4 grand kids or Single Woman with 1 kids no grand kids. Who would have the most free time to be with me? Who's nutter than a fruit cake both. I know they can't be perfect no one can. I have to see who I had the best time with f course the one with the kid is blonde with blue eyes my favorite she has the fur forearms I like. I've done enough with grandma types but these are young grandkids Burnett brown eyed and 8 year with the blondblue eyed. The other one found out bad news I don't know what's going to happen with us both it's so complicated. Blonde we had heck of roller coaster ride for 10 months.. Edited October 26, 2017 by coolheadal
Chilli Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 Heck of a roller coaster ride is never a good sign imo, that stuff just never seems to end no matter what you do . It's like if we just get past this then it should be ok, but then it's something else and then something else and 3 things at once that just keep on comin. You get back together and it all just starts again. lf it's just one or two things that they've gotta get through or work through together and then it should be right yeah , hopefully after those it's ok. l dunno, seems to just work the same with so complicated too. Too complicated and it just never seems to end and just keeps on comin. Grand kids, gotta remember the baby's only 1 or whatever, so the daughters gonna be using up grandma for the next 10 or 15 yrs. So if grandma isn't the type to say no and put her foot down or space it out better, your in for a long long haul . Maybe you can bring her round a bit in time. Good luck anyway.
Author coolheadal Posted October 27, 2017 Author Posted October 27, 2017 (edited) Heck of a roller coaster ride is never a good sign imo, that stuff just never seems to end no matter what you do . It's like if we just get past this then it should be ok, but then it's something else and then something else and 3 things at once that just keep on comin. You get back together and it all just starts again. lf it's just one or two things that they've gotta get through or work through together and then it should be right yeah , hopefully after those it's ok. l dunno, seems to just work the same with so complicated too. Too complicated and it just never seems to end and just keeps on comin. Grand kids, gotta remember the baby's only 1 or whatever, so the daughters gonna be using up grandma for the next 10 or 15 yrs. So if grandma isn't the type to say no and put her foot down or space it out better, your in for a long long haul . Maybe you can bring her round a bit in time. Good luck anyway. In any case the grandma has a second chance not to screw-up like she did with her 2 girls they turned out to be without men at their side. So single mothers rising kids on their own but when their mom is around she can become the instant grandma. They don't want their mom to leave them. But those single mothers needs to be accounted for. They had kids so take care of them and be a mother to them. It does get complicated. Grandma she told me she can't do this always she's had enough and wants to come back to me. Easy said and done. The other one with the roller coaster ride she's said she has no time to herself again she's so busy with work and the kid she has. Will she's always been that way. Nah I won't go back on that busy coaster ride again. Might be a great life with the grandma and me, but right now there is a loom over her of sadness she's going to experience death from within, I feel sorry for her, but I tell her each day I am there for her I've been there myself with the lost too. Who ever said dating was easy they're mistaken it's complicated! Edited October 27, 2017 by coolheadal
Chilli Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 Yeah you ain't kidding, mines down the toilet so really l should just shut up haha Anyway that's a great thing then that she's had enough , sounds like she wants to put the foot down and get back to you guys, great start., Worth sticking at it and seeing if she can back herself away from them a bit with some nudging. and yeah l agree , seen it in friends and stuff, they need to fend for themselves a bit.
