BigB Posted August 17, 2005 Posted August 17, 2005 I recently met a girl online. Not on an online dating site though. I've posted online dating profiles before but never pursued anyone through the sites, and never been pursued, so this is new to me. I met this girl on a message board similar to this one that pertains to a different subject. Anyway, we've been flirting via the message board for a few weeks. It was mostly joking and good fun at first but started to get a little more serious after a while. I figured nothing would come of it, but I kinda liked this girl. We have a very similar sense of humor. I'd seen one picture of her on her online profile so I made a half joking request for some more pictures of her. Surprisingly she sent me some pictures of herself via email right away, so I sent some back. It turns out she only lives a few hours away. We then moved to chatting via IM the next day. After a couple days of chatting via IM, she asked me to call her. This surprised me, I figured the attraction was mostly one sided, and that she figured I was some creepy internet perv.... She ended up calling me Sunday night, and we spent almost 9 hours on the phone . It felt very comfortable, no awkward silence and weirdness like I expected. We talked about everything, family, past, relationships, etc. Just learning more about each other.. It felt like one of those long 2nd or 3rd date type of talks I've had with past GF's. Towards the end of the night she basically said she's had a bit of a online crush on me for a while now, and hinted at wanting to meet. I said "maybe, in time" or something like that. Anyway, I want to take this slow.. We both have a rocky past, and some issues. Plus I know that we could meet and not have chemistry not be attracted to each other, etc. So, I'm kinda doing the "now what?" Do I just keep talking with her and see where it goes? Begin making possible plans to meet? Wait for her to bring up the subject of meeting again? Basically I guess I'm asking the people who've done some online dating, How did you proceed?, how slow did you go?, and what do I do next? Thanks for listening, B
Outcast Posted August 17, 2005 Posted August 17, 2005 The smartest thing to do IMHO is to arrange to meet sooner than later. Otherwise you run the risk of falling for the image you have of her rather than the person herself. Once you've met, you can decide if you want to just be friends or if you both think there's a possibility of something more and the sooner you get that sorted out, the less likely that one of you will fall too hard. You can still take it slow whichever way you choose to go.
CurvyGurl Posted August 17, 2005 Posted August 17, 2005 I agree with Outcast. Move it from online to Real LIfe as soon as possible.
Mz. Pixie Posted August 17, 2005 Posted August 17, 2005 I agree Big B. Meet in person to see if things click. Make it a public place where she will feel comfortable. You can always proceed slowly if you think that she's your type after meeting in person. I'm excited for you. I hope it turns out the way you want it to.
Author BigB Posted August 18, 2005 Author Posted August 18, 2005 Thanks guys! I'm excited, I really hope this works out. I'll try to bring up the subject of meeting in person as soon as it feels right. We've been doing some more IMing last few days. I've even caught her getting online specifically to look for me She's supposed to call me from work in a few hours
Author BigB Posted August 18, 2005 Author Posted August 18, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer I agree with Outcast... But how exciting for you!! Don't you just LOOOOOOOOOVE those long talks!? yep, those long talks are the best.. neither off us wanted to hang up the phone, it was 7am when we did
Author BigB Posted August 18, 2005 Author Posted August 18, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer Just do yourself a HUGE favor and don't get your expectations or hopes up, ok? I have never really understood why, I think it's God's way of punishing me, but I've been in your shoes (or similar situation) before a couple times, and when we actually spend quality time TOGETHER, that "connection" just isn't there...it always feels too awkward. This is why getting to the face-to-face/real-life thing quickly is VERY important. Good luck B! Thanks!, I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I know we might meet and just not feel "it". I'd like to try and just meet her for coffee or something soon just to find out. She said she's "a little gun shy" and so am I, so I'll have to find the right time to bring it up.
Author BigB Posted August 18, 2005 Author Posted August 18, 2005 Just bumping this for the people who live in the daylight...
alphamale Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 i would talk with her over the phone maybe two more times, seperated by a wk to 10 days. but don't talk for too long, maybe 30 minutes each time and then set up a time and place to meet. if she hesitates or wavers even a little bit then forget her...
Opium Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 It sounds so nice and looks as if you're very excited. I would definitely meet her as soon as you feel it's the "right time". Don't rush or be to pushy, which I'm sure you won't. When the time comes you'll know! The first time I would meet in a place with a lot of action going around. Like a park or a coffee shop like you mentioned. You don't want to meet at night because it's to, how should I say this, to 'personal' if that makes sense. You just want to see her, make conversation, see her from up and down with nothing blocking your vision. A more social thing than a date and then once you feel you can pursue your feelings, make a move to go out on a real date.
Author BigB Posted August 20, 2005 Author Posted August 20, 2005 well, she didn't call phone the other night, she got busy at work. chatted a tiny bit online a couple times since then, and we spoke on the phone again all night last night *cough(7 hours)cough* She want's to meet me! woohoo! I didn't really have to make a point to bring it up, we both just obviously wanted to. She was making jokes like "you have a car, get moving"... Her car is in the shop right now, and she hurt her foot last week, so as soon as that's resolved and we can both get the same day off work, we're going to get together. The idea of meeting her embarrasses and scares the hell out of me, but I'm also excited and looking forward to it... I have the worst headache today, and I slept less than 5 hours, but I'm still smiling like a dork...
whichwayisup Posted August 20, 2005 Posted August 20, 2005 but I'm still smiling like a dork... That's great!! Enjoy that feeling and just go and have fun when you hook up with her. No expectations, no judging, just go have fun, laugh and keep that smile going!
