My boyfriend/fiance proposed a threesome, but I’m not sure I should go there

[kassy]

Agree must be a troll thread.

 

If it's not, wow, but for goodness sake control yourself. Don't sit/stand/walk in any way near to the friend so you cannot touch each other.do not be alone with him. You know act like a grown up and manage the situation so that you cannot flirt with him because you love and respect your boyfriend.

 

The problem is you don't love and respect him

 

So I say do the 3 some and get to have sex with him because your relationship is over

[Cobra_X]

Thanks to everyone for your honest input. However, I would like to clear up a few things, for the record.

I really do love my bf and would never intentionally do anything to hurt him. We have an amazing connection and I love him with all my heart.

My flirting with his friend is honestly not something I do on purpose. I just find myself doing it whenever he's around, without even thinking about it. I've talked to his friend about it and he tells me it's the same way for him. It's like we have this sort of natural physical connection with each other, and the flirting seems almost like a natural spontaneous reaction that neither of us can control. Whenever we see each other we seem to just start naturally flirting, just like when two people meet and they naturally just start having a conversation. It just sort of happens without you having to even think about it.

But, like I said, I'm going to work on it. I know it's wrong and so I'm going to try and change my behavior, but it's not as simple as some people here seem to be suggesting. It's become like a bad habit and I think we can all agree that it takes time to break a bad habit.

 

Huh? You can't control it, but yet you refuse to go No Contact? You have to be joking.... or trolling. Nobody can be this silly.

[act00]

You say your flirting is not something you do on purpose. I call bullsh*t. You are very aware that touching, fondling, cuddling, tickling, and playing with his hair is wrong and it's flirting. You were very aware that your boyfriend and this this GF were eyeballing the interaction. You have had people SAY to you that they think this other guy is your boyfriend. You KNOW EXACTLY what you're doing. Even if you were unaware of the flirty behavior before, because lord knows your BF never said anything, other people's commentary was a pretty big clue...time to stop behaving like that...boundaries.

 

I don't buy this "unintentional," "accidental" garbage, and having this pointed out to you by other people...they think this guy is your boyfriend...I think you are in serious denial or dumber than a rock or just plain cruel to a guy that seems to have no ability to walk away, probably because of his child. I don't even know what to say.

 

Then there's the lap dance and the toys and you're "not drunk enough" to go further...you know very well you crossed a serious boundary. You are cheating...openly...and your BF...I don't know why he didn't walk out the door a long time ago, and dump this so-called friend as well.

 

Unless you and your BF have an agreement to have an open and polyamorous relationship, I see you completely and totally in the wrong, and I don't buy this "unintentional" garbage. When is fondling man with your boyfriend 3 feet away okay...ever...let alone sex acts when he's away? WHEN??

[Tribble]

***

My favorite parts were all the talk about kissing, cuddling, lap dancing, using sex toys while cheating on her boyfriend....

 

and then being mad at the boyfriend "because it's not like she can't control herself."

 

My favourite part was when she was incredulous that he wasn't happy she didn't sleep with him and was upset and crying.

[Els]

I feel really, really sorry for your poor "boyfriend".

[heavenonearth]

 

I was mad. I know that I’m not going to have sex with his friend, it’s not like I can’t control myself or something, and I even just proved it by turning his friend down. But apparently he doesn’t believe me and he’s convinced that the only “solution” is to do a threesome.

 

 

Ehm... Did you really just say you think you can control yourself? Having a guy other than your BF use sex toys on you, kissing you, feeling you out ... you call that 'being in control'? You proved nothing. The only thing you have shown your boyfriend is that you are unfaithful and unworthy of his love.

 

 

Now I’m not sure what to do. On the one hand, I wouldn’t mind doing it. I mean, I am attracted to his friend and so why not live out a fantasy if that will make my bf happy? But on the other hand, I don’t want to go there because it would be for the wrong reasons. I mean, it’s obvious that my bf doesn’t really want to do it, and he’s only saying he wants to because he thinks I’m gonna cheat on him, which I never would. So I feel that if I do it I’m basically going to be validating his pov, almost like I’d be admitting that I can’t help myself so I might as well go through with it, which is total bs. I love my bf and I know I’m capable of not cheating on him over a little physical attraction with a guy I don’t really even like that much.

 

This is not to make your boyfriend happy. The only reason he suggested this is to make you happy. It's all about you. You you you. Isn't it?

And what sort of admittance do you need? You already shown him that he can't trust you.

