Should I be hesitant about dating an Indian man as an American woman?

[Cobra_X]

Anyway, I have other upcoming dates. One is Brazilian, One is Nigerian. I am also talking to 2 white guys. So, if things don't work out, onto the next.

 

I know it's "culture" but it's cowardly to lead people on or play games. If sex or something casual is all they want, they can easily find a woman who is down for that.

 

Leading people on and playing games is how you get what you want from them. There is no Geneva convention for love... anything goes. People in the US respect winners, not those who are most honorable.

 

I can't say anything about Brazilian guys, but I have some Nigerian friends. They are super solid guys. Very successful as a group in the US. Smart, focused, they outperform people born into middle class America economically. I have a lot of respect for men of this culture. I think it would be fun to date, just to gain a new perspective.

 

Now, I agree with your assessment. I do think there are some good men out there but I feel they aren't the majority. The hook up culture just promotes promiscuity and people don't take relationships seriously. If not that, people play games. So, for people who want serious relationships, it can be tough. I know so many single, attractive, educated and nice women who can't meet decent men. One girl, she is 23, Mexican, pretty girl, went to a good school, ambitious,etc. Every guy she meets, whether online, or in real life, either plays games or just wants sex. I told her perhaps try older men and she says it's the same thing. I know women who want relationships but settle for FWB and make excuses for why it works for them.

 

Hookup culture is driven by a huge reduction in quality males in the dating pool. Colleges are 65% female and have been that way for 2 decades. So most women who graduate college want a guy who is similar education and income level. So the dating pool is going to favor hookup guys until at least 10-15% of the women out there decide it's Ok to date Larry the Cable Guy.

[BlueIvy]

In the West we tend to have the idea that love conquers all.

Not really helped I guess by Disney and Hollywood, but often in other cultures love does not command such attention.

It is a big thing for someone to give up their entire family, their community, their religion, their inheritance, their status, etc. all for "love" as that is often the price they will have to pay.

So when the chips are down they will not do it, they just give in and conform and marry someone who will be fully accepted, someone who will be welcomed with open arms.

 

So true, ha ha. It would be hard for anyone to give up their identity, community and everything they know. This reminds me of a true crime story, both people were white. Anyway, the girl was goth or something and the dude was Christian. And the family didn't approve of her but they went on to get married. So, he basically had to give up his family for her. I guess as time went on, he started to resent her and killed her by stabbing. I forgot the name of the people. But that is just an extreme example, but I think some would be resentful. And of course, I heard stories of people who do decide to give up their family in the name of love and then end up killed by honor killing. So, some people are willing to give it all up for love.

 

I think trying to stereotype all Indians by the few you know is like trying to stereotype all Americans based on videos you watched of Trump. India is a big country, just like the US or China, certainly much bigger than the UK or Canada or Australia (in terms of population). There are millions of individuals in that country and they are as varied as anyone in yours.

 

Is it possible that this particular Indian is too traditional or too attached to his parents to be compatible with you? Sure it's a possibility. Is it necessarily the case? Not any more so than assuming an American is materialistic or a Brit is prudish.

 

FWIW, the majority of Indian people I know who live in a Caucasian country do not actually have their parents living with them, nor is the wife constantly pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen. Our previous neighbor was a lovely Indian couple with a child (and NO grandparents living in that house!). Both the husband and wife worked. I often saw the husband playing with their child in the yard or cleaning.

 

True, but there is truth in stereotypes too. Now, the Indian guy I am dating lives with a roommate. All his family is back home.

 

Leading people on and playing games is how you get what you want from them. There is no Geneva convention for love... anything goes. People in the US respect winners, not those who are most honorable.

 

I can't say anything about Brazilian guys, but I have some Nigerian friends. They are super solid guys. Very successful as a group in the US. Smart, focused, they outperform people born into middle class America economically. I have a lot of respect for men of this culture. I think it would be fun to date, just to gain a new perspective.

 

 

 

Hookup culture is driven by a huge reduction in quality males in the dating pool. Colleges are 65% female and have been that way for 2 decades. So most women who graduate college want a guy who is similar education and income level. So the dating pool is going to favor hookup guys until at least 10-15% of the women out there decide it's Ok to date Larry the Cable Guy.

