bhsunny21 Posted August 17, 2005 Posted August 17, 2005 This may be a bit long...so I apologize and thank everyone in advance for reading and giving some much needed advice. I have posted under breakups ("Another email breakup") if anyone wants some detailed history on the situation. In a nutshell, my boyfriend broke up with me because he was confused about us and what he wanted in his life. We went for about 4 days with NC and each day I was a mess! He ended up calling me on Sunday and we talked for a little while and it went great. Later on, he calls again and said he wanted to see me because he missed me. I missed him and was so happy! He ended up staying over Sunday. The spark was back! We talked and laughed...just like we did when we first met. It was wonderful. We discussed us just taking things slow and just finding ourselves together again with our hearts and mind. So, we decided that we would just date...even other people if we wanted to. He invited me over for dinner on Monday. Of course, I went. I was just so happy that it was him that wanted me back in his life, and not me initiating it! I, like a dumb a$$, stayed the night with him again. The next morning, while in his shower, I see some travel sized shampoo that is not what he uses. He was in the bathroom at the same time and I asked him that if he ever slept with someone else if he would tell me. He said yes. And I asked if he had been with anyone else before contacting me on Sunday. He said no. Well, while talking with him through messenger throughout the day, we brought up dating again. I told him that if he ever was with someone else that I would appreciate knowing. Just for safety reasons. And he agreed. He told me he wanted to see me that night because he wanted to talk with me. Last night he told me that a couple days after our break up, he had sex with another girl. A girl that he has known for years and they had just been friends. I am, of course, crushed. He said he told me because he wanted to be honest with me. But he said that it didn't mean anything. He said he was lonely and didn't think he would ever talk to me again. But I say, how can I know it won't happen again?! He has a lot of friends that are girls and I don't know how I can trust that he won't pull the same crap with me again. He wants a second chance. He said that I am what he wants. He said that he wants me to forgive him and see where we can take our relationship. He said he can see himself with me and that I am the perfect girl for him. But, I don't know if I can get over him having sex with another girl so soon after we broke up. Did he even care?! While he was with this girl, I was at home crushed and crying. I told him I need time to absorb what happened. I know that I can't be too hard on him for being with someone else, because we *were* broken up. But now that I know what happened, every time I close my eyes I see him with some other girl. It is almost too much right now. I care about him so much and I know I can forgive what happened. But I just don't know if I can forget so easily. If anyone has any insights or advice, I am open to it all. Thank you again...
J dub Posted August 17, 2005 Posted August 17, 2005 You really dont have any reasons to be upset with him, when youre broken up youre on your own and can do what you want. He did what he wanted apparently and it didnt turn out the way he hoped. In any case, you need to ask yourself if this is something you can accept or if you are going to harbor feelings of resentment for him for a long time because if thats the case, you'll never get things straight again and its pointless to even waste eachothers time. I think he probably told you not to hurt you but because he didnt want you to find out thru someone else and that would hurt even more. If you can forgive, and let it go, then you'll be fine. But you cant hold what he did against him.
Author bhsunny21 Posted August 17, 2005 Author Posted August 17, 2005 I have been talking with him and it has been better knowing that he does feel bad for doing what he did. I am not upset with him for what he did because we were broken up. I was more upset about him moving on so quickly. He feels it was probably rebound, but whatever the case, I think he is worth working for. I do forgive him. It will be a bit to forget, but I think this made him realize (maybe) what was important to him in us. He has admitted that he did not try as hard as I did in our relationship, and I think this is a huge step. We had moved very quickly before, and now we are prepared to slow it down for the sake of having it work between us. I am actually very excited and happy, and it seems he is too. Thanks for your help
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