And no, I don't believe for a second that you don't like the guy. Everything you described shows how little respect you have for your partner and how selfish you are. I am sad for the child that is involved.

 

So what do you think I should do? My bf and I just got done arguing about this, and I feel like I’m being pressured into doing something I’m not sure I really want to do.

 

Of course you want to do it. You seem to see how far you can push it with your boyfriend. You are scared he will break up with you after the three of you have a threesome. Because likely, it will not be the way your boyfriend imagined it.

[smackie9]

Your BF didn't mean what he said, he is just pushed over the edge and said it out of anger/frustration because of your poor behavior. If you want marriage and raise a family....grow up for f sakes. You can't be acting like some floozy for your own enjoyment. It is so disrespectful.

 

You need to figure out why you have such low self worth that you NEED to receive sexual attention like that. If you don't see your behavior as an issues, then you need to figure out why that is so. I suggest you both have some per-marital counseling before tying the knot. You owe it to your fiance and your child.

[normal person]

I really do love my bf and would never intentionally do anything to hurt him.

 

You literally gave his best friend a lap dance in your underwear.

 

We have an amazing connection and I love him with all my heart.

 

Define "amazing."

[Notsure1]

Hi, I’m new here and seeking advice. The background is that I’ve been with my bf for 3 years now. He’s 24, I’m 21. We are engaged and have a one yr old son. We’ve had our ups and downs, but all in all it has been a loving relationship. He treats me better than any guy ever has and I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.

 

The problem is my bf’s best friend. I met him about 6 months ago, and while he isn’t my type at all when it comes to a relationship, I have to admit I find him really physically attractive. Physically the two of us seem to really click. and we will flirt like there’s nothing to it. I don’t think either of us means to, it just comes so naturally that we do it without even being aware of it. Whenever we’re together, it’s like we can’t keep our hands off each other, we will play fight and tickle fight and wrestle around and stuff, and it’s gotten to the point where people are starting to ask me what our relationship really is and am I sure it’s only flirting. Sometimes, when the three of us are out together, we’ve even had people surprised when they find out I’m with my bf. They thought my friend was my bf and that my bf was just my friend!

 

But in spite of all this, his friend and I have talked about it, and we both agree that we’re not interested in each other. We know it’s just physical and doesn’t mean anything. We just enjoy the flirting and do it for fun. But of course my bf is getting sick of it and from his comments I can tell that it’s really starting to bother him. It’s even causing friction between him and his friend.

 

Well, last night seemed to be the final straw for my bf. And it finally made me realize the extent of the problem. The three of us were at a friend’s house and me and his friend were really flirting with each other. This was the first time it seemed like we were really out of control. We were constantly tickling each other and I was jumping on him and even sitting in his lap. I even gave him a back rub and was playing with his hair, and at one point I kept writing things on his thighs with my fingers. And yes, all of this right in front of my bf and his gf! A couple times I noticed his gf or my bf watching us, but I was so into it that it didn’t seem to faze me.

 

At one point the two of us were alone in a guest bedroom. His gf had went home and my bf had left to go pick up our son. I felt like teasing him so I asked him if I he wanted a lap dance, just for fun. He said yes so I took off my clothes and began giving him a lap dance in my bra and panties. At one point he grabbed my hand and put it on his crouch. He said he was really really horny and so he thought we should have sex. He told me he talked to my bf about it and he said it was ok. Then he started kissing me and feeling me out. I was caught off guard so at first I let him. We kissed and cuddled and then he started using some sex toys on me. Then I realized what was happening and I made him stop. I told him I wasn’t drunk enough to do this. He tried to keep going but I made him stop.

 

After awhile he left and my bf came back. I told my bf what happened but instead of being happy that I didn’t have sex with his friend, he got really sad. He was actually crying. He told me that he “knew”, for “100 % sure”, that I was going to have sex with his friend, that it was just a matter of time, and so we should just get it over with and do a threesome. He told me that was the only way he could stay with me, and that if I did something behind his back he would have to leave me. He said for the sake of our son and our relationship we should just go ahead and get it over with.

 

I was mad. I know that I’m not going to have sex with his friend, it’s not like I can’t control myself or something, and I even just proved it by turning his friend down. But apparently he doesn’t believe me and he’s convinced that the only “solution” is to do a threesome.