That's so true. Yes, the Nigerian dude I am talking to is an engineer and is going to school to get his Master's. Education and family is also important to them as well.

 

I feel there is more at play than just women out educating men. I think our values and sense of moral changed as a society too.

 

I wonder how men feel about the dating field?

[BluEyeL]

Marriage (if he even ends up marrying you or any non Indian) is hard without the added hardship of a large cultural difference. I'd say too risky and I'd pass. From all the men in the US you could find someone with less potential challenges to overcome. Indiana check with their family about everything and this particular one doesn't seem like he's ready to become westernized just yet. I vote to move on.

[preraph]

Like any other new person you date, sometime relatively soon you just want to find out how traditional he is and what he expects from a woman in a relationship since different cultures can get out of our comfort zone. But he might not be traditional, so that would be good information to know. Also, even if he is very Americanized, so to speak, his family might not be and so you'd want to find out how interfering they'd be if you took it all the way and had a family. Because I've known that to happen to people who married perfectly nice people but then they weren't able to stand up to their traditional family about the kids or whatever. Just find out these things. he'll want to know about you as well. Because he's in the same boat as you in that regard.

[Cobra_X]

That's so true. Yes, the Nigerian dude I am talking to is an engineer and is going to school to get his Master's. Education and family is also important to them as well.

I feel there is more at play than just women out educating men. I think our values and sense of moral changed as a society too.

I wonder how men feel about the dating field?

 

Many of our cultural changes are driven by technology. When birth control came out it gave women options never before imagined. Cell phones have done the same for people. Globalization is giving you access to Indian, Brazilian, and Nigerian men. US Culture sucks and marrying someone from another culture is a great way out in my opinion.

 

I think hypergamy is instinctual, and women out educating men is a HUGE issue. Women under 30 out earn men under 30 by 25%. Move that forward a decade and we will see some massive cultural shifts. Mostly an underclass of hopeless uneducated and unmotivated boys.

[alphamale]

In the West we tend to have the idea that love conquers all..

 

that's bullshyt. the concept for marrying for romantic love is only about 100 years old, even in the west. In the past people married for practical reasons only. That's one of the reasons why our divorce rate is 65%

[elaine567]

that's bullshyt. the concept for marrying for romantic love is only about 100 years old, even in the west. In the past people married for practical reasons only. That's one of the reasons why our divorce rate is 65%

 

As I said it has been underlined by Disney and Hollywood, so I was not talking about >100 years ago obviously.

[BlueIvy]

So, I have an update.

 

I don't recall who was it in here but they suggested we watch the "Big Sick movie" which is about a Pakistani Muslim dating a White American, despite his parents seeking a Pakastani woman for marriage. Anyway, he eventually stands up to his parents and they disown him. But at the end of the movie, it ends him getting the white girl back and they get married and his family attended the wedding.

 

Anyway, while watching that together I asked him what would his mom do, if he disobeyed her wishes. He said, "She probably would disown me/not speak to me for a few months." Then laughed it off.

 

I asked more questions if he was always open-minded and he said back home, he wasn't close minded. I asked him if he thinks it's bad for a woman NOT to be a virgin, and he said no. He said this sentiment is changing in India and more people are becoming ok with it.

 

However, I asked him how long he is staying in America and he said his work visa is expiring next year. But he has that he likes America and wants to stay here.

 

I do feel he has been honest with me, but I just don't think this is gonna be anything real. He is meek. Like for myself, if I tell him to do something, he just does it with no question.

 

He doesn't seem like the type to want to deal with confrontation. So, I feel even IF we got serious, I don't think he would stand up to his parents. On a good note? I asked him if he has an arraigned marriage waiting for him and he said No.

 

Also, he is not really experienced in sex or relationships, which I am not use to in a man.

 

I just don't feel at ease, so I think this is my instincts telling me not to take him seriously. Wherever this leads, I won't be dating someone from a different culture again.

 

So, it's been 4 weeks since we have been dating. At same time, I don't know if I would want anything serious with him (anymore) because I can't see myself marrying into a conservative family. Not to say marriage would have happened but if it did... My parents are immigrants and some things they are traditional about, but our culture is def. no where as conservative as Indian culture.

Edited October 29, 2017 by BlueIvy

[alphamale]

this guy is just looking for a green card

[BlueIvy]

this guy is just looking for a green card

 

Can you tell me why you came to this conclusion?

