Nadine123 Posted October 25, 2017 Posted October 25, 2017 I recently just got out of a very bad experience after another horrible one and decided to take a break from dating from a really long time. I am also dealing with all my issues at the same time and one thing I noticed that hurt me from one of my dating experiences is that the guy I was seeing chose someone else over me. He is into film making and art and Im not. He smokes alot of weed as well and he found it weird that I did ''since everyone does nowaday''. We got along fine in the beginning and our relationship was great but then he ghosted (I got over this thanks to posting about it here all the time lol). I understand that part of dating is about finding someone with mutual interests but it made me feel very unwanted and sorry to sound childish ''uncool''. It even got to a point where I was thinking of posting art pics just so he can like me but then I thought to myself that this is really pathetic and that someday someone will love me for me. any advice on how to overcome the concept of rejection. In the future, after my break phase, I dont want to change myself for anyone but it also feels bad that he thought I was a loser and uncool.
kassy Posted October 25, 2017 Posted October 25, 2017 I have dates people who have made me feel uncool when we broke up. I think I'm quite cool in my own way. I don't know why I was dating them. Anyway my only advice is find "your people" and you'll feel cool again. I like sport. I'm cool with sporty people. I'm boring to normal people. I now spend my time primarily with sporty people who have similar outlooks on life. 2 months ago I literally went on a date and came home and spoke to my best friend and was like seriously I am going to be single forever. I'm in a great place now and I still am not attracted to anyone once I meet them.i was complaining I just don't find men I want to date. A week later I ment my current boyfriend, and while it's still very new, we aren't kids anymore and I've never been so into anyone in my life. The feeling appears to be mutual. So yeah my advice go find people you relate to and have fun with them feeling cool and like you add value to relationships (of all kinds). When you have your own crap sorted out go find the right guy who makes you feel amazingly cool even when you're just normal.
CptInsano Posted October 25, 2017 Posted October 25, 2017 Only you can put yourself down, they cannot. From what you wrote it seems that it was an bad fit from the start, and that doesn't mean that he is better than you, or your are better than him, it's just not meant to be because you are too different. As a guy, I came to accept very early on that most women will chose somebody else over me. That is just the nature of things. (In fact, it would be horribly stressful if it wasn't.) It only matters that you find the right person for you, not whether guys before that rejected you. Unfortunately you cannot find the right person without meeting a few that are not right. This is the same for pretty much everybody, and doesn't really reflect all that much on you. 2
kendahke Posted October 25, 2017 Posted October 25, 2017 any advice on how to overcome the concept of rejection. In the future, after my break phase, I dont want to change myself for anyone but it also feels bad that he thought I was a loser and uncool. You get over it by going through the uncomfortable feelings, because they are there to do their job. If you try to avoid or distract yourself from them, they just wait until they see an opening and they land on your head then to begin their work. It's just best to let them do their job so they move on. You have to go through them; you can't go around them. Understand that and life will be far easier to navigate in the future. Also, maintain your grace and dignity. Doing that will serve you better in the long run. Showing out to get attention makes you look desperate and gives him all the confirmation he needs for why he chose the path he did with you. Leave him be. Delete him from all of your social media. What he does with his life now is none of your business and what you do with you life now is none of his business.
fixerupper Posted October 25, 2017 Posted October 25, 2017 any advice on how to overcome the concept of rejection. 1. Get more of it (hard task I know) 2. Try not to take it personal (hard task I know) 1
Lorenza Posted October 25, 2017 Posted October 25, 2017 Imagine his face and in your mind tell him "Thanks for realizing we're not a pair while I couldn't, thanks for not wasting my time and giving me this chance to find someone I'm truly compatible with, cause if you didn't reject me, I might have missed out on it" Then delete/block and never contact him again. 1
Miss Spider Posted October 25, 2017 Posted October 25, 2017 I'm naturally awkward so I feel uncool ALL THE TIME. So I get how you feel. I think you just have to accept that you're uniquely you and there's nothing wrong with it. I think it's a self confidence thing. With self confidence, you wouldn't be feeling uncool. You could also deal with rejection better. I think it would also help with how you tolerate people who aren't very nice way too long based on some threads of yours I've seen. 1
stillafool Posted October 25, 2017 Posted October 25, 2017 In the future, after my break phase, I dont want to change myself for anyone but it also feels bad that he thought I was a loser and uncool. I seriously doubt he looked at you as a loser or uncool but more that you two just weren't compatible. Most of us have been rejected in one way or the other. It's unfortunately a part of life.
smackie9 Posted October 25, 2017 Posted October 25, 2017 Did he literally tell you were "uncool"? If not, it's your low self esteem telling you, that you are. My perspective: You are crazy about the idea of being in a relationship, not the person you were seeing. When there is low compatibility, then there will be low interest. No you don't need to change who you are, but you do need to change who you choose to have a relationship with. You can't force a relationship to happen out of desperation. Take your time, and find someone who meets all your expectations, you there's. 1
Miss Spider Posted October 25, 2017 Posted October 25, 2017 I also want to add that in dating I think "cool" matters more to women than men. Because I had a guy who implied I was not cool kind of in a joking manner, and it got to me even so, but he wanted to keep dating. So, I think it's a matter of finding someone who doesn't care that you don't have the exact same interests or know a lot about pop-culture, or whatever it is that you deem "cool" but thinks your interests are cool even though they're different
Author Nadine123 Posted October 26, 2017 Author Posted October 26, 2017 Thank you for all your replies. the thing is im a very beautiful girl (i know this might sound narcissistic) but I really dont mean it like that. Guys hit on me all the time and almost everywhere I go. I also get asked out all the time. I just dont understand why I cling on to loser guys and get obsessed with them. This is why I really need to take a break because I am a kind person and this needs to stop.