 

Now I’m not sure what to do. On the one hand, I wouldn’t mind doing it. I mean, I am attracted to his friend and so why not live out a fantasy if that will make my bf happy? But on the other hand, I don’t want to go there because it would be for the wrong reasons. I mean, it’s obvious that my bf doesn’t really want to do it, and he’s only saying he wants to because he thinks I’m gonna cheat on him, which I never would. So I feel that if I do it I’m basically going to be validating his pov, almost like I’d be admitting that I can’t help myself so I might as well go through with it, which is total bs. I love my bf and I know I’m capable of not cheating on him over a little physical attraction with a guy I don’t really even like that much.

 

So what do you think I should do? My bf and I just got done arguing about this, and I feel like I’m being pressured into doing something I’m not sure I really want to do.

 

Seriously? Do the kind thing and dump your boyfriend. You obviously have no respect for him and his feelings. Flirting with his friend on front of him shows no shame! I can understand that you are attracted to his friend but if you want to stay with your bf you need to be loyal to him. Break it off if you can't control yourself.

[BlueIvy]

You are disrespectful to your man. I don't think either of you, especially yourself is ready for marriage. You say you are in control but clearly not since you basically cheated on your man. And of course, he wouldn't be happy just because you didn't have sex? You showed you can't be trusted.

 

 

Best to end things now because the marriage won't end well.

[BlueIvy]

I feel really, really sorry for your poor "boyfriend".

If my man did that to me, I would dump him. That is so disrespectful and indicative they would have a problem remaining faithful to me. No way am I tying the knot.

[snowbird7]

Again, I can appreciate everyone’s responses, but like I said, I already know I’m in the wrong. I just came here for advice on what I should do about it. I’m not going to dump my bf because I love him and we have a child together. And I don’t want to be with his friend either. He’s not my type. Like I said, it’s purely physical. We don’t connect emotionally and we don’t even have many common interests. Of course, I wouldn’t mind having sex with him, but obviously not at the expense of my relationship with my bf.

 

I finally realized I needed advice when my bf proposed a threesome as a way of resolving this. And I think I’ve gotten some good advice here. Most of the responses seem to agree with my initial gut instincts. It probably would be a bad idea because my bf doesn’t want to do it for the right reasons. If he was really into experimenting in this area, and I was too, then perhaps it might make sense to try it. But that isn’t the case. He is saying he only wants to do it because he’s "sure" I’m going to end up doing it behind his back anyways, and I need to just "get it out of my system" as he puts it, that it’s the only way to "save" our relationship. So it probably wouldn’t be wise to go there. He’s not going to really be into it and imo I agree with those of you who said it could backfire on us. I mean, he’s already super jealous, and I’m not sure he will still want to be with me after watching me actually have sex with another guy. Some here suggested a foursome instead, and I at least agree that that would be preferable. It seems like it would be better if my bf was also with someone else too. It just seems like the experience would be more fair and equal, rather than two people trying to share the same person.

 

What do you all think? I mean, I agree with everyone that it’s probably a bad idea, but at this point I’m not sure I have any other options. I think the ideal scenario would be for my bf to just trust me and understand that it’s only flirting, after all, I already proved myself the other night. I could have easily just had sex with his friend and not told him anything about it, but I didn’t. But my bf has made it clear that he doesn’t trust me and he’s said he’s "positive" something will happen anyways, so we might as well make plans to separate if I don’t agree to just get it "out in the open". He says it’s the only way to "work through this" as he put it, because when something happens behind his back, he will be gone that very day. And I can tell he’s serious from the way he says it. I still think he’s just letting his jealously get the best of him and definitely overreacting, but at this point apparently it doesn’t really matter what I think.

 

Btw, his friend’s “gf” apparently is a fwb who is open to an open relationship, and from talking with her I’m sure she would be into it, so I'm thinking this might be the way to go. What do you all think? And please, I do want honest opinions, but there’s no point in ‘judging’.

[olivetree]

What do you all think? I mean, I agree with everyone that it’s probably a bad idea, but at this point I’m not sure I have any other options. I think the ideal scenario would be for my bf to just trust me and understand that it’s only flirting, after all, I already proved myself the other night. I could have easily just had sex with his friend and not told him anything about it, but I didn’t. But my bf has made it clear that he doesn’t trust me and he’s said he’s "positive" something will happen anyways, so we might as well make plans to separate if I don’t agree to just get it "out in the open". He says it’s the only way to "work through this" as he put it, because when something happens behind his back, he will be gone that very day. And I can tell he’s serious from the way he says it. I still think he’s just letting his jealously get the best of him and definitely overreacting, but at this point apparently it doesn’t really matter what I think.

 

Btw, his friend’s “gf” apparently is a fwb who is open to an open relationship, and from talking with her I’m sure she would be into it, so I'm thinking this might be the way to go. What do you all think? And please, I do want honest opinions, but there’s no point in ‘judging’.