todreaminblue Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 (edited) its funny i was talking about this with my friend yesterday....we are both grandmothers....the difference is she is stronger than me......and is dating..she is settign boundaries on when she baby sits...i cant date.....i have my grandkids over whenever i can because they need me....and if i speak up about what i think is wrong with one set of grandkids...like today for instance....mother supposed to pick them up......my grandson waited all day.....worried anxious.....she never came ...they arent allowed to see me anymore if i try to straighten things out...so i feel pretty helpless....abused..she called me a c word...and i hate that word..when i pulled her up on sleeping all day when the reason i have had them for three days and nights is so she can pack and move.....and nah she wanted friday night to herself so kids are still here.......i feel used but i have to make sure the kids are ok.. and i can miss them for months at a time if she sees fit...my life is pretty much hell....i wouldnt subject any guy to my life..hence...i am a nun.....who doesnt date right now.. a grandmother who can date has boundaries and thoughtful adult children who respect her in every way....that those adult children treat her well and know she needs to have a life as well.....if this is not the case then .....the grandma shouldnt probably date.......... my friend said to me i should when i get my full license ...never be home.....however i cant stop thinking about taking the grandkids with me when i get my license i want to show them the world ...or at least go camping with them.....go to the beach ...show them love........i am not suitable for any man to date.....even though i have much love to give.....deb Edited October 27, 2017 by todreaminblue
amaysngrace Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 I can't wait to be a grandmother but so far I only have one child who is in a serious relationship....just got engaged this past weekend! Yay!! I hope the grandkids aren't allergic to my dogs because that'd be a shame for them if they never can come to Grandma's But dating? If someone doesn't want to date me because I have grandchildren then that's cool. One less mouth to feed. 1
Author coolheadal Posted October 27, 2017 Author Posted October 27, 2017 I never said if you were a grandmother you shouldn't be dating. But if you are one do you really have the time to date a man, but I see you two ladies don't the time to juggle around. Mine had to be up before the kids got ready for school and the little didn't go to daycare, grandma watched her all day. So there is not time for me. She's so tired at end of the day in bed by 8 pm. Her daughter should be watching her kids and tend to their needs. She kicks out ht baby father because he was lazy and didn't pickup after himself. I think grandmothers have a second chance on life to be a mother again to raise the baby into kids. Oh yes if they have new born watch. New born needs much more attention that a regular child. If the daughter has a date she wants her mom the kids grandma to watch them. If we go out to the market store, grand kids old enough wants to go with us. It's different world to be with the grandmother who is dating you, if you don't have any kids on your own,.
Fair Posted October 28, 2017 Posted October 28, 2017 I never said if you were a grandmother you shouldn't be dating. But if you are one do you really have the time to date a man, but I see you two ladies don't the time to juggle around. Mine had to be up before the kids got ready for school and the little didn't go to daycare, grandma watched her all day. So there is not time for me. She's so tired at end of the day in bed by 8 pm. Her daughter should be watching her kids and tend to their needs. She kicks out ht baby father because he was lazy and didn't pickup after himself. I think grandmothers have a second chance on life to be a mother again to raise the baby into kids. Oh yes if they have new born watch. New born needs much more attention that a regular child. If the daughter has a date she wants her mom the kids grandma to watch them. If we go out to the market store, grand kids old enough wants to go with us. It's different world to be with the grandmother who is dating you, if you don't have any kids on your own,. It's kind of weird too. There's this insane child worship going on these days and it never used to be like this. When my own mom was done raising her kids there was just no way she was going to start raising her grand kids. After raising her own family and having to be the breadwinner all those years into the bargain she was tired... besides... back then... it just wasn't done. My grandparents never took over half the load raising us... mom and everyone else took one hundred per cent responsibility for their own families and didn't go dumping them off on their parents. It's kind of shocking to me now to see grandparents pulling half the load for their kid's kids.
Author coolheadal Posted October 28, 2017 Author Posted October 28, 2017 It's kind of weird too. There's this insane child worship going on these days and it never used to be like this. When my own mom was done raising her kids there was just no way she was going to start raising her grand kids. After raising her own family and having to be the breadwinner all those years into the bargain she was tired... besides... back then... it just wasn't done. My grandparents never took over half the load raising us... mom and everyone else took one hundred per cent responsibility for their own families and didn't go dumping them off on their parents. It's kind of shocking to me now to see grandparents pulling half the load for their kid's kids. I've met both daughters both have 2 kids like their mom. Both have the same idea about living with a man. Yet both of them don't want her to live with me they want her to stay and live with them so she can take care of their 2 kids, cook, clean and keep the apartment up and running. I get the message saying I am tired, will call you later. Never a later to be called back always tired. The other one my Ex with the 5 year old the child is her dream come true, she worships the child so much the child is running the house whole. Mother was always so busy she didn't have time for me only late at night then she was so tired. . Grandmother one same thing, but she tells me she wants to get away from her daughter. If he lives here and brings over the grand kids I don't want to have to take care of them also. I was raised different than what goes today too..
Recommended Posts