Author JimmyNYC Posted November 22, 2017 Author Posted November 22, 2017 Quick Question: What was the official reason you two broke up after 6 months? AND What is the real reason you broke up after 6 months? IMO If you are both playing games like this in your 40's you probably should be hanging out on Broadway because that is the only place that will match the Drama Factor you got yourself into. . I broke up with her after 3 months. I couldn't take all the odd behavior. Here is the full story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/640122-did-i-do-right-thing-breaking-up-her
Space Ritual Posted November 22, 2017 Posted November 22, 2017 Thanks, I am off to work so I will read it when i come back home tonight.
basil67 Posted November 22, 2017 Posted November 22, 2017 What's wrong with giving a key to an old friend so they can let themselves in? I'd do that without hesitation. 3
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 22, 2017 Posted November 22, 2017 The whole story sounds weird. You were in love - but she didn't really communicate, you didn't know anything about her friends or interest..... As for the story about that night. She didn't need your permission. Sounds like she knew that guy longer than she has known you - I don't need know why you took the key thing so personally. Making the whole story up to cover cheating doesn't make any sense. Sounds like everything was rushed and you got very serious about a girl you hardly knew. I second this. I think you're making something out of nothing. At only 6 weeks into a relationship, I'm not surprised since that isn't enough time to really know anyone well let alone a romantic partner. Relax. 1
mortensorchid Posted November 22, 2017 Posted November 22, 2017 I wouldn't have made such a big deal out of it. They were staying for free at her place rather than spend on a hotel. And he's doing other things while there, plus he's gay, plus they had a kid around with no privacy so ... Nothing happened. Done. 5
grays Posted November 22, 2017 Posted November 22, 2017 It's over....time to move on. I think moving on is always good but jimmy seems a little over the top with his expectations. Its probably good for him to get a little feedback. I agree w all the others that her behavior with this gay friend seems totally legit and not weird. I think its quite possible that she could have been more sensitive about your worries, but you didnt really talk about that in your posts so Im not sure.
planb1973 Posted November 22, 2017 Posted November 22, 2017 2 weeks of dating was like 2 months for normal people. . This ^^^^ Pretty much sums it up.
SpinScratch Posted November 23, 2017 Posted November 23, 2017 Dude... he wasnt her gay friend. My ex let her "cousin" stay at her house before. And he wasnt her cousin. Deal with how I did; chalk it up as a lesson learned and move on.
Author JimmyNYC Posted November 23, 2017 Author Posted November 23, 2017 (edited) I wouldn't have made such a big deal out of it. They were staying for free at her place rather than spend on a hotel. And he's doing other things while there, plus he's gay, plus they had a kid around with no privacy so ... Nothing happened. Done. So she said. I never met the guy so I can't confirm the story she gave me was true. Edited November 23, 2017 by JimmyNYC
CaliBabe Posted November 23, 2017 Posted November 23, 2017 So she said. I never met the guy so I can't confirm the story she gave me was true. I feel like if you don't trust her then you are better off finding someone more suited for you. Even if the relationship is new, if you don't feel secure and like you can trust what someone says then how could things ever work long term? A successful relationship is about trust and safety. I think its good for you to get feedback from others and while I don't think anything happened (I think if something happened she wouldn't have even mentioned anything to you) I think its good for you to start the moving on process and find someone who you will trust without question.
Space Ritual Posted November 23, 2017 Posted November 23, 2017 I broke up with her after 3 months. I couldn't take all the odd behavior. Here is the full story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/640122-did-i-do-right-thing-breaking-up-her Thanks for a bit of Clarity. That being said, I think this is about as good as it's gonna get. The one thing that stands out in all of this is the "Gay" friend and the child. The "Gay Friend" routine has been used by men and women alike for a long time. If Gay Friend had a very important job interview, why would he risk having a crappy sleep on an air mattress or having an alarm that won't go off? I will admit I could have totally bought her story until she not only offered to tell you that Gay Friend and child were staying without prodding, but that he had a job interview. IDK.... I just don't buy that. But that's just me. At any rate, this relationship is toast. Go butter somebody else up.