 

Just curious to hear your thoughts.

 

My concerns have been either he won't take me seriously, or that if things get serious, he will oblige with his parents wishes if they don't want me for him. Green card hasn't come into play, he hasn't tried to rush anything, when I asked what he is looking for, he said marriage within a few years, hasn't asked me for money or anything, he has paid for all dates,etc.

[alphamale]

Can you tell me why you came to this conclusion?

because I've seen it a hundred times. trust me, he'll do anything to stay in the US.

[BlueIvy]

because I've seen it a hundred times. trust me, he'll do anything to stay in the US.

 

He’s with wrong woman though. I’m not getting married any time soon. Also, he could get a green card through his employer. Can you share some stories? Like, what’s the biggest signs?

[BlueIvy]

So, I decided to end things with the Indian. I texted him that I enjoyed spending time with him but the culture is too different, and seems like we want different things. I wished him good luck in dating. It's been a few hours and he never responded,lol. So, this just confirms I made the right choice. I also will never date an Indian man again, not because of this experience, but I don't have the care to deal with cultural differences. Also, I am typically not attracted to Asian men...I was just trying to go outside my comfort zone.

[alphamale]

So, I decided to end things with the Indian. I texted him that I enjoyed spending time with him but the culture is too different, and seems like we want different things. I wished him good luck in dating. It's been a few hours and he never responded,lol. So, this just confirms I made the right choice. I also will never date an Indian man again, not because of this experience, but I don't have the care to deal with cultural differences. Also, I am typically not attracted to Asian men...I was just trying to go outside my comfort zone.

that sounds good BlueIvy, you made the right decision

[mrs rubble]

So, I decided to end things with the Indian. I texted him that I enjoyed spending time with him but the culture is too different, and seems like we want different things. I wished him good luck in dating. It's been a few hours and he never responded,lol. So, this just confirms I made the right choice. I also will never date an Indian man again, not because of this experience, but I don't have the care to deal with cultural differences. Also, I am typically not attracted to Asian men...I was just trying to go outside my comfort zone.

You did the right thing. I had the same experience dating an Egyptian man, I couldn't get past the fact he was a Muslim and I am a Christian, I found his dietary requirements annoying and it just didn't feel right.

[guest569]

Hey, culture is different for everyone so don't rule it out if you find yourself intrigued by an Indian man in future. Not one who is a mothers boy and has to get their approval for everything. I think you definitely did the right thing.

[TheTraveler]

It's been a few hours and he never responded,lol. So, this just confirms I made the right choice.

 

Why would he respond? You dumped him after 3 dates/3 weeks. If I received a text from a woman saying she wanted to end it, I wouldn't respond either

[guest569]

Why would he respond? You dumped him after 3 dates/3 weeks. If I received a text from a woman saying she wanted to end it, I wouldn't respond either

 

I would. It's nice of her to let him know and I would wish her well.

[TheTraveler]

I would. It's nice of her to let him know and I would wish her well.

 

Not me. I would move on immediately

[BlueIvy]

that sounds good BlueIvy, you made the right decision

 

I think so too. And you're Indian and you're saying this, ha ha. Indian approved:lmao:

 

You did the right thing. I had the same experience dating an Egyptian man, I couldn't get past the fact he was a Muslim and I am a Christian, I found his dietary requirements annoying and it just didn't feel right.

Yup, after 2nd date when I really started asking questions, it didn't feel right. I am not religious but I can't date Muslims. I think some Arab men are hot but again too much of a cultural difference.

 

 

Hey, culture is different for everyone so don't rule it out if you find yourself intrigued by an Indian man in future. Not one who is a mothers boy and has to get their approval for everything. I think you definitely did the right thing.

This is first and last Indian man I will date. I will date Black, white and Latin men but not anyone else.

 

Why would he respond? You dumped him after 3 dates/3 weeks. If I received a text from a woman saying she wanted to end it, I wouldn't respond either

Technically, it was 4 dates in 4 weeks. Well, I feel if he genuinely liked me, he would ask me what happened considering our dates were going well. Then again, it's not like we were in a relationship. Either way, doesn't matter anymore.

I would. It's nice of her to let him know and I would wish her well.