Sweetfish Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I recently just got out of a very bad experience after another horrible one and decided to take a break from dating from a really long time. I am also dealing with all my issues at the same time and one thing I noticed that hurt me from one of my dating experiences is that the guy I was seeing chose someone else over me. He is into film making and art and Im not. He smokes alot of weed as well and he found it weird that I did ''since everyone does nowaday''. We got along fine in the beginning and our relationship was great but then he ghosted (I got over this thanks to posting about it here all the time lol). I understand that part of dating is about finding someone with mutual interests but it made me feel very unwanted and sorry to sound childish ''uncool''. It even got to a point where I was thinking of posting art pics just so he can like me but then I thought to myself that this is really pathetic and that someday someone will love me for me. any advice on how to overcome the concept of rejection. In the future, after my break phase, I dont want to change myself for anyone but it also feels bad that he thought I was a loser and uncool.the thing is im a very beautiful girl (i know this might sound narcissistic) but I really dont mean it like that. Guys hit on me all the time and almost everywhere I go. I also get asked out all the time. I just dont understand why I cling on to loser guys and get obsessed with them. This is why I really need to take a break because I am a kind person and this needs to stop. People.. typically the new generation of women in today's society who believe they are "beautiful", good looking, and altruistic are gravitating to men who are "losers" because the slew of approval you get from nice guys does not interest you and its much more interesting to have a diamond in the rough who rejects you. This is a sign of low self esteem. Ironically, this is like the third post I read where a woman is complaining about a man's weed usage. I would bet money any good guy who actually rewards you with attention and is nice you will feel suffocated and not attracted. Later you will say you can't find a good man.. because you will be too scared of the guys you are attracted too because they will hurt you and inversely the guys who are good you will not be attracted to them because they will not press that sense of "obsession" the yearning of approval. So I would say yes.. work on your self by identifying why you need approval from a man and what really makes you attracted to a person.. 1
Author Nadine123 Posted October 26, 2017 Author Posted October 26, 2017 People.. typically the new generation of women in today's society who believe they are "beautiful", good looking, and altruistic are gravitating to men who are "losers" because the slew of approval you get from nice guys does not interest you and its much more interesting to have a diamond in the rough who rejects you. This is a sign of low self esteem. Ironically, this is like the third post I read where a woman is complaining about a man's weed usage. I would bet money any good guy who actually rewards you with attention and is nice you will feel suffocated and not attracted. Later you will say you can't find a good man.. because you will be too scared of the guys you are attracted too because they will hurt you and inversely the guys who are good you will not be attracted to them because they will not press that sense of "obsession" the yearning of approval. So I would say yes.. work on your self by identifying why you need approval from a man and what really makes you attracted to a person.. Ill have to say that isnt necessarily true. I wasnt complaining about weed, I was saying he found me not to cool because i didnt smoke itit. Your answer has nothing to do with my post. 1
CptInsano Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 I just dont understand why I cling on to loser guys and get obsessed with them. This is why I really need to take a break because I am a kind person and this needs to stop. Because they are a challenge, unconventional, maybe even "dangerous" and exciting, or just physically attractive? Or simply the fact that they weren't chasing you? 1
Sweetfish Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 Ill have to say that isnt necessarily true. I wasnt complaining about weed, I was saying he found me not to cool because i didnt smoke itit. Your answer has nothing to do with my post. If weed is not a problem, you would not bring it up.... especially the amount he smokes. IE: A lot. You said, you don't understand why you like loser guys and obsess with them. Your more than welcome to find another reason to why you like men who are losers/bad boys... however you literally fall into the text book female in almost any PUA manual. 2
Zahara Posted October 26, 2017 Posted October 26, 2017 (edited) I understand that part of dating is about finding someone with mutual interests but it made me feel very unwanted and sorry to sound childish ''uncool''. It even got to a point where I was thinking of posting art pics just so he can like me but then I thought to myself that this is really pathetic and that someday someone will love me for me. You need to be comfortable and secure in your own skin. He could have just accepted your ideals rather than tear you down. That's on him, it isn't on you. Just because he doesn't think you're cool for not smoking weed, doesn't make you uncool because I am sure there are a host of things about you that make you unique in your own way and to others. So don't allow people to define you. Define yourself and feel confident in who you are. And when you do things like that, you start to become an extension of the other. You almost become what you think they want you to be and in time you will lose your sense of individuality. Don't do that. A person that loves you will embrace you the way you are and find you and all that you offer to be an addition to their life rather than a takeaway. any advice on how to overcome the concept of rejection. In the future, after my break phase, I dont want to change myself for anyone but it also feels bad that he thought I was a loser and uncool.the thing is im a