Jayhawks Posted August 20, 2005 Posted August 20, 2005 Thats great B. I don't think you have to worry to much about there not being a connection. If the two of you spent that much time on the phone then it shouldn't be any different in person ( as long as you both were truthful ). Just be yourself and make her comfortable. I agree with the public place to meet. If things get a little awkward just tell a good joke and get her laughing. Women love a fun guy so just be a gentleman and compliment her alot and see where it goes. The best of luck...
Author BigB Posted September 14, 2005 Author Posted September 14, 2005 f^uck, I feel like hell right now. This girl I've been talking to everything was going great, or so I though. she just now decided to tell me she has feelings for one of my online friends who lives on the other side of the country. I don't know why I feel like s***, I've still never met her. I thought we had a start of a great thing, but I guess I was wrong. I think it's my destiny to get rejected by every girl I meet.
d'Arthez Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 That sucks, BigB. Especially after all the phone conversations. But you only lived a few hours away, so I wonder why the meeting has not occured. If you were busy, it is understandable. But no one can get into a relationship by keeping a great deal of distance to their prospective partner. She may have feelings for that guy - but that guy lives on the other side of the country. If that were to become a relationship, it will be a hard one, due to the distance, and lack of physical presence. They won't dissolve in thin air, and may even make a real relationship non-persueable, for either her or the guy. And of course, it may not be mutual. You did not get rejected. You simply did not put your foot in soon enough.
Author BigB Posted September 14, 2005 Author Posted September 14, 2005 That sucks, BigB. Especially after all the phone conversations. But you only lived a few hours away, so I wonder why the meeting has not occured. If you were busy, it is understandable. But no one can get into a relationship by keeping a great deal of distance to their prospective partner. She may have feelings for that guy - but that guy lives on the other side of the country. If that were to become a relationship, it will be a hard one, due to the distance, and lack of physical presence. They won't dissolve in thin air, and may even make a real relationship non-persueable, for either her or the guy. And of course, it may not be mutual. You did not get rejected. You simply did not put your foot in soon enough. true, we hadn't met yet because her car was in the shop, she's been recovering from a broken foot, and we both work a lot. She said she wasn't ready for a full blow relationship, but still had feelings for me, wanted to meet asap, friends first, take it slow, etc. so I was being patient and going slow. I didn't want to presure her and scare her off. We've talked almost everday this past month or so. I thought everything was going great. She's one of the coolest people I've ever met, and she's been flirting with me non-stop. I don't understand it, he was my friend, but he's an alcoholic, he lives 5000 miles away, he's almost 10 years older than her, he can't drive because he's had 3 DUI's. why why why why why.... just another case of badboy get's the girl, and the nice guy get's screwed over I guess. I've been so afraid to let myself have feelings for anyone these last 7 years, my last girlfriend, hurt me a lot. I was so afraid to let someone in because it just gives them the chance to hurt me again. I though she was different, but it just happened again. my worst fear comes true everytime I get involved with a girl. I know it was only an online/phone thing so far, but it still hurts. I just care to much to soon.
d'Arthez Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 true, we hadn't met yet because her car was in the shop, she's been recovering from a broken foot, and we both work a lot. She said she wasn't ready for a full blow relationship, but still had feelings for me, wanted to meet asap, friends first, take it slow, etc. so I was being patient and going slow. I didn't want to presure her and scare her off. We've talked almost everday this past month or so. I thought everything was going great. She's one of the coolest people I've ever met, and she's been flirting with me non-stop. Flirting can create havoc in an online relationship. You may have the feeling that it was showing interest from her for you, while she may think that flirting in that particular way is very normal for friends. Perhaps, and this is a bit speculation, the prospect of starting a real relationship scared her a bit. It does happen - and she picked someone who is conveniently 5000 miles away from her, to make things easier. After all, you live a few hours away, so it would only require a few hours drive to get to her. 5,000 miles is about 10 hours of flight! I don't understand it, he was my friend, but he's an alcoholic, he lives 5000 miles away, he's almost 10 years older than her, he can't drive because he's had 3 DUI's. why why why why why.... Look above. It maybe that not his qualities and shortcomings are appealing, but that the distance is appealing. just another case of badboy get's the girl, and the nice guy get's screwed over I guess. No. If she truly picked him (which is debatable, to say the least), she will have poor judgement. Who wants to be with a (wo)man with poor judgement anyway? I've been so afraid to let myself have feelings for anyone these last 7 years, my last girlfriend, hurt me a lot. I was so afraid to let someone in because it just gives them the chance to hurt me again. That is hard. But you can't keep a safe distance from hurt, when exactly love requires of us, to make the distance between two human beings disappear. I though she was different, but it just happened again. my worst fear comes true everytime I get involved with a girl. I know it was only an online/phone thing so far, but it still hurts. I just care to much to soon. No, now you are jumping a bridge too far - but it is completely understandable if you had set your hopes up too high. Take some time, to distance yourself from this. Evaluate everything that happened - from a distance.
Outcast Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 She can no more have real feelings or a real relationship with him than she can with you. You can't imagine how important it is to meet the other person before making such judgements. All of you have feelings for the people you believe these folks are, which may or may not be borne out in person. It is a huge mistake to believe that every woman will reject you because a few have. You can't believe that until you have met every single woman But seriously, you're disappointed because you thought you had a potential relationship on the horizon. That's understandable but, as d'Arthez said, she seems to have less-than-wonderful judgement. That she's not smart enough to figure out what a deal you are says nothing about you and a lot about her. Remember that women are always told they have to 'kiss a LOT of frogs before they find the prince'. Same goes for guys.
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