MadMax20 Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 I'll be honest, I'm not doing well. I thought I was making progress, but lately I've been feeling like I am going backwards. I can't get past the idea of being dropped like that after a 7 year relationship. That is killing me. I think the only thing that can help me cope, is to say what I have to say in response to her break up text message. This would require me to break my 4 months of NC, reach out to her and try and meet in person. Yes I understand why some of you will say that is stupid. But what other options do I have? Somebody that I loved disappeared on me. That's traumatic, and I feel like I need to speak my mind in order to make this easier. If you guys have any other suggestions I am open to listen. I'm just trying to get into a better mental and emotional space like the rest of you, that's all
PegNosePete Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 You're making a mistake. what other options do I have? You have the option not to embarrass yourself totally, throw what remains of your self esteem into the garbage disposal, and make matters worse. If you do this it will put you back to square 1. I feel like I need to speak my mind in order to make this easier. You are absolutely right. And that is what the "Coping" forum is for. Speaking your mind to your ex, will not make you feel any better, in fact it will make it worse. Most likely she either won't reply, or will reply flippantly, or will throw you some breadcrumbs. Either way, you come off worse. Sometimes there is no good option, and the least bad option is to do nothing. 1
Amas5750 Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 I needed to get it all out there n off my chest before i couldge edge forward.... i say tell her. In writing (txt) all the things you need to say. Are they angry things?
Imminence Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 I'll be honest, I'm not doing well. I thought I was making progress, but lately I've been feeling like I am going backwards. I can't get past the idea of being dropped like that after a 7 year relationship. That is killing me. I think the only thing that can help me cope, is to say what I have to say in response to her break up text message. This would require me to break my 4 months of NC, reach out to her and try and meet in person. Yes I understand why some of you will say that is stupid. But what other options do I have? Somebody that I loved disappeared on me. That's traumatic, and I feel like I need to speak my mind in order to make this easier. If you guys have any other suggestions I am open to listen. I'm just trying to get into a better mental and emotional space like the rest of you, that's all NEVER go NC for a long period of time! All it does is enable your ex to get over your pain and find somebody else. Yes - women can find a new partner during the period of NC (mine did.) Don't do NC unless it is completely necessary - for example when you have come across as incredibly needy, clingy or when they say that they will get back to you when they are ready.
HumanMachine Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 NEVER go NC for a long period of time! All it does is enable your ex to get over your pain and find somebody else. Yes - women can find a new partner during the period of NC (mine did.) Don't do NC unless it is completely necessary - for example when you have come across as incredibly needy, clingy or when they say that they will get back to you when they are ready. Awful advice 5
Trust666 Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 7 years, break up text and ghosting. I would love to have words with my ex just like you BUT she showed no respect and sounds like a coward, forget her ASAP by not contacting her ever again. A person who can disappear on you after 7 years is a coward and most likely has reasons you do not want to know. Do NOT contact her. 1
Author MadMax20 Posted October 24, 2017 Author Posted October 24, 2017 I needed to get it all out there n off my chest before i couldge edge forward.... i say tell her. In writing (txt) all the things you need to say. Are they angry things? Nope it's nothing angry. I just want her to know how that feels. It's not about whether or not she acts cold and mean, it's just about getting it out of me. I'm not expecting anything from her at all
Author MadMax20 Posted October 24, 2017 Author Posted October 24, 2017 7 years, break up text and ghosting. I would love to have words with my ex just like you BUT she showed no respect and sounds like a coward, forget her ASAP by not contacting her ever again. A person who can disappear on you after 7 years is a coward and most likely has reasons you do not want to know. Do NOT contact her. I hear you man. But I feel like not saying anything is holding me back. Even if she acted like she didn't care to hear me, it's more about just getting it out of ME. I do understand what you're saying though. She's definitely a coward. That's just really traumatic for me, you know?