 

Your bf doesn't want group sex.

 

He wants his fiance to develop integrity and class by not flirting with other men and cheating on him.

 

Pretty simple.

[RecentChange]

Most "jealous" boyfriends wouldn't hang out while their girl flirted with, and sat on the lap of a friend. Hell, they don't have to be jealous, no one should put up with that.

 

As for proving yourself the other night? You proved that given a moment alone you will strip for, and tease the other man - and let him play with your pussy. You proved that you are not trustworthy.

 

THAT IS CHEATING.

 

You proved that you have no boundaries, and will continue to disrespect your BF to his face, and behind his back.

 

How would you feel if your bf got naked with another girl and F'ed her with a dildo? All okay because it wasn't his dick?

[doyathinkso]

Re: the foursome proposal

 

 

Btw, his friend’s “gf” apparently is a fwb who is open to an open relationship, and from talking with her I’m sure she would be into it, so I'm thinking this might be the way to go. What do you all think? And please, I do want honest opinions, but there’s no point in ‘judging’.

 

 

Apparently the concept of sarcasm is too much for you to grasp.

[BaileyB]

Snowbird7,

 

It's very obvious what people think about this situation, don't you think?

[RecentChange]

Here is what you do.

 

You stop ALL FLIRTING. Don't even look his friends way. Sit next to your man and behave yourself like a lady. If it's something you wouldn't do in front of your grand parents don't do it.

 

Grovel, beg, plead with your BF. Let him know you won't disrespect him again, and stay by his side like a puppy.

 

Live as if you are under house arrest, you have committed crimes against your relationship, and need to be treated like a criminal.

 

Ready to do all of that? Show your BF you are capable of change, and want to earn his respect?

 

Because he doesn't respect you any more, he thinks you will do anything for attention, and you proved you will.

[snowbird7]

Snowbird7,

 

It's very obvious what people think about this situation, don't you think?

 

Yes, but I'm not sure what else to do about it. My bf is threatening to leave me, and we have a son. So I feel I have no real options here, other than to give in and try what he's suggested.

 

After all, who knows? Maybe he's right. After all, I am young, and my bf is the only guy I've ever been with. So maybe I do just need to get this out of my system, like he's always saying, and then we can move on without any baggage? I mean, my bf's position does make a little bit of sense to me, but like people here suggested, I think it also has the potential to make things even worse. Because there's no way of knowing exactly how my bf is going to respond when the sh** actually goes down.

 

But with him telling me we're done if I don't do it, I guess I really don't have anything to lose now do I? It's the only option my bf will accept, even tho I think we all agree here that it's probably a dumb idea.

 

I'm going to be talking with him about this tonite and will let you all know what we come up with.

[SevenCity]

We kissed and cuddled and then he started using some sex toys on me.

 

Apologies if it was covered, but are we talking dildos, vibrators, something else?

 

And plural - was it more than one?

[snowbird7]

Apologies if it was covered, but are we talking dildos, vibrators, something else?

 

And plural - was it more than one?

 

I don't see why you're asking me this, other than perhaps to get your jollies. What difference does it make what he used on me?

[BaileyB]

I don't see why you're asking me this, other than perhaps to get your jollies. What difference does it make what he used on me?

 

The simple fact that your boyfriend's friend used a sex toy with you is more than enough information to understand what is happening here... Really.

[Miss Spider]

You need to get some self control. You're an adult. Only after he started using sex toys on you did you "realize what was happening"? I can see that slow of a mental reflex being problematic for you in life. "I stuck my hand in a blender, then I realized what was happening so I stopped."

Edited October 25, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[coledvids]

Hi.... is this some sort of joke?

[Ruby Slippers]

You've already cuckolded him. He must have a cuckold/humiliation fantasy. With the fall of the West, this seems to be a quickly emerging trend. Not only did he sit there and endure your overt flirting, he's now requesting that the stronger, sexier man do you right in front of him. I guess it works for some people. You should research cuckolding and see if that's something y'all want to get into further.

[Highndry]

You've already cuckolded him. He must have a cuckold/humiliation fantasy. With the fall of the West, this seemsto be a quickly emerging trend. Not only did he sit there and endure your overt flirting, he's now requesting that the stronger, sexier man do you right in front of him. I guess it works for some people. You should research cuckolding and see if that's something y'all want to get into further.

 

It's starting to look that way. Moral decency seems to be something that's disappearing the way of dinosaurs. I feel like an old soul in this world.