My boyfriend/fiance proposed a threesome, but I’m not sure I should go there

[KBob]

Again, I can appreciate everyone’s responses, but like I said, I already know I’m in the wrong. I just came here for advice on what I should do about it. I’m not going to dump my bf because I love him and we have a child together. And I don’t want to be with his friend either. He’s not my type. Like I said, it’s purely physical. We don’t connect emotionally and we don’t even have many common interests. Of course, I wouldn’t mind having sex with him, but obviously not at the expense of my relationship with my bf.

 

I finally realized I needed advice when my bf proposed a threesome as a way of resolving this. And I think I’ve gotten some good advice here. Most of the responses seem to agree with my initial gut instincts. It probably would be a bad idea because my bf doesn’t want to do it for the right reasons. If he was really into experimenting in this area, and I was too, then perhaps it might make sense to try it. But that isn’t the case. He is saying he only wants to do it because he’s "sure" I’m going to end up doing it behind his back anyways, and I need to just "get it out of my system" as he puts it, that it’s the only way to "save" our relationship. So it probably wouldn’t be wise to go there. He’s not going to really be into it and imo I agree with those of you who said it could backfire on us. I mean, he’s already super jealous, and I’m not sure he will still want to be with me after watching me actually have sex with another guy. Some here suggested a foursome instead, and I at least agree that that would be preferable. It seems like it would be better if my bf was also with someone else too. It just seems like the experience would be more fair and equal, rather than two people trying to share the same person.

 

What do you all think? I mean, I agree with everyone that it’s probably a bad idea, but at this point I’m not sure I have any other options. I think the ideal scenario would be for my bf to just trust me and understand that it’s only flirting, after all, I already proved myself the other night. I could have easily just had sex with his friend and not told him anything about it, but I didn’t. But my bf has made it clear that he doesn’t trust me and he’s said he’s "positive" something will happen anyways, so we might as well make plans to separate if I don’t agree to just get it "out in the open". He says it’s the only way to "work through this" as he put it, because when something happens behind his back, he will be gone that very day. And I can tell he’s serious from the way he says it. I still think he’s just letting his jealously get the best of him and definitely overreacting, but at this point apparently it doesn’t really matter what I think.

 

Btw, his friend’s “gf” apparently is a fwb who is open to an open relationship, and from talking with her I’m sure she would be into it, so I'm thinking this might be the way to go. What do you all think? And please, I do want honest opinions, but there’s no point in ‘judging’.

 

If this is an honest post, then the level of obliviousness and selfishness you present in a relationship warrant a level of help that is beyond anything anyone on this site can offer you.

[Miss Spider]

If this is an honest post, then the level of obliviousness and selfishness you present in a relationship warrant a level of help that is beyond anything anyone on this site can offer you.

 

 

yea she doesn't already realize she cheated /has cucked him. This is sooooo above our pay grade

[coolheadal]

Thanks for the honest advice. I was thinking the same thing, but wasn't sure. I'm going to tell him there's no way I'm doing anything like that so he might as well just forget about it.

 

I don't think I could go NC with his friend tho. They're best friends so I'm bound to see him on a regular basis. But I am definitely going to try and tone down on the flirting. Hopefully when my bf sees I'm making efforts he'll learn to trust me and understand that I have no intention whatever of cheating on him.

 

And yes, I understand that all of this is absolutely my fault. This is my problem, not my bf's. Any guy would probably be jealous in this type of situation.

 

However, I'm not sure that any guy would propose a threesome. I do think my bf is the one out of line on that one. That is not an appropriate way to solve a relationship issue, imho.

 

Your not going to try and you know it my dear. Flirting is your passion in life you love it can't be without it. You got real guy you loves you, but that's doesn't mean squat to you. So you go after his best friend what mess you got yourself into and sure your to blame Ms Flirtatious

[coolheadal]

yea she doesn't already realize she cheated /has cucked him. This is sooooo above our pay grade

 

I agree with Cookie on this!

[act00]

This is the reason there are labels for stupid people...don't eat that weird packet that comes in the shoes. Don't drink bleach. Blades are sharp...don't stick your hands in a moving garbage disposal or blender. Peanuts contain a peanut allergen.

 

I accidentally fell on his penis after disrobing, doing a lap dance, and allowing sex play...but it was just something that was so spontaneous and natural, we didn't notice. I totally sat on his lap, kissed, snuggled, massaged, played with his hair, and wrote finger messages on his thigh, and I noticed my boyfriend and his girlfriend watching, and they were upset, but gosh-golly, it's just not something I noticed, and it's totally not a thing, and now I'm going to sue the store because that alcohol I bought is isopropyl alcohol I bought in the pharmacy, and you're not supposed to drink it, but I just didn't notice and it was so natural.