Author MadMax20 Posted October 24, 2017 Author Posted October 24, 2017 You're making a mistake. You have the option not to embarrass yourself totally, throw what remains of your self esteem into the garbage disposal, and make matters worse. If you do this it will put you back to square 1. You are absolutely right. And that is what the "Coping" forum is for. Speaking your mind to your ex, will not make you feel any better, in fact it will make it worse. Most likely she either won't reply, or will reply flippantly, or will throw you some breadcrumbs. Either way, you come off worse. Sometimes there is no good option, and the least bad option is to do nothing. Why do you think it'll put me back at square one to say how I'm feeling? I'm not so much disagreeing with you I'm just curious to know why you feel that way. It just seemed like getting things off your chest makes things better
Zahara Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 (edited) Nope it's nothing angry. I just want her to know how that feels. It's not about whether or not she acts cold and mean, it's just about getting it out of me. I'm not expecting anything from her at all Write it all down, purge all your feelings and throw it away. Dumpees often project their feelings that a letter like this will have some effect on the dumper. It's been 4 months and she's completely indifferent and moved on. A letter like this will mean nothing to her except to feel sorry for you that you are still stuck. It could even be an ego boost for her. And when you send something like this, the normal reaction is to wait for validation. If she ignores you, it's going to further dig into your wound. If she responds, it's going to send you into a tailspin because now you're going to be analyzing every single word she sent to you. Do not open the door. Do not throw 4 months of NC away. Keep pushing forward. The relationship was over 4 months ago -- a letter now isn't going to change anything. Most times dumpees resort to this tactic as they're wanting to throw bait to get a reaction because the silence is painful to bear. Manage your thoughts and feelings on your own. Find healthier coping skills rather than revisiting what has pained you. Edited October 24, 2017 by Zahara 1
1966Seahorse Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 I'll be honest, I'm not doing well. I thought I was making progress, but lately I've been feeling like I am going backwards. I can't get past the idea of being dropped like that after a 7 year relationship. That is killing me. I think the only thing that can help me cope, is to say what I have to say in response to her break up text message. This would require me to break my 4 months of NC, reach out to her and try and meet in person. Yes I understand why some of you will say that is stupid. But what other options do I have? Somebody that I loved disappeared on me. That's traumatic, and I feel like I need to speak my mind in order to make this easier. If you guys have any other suggestions I am open to listen. I'm just trying to get into a better mental and emotional space like the rest of you, that's all Hi MadMax20, I replied to a previous thread of yours in which I told you that my husband of 6/7 years (we had been together 17 odd years) just disappeared on me one day and I never saw him again ... this was 24 odd years ago and I have never received closure as why he did this ... I was in massive shock - just as you have been ... however, much as I wanted to resolve things with him, I did not go pursuing him ... and I believe this helped me heal quicker, although it took quite a few years to get over. You are so stressing yourself out over someone who obviously does not appear to want to be with you anymore. As another poster said, don't embarrass yourself by trying to contact her ... move on ... although you wont see it now - things will get easier - I am proof along with a whole host of others that have been in this situation. The more you let this carry on eating you up the longer you are going to be a very unhappy person - and no-one wants this for you. Good luck.
Author MadMax20 Posted October 24, 2017 Author Posted October 24, 2017 Write it all down, purge all your feelings and throw it away. Dumpees often project their feelings that a letter like this will have some effect on the dumper. It's been 4 months and she's completely indifferent and moved on. A letter like this will mean nothing to her except to feel sorry for you that you are still stuck. It could even be an ego boost for her. And when you send something like this, the normal reaction is to wait for validation. If she ignores you, it's going to further dig into your wound. If she responds, it's going to send you into a tailspin because now you're going to be analyzing every single word she sent to you. Do not open the door. Do not throw 4 months of NC away. Keep pushing forward. The relationship was over 4 months ago -- a letter now isn't going to change anything. Most times dumpees resort to this tactic as they're wanting to throw bait to get a reaction because the silence is painful to bear. Manage your thoughts and feelings on your own. Find healthier coping skills rather than revisiting what has pained you. See that's the thing, I'm not really trying to change anything. I'm well aware of the fact that it's over. It's still a hard truth for me to face, but I am trying. After a 7 year relationship, do you really believe that after 4 months she's completely indifferent and moved on? She said she missed me 2 months ago. I cannot believe I have made it this far, (4 months of NC). I hate seeing pictures of her out there enjoying life and seeming happy. How do you disappear from a 7 year relationship (via text) and then just go out and enjoy life? I take that so personal dude. And then I'm left to pick up all the pieces...Alone? I just cannot accept that. There is ZERO accountability being held on her end and I feel ridiculous letting her get away with that.
Author MadMax20 Posted October 24, 2017 Author Posted October 24, 2017 Hi MadMax20, I replied to a previous thread of yours in which I told you that my husband of 6/7 years (we had been together 17 odd years) just disappeared on me one day and I never saw him again ... this was 24 odd years ago and I have never received closure as why he did this ... I was in massive shock - just as you have been ... however, much as I wanted to resolve things with him, I did not go pursuing him ... and I believe this helped me heal quicker, although it took quite a few years to get over. You are so stressing yourself out over someone who obviously does not appear to want to be with you anymore. As another poster said, don't embarrass yourself by trying to contact her ... move on ... although you wont see it now - things will get easier - I am proof along with a whole host of others that have been in this situation. The more you let this carry on eating you up the longer you are going to be a very unhappy person - and no-one wants this for you. Good luck. Hey! I do remember you from my other thread. So you can relate too. With people just disappearing. That level of abandonment and rejection is UNMATCHED. I've been holding onto my self respect for 4 very long months. But I feel like I'm disrespecting myself by NOT saying anything. She's out there enjoying life and I don't understand how. I was not a bad person to her. And then you just up and leave? And then did it the cowards way out of all possible methods. And I'm supposed to be okay with that? Sorry, I'm just angry. Not at you or anybody else on this forum. You guys are a HUGE help. I'm just having a huge internal conflict within myself right now
