ayeshau Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 This guy I went out with like a month ago, kind of gave me jerk vibes, we got along really well and everything but there was something off. Anyway, I actually stopped talking to him multiple times after our second date and I was pretty straightforward about the fact I thought he was kind of an ******* lol and after that he was extremely persistent on the fact that he was done being a jerk and that he really liked me, and he ended up being super sweet I think that was a very immature strategy he was trying to use or something, he doesnt strike me as an actual dick but its almost like he puts up a front or something. But he ended up being super sweet and tried really hard to persuade me to go out on a third date, which I finally agreed to and it went really well. He was a total gentleman, he's the kind of guy who does not stop complimenting in a really sweet way, like he would look at me and tell me I was cute and beautiful, and was pretty straight forward about wanting to move forward with me. He initiates every conversation, always texts after the date, will randomly tell me he misses me. Its all pretty perfect. But during that third date we were talking about junk food or something and I was telling him I dont have any in my house and he did not believe me at all and i could've SWORN he said "You're a big gal I'm sure you have some chips around", and honestly I was so taken back like I processed it a couple seconds later and didnt even ask him about it. Like I was kind of confused/embarassed and I didnt even notice because we ended up switching the subject, and again, he's very sweet and like does not stop with the compliments..I kind of just forgot about it. Keep in mind, I'm 5,5 I weigh about 140 pounds, I have a 38 inch bust, 40 in hips, and a 28 inch waist, I never thought I was fat prior to his comments, I usually get compliments about my body from guys not to sound cocky in the slightest bit, I'm just trying to say I've never really had somebody insinuate that I was fat. I've most definitly been called thick before and I have no problem with that, but his words were "big gal" Which leads me to today..so he sends a text saying he's missing me and so i send him a selfie and all he replies is "That is a very flattering angle" ????? IM DONE.. Please tell me if I'm overreacting or what but I'm so confused, I dont even want to ask him like "do you think im overweight" or "do you not like my body" because I know he thinks I'm beautiful and is attracted to me as he's made that very apparent, maybe he's just into big girls, which kind of confuses me because I never really thought of myself as big. I don't know.. I'm confused. can someone help me
RecentChange Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 Google "negging" This guy sounds full of games - the being a jerk then sweet as honey when called out on it? Red flag. He probably follows that "pick up artist" BS, and no woman with one iota of self respect has time for that. I would be done too.... 3
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 Be done. You'll always be on edge with this guy! Especially if you dare to gain five or ten pounds. 2
kittencupcake Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 Yes..and from your description, it sounds like you're not. So he is indeed a jerk. NEXT!!! 1
Author ayeshau Posted October 24, 2017 Author Posted October 24, 2017 He doesnt really play games.. and this post really isnt about the whole jerk thing, he's been nice pretty much since I first stopped talking to him and I can tell he's his true self now. I was asking for advice on the fat thing..
kittencupcake Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 He doesnt really play games.. and this post really isnt about the whole jerk thing, he's been nice pretty much since I first stopped talking to him and I can tell he's his true self now. I was asking for advice on the fat thing.. Yeah no, I wasn't commenting on anything you said about him being a jerk. The comment you asked about was jerky. But as you are now defending him, it seems like you don't actually care that he called you fat (and he did)..so keep on keeping on! 1
Author ayeshau Posted October 24, 2017 Author Posted October 24, 2017 Sorry I was trying to direct this to the first comment because that person was talking about how he plays games. And well I guess I'm defending him because I really like him, he really likes me, I like that he doesnt play games and is straight forward about what he wants, and the whole fat thing doesnt bother me because tbh I dont think im fat, and if he's attracted to me I'm confused as to what he thinks, guess I was looking for someone to decipher this message, but thank you for the advice you gave I was trying to reply to the first comment!
