She broke up with me...AGAIN!!!!

[confused45]

I'm so depressed inside. I don't know how to act about what is going on in my life. Here is the low done. I dated this girl for about 1 year and about 5 months. She broke up with me in the beginging of the summer because she said she needed space. Well it turns out that this "space" was acutally a new guy. Well I tried to get her back into my life...but nothing happend. Untill I met another girl....she was asking me all sorts of questions about her when she found out I was talking to her.

 

Then I just couldn't do it no more I told the girl I was talking to that I was VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH MY EX STILL!!! .

I told all of this to my ex and she said she broke up with her current boyfriend as well because it just wasn't working with him. She always said she missed me as well. Well we started to talk about 2 weeks and then we FINALLY got back together! I WAS THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!!! Winning the lottery would not even be better than to have my baby back!

 

So we have had the best time together since we got back together! However It only lasted another month! Then she broke up with again!!!....AGAIN! WTF! that is twice now... =<

 

In the last month we were back together we told each other than us going our seperate ways for a bit helped us relize that we TRULLY love each other and miss each other. And she said she will never hurt me again! because she loves me soo soo much! ...... She said all sorts of things to me that how much she cares for me and loves me the last time I saw her..then BANG within 24 hours she flips a 180 on me! HOW? She says she is not 100% commited to me and that somthing doesnt' feel comfortable ..she just doesnt' feel right.

 

She keeps telling me that she doesnt' know what is wrong with her. I ask if its somebody else she says, "trust me, there is no one else!" I believe her! but I just dont' know how she can throw me away like that when one minute she is saying " I love you so much! I love being with you'" and the next minute its the opposite thing! .....I am so sad!

 

Yet she wants to be friends and hang out still...I told her I can't do it...its to hard for me. So...now she just texts me to see how I am doing...and always asks if I bump into my ex...she wants me to find another girl. But I know she doesnt mean it. She even told me she would be upset if I found someone else, yet she is the one who let me go AGAIN!!!

 

 

=( ......I just want to know if there is still hope ....

 

 

BTW I only text her in the moring to tell her "good morning, enjoy your day" and I text her at night saying "good night, sleep well!" This is the only time I initiate the text...other times she texts me first.......and I dont' keep telling her I love her and miss her....and I only wnat to be with her...and how much she means to me. She knows it already and she says the same thing to me that I say to her...

 

 

What do I do? Keep what I'm doing....I just KNOW...KNOW..she will relize that I am every thing in a man that she wants...she told me I didn't do nothing wrong....and she said she is NOT seeing anyone.

 

......I just think I should keep hope as long as she has a boyfriend.....

 

=(

[Art_Critic]

NC ... Grow some balls and quit letting her use you for a doormat..

 

Go and find someone that won't leave you for someone else.

 

Do a full dose of NC and NEVER talk to her again.. And stop sending her text messages

[confused45]

I know she can make her own choices and I RESPECT HER FOR THAT . I told her I respect every decison she makes.

 

I even said sorry that I sound like a little cry baby of how much you love me and I don't want to drive you away by telling you that I love you so much and I really want to spend the rest of my life with you.

 

She said "OH dont' worry your not going to drive me away, you don't sould like a baby, I understand how you feel"

 

So can't I just keep texting her so she won't forget about me and at least it will show that I will NEVER..NEVER GIVE UP ON HER? I know deep down in side she likes me saying those things.

 

Plus we BOTH told each other we don't want to be out of each other's life. And she told me once while she was breaking up with me that she wants to be more than friends, she said I am one of her VERY BEST FRIENDS AND SHE DOESN'T WANT TO LOOSE ME ...as well as i don't either.

 

I just so....lost i don't how to react and act.....I just want to text her and tell her I miss playing with her hair.

 

She ABSOLUTY LOVE IT WHEN I PLAY WITH HER HAIR...I just know if I say that ..she won't care if I said that..but a part of me KNOWS that she likes me saying it....and it means something..