Poutrew Posted November 23, 2017 Posted November 23, 2017 "The gay friend'... yeah, right. Any time the gal says the guy is gay, but she has an above average interest in him, something is off. And he is sleeping in her bed along with his son... listen, as a grown man, if I said I let my 7 year old daughter sleep with me I guarantee you people would look at me suspiciously...So, you are right to be concerned. Your gut didn't lie on this one. The fact that she blew you off by blaming the break up on you and your suspicious ways tell me that she is indeed aware of how odd things look and was seeking to deflect away from her and onto you , so she could still look like the good guy. There are a few types of women I refuse to date, mostly actresses, and those involved in the medical field (with the exceptions being opthomalogical and dental) mainly because you can never tell where their hands have been that day... So, I wouldn't sweat it too much. No big loss
Author JimmyNYC Posted November 23, 2017 Author Posted November 23, 2017 Responding to some of the last people commenting...And thank you everyone for your opinions, it's very helpful. So insightful. I really appreciate the help in this difficult time. 1. Yes, I know it's over. I'm trying to move on. I just wanted to get people's opinions on that "gay friend" sleep over thing because it STILL makes no sense to me however you slice it. It's an interesting puzzle that I can't figure out because anyway you look at it, it makes no sense. Let me explain.... If it was a guy she was cheating on me with, why even tell me anything at all? Like someone else said, normal cheaters wouldn't have said anything. Or why not just have him get hotel and go over there for the night? Or why use this gay friend sleeping at her place as a cover story? make no sense. Because, since she had that little studio I rarely went over there. She would always come to my place. And we were not together every day telling each other what we are doing every minute. So had she had someone over and said nothing or that she was working late she know I would not have questioned her. And she told me about 4 days ahead of time. Why? Also, she was always picking up shifts at the hospital. So she could have just said she was working that night, or going out with a girlfriend, or staying in for the night and resting. All of which she knows I would have never even questioned her about. And she was volunteering this information. I never even asked her what she was doing that night. So why use the gay friend cover story when she knows that could open her up to questions. So that all makes no sense if she was having a lover over. But even if it was legitimate and he was gay it makes no sense....Let me explain.. If it was really a gay friend and his 7 year old son, like she said, that also makes ZERO sense too. Like someone else mentioned, grown men don't sleep with their 7 year old sons. And why would he WANT to stay in that little studio, in her "full" bed sleeping with his son, and be all uncomfortable, when has a big interview the next day? Also, why did she need him or he need to be in that small setting with her? What was the point of that from EITHER of their perspectives? Why stay at her PLACE as opposed to just getting a hotel nearby and seeing each for the evening then going back and getting a good night sleep and be comfortable? She could have stopped over to his hotel and visited with him and his son after her shift that night. Then while he was on the interview next day she could have came over and took the kid to the museum like she did anyway (as she told me). Why the need to stay in her little studio? Again MAKES NO SENSE. And lastly, we were in a committed monogamous relationship that she seemed really really happy about. She said she hadn't dated in awhile. She was so excited about me. She seemed very innocent and down to earth. She started talking about a future with me. I've never seen her on any dating apps, dating site, singles bars, nothing. She dressed very unassuming. She was never flirty or anything. Never wore sexy clothes etc. So having some guy over to stay with her and cheating on me with would have been completely out of character (from what I saw of her). And since she was so excited to be in this relationship with me and excited about a future wouldn't she have to be a total sociopath to just invite some guy she knew over to her place when he rolled into town? And then cheating on me? Women don't usually behave like that right? Especially this one that came off so loyal and down to earth sending me her schedule for 2 months unsolicited. I mean she would have to be a major sociopath to do something like that and risk this great relationship and great guy she was seeing and wanted to have a future with (me). This is what troubles me. Whatever angle you look at here they ALL make NO SENSE. It's so odd. Am I wrong here?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 23, 2017 Posted November 23, 2017 It was a gay friend with his son, sleeping at her apartment. Period. Grown men sleep with their children all the time if on vacation or whatever. It isn't weird. It isn't unusual. You REALLY want this to be something it is not, in my opinion! If this was a lesbian woman and her daughter, how would you feel about the situation?
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