kendahke Posted October 28, 2017 Posted October 28, 2017 I’m ignoring the other hurtful comments and the comments that don’t make sense because people on here completely misread some of my posts... I don't think that's true. You've been pretty clear and forthright in how you express yourself, but then again, this is the exact same accusation you're leveling at this dude you're dating: that he misread you and went in hard on you and said some hurtful things to you. So between you, him and all of us reading only your take on this situation, who is the common denominator in all of this? I think you didn't get what you thought you were entitled to (comfort and validation for remaining in and contributing to a messy, destructive situation), just like you didn't get what you thought you were entitled to get from him and we're watching how that most likely played out with him through what you choose to write.
spiderowl Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 It sounds like there was a misunderstanding between the two of you, but beneath all this he fancies your friend. He would not say such a thing if it wasn't on his mind. I think your gut instinct is telling you something important here. 1
Author minou23 Posted October 29, 2017 Author Posted October 29, 2017 I don't think that's true. You've been pretty clear and forthright in how you express yourself, but then again, this is the exact same accusation you're leveling at this dude you're dating: that he misread you and went in hard on you and said some hurtful things to you. So between you, him and all of us reading only your take on this situation, who is the common denominator in all of this? I think you didn't get what you thought you were entitled to (comfort and validation for remaining in and contributing to a messy, destructive situation), just like you didn't get what you thought you were entitled to get from him and we're watching how that most likely played out with him through what you choose to write. What did I not get from him that I felt entitled to? Was it an apology? Because I got that. Was it exclusivity? Also got that. I think it’s funny how you say “what you choose to write” as if I’m leaving out details or making it up. I literally recounted the facts and you can’t say otherwise you weren’t there. I didn’t have to write this post at all. You actually did misread my post. Or you need to work on your reading comprehension. I wasn’t talking about he or me cheating. What I was saying was that people cheat (sometimes) when they feel neglected but it doesn’t make it ok. And at the end of the day they chose to do it, no one made them. And it wasn’t the right thing to do. I was saying regardless of how I made him feel he doesn’t have to act out on it. Or try to get me back harder. He’s responsible for what he chose to do. I don’t understand the confusion with that.
Author minou23 Posted October 29, 2017 Author Posted October 29, 2017 Exactly. Telling someone you KNOW is busy to delete your # because you want attention is I infantile. And he was a jerk too. It was a JOKE. A joke that he started! I didn’t mean it literally and he didn’t mean not to text him anymore. Yes, I knew he was busy, he’s always busy, but I figured he’d see it when he wasn’t.
elaine567 Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 the other day he texted me “don’t text me anymore” when I wasn’t responding. He was joking and said he just wanted attention. Ok whatever no big deal. So you were just supposed to get the pretty cruel joke and when you turned the tables and played exactly the same joke back on him, it suddenly wasn't very funny and he goes off the deep end and threatens to sleep with your friend... He may just be an immature guy who thought it was just a joke and didn't find it particularly funny when the roles were reversed, but this kind of thing is often the sign of deeper problems. Abusers or potential abusers will test boundaries to see just how much they can get away with. Here he tested your boundary by withholding his affection to punish you for not replying to him on time, you responded in the way he wanted and he rewarded you with telling you he was only joking. But things like that sow seeds of doubt and can make the "victim" more compliant. Next time you WILL reply quicker just in case he meant it and I guess that was his intention. BUT you threw a spanner into the works and played him at his own game. He DID NOT like that, as you were not being the good little gf and behaving the way he wanted you to. You were supposed to be the one crying into your coffee when he didn't respond, not the one telling him to lose your number. You then said it was just a joke, but he wasn't laughing, as you were challenging his authority and you needed to be taught a lesson, hence why he went overboard. Next time you will modify your behaviour so as not to upset him, and gradually you will find he has more and more control over you. Be very careful here.
BaileyB Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 So you were just supposed to get the pretty cruel joke and when you turned the tables and played exactly the same joke back on him, it suddenly wasn't very funny and he goes off the deep end and threatens to sleep with your friend... This is exactly what happened. Poor communication, disrespectful behavior, and immaturity - from both partners.
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