Zahara Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 I'm at 28 year old guy and I've been with this girl for 7 years. And a few years ago I found out she was "stepping out". Ever since then it's been super hard to trust her again, and even when we discussed the problem, she'd avoid telling me everything that happen. Only telling part of the story, things like that. Well, once our lease was up on our apartment, We moved to different cities which are like 20-25 mins apart. After 2 weeks of not seeing her (which I wasn't used to because we lived together for a few years) I decided to meet up with her. That was the best day I've had with her in awhile and we had both agreed that space was the key to figuring things out. Fast forward about 2 weeks later, We meet up again, only this time we went to a party at the suites close by, and we ran into one of the guys that she had been fooling around with. So obviously we argued. Then that following week, she breaks things off with me via Text Message. She sent me a super long, 3-4 page text message saying we should try dating other people, and told me she wishes me the best in the future. WTF. I'm all pissed off by the fact that I never got to say what I wanted. I haven't responded to her text message either, by the way. Also to just throw it in there, I was her first boyfriend. But yeah, It's been a long, long couple of weeks. I've literally experienced every emotion I possibly could. Why do you think she did what she did? You'd think after 7 years of being together (not including the 1.5 years of me knowing her prior to a relationship) that if she wanted to drop something that heavy on me, she'd at least meet with me in person. Hell, at the very least even a phone call. I think a text message was the easy way out. what do you guys think? This was your initial thread. Read what you posted and now ask yourself if sending the letter would mean anything to someone that was already checking out way before your relationship ended. She said she missed you 2 months ago. Dumpers do that but it's fleeting. Most times it's because they're bored, have no options, melancholy, etc. It doesn't mean anything when the bigger picture dictates that she wanted to end it with you and even suggested you date others. If you want to heal, stop looking at her pictures. Stop following her life. It was wrong for her to text you but that in itself is indicative of how much she would actually care about your letter. And then I'm left to pick up all the pieces...Alone? I just cannot accept that. There is ZERO accountability being held on her end and I feel ridiculous letting her get away with that. You can't make someone accept accountability. What's ridicilous is chasing someone to take responsibility for their actions. It should happen on their own accord. You're angry and you're hurt. Your attempt to get her to be responsible for your pain is futile. She's shown you more than once that it's not her priority.
1966Seahorse Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 Hey! I do remember you from my other thread. So you can relate too. With people just disappearing. That level of abandonment and rejection is UNMATCHED. I've been holding onto my self respect for 4 very long months. But I feel like I'm disrespecting myself by NOT saying anything. She's out there enjoying life and I don't understand how. I was not a bad person to her. And then you just up and leave? And then did it the cowards way out of all possible methods. And I'm supposed to be okay with that? Sorry, I'm just angry. Not at you or anybody else on this forum. You guys are a HUGE help. I'm just having a huge internal conflict within myself right now I TOTALLY get it .... if anyone does, I do!!! You are not disrespecting yourself by not saying anything ... seriously, she isn't worth your time and effort to keep this going ... she most likely is not giving you a second thought, so don't waste your time on her. I also went through the "but he is out there enjoying his life" etc. etc. .... I too didn't do ANYTHING wrong - the only crime I committed was loving him, being faithful to him, always being there for him blah blah blah. I was not okay with the sudden disappearance/no contact either ... BUT ... at the end of the day you have to let this go and move on ... the sooner I realised this and moved forward myself the better things slowly got ... AND THEY DO - trust me!! Start to take time on healing YOU ... let this go ... the sooner you do, the sooner you will start to get over this relationship and move forward. It is hard - I am not denying it!
Highndry Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 The LAST person you need to say this to is her. Go to a counselor if need be, but there is absolutely nothing good that would come from contacting her, especially after 4 months have passed. All you would accomplish, if anything, is to feed her ego and show incredible weakness on your part, appearing pathetically needy and solidifying her belief that she made the right decision.
Author MadMax20 Posted October 24, 2017 Author Posted October 24, 2017 The LAST person you need to say this to is her. Go to a counselor if need be, but there is absolutely nothing good that would come from contacting her, especially after 4 months have passed. All you would accomplish, if anything, is to feed her ego and show incredible weakness on your part, appearing pathetically needy and solidifying her belief that she made the right decision. You're right. I feel like she showed weakness by sending me a text message. I guess it's no point in being weak in return huh?
Highndry Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 You're right. I feel like she showed weakness by sending me a text message. I guess it's no point in being weak in return huh? No, that wasn't weakness on her part, it was her trying to assuage her guilt. It was yet another in a long list of selfish moves on her part.
usa1ah Posted October 24, 2017 Posted October 24, 2017 I'll be honest, I'm not doing well. I thought I was making progress, but lately I've been feeling like I am going backwards. I can't get past the idea of being dropped like that after a 7 year relationship. That is killing me. I think the only thing that can help me cope, is to say what I have to say in response to her break up text message. This would require me to break my 4 months of NC, reach out to her and try and meet in person. Yes I understand why some of you will say that is stupid. But what other options do I have? Somebody that I loved disappeared on me. That's traumatic, and I feel like I need to speak my mind in order to make this easier. If you guys have any other suggestions I am open to listen. I'm just trying to get into a better mental and emotional space like the rest of you, that's all Do what ever you need to do to move forward.
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