morrowrd Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 Rule of thumb, date a man who wants someone, not something. It's not rocket science telling the difference either. If a man wants you, you will feel fantastic after being with him, texting him, communicating with him in any way. If you're second guessing yourself after being with him, you know the rest of the story. 7
Kamille Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 38-28-40 is curvaceous. (I'm jealous of your stats by the way !) It's entirely possible that is what he meant by "big gal". As you say, you know he's attracted to you. You just said you like him. The comment sounds innocuous enough. No matter what he means by "big gal", the fact is he finds you attractive. If you're so inclined, let it go. Your original post is confusing. It reads as though you think he's a jerk through and through. Perhaps that explains why people are responding the way they are. 3
Author ayeshau Posted October 24, 2017 Author Posted October 24, 2017 Yeah I just texting him in a very sassy manner saying "I think my body is flattering from all angles, go find a new girl if you disagree" and he replied saying "Huh? What?" I think you're right and he didnt mean it like that and now he's very confused lol
Zahara Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 People don't go from being jerky to sweet. One extreme to another extreme is fake. The ***hole vibe your were getting before -- that's who he is. The real guy is the one that kept springing your instincts. More than once. Time to pay attention to those gut feelings. 5
CptInsano Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 Yeah I just texting him in a very sassy manner saying "I think my body is flattering from all angles, go find a new girl if you disagree" and he replied saying "Huh? What?" I think you're right and he didnt mean it like that and now he's very confused lol I agree. I think it's more of a communication issue than anything else. Even if he considered you a "big gal" doesn't mean he's not attracted to you. Some guys just haven't learned yet that whatever you say about a woman's body can be used against you, no matter what you said, even if you meant it as a compliment. 2
Dis Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 My stats are very similiar to yours, I'm shorter. I once dated a guy who said similiar things to me I've also dated every other guy who loved my body and made me feel wanted, sexy and like a bombshell This guy is negging you. The, "thats a flattering angle" is a hidious comment and if a guy said that to me... buh bye Pls do yourself a favor and move onto a guy who loves the way you look. A guy who likes you for your body, mind etc etc. A guy who cant stop looking at you and when he looks at you, you know he appreciates everything about you This silly guy must not realize women pay $$$$$ for boobs and butts and thin waists. Sorry (not sorry) for being a real woman Go find yourself a real man 6
RecentChange Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 So.... If he doesn't play games.... Why did you think he was a jerk? Why did he say he was done being a jerk and then flip the script to super nice guy? Why wasn't he nice from the start if that is who he is? "Flattering angle" is what is known as a back handed comment. Back handed comments are meant to leave the recipient confused, and knock down their self esteem. And that is EXACTLY what it did. What do you want us to tell you? "No you aren't fat"? You already KNEW that, but this guy's comments are making you doubt that. Watch this VERY carefully. Take note about how you feel about yourself after you interact with him. Do you feel built up and confident, or does he leave you feeling insecure and confused? 2
RecentChange Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 Yeah I just texting him in a very sassy manner saying "I think my body is flattering from all angles, go find a new girl if you disagree" and he replied saying "Huh? What?" I think you're right and he didnt mean it like that and now he's very confused lol More tactics..... Make you think you are the one mistaken, make you think you are in the wrong, when he is the one clear manipulating you. Man, I guess the PUA crap really does work on some people. 4
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 "Flattering angle" is what is known as a back handed comment. Back handed comments are meant to leave the recipient confused, and knock down their self esteem. And that is EXACTLY what it did. Yes. THIS! The ONLY person I would ever say this to, or who I'd ever accept this from without getting offended is my identical twin sister because she and I know each others flaws and insecurities because we have the exact same ones due to having the same body types! OK, I say I'd "ever" accept this from and that's not really true. I've been in a relationship with a man like this, and I did "accept" it for a time. I never, ever felt good about it though. I was in denial. I am am now 100% sure I will never, ever accept it again. End of lecture . 1
Kamille Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 I feel like "flattering angle" can be interpreted two ways. For instance, it can be positive, as in: "Wow you look great in this picture." Or more likely : "This picture of you allows me to see your cleavage and I like it". It can also be read the way most here seem to be reading it, as a back handed compliment. Would everyone here be offended at the comment: "That's a great picture of you." Yet I hear it often, and usually people receive it as a compliment. Not saying ayeshau should ignore her instincts. I'm just surprised so many here are interpreting the "flattering" comment negatively.
major_merrick Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 "You're a big gal I'm sure you have some chips around" From someone who barely knows you (and three dates is barely knowing someone) that at least says that he has a sense of humor that will get him (and you, later on) in trouble. I can take that kind of stuff from a close friend, but from someone I don't know well, nope. NEXT. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 I feel like "flattering angle" can be interpreted two ways. For instance, it can be positive, as in: "Wow you look great in this picture." Or more likely : "This picture of you allows me to see your cleavage and I like it". Definitely true. I guess we'd have to see the pic to be able to offer a more objective opinion. We're mostly basing this on her previous "jerky" vibes about the man. 1
Imajerk17 Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 (edited) Hey Nice Guys! You reading this thread? 1. For one thing, 5'3" 140 is not at all "fat", nevermind 5'5". That said...making a "neg" at a girl's weight--which is what it sounds that he did--is just a bad newbie PUA move. Very very unsmooth. 2. Anyway to address your question, I'm NOT going to try to analyse everything and try to figure out what he meant. Sorry. I'm actually wondering why you didn't call him out on it/asking him what he meant, then and there, instead of posting a thread on here. Direct communication is your friend. Also, we guys actually like women who don't take our crap. BUT, you want to overlook all this and spend your time wondering about whether or not he called you fat. Oh well it is what it is. Edited October 24, 2017 by Imajerk17 3
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