 

I have a bridge in Arizona to sell you...and ocean front property!

[LovelyRose]

I don't really have much advice because I'm still having a hard time grasping this. Plus I don't really have nice things to say so I will keep it to myself. However.....

 

I didn't really see the answer to this so I am curious , whose sex toys were those that he used on you? You guys supposedly were on someone's house right? Did you use the home owner's sex toys? Gross!

[hunk]

We truly are living in the end of days. Get right with God, everyone.

[minou23]

I don't really have much advice because I'm still having a hard time grasping this. Plus I don't really have nice things to say so I will keep it to myself. However.....

 

I didn't really see the answer to this so I am curious , whose sex toys were those that he used on you? You guys supposedly were on someone's house right? Did you use the home owner's sex toys? Gross!

 

Exactly! There are gaps and left out information in the story which is a very clear indicator of a lie. This type of stuff doesn’t happen in real life. Or maybe it does but those people usually end up on Maury or Jerry Springer.

[darkmoon]

the two guys have already talked this thru, and being two friends, agreed to share rather than argue

 

you have two boyfriends now

 

no? ok, so ask him if he has already invited his friend along

[snowbird7]

I didn't really see the answer to this so I am curious , whose sex toys were those that he used on you? You guys supposedly were on someone's house right? Did you use the home owner's sex toys? Gross!

 

Ha! I keep a jack rabbit in my purse and I have a vesper crave hanging on my neck!

 

[snowbird7]

the two guys have already talked this thru, and being two friends, agreed to share rather than argue

 

you have two boyfriends now

 

no? ok, so ask him if he has already invited his friend along

 

I have one boyfriend. Like I said, I have no romantic feelings for this guy. It's purely physical, nothing more.

 

And yes, he's already talked to his friend about it. But I guess she's not as up to it as we thought. She's still thinking about it. I was going to post an update saying it was on, but it looks like it's not for sure yet. I'm not sure why she's hesitating, but I think it's because she really wants to be more than fwb with him. My bf's friend told us that it was his idea to keep their relationship open, not hers, and after talking with her about it last night I'm starting to get the impression that she's really not that interested in sharing him with anybody.

[rightondude]

totally should go for it. Also, why stop at 4? If your cuckold boyfriend is concerned and thinks you need to "get it out of your system" and this is the only way, why not just line up the whole town for a train? You guys don't want to take any chances this could happen again do you??? Try and film it too for posterity's sake in case those urges come up again.

[Sammichmaker]

Yes, but I'm not sure what else to do about it. My bf is threatening to leave me, and we have a son. So I feel I have no real options here, other than to give in and try what he's suggested.

 

After all, who knows? Maybe he's right. After all, I am young, and my bf is the only guy I've ever been with. So maybe I do just need to get this out of my system, like he's always saying, and then we can move on without any baggage? I mean, my bf's position does make a little bit of sense to me, but like people here suggested, I think it also has the potential to make things even worse. Because there's no way of knowing exactly how my bf is going to respond when the sh** actually goes down.

 

But with him telling me we're done if I don't do it, I guess I really don't have anything to lose now do I? It's the only option my bf will accept, even tho I think we all agree here that it's probably a dumb idea.

 

I'm going to be talking with him about this tonite and will let you all know what we come up with.

[]

Just because He's your boyfriends best friend doesn't mean you have to be, you don't have to hang around him, you don't have to talk to him. What you need to do is is distance yourself as much as possible from this situation if you truly feel that you are in the wrong, you don't fix things by doing nothing.

Edited October 25, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[snowbird7]

It’s on! The plan is for friday nite!

 

I’m feeling really weird about it. I’m excited but also scared. It’s like I’m really looking forward to it, but really dreading it at the same time!

 

My bf has told me we should both just relax and “let go”, but I’ve never done anything like this before, and I’m not sure I can perform in a group setting. I asked my bf if he and his friend’s girl were really going to get into this too, because I don’t think I could do it if becomes something like we’re just having sex while they watch. He told me they were going to do their best to fully participate, but the problem on their end is that they’re not really that into each other like me and his friend are. But he told me they’re both committed to giving it a try.

 

I wasn’t really satisfied with that response, although I can understand where my bf is coming from. This girl is not that attractive imho, she’s fairly overweight and she even still has lots of acne. I’m even surprised his friend is with her, considering how good looking he is. I told my bf I can understand why he wouldn’t be that into her and suggested maybe we try to find him someone else. But he told me it was fine. He said she wasn’t particularly attractive, but that he wasn’t particularly repulsed by her either, and that was good enough for him. I asked him if he was sure, and he said yes. So I told him if he was sure then let’s do it, although I really wish we could have just found someone more appealing for him. But I guess we have to work with what we have.

