Hopeless1234 Posted October 25, 2017 Posted October 25, 2017 Now I'm not one to post on these types of forums but I'm going through a rough patch and I just wanted some advice or help from someone other than my friends. I'm 30 and my ex gf 28. We had dated for 8 months and things in my mind were going pretty well. I mean we'd have some on off arguements that she would call fights, but from past relationship experiences these "fights" were not fights at all. About three weeks ago she came to my apartment after a weekend in Delaware with an old nurse friend of hers. She had said the night before that she wanted to talk so of course I braced for the worst. She starting off saying you know we have been going downhill for the last four months. I was like what?? Now in these 4 months of going downhill she took me home to meet her parents (who really liked me), I met her best friend, we went to multiple weddings together, and we spent a great weekend in New York so once again I was confused. She said that I was not there for her emotionally and felt I belittled her. (She'd get emotional over the littlest of things and I would kind of call her out on it saying why are you worrying about this??) She said her brother had just gotten in this relationship and how he's not a romantic like I was but he was telling her how he got his gf this and that and how happy he was. It got her thinking well why doesn't my bf do that. Meanwhile I'd go to conferences or home to see my family and bring her little gifts back or desserts. I'd cook for her regularly as well so I felt like I was doing my part. After a few nights of talking we basically kept chasing our tails and I had a hard time getting through to her so I said this is stressing me out let's not talk tomorrow. Well the next day o got this text: I need to say this to you but I don’t want you to respond back. I just want you to read it and then disregard it. I don’t know exactly what the right answer is. But I guess I’ve just been lost and I feel like I’ve been losing myself. I can’t say exactly when it started or what caused it or if it was more than one thing. But the past few days haven’t been easy for me despite what you may think. I truly don’t know in what direction I’m going. But I wanted to say I’m really sorry for how I treated you and for making small problems into big ones. And I’m sorry that I let my emotions get the best of me in a lot of situations and for not coming to you with any problems I was having. You did so much for me that I overlooked and didn’t appreciate and I’m sorry for that too. I appreciate now all the times you tried to get me to tell you what was wrong or what I was feeling. And I apologize for being so stubborn in a lot of ways. Again I don’t really know what I’m doing at this point and you don’t deserve to be in the middle of that. You have such a big heart and you’re loyal to everyone in your life and I’m thankful for that even though I didn’t accept it. I’m sorry that I brought this into your life and caused you unnecessary stress. And I’m sorry that I probably proved you and everyone right that I treated you just like all the others. It was never my intention. Again please don’t respond. I know at this point it probably doesn’t mean much. Especially when all of this should’ve been realized weeks ago but I wanted to tell you anyway. A couple things I read in to was the line I treated you like all the others. The only ex she knew about was one that cheated on me a few years ago because she didn't want to know about my past or how many people I've been with. So my question is was this kinda sorta a cheating confession or a cry for help or both? I just can't see why if you know you have a good person in your life why would you throw that away in a healthy relationship? Wouldn't you say I messed up, maybe I should apologize and be thankful for what I have? I committed the deadly sin of calling her out on this a week ago after restless nights of sleep and she basically said you can think whatever you want, then proceeded to block me on everything.
Buriall Posted October 25, 2017 Posted October 25, 2017 This sounds like one of those "it's not you, it's me whose got issues" I don't think there's anything you can do from here. Simply accept the fact that it's over and start your healing process. Take what you can learn and grow to be better in your next relationship.
Author Hopeless1234 Posted October 25, 2017 Author Posted October 25, 2017 Yeah I kind of thought that way, although she did come over to talk mulitiple times to attempt to make it work. Both times, it was her way or the highway, basically no compromise could be met. I just feel like she kept comparing our relationship to others and created a lot of problems in her mind.
SpecialJ Posted October 25, 2017 Posted October 25, 2017 Yeah, it's a really bad sign when they come to you and blindside you that they've been unhappy and just didn't tell you, then refuse to really work through it. Last time that happened to me in a long relationship, I was devastated and confused. Several months later he admitted that all the "reasons" he gave that made no sense to me weren't real... it was his own baggage he hadn't dealt with and nothing I'd done, though he had no interest in reconciling (and still hadn't worked through his stuff yet). The most recent time it happened was in a very short-term dating situation. Again, the strongest feeling I had in response was confusion. He showed me within a relatively short period of time after that he has MAJOR issues, and I ran away. I'm still relieved I ran away. So if it really makes no sense, and you're not used to feeling anxious or confused about romantic situations, that's your gut telling you something is off and probably "run" is good advice! 1
Author Hopeless1234 Posted October 25, 2017 Author Posted October 25, 2017 There were so many times I'd say something wrong and she'd just clam up. I'd be like what's wrong and she'd say nothing but just sit there with a pouty face or look the other way or start crying. She just seemed emotionally unstable. Beautiful woman too so that makes it so sad.
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