 

 

I"m just so FRICKING!!!!!!!!! CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[samski3409]

dude!!! i read your post and could have swarn it was my exact situation! i mean just the same. my and my ex broke up kept in contact a bit,then one day she comes back says she's sorry,cries on my shoulder and wants me to take her back and says she would NEVER hurt me again.only to dump me in the middle of the night and walk out.now for a while after i kept in contact with her, did the stupid text thing(just like you are). but this is bullsh*t!! you know that it hurts to hear from her and keep in contact with her in some "friend" kinda way. i've got to tell you that it will keep hurting and won't get any better. you've got to tell this girl to leave you alone once and for all and get on with your life.it will hurt like hell at first but in the long run it will go away. two months of NC for me and i feel a little better everyday and i know if i was still in contact with her there is NO way i would be feeling as good as i am.

[samski3409]

Originally posted by confused45

 

So can't I just keep texting her so she won't forget about me and at least it will show that I will NEVER..NEVER GIVE UP ON HER? I know deep down in side she likes me saying those things.

 

of course she likes to hear this stuff!! but it does nothing for you,does it? if you need to tell her this stuff so she won't forget you,then it's really not worth it.

[confused45]

But I don't want to give up on her!!!!!!!!! Love is love..I dont' care what anybody says about love..I know what love is TO ME! I have sound clips she sent to my e-mail how much she loves me and misses me...etc...I JUST THINK THAT SHE IS CONFUSED....I WILL GIVE IT TIME... =(

[upsetnhurt]

You need to stop treating her like a queen as she is not doing anything to show you that she respects you. From another See the below excerpt from another poster on another thread......Stop the texts and anything else that you don't do for a normal friend. Unfortunately as much as she likes you she is not willing to commit to you and that means undeniably that she thinks there is better out there for her. Let her find out for yourself while you maintain your dignity!

 

Post: 19 | Quote:

 

You aren't pushing her away. You are preventing her from using you as a doormat. Offer her friendship, and be there for her. Just don't treat her like a girlfriend. She should only get that privilege as your girlfriend, when she agrees to commit to you and no longer has feelings for some other guy.

 

If she accuses you of pushing her away, just explain that you are more than happy to be her boyfriend - when, and only if - she is ready to commit to you and no longer has feelings for this other guy. Otherwise, you are here as her friend, not her f*cktoy that she gets to use while harboring feelings for some other dude.

 

You will be putting the ball FIRMLY in her court, and making the benefits something she has to choose on your terms, not something she gets to take advantage of on her own terms.

 

Make your heart a prize to be won, not some trinket to be used thoughtlessly. If she wants your heart, she is going to have to work for it, and make some REAL progress and choices if she wants it. Its something she needs to know that she has to choose, not something that she can 'expect'.

 

Protect your heart. Keep it available only for someone who truly wants it, not someone who uses it as a placeholder while her heart is with some other guy. When she is ready, she gets it. Until she is, she doesn't.

 

If you don't treat your heart like something of value, how can she be expected to?

[confused45]

w0w!!!!!!!

 

I UNDERSTAND..FULLY...THANK YOU...I AM GOING TO JUST TALK TO HER WHEN EVER SHE TALKS TO ME...THANK YOU!

[cosis]

Did you let her have you back easily the 2nd time?

[samski3409]

Originally posted by confused45

But I don't want to give up on her!!!!!!!!! Love is love..I dont' care what anybody says about love..I know what love is TO ME! I have sound clips she sent to my e-mail how much she loves me and misses me...etc...I JUST THINK THAT SHE IS CONFUSED....I WILL GIVE IT TIME... =(

 

i really hope that it works out for you,i really do!!

when this all went down with me i would get the same advise from this forum that i'm giving you,but i refused to listen and continued along with the same things you are doing. after months of this girl using me for only what she wants when she wants it, i finally decided to do what was good for ME.like i said i hope it works out for you. Just don't let it go on for too long like it is,cuz i can tell you it's just not healthy and it serves no good except to continue hurting you. Good luck man! we'll all be here for you.