Yeah, I could have just ghosted him but I don't think he deserved that.

[Logo]

try to find some examples of Indian men married to white American women, or any race other than their own. it's extremely rare. the religious, family, and gender roles are very ingrained in Indian culture and Americans tend to have very different values. i think you should enjoy dating him b/c it's very likely it won't go anywhere.

 

 

Right, because American society is soooo open. I mean, white men are dating black women left and right. Italian American women are dating black men left and right. And Catholics are dating Jews left and right. And Irish Americans are dating Hispanics left and right. And white women are dating Mexican-Americans left and right.

 

 

So yeah, those Indians are sooooo different they prefer to date within their own while we, us enlightened Americans in the mixing bowl see no color, no religion and certainly no race. We’re modern and very 21st century that way.

 

There’s enough stereotypes, exceptionalism and pats on the back in this thread to build the wall of China 5 times over.

 

 

And the exquisite judgment the OP is passing about this guy is fascinating. “He’s a beta male who works in IT”.

 

 

Do the man a favor and don’t date him. You’re going to break his heart. I can see it already. No one’s forcing you to date him. Find yourself a like-minded all American white guy whose got more muscle than brains and has never heard of chivalry, and can’t find the US on a map. Make sure he grunts and belches, too.

 

 

And I’m not even Indian.

[elaine567]

Do the man a favor and don’t date him. You’re going to break his heart. I can see it already. No one’s forcing you to date him. Find yourself a like-minded all American white guy whose got more muscle than brains and has never heard of chivalry, and can’t find the US on a map. Make sure he grunts and belches, too.

 

Read the thread, she has already respectfully ended it.

It has been only 3 dates, his heart will hardly be broken...

 

Because she does not want to date this particular man, due to the incompatibility issues that she has clearly identified, OF COURSE means she will date an uneducated, unintelligent, uncouth, meathead white guy instead...

Every woman's dream...

smh

[Logo]

Read the thread, she has already respectfully ended it.

It has been only 3 dates, his heart will hardly be broken...

 

Because she does not want to date this particular man, due to the incompatibility issues that she has clearly identified, OF COURSE means she will date an uneducated, unintelligent, uncouth, meathead white guy instead...

Every woman's dream...

smh

 

 

 

Relax, it’s called sarcasm. And I was referring to a long term relationship where the OP ends up breaking the guy’s heart once he realizes that he deserves better.

 

 

And I’m glad you’re shaking your head, now that’ve held a mirror up to you to show you how ridiculous it is to make generalizations, as so many open-minded and educated posters on here did.

 

 

“I’ve heard that Indian men blah blah blah....”

 

 

Does anyone on here know how many regions, sub-regions, sects and religions, different customs and norms there are in India? Rhetorical question. Don’t bother. I guess, “They all look the same.”

 

 

The OP stated she’s going to stick to Black, Asian and some other group. I don’t suppose when she posts about dating an Asian guy, everyone will be on the fence, on the one hand he could help her do her taxes, but on the other hand he will have a small penis, what with everyone and their uncle on this thread making generalizations and sticking to caricatured stereotypes.

Edited November 2, 2017 by Logo

[BlueIvy]

First of all, I’m not white, lol. Second of all, I’m aware not all Indians are the same but it’s widely known that their culture is very insular and conservative. Even Among their own people, they are very separatist. And in my case, those “generalizations” rang true. In asking him questions, it was pretty obvious his parents are very conservative and doubt they would embrace me, if things became serious. I also doubt he was looking for something serious with me...

 

And yes, American in culture in general is more liberal, than a lot of other countries. We do have racism, sexism and other forms of discrimination but we also have the freedom of choice to be homosexual, to protest, to have premarital sex, to get an abortion, and so forth. Choices that aren’t available in a lot of countries, especially without serious repercussions.

 

Most people prefer dating their own race, and nothing is wrong with that. But In parts of Indian culture, dating outside your parents choice can lead to honor killing or being kicked out from the family. Which is a unusual reaction in America. Interesting enough, the Indian dude’s maid (in India) was killed in a honor killing because she dated someone outside her parent’s choice.

 

If I was so close minded, I wouldn’t be dating all races or various religions.

Regardless, feel free to think whatever you want as I will do the same. I’m not going back and forth or changing my opinion.