 

Now I am soooo nervous! I can’t stop thinking about it and worrying about it. I actually have butterflies in my stomach and I feel sick! I have no idea how this is supposed to work, and I’m scared of how it might turn out. My bf told me to just relax, that we’ll take it slow and there’s no pressure, but the butterflies won’t stop! It’s kind of like the feeling I had when I was a kid getting ready to go on my first roller coaster. I’m really excited but also very worried and jittery at the same time.

 

Does anyone here have any experience with this sort of thing? I mean, how do you “get ready” for something like this?

[RecentChange]

So... Do I have this straight?

 

You lost your virginity to your BF.... and now are going to participate in group sex?

 

You sure do fast track everything don't you? Kid before marriage, from virginity to group sex in a few years....

 

This is why you keep making bad choices, you aren't taking your time to get experience at a reasonable speed, but rather jumping way ahead of what you are prepared for.

 

Sooo everyone has done an STD screening? Condoms are going to be used and great lengths to prevent cross contamination?

 

What do you know about this girl? Her whole sexual history is about to become yours after your BF sticks his dick in her.

 

What birth control are you on? Where is your child during this?

 

Hell, where are your parents? You and your bf seem to have very poor decision making skills.

Edited October 25, 2017 by RecentChange

[snowbird7]

Well, of course we are going to try and to do this responsibly! Obviously condoms are mandatory, and my sister will be watching our son. And the girl is not a slut. She's only had two partners. If she was promiscuous, there is no way I'd let my bf near her.

 

At any rate, the decision has already been made, so there's really no point continuing the thread around that topic. What I need to know now is how these things typically work. What I'm mostly confused about is how it begins. I mean, are you supposed to just do what feels comfortable, or do you normally wait for a cue from your partner that it's ok? And what do you do if one of the couples decide to stop? Should the other couple just keep going, or do they wait for a cue from the other two that it's ok?

 

I have lots of questions about it, but none of my friends have any experience with this kind of thing at all.

[RecentChange]

Discuss all of this with your boyfriend.

 

You are mature adults who can handle bringing an extremely complex dynamic into your relationship right?

 

We can't tell you how it will work - you and your bf should be mature and experiences enough to know what you want and come to mutual agreements as to how this experience will play out....

 

I still can't believe two inexperienced girls have been talked into this.

 

It's stuff like this that makes future husband's lose their minds...

 

"What do you mean you only slept with 4 people - but yet had group sex?!?"

 

Says a lot about a lack of boundaries. Once that genie is out, there is no putting it back in the bottle.

[darkmoon]

music, drinks, get up and dance a bit...

 

stop when tired

[rightondude]

Oh yeah, I've done this lots and lots of times. What all questions do you have? Have you decided who the "pivot man" is gonna be?

[Cobra_X]

What I need to know now is how these things typically work. What I'm mostly confused about is how it begins.

 

Ok... I have lots of experience with this, so pay close attention.

 

First everyone gets into a comfortable position.

Then you stand and take off any hats, place your right hand over your heart.

Someone should then sing the national anthem.

Then the names of the people involved should be read aloud along with what positions they plan to play and with some excitement. I suggest you BF does this part.

You should then flip a coin to see who goes first.

 

If you follow that template this should start smoothly.

 

Now... this stuff usually ends in a fiery ball of jealousy and gunpowder. Enjoy your trolling.

[Highndry]

Now... this stuff usually ends in a fiery ball of jealousy and gunpowder.

 

Don't forget hard drugs and homelessness...or the Grim Reaper...

[Woon]

And so a relationship comes to an end...

 

Im sorry, but you seem all to keen for this.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I am guessing the next post will be budding erotic fiction of group sex..

[heavenonearth]

I am convinced OP is a troll. No one can be this dumb.

[ARAMCOMAN]

"I took off my clothes and began giving him a lap dance in my bra and panties. At one point he grabbed my hand and put it on his crouch. He said he was really really horny and so he thought we should have sex. He told me he talked to my bf about it and he said it was ok. Then he started kissing me and feeling me out. I was caught off guard so at first I let him. We kissed and cuddled and then he started using some sex toys on me. Then I realized what was happening and I made him stop. I told him I wasn’t drunk enough to do this. He tried to keep going but I made him stop."

 

What part of anything you did above do you not count as cheating? You are self entitled, self absorbed and not marriage material.