[confused45]

Thanks a MILLLION!!!!

 

And Cozi....No I didn't let her take me back the 2nd time hard...well sort of. I went staright into the relationship telling her that it will take some time for me to feel normal. But I didn't everything like we started dating from the first day.

 

Except we DID NOT have sex.

 

 

Also...what in the hell am I supposed to do when she still calls me. WHEN I SPECIFICALLY TOLD HER NOT TO CALL ME BECAUSE ITS TO HARD. She just NOW called! .... i didn't pick up..she left a v-mail..etc.

 

Then she texted me 10 mins later saying " R u avoiding me" .

 

I have not responded yet....

 

What do you think...just leave it along...dont' respond and respond later with an excuse why I didn't respond?

 

=(

[cosis]

Stay busy, don't respond.... your sounding needy when you send those texts. Be a man and don't let her play games.

[confused45]

ITS SO FREAKING HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I just want to text her once a day telling her good night...sleep well!

 

That is it...why can't I do that! huh? Why CAn't I just keep a simple text simple? Why can't I just remind her once a day that no matter if she doesnt' want me back..that I can't keep showing her that I care?

 

IS THAT A CRIME?

 

 

EC....help me out!

[cosis]

Once a day? damn man, if she wants you back she will seek YOU. Quit being such a wuss. Women are not attracted to it.

[upsetnhurt]

confused.....what happened to understanding my last message????????? What if I told you that everytime you touch base with her you are in effect hurting your chances of eever being with her....will that make you stronger to prevent you from texting her?

[J dub]

When you took her back the first time, something tells me you didnt make her WORK for you. You just gave yourself up.

 

First off -- you say love is love. If she loved you so much, why isnt she showing it? Whats the point of being in love if you dont show the person you love the most, how much you love them?

 

Second, WHY would you want to be with someone who is so incredibly wishy-washy about their feelings for you that they can instantly dump you just like *that*? Dont you think you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel GOOD about yourself, who wants to be with you for YOU?

 

Third, ever heard the saying, Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me? Guess whos foolin themselves into thinking this relationship has any hope? Yes, my dear. You are.

 

Cut the crap and dont allow her in your life. If you maintain running dialogue you are NEVER EVER EVER going to get over her despite her being out dating other fellas. Doesnt that hurt to hear? Think about how much its going to suck to SEE?

[confused45]

ok...I'll try my best to not talk to her. But let me ask you this.

 

What happends if she gets pissed by not even saying hi over the phone. Like I can't even be friends with her, that will really show immature on my part..won't it?

[upsetnhurt]

Are you okay Confused with just being friends, no more than that....your posts say otherwise and if I am correct that answer to your question is "NO"...you can't just be friends. It is take it or leave it to her. Read my original post over and over. You are worth more than you are showing to her......which comes across real pathetic.

[confused45]

=(

 

I'll try.....to do what you guys say...

[lovingfeeling]

confused,

 

Listen to the other guys here and myself. From experience, this has also happened to me before. I don't know why some girls do this but you need to really do NC now and stick to it. It is probably the hardest thing you will do in that moment but once time goes by, it does get easier and much much better. You know what you need to do. You need to STOP CONTACT with her right away and get on with your life and loose any hope you might have. The more you beg them, the less interested they are in you. I think it makes you look like someone that needs taking care off and she actually wants to be taken care off. While you stop contact with her, do exercise, go out, don't let her think that she is the one thing in the world, because in all reality, even though you might think she is, she is not.

 

I have been a long time reader of this forum and everybody here have helped me out through my hard times even though I don't post much. I once read in this forum something I really take to heart. I read that if you really want to take revenge (if you want to call it revenge) at your ex, is to do the following.

