How Do I Get Over My Ex With Whom I Was A Dirty Little Secret?

[Imminence]

While I was with my last ex although she put that we were in a relationship together on her public facebook timeline she hid the relationship post and never posted any of the photos of us together that she had taken - only the photos of the food we had together and places we went together. She told me that she was a little hesitant introducing me to her family and would do so at a later time. She then ended up saying that in her culture (Japanese) you don't introduce your boyfriend or girlfriend until the relationship has existed for quite some time or until marriage is considered. Early on she even said that she wanted to stay with me given how she felt. Whenever I brought up her family she would raise these cultural excuses. She never introduced me to her friends either. Every Friday according to her she would go out with her female friends to go clubbing. The further into our relationship the worse this got and the more time she spent away from me using the excuses "I am busy" or "I am sick". I assumed eventually things would change. I believed her excuses.

 

Before she broke up with me she said that she was going to be honest and told me that at the moment I wasn't the type of guy that she liked and that she was feeling a sense of dissatisfaction and discomfort.

 

Once she got into a new relationship on the same day she got into it she posted a photo of them together and made it public by placing it in her Facebook intro section. A few days later she changed her profile to #Thank you always followed by the date they got into the relationship.

 

She had photos of all her ex's with her (every ex she ever had before me had a photo with her) - I was the only boyfriend she ever had where she did not put a photo of them with her on her Facebook account. She even did this with her current boyfriend but had to lie to me for so long being unable to tell me the truth until she had already decided to break up.

 

How do I deal with this, how do I overcome this feeling of being used, lied to, under-appreciated, potentially haven gone out with a cheater (I could have been her side guy) and feeling like she was ashamed/embarrassed of me? I was the first guy she had ever been in a relationship with where she didn't post photos of her boyfriend.

[A_New_Earth]

This whole situation sucks. No wonder you feel shattered.

 

Moving forward, you deal with this like anyone who is dealing with a breakup does. Block her mobile/cell number. Block her on Facebook. Block her and/or change your email address. Cut off every avenue that she has to you. You do not need this girl in your life. She would be a terrible 'friend' (she's already proved that). Let the dust settle and take your time to mourn the breakup.

 

Once you're feeling stronger (and you'll feel much stronger much more quickly if you remove ALL access to her on Social Media ect)...then you'll start to analyse why the hell you put up with this sh*t. You probably can't see it right now, because you feel used (and you have every right to), but if you follow these suggestions, one day, in the not too distant future, you'll shake your head thinking "What was I thinking, man???"

 

When this happens, you can then use that as a lesson as to what you want in future relationships. The very lowest you can set 'the bar' is that the girl needs to be 'as' into you as you are into her (roughly speaking).

 

You are a prize worth having, dude. I know how much this stings right now but you can't afford to let if affect your self esteem (in the long run). It's her issues as to why she never made it 'public'. But, in time, you'll see that it's your issue that you didn't open your mouth and say "Hey...erm...why are you hiding me/us. If you want out, sweetheart, the door isn't locked...off you go..."

 

Keep on driving forward. We're here for ya...

Edited October 24, 2017 by A_New_Earth

[dumbass2]

Totally feel for you. I had some similar things happen with an ex. You learn from this and address the red flags early on. Someone that isn't excited about having you meet friends and showing you off after dating for a bit, just isn't into you. Yes, they may be hiding it because they may have someone else. Now that you've experienced this you will now know early on if it's someone you should continue on a with. Now you have to block her everywhere and do not contact her or reply to any contact. She treated you horribly and the issues are on her and not you. Sounds like you never really had a shot with a relationship with this one, so you can't even think "what if".

[d0nnivain]

You get over her by getting angry. It's a more productive emotion. Don't wallow. Be annoyed that she hid you. Use that feeling to propel yourself forward

[Trust666]

Get angry, turn it into motivation and pretend she is dead.....grieve. Build your new life and go be happy one day.