very beautiful girl (i know this might sound narcissistic) but I really dont mean it like that. Guys hit on me all the time and almost everywhere I go. I also get asked out all the time. I just dont understand why I cling on to loser guys and get obsessed with them. This is why I really need to take a break because I am a kind person and this needs to stop. When you realize what a prize you are, you won't settle. You'll be able to weed out the losers and move on because you know what you deserve. We normally stay and cling to bad situations because we are dependent on a relationship/man to fulfill us. Being alone would be much too uncomfortable in comparison. There's this desperation to be loved and validated. The thing is, the only person that will never fail you is you. You need to learn to love yourself, know that you are a prize and that you will only accept the best. If you don't believe any of that, you'll keep attracting and settling for these guys. Take a break from dating. Cut the men out. The best thing you can do is establish a relationship with yourself. Seek a counselor to help you navigate why you feel this way and how to cope and manage. Read up on books that speak about cultivating self-esteem. Start doing things that fulfill you -- as simple as a dance class. Travel alone -- it's empowering. Volunteer -- gratitude opens up a different perspective on life. When you find contentment in your life and the ability to fully enjoy your aloneness, you'll start to have better standards and stronger boundaries. When we are empty inside, we often seek others to fulfill us. Fill your own cup. It's going to be much more rewarding. Edited October 26, 2017 by Zahara 2
Author Nadine123 Posted October 26, 2017 Author Posted October 26, 2017 If weed is not a problem, you would not bring it up.... especially the amount he smokes. IE: A lot. You said, you don't understand why you like loser guys and obsess with them. Your more than welcome to find another reason to why you like men who are losers/bad boys... however you literally fall into the text book female in almost any PUA manual. okay so now you are answering posts based on what you think people meant. Again, your answer wasnt useful at all by telling me i fall into textbook female. I am here to seek help not to argue so if you have nothing to help me then ill leave zahara and other people for this one. Thank you 1
Author Nadine123 Posted October 26, 2017 Author Posted October 26, 2017 how old are you nadine123? I just turned 27. Dont know if that makes it worse.
Author Nadine123 Posted October 26, 2017 Author Posted October 26, 2017 You need to be comfortable and secure in your own skin. He could have just accepted your ideals rather than tear you down. That's on him, it isn't on you. Just because he doesn't think you're cool for not smoking weed, doesn't make you uncool because I am sure there are a host of things about you that make you unique in your own way and to others. So don't allow people to define you. Define yourself and feel confident in who you are. And when you do things like that, you start to become an extension of the other. You almost become what you think they want you to be and in time you will lose your sense of individuality. Don't do that. A person that loves you will embrace you the way you are and find you and all that you offer to be an addition to their life rather than a takeaway. When you realize what a prize you are, you won't settle. You'll be able to weed out the losers and move on because you know what you deserve. We normally stay and cling to bad situations because we are dependent on a relationship/man to fulfill us. Being alone would be much too uncomfortable in comparison. There's this desperation to be loved and validated. The thing is, the only person that will never fail you is you. You need to learn to love yourself, know that you are a prize and that you will only accept the best. If you don't believe any of that, you'll keep attracting and settling for these guys. Take a break from dating. Cut the men out. The best thing you can do is establish a relationship with yourself. Seek a counselor to help you navigate why you feel this way and how to cope and manage. Read up on books that speak about cultivating self-esteem. Start doing things that fulfill you -- as simple as a dance class. Travel alone -- it's empowering. Volunteer -- gratitude opens up a different perspective on life. When you find contentment in your life and the ability to fully enjoy your aloneness, you'll start to have better standards and stronger boundaries. When we are empty inside, we often seek others to fulfill us. Fill your own cup. It's going to be much more rewarding. Thank you so much. I have holiday next month so will plan a trip alone and try it out. Ill go to the bookstore tmw and buy books. 1
stillafool Posted October 30, 2017 Posted October 30, 2017 People.. typically the new generation of women in today's society who believe they are "beautiful", good looking, and altruistic are gravitating to men who are "losers" because the slew of approval you get from nice guys does not interest you and its much more interesting to have a diamond in the rough who rejects you. This is a sign of low self esteem. Ironically, this is like the third post I read where a woman is complaining about a man's weed usage. I would bet money any good guy who actually rewards you with attention and is nice you will feel suffocated and not attracted. Later you will say you can't find a good man.. because you will be too scared of the guys you are attracted too because they will hurt you and inversely the guys who are good you will not be attracted to them because they will not press that sense of "obsession" the yearning of approval. So I would say yes.. work on your self by identifying why you need approval from a man and what really makes you attracted to a person.. These women want to tame a bad boy to raise their self esteem but it always ends in the reverse. I've also noticed a lot of pretty young women only interested in drug dealer, thug types who don't work. Even college girls. These guys are normally good looking and have like 10 girls or more chasing them. It's sick.
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