splenda Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 ok....so...I will be the first to admit, I really struggle with dating. I am in therapy and working on my issues. I am not actively looking at the current time, however, every so often someone pops up as we all know. This one.....met him a few weeks ago, neither one of us I think were thinking something would come of it, however, we got to talking, and we have SO much in common. It's actually uncanny...same musical tastes...when we eat out we order the exact same things...we speak in a similar manner ( well spoken with a few good curse words thrown in here and there for good measure)...same interests...geez, we went through a coffee drive thru a few days ago and had to laugh when we both asked for some ice in our coffees to cool them down...we even look somewhat similar, in that we are both shorter and not thin....suffice to say, we have some similarities. We can communicate very well with each other. However ( and there always is in my dating life)....the first weekend I spent there, his ex gf showed up. She said to me " just so you know, I was with him yesterday"...my response was " that's cool...I don't know you from a hole in the ground, and I'm just getting to know him, not my concern"....anyhow, she was quite upset and I decided to cut out gracefully at that point....people then told me they were in fact over, and that she has some issues....which I did witness....her behaviours were not of one of sound mind, and he was not engaging with her. But still.... Two weeks later, this past weekend, I spent the weekend at his house again. AND....another woman showed up.....this one pulled in the driveway and asked if he was okay as she had not heard from him, and she seemed embarrassed and then left when she realized I was there. I did not handle this well..he offered to show me his phone, and he was honest that he had been intimate with her until recently...I don't feel as though in the early stages of dating you need to explain these things, but it seems dramatic to me..... While looking through his phone...I did notice that after one of our sleep overs while driving me home I had commented on the moon...after dropping me off not even twenty minutes later he texted a THIRD woman to look at the moon and commented on how it looked that morning. I am not proud that I looked through his phone, even though he was more than aware and offered it up. He insists that with this third woman she is just a friend....but she gets very angry when he doesn't anwer and says things like " DO NOT EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN" when several texts went unsanswered....she has also befriended his ex wife, and I just get the impression she is trying to insert herself into his life ( and he is allowing it) hoping for something to happen...apparently they broke up a few months ago. Who really knows. I guess i'm just confused because I do like this man, and I do not feel as though he owes me anything if we are not exclusive....EXCEPT...I feel as though if these woman get this upset and cross boundaries like that, its likely as though when he was with them, or with them, they likely feel as though they ARE exclusive with him....which is not drama I want to get involved with....correct?
BluesPower Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 You are right to have your eyes open... However, I have had a lot of exes that had a hard time letting go. Some of them forced me to break up with them. Before you laugh, they acted in a way that I guess was a test of some kind, knowing that I don't put up with that crap at this stage of my life. So, I did what had to be done even if it hurt, and then they decide how much they love me and continue to come around. While, some of this is fishy, it really does happen. I am guessing that he is better than average in bed, am I wrong?
act00 Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 This guy is a mess and he has too many women floating around. What does the ex-wife mean that she was "with him" yesterday, and what was the need to tell you that? Then this other woman shows up unannounced. It sounds to me like he has lots of women at his disposal, playing the field, or he meets someone new, doesn't break up, gives the other woman platitudes, possibly goes out/sleeps with them in between, but doesn't necessarily want a relationship with them, and there's some serious juggling going on. I think this guy is bad news. He's charming. He knows what to say and what to do. He gets women attached. He gets bored. He strings them along while he moves on. He won't break it off. He likes having the attention or backup plan or loathes breaking up officially, waiting for them to get fed up and leave...but he's so charming, these women are attached, and he strings them along. I can just imagine this woman stopping by the house after getting blown off, after having experienced what you have experienced, just to see if there's someone there, seeing your car in front of the house, and having an excuse to "check in." It's a desperate act, but what makes them so desperate? You're about head over heels right now with this guy, feeling loving feelings, this is going somewhere...they feel the same. He's just bad news. He needs to figure out what he wants, and he needs to have the balls to sever old relationships before moving on to the next. He's playing games, he has women on the back burner, he's not officially ending things and instead stringing them along (moon, continued contact), and you're going to end up one of these women, doing a drive-by on the house to see if another woman is there.
BaileyB Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 There are way too many women hanging around for me to be comfortable dating this guy. I would be out. 2
PegNosePete Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 This guy seems to make women go crazy. Bow out now, before you turn into crazy ex number 4! 3
JLM19802017 Posted October 27, 2017 Posted October 27, 2017 I am so sorry that you are going through this. May I ask what you feel deep down about the situation? What does YOUR intuition say to you? Also, what do you desire from the relationship? To be loved and valued? Personally, I have been in relationships in my past that seemed perfect for me in the ways that we had a lot in common and maybe "clicked", but deep down I felt that there was something lacking. For me, it was feeling like I gave more than I received and/or loved them when they weren't really available to love me back. I also put myself into situations where I let them push past boundaries into what turned into an unhealthy relationship of me sacrificing my values and how desired to be treated. I truly pray that whatever your intuition tells you, that you take a good inventory of not just how you feel, but what you truly desire and if this guy can really provide that right now.
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