 

1) Stop contact immediately (nothing, no text, calls, writing, e-mail, NOTHING)

2) Exercise (get in better shape)

3) Go out, don't try to do it in front of your ex, she will find out sooner or later.

4) Better yourself in life, go after that job you always wanted, learn something you always wanted to learn.

5) Just simply live life as if she never existed.

 

Sooner or later, it could take a day, a week, a month or even years but one day when she sees you after so much time without seeing you, she will see what she could of actually had and maybe and hopefully by then you will have forgotten her and gone out with another girl. She will regret her decision about dumping you and that is when you have your revenge, when she actually accepts that she made a mistake. (It is not actually revenge but the feeling you get when you showed them you are not the person they thought you were)

 

For me, it took 2 years after I stop seeing my first ex, I had to leave town actually went to another state because I couldn't handle being close to her and not being with her. It was the hardest thing I have done in my life, but now I look back and see the situation from the outside and I realize it was the best that could of happened to me, because the decision she made, I know she regrets. I am now in a much much better position then the person she actually married. You can actually tell she is not happy. I do wish her the best but life has to go on and the world is not going to stop turning simply because the girl we love breaks up with us.

 

Listen to everybody here, they tell you things because they have lived it before and talk from experience. Don't take it in a bad way if someone tells you not to be a wuss or get some balls, that is simply the way they express themselfs, we are here to support eachother. I hope you take our advice. NC is the way to go. NOT to get them back, but to help you get back in track and to make it easier on you to go on with your life.

[Rocko]

It really does sound like you are an obsessive person.

 

Take a step back, breathe, and listen to the other good folks here.

 

(I mean that in the most constructive way possible)

[cosis]

Your definately thinking way to hard man.........

[Iluvsiamese]

She has been using you as a back-up, as a crutch. She may really be confused, but in the end she wants something or someone else, otherwise, she would be with you. In alot of relationships, it is easier to hang on to what is familiar and easy than to move out into something unknown. So she is using you as a support while she tests the waters and you are making this easy for her to do.

 

The thing is, you can't make someone want you or love you if they don't. If you don't cut the ties and move on (and yes, I know just how hard that is--I've done it more times than I care to think about, lol) it will just drag on and on and the misery will go on and on until you make it stop. By doing this, you are making her miserable as well. She probably doesn't enjoy hurting you like this, but hasn't the willpower to just say no, she doesn't want your relationship anymore. Eventually, it will come down to that, though and you will both feel like sh**.

 

So just say no. You don't need an excuse for avoiding her. If you feel you must, tell her you are really busy and leave it at that. In the meantime, get busy. Take up a new hobby, go somewhere new, meet some new people and get on with your life. It might be hard, (you don't want it to be like this, dang it!) but this will help and in the long run, you will know you did yourself a major favor.

[confused45]

............................................................................................................ I don't know what to say....................................................................you guys are right! =( ................................I am being to attached and while I miss her and love her so much (she knows this) Its not going to work.

 

I now relize that if she wants to be with me....she will come to me....and I WON'T HANG OUT WITH HER FOR BEING JUST FRIENDS...IF WE HANG OUT ..WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT US!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Yesterday she was like "R u avoiding me?" I didn't answer then she said " whatever"...then I gave in =(

 

I promise I won't do this no more! ......I will just tell her that I am busy.

 

 

Even if she gets mad....she will cool off...and if she wants and loves me back..she will relize that and won't care if I'm busy ...right? Then she will tring to keep in contact..

 

Right?

 

[samski3409]

don't worry yourself about whether she's mad or not.that is not your concern at all.you need to worry about yourself and what is good for YOU! She's not there thinking about how you feel.she's only concerned about what you think about her.she'd love for you to comfort her and make her the victim here,but she is no victim in this. you have all the right to be mad at her.if she loved you she would realize that by not contacting her you are doing what YOU have to do to get through this and she should be understanding of that.