Having a Crush For 3 years. Should I be committed?

[Soccer1986]

I already talked about the crush I've had on a coworker for 3 years and how I think about her everyday and probably every hour. It's not even a matter of my thoughts coming back to her. My thoughts never leave her. Would you be concerned about someone like me? Should I be committed to a nut house?

 

As I said I haven't behaved inappropriately in all this time. I haven't stalked her. I am always careful to treat her the same way I treat all my work colleagues. There's never any attention given to her exclusively in terms of my behavior. I don't try to accidentally bump into her outside of work. If anything I do my best to avoid going to places once I have knowledge that she goes there. This way there's no room for her to misinterpret my motives for being there at the same time she is whether it is a grocery store or a gas station. There's nothing I need to buy that's so important that it cannot wait until later when she's not there.

 

I've done everything I could to limit interactions with my crush without being unprofessional. I make it a point to keep conversations sticking to business on my end. If she talks about anything else I never encourage the conversation. I purposely limit interactions because any unnecessary interaction runs the risk of giving myself away in my body language, facial expressions or tone of voice, etc. I expend alot of energy each day trying to pretend that those feelings are not there. The effort I put into suppressing and pretending can get exhausting at times to the point where I've had to take sick days from work last month. It's not really lying if I call in sick over this because if I'm too emotionally sick or physically sick to work then I shouldn't be at work.

 

I figure as long as my thoughts continue to remain thoughts then I have nothing to worry about as far as getting in trouble professionally or legally even if she suspects my crush on her.

 

Even in the parking lot at work I make a point of parking at the farthest row away from her. If I was a stalker I would be parking right next to her or even in the same row as her but I don't do that.

[CptInsano]

Yes, I think there is something unhealthy about it. Is there a reason you have never approached her? Is she taken or clearly not interested? You are also not treating her like anybody else, you are actively avoiding her.

 

Your behavior is counterproductive at a minimum, and you are looking at three years of your love life wasted on a crush.

 

I would try everything in my power to move on.

[newmoon]

is she married? is there a reason you cannot approach her?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yes, it is weird. Are you the same person who said before that you're purposefully not dating right now?

 

You sound like you're trying to justify to yourself that you are not a stalker. Why? Have you been accused of stalking in the past?

[Soccer1986]

She's divorced. She's old enough to be my Mom and we work the same job.

[CptInsano]

She's divorced. She's old enough to be my Mom and we work the same job.

 

So, why haven't you approached her? Do you think she wouldn't be interested?

[Soccer1986]

So, why haven't you approached her? Do you think she wouldn't be interested?

 

No I don't think she feels the same way. If I approach her and she rejects then it could damage the working relationship since she would know beyond all doubt that I have this thing in my mind for her. It would make her uncomfortable.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

No I don't think she feels the same way. If I approach her and she rejects then it could damage the working relationship since she would know beyond all doubt that I have this thing in my mind for her. It would make her uncomfortable.

 

Yes, you're right. Does this frustrate you?

[TheWoman]

You need help. This is not normal or positive for you in any way. I think Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) would be a good place to start.

[CptInsano]

Yes, you're right. Does this frustrate you?

 

I wonder why the OP hasn't moved on. I've had my last crush in high school. Ever since then I didn't waste my time and found somebody who'd appreciate my efforts.

[Soccer1986]

Yes, it is weird. Are you the same person who said before that you're purposefully not dating right now?

 

You sound like you're trying to justify to yourself that you are not a stalker. Why? Have you been accused of stalking in the past?

 

No but I try to look at things from my crush's perspective. When people become aware that someone has a crush on them then they're going to interpret all their behavior in light of that awareness and be alert for signs of stalking behavior. If someone has a crush on you and you find out about it and you don't feel the same way you would be on the lookout that this person might start stalking you even if they have no intentions of doing that. We cannot help the perceptions of others but we can adjust our behavior in a way that doesn't reinforce those perceptions.

[KBob]

I already talked about the crush I've had on a coworker for 3 years and how I think about her everyday and probably every hour. It's not even a matter of my thoughts coming back to her. My thoughts never leave her. Would you be concerned about someone like me? Should I be committed to a nut house?

 

In another thread you mentioned that any women who was sexually attracted to you was under the influence of Satan. Now you're creeping on a female at work. Yes, I would be very concerned about someone like you. Yes, you should seek professional help.