Girl won't meet, but we talk everyday

[ExpatInItaly]

I would just stop talking to her, OP.

 

No need to get all covert and catch her at work. Imagine for a moment she isn't single, and makes up some story to her boss or angry boyfriend that a loon she barely knows is following her and came to her workplace.

 

I realize you are not a loon and certainly have evidence she's been talking to you, but you also don't know who you're dealing with, really. She could spin that any way she likes and make you look like a nutter. Is it worth the risk? I doubt it.

 

I'd go radio silent and move on. If she asks what's up, tell her you were not going to wait forever and want to spend time dating and not endlessly chatting with someone who dodges all attempts at meeting in person.

[guest569]

I would be more understanding since she has been off work for a month due to illness. Was in hospital for a week and recovering for 3. She said she wants to feel at her best when you meet, probably wants to make a good impression. So I would just scale right back on communication with her and get back into the dating site. If she wants to meet then suss her out. Don't get too invested on someone you haven't even met yet. Catfish aside, it is very different meeting in person to see if you really click.

 

You have control over this, if you don't want to be strung along then don't. You made it clear that you want to meet and in the meantime talk to others

Edited October 23, 2017 by smiley1

[phineas]

I would just stop talking to her, OP.

 

No need to get all covert and catch her at work. Imagine for a moment she isn't single, and makes up some story to her boss or angry boyfriend that a loon she barely knows is following her and came to her workplace.

 

I realize you are not a loon and certainly have evidence she's been talking to you, but you also don't know who you're dealing with, really. She could spin that any way she likes and make you look like a nutter. Is it worth the risk? I doubt it.

 

I'd go radio silent and move on. If she asks what's up, tell her you were not going to wait forever and want to spend time dating and not endlessly chatting with someone who dodges all attempts at meeting in person.

 

I agree.

i've met women online who were obviously stalling and using me for attention when i was new to dating again and i've learned my lesson.

[summerr2017]

I would be more understanding since she has been off work for a month due to illness. Was in hospital for a week and recovering for 3. She said she wants to feel at her best when you meet, probably wants to make a good impression. So I would just scale right back on communication with her and get back into the dating site. If she wants to meet then suss her out. Don't get too invested on someone you haven't even met yet. Catfish aside, it is very different meeting in person to see if you really click.

 

You have control over this, if you don't want to be strung along then don't. You made it clear that you want to meet and in the meantime talk to others

 

Spot on, very mature comment.. if she wants to meet, then she'll meet. If she doesn't then that's not my fault. I'm already moving on slowly as I've started talking to a couple of old potentials to take the heat off a bit. But you know she seems like a really nice girl, so I'm am still waiting and giving her the benefit of the doubt with this whole hospital thing.... Just have to see now no expectations.

[coolheadal]

Spot on, very mature comment.. if she wants to meet, then she'll meet. If she doesn't then that's not my fault. I'm already moving on slowly as I've started talking to a couple of old potentials to take the heat off a bit. But you know she seems like a really nice girl, so I'm am still waiting and giving her the benefit of the doubt with this whole hospital thing.... Just have to see now no expectations.

 

Why not get the name of the hospital? Do you have full name? Call the hospital switch board and can you please connect me to (name she gave you) If they said they have no such patient staying there, then you know it's scam.

 

I been with a few of these myself it's a learning experience. Some come clean and tell me the truth and some don't. I one girl who told me after 2 years she'll be here in November 2017. I been asking what's the flight information? Nothing just said she can't wait to be in my arms I am the man of her dreams. I have never seen her or spoken it's been all text base, email like that. The pictures she sent have some odd poses and sometime doesn't look the same.

 

Recent one from Face book that one I know where she is I have spoken to on cell to cell, seen her live on Skype, FbMVideo, FbMVoice, What'sApp. So I do know she's real. First month she tried to get me to send her $1,500 I said nope. Then she was gone! She came back and it was different. She worked in make-up salon as make-up artist. Sounds like the OP hospital pen-pay, This one has money you get here on your own means. She said Next semester break she's coming to see me. I don't think that will ever take place.

[normal person]

We talk everyday and speak on the phone for hours most days.

 

Sounds like an awful lot for someone you haven't met yet.

 

Problem is when I ask to meet her she says that she is ill or just doesn't seem to be in the mood.

 

I don't think it's at all out of order to expect minimal contact until a person is ready and willing to meet you. If I'm talking to someone and they can't meet up once or twice, it's then on them to find a time when they can. Otherwise, I'm moving on fast. Why invest your time with that person?

 

So far I've been really understanding of the situation as she got out of hospital 3weeks ago and had some family issues, where she suggested she wants to get well fully well before meeting me.

 

But why stay so invested in a stranger in the meantime? 3 weeks of this? Most people would have moved on after 3 hours. You're making this overly complicated for yourself by assuming all this obligation to her that you don't have. You haven't even met this person yet.

 

 

I'm not sure what to believe now, as I'm starting to get worried if I'm actually being strung aslong.

 

You're making this way too hard on yourself, my friend. Why even worry about this person? You haven't met her. She's a stranger. She's has little to no affect on your life whatsoever. If there was any thought that you might be being strung along, why even continue? It's such a better use of time and emotional capital than betting the farm on black only to have it come up red. Mitigate your risk and preserve your time, emotional capital, and opportunities by not getting overly committed until needed.

 

Maybe she's just really nervous??

 

So you can/should limit your dating pool to people who aren't nervous and are ready to meet you. Otherwise they're just wasting your time.

 

Also I deleted my online dating account as I really like this girl and don't see the need to chat to anyone else atm.

 

But this girl won't even meet you, how can you not see the need to talk to someone else? Surely wanting to meet in person is a prerequisite? Why not just talk to a few people you're interested in, and whittle away those who won't meet up, those who you decide aren't a good match, those who seem fun now but you can't imagine a future with, etc, and once you have a person who fulfills all your criteria and you hers, then agree to delete your profiles?

 

Yet she still goes online which I find strange as she always sends me love hearts and says that she's not talking to knowbody else and giving me all the sweet talk. But her actions aren't matching her words.

 

You aren't at all suspicious of or turned off by someone who hasn't met you, yet has sworn off every other guy and sends you love hearts? Most people would block that person instantly. That is not normal behavior.

 

Not sure what to do now, but I guess I'm going to play it cool while she settles back Into work and wait a couple more weeks to see if this is real.

 

A couple weeks??? It's been 3 weeks already! There are thousands of women in your city ready and willing to meet you tomorrow and you're going to burn 5 weeks on one who won't? Why put yourself through this? If someone doesn't want to or can't meet you, just move on -- it is not your obligation to try and make something out of it. If she's unable or unwilling, you can move on without feeling guilty because you don't owe her anything. You tried, but she can't/won't, now if she wants to make something work, it's her responsibility, not yours. You are absolved.

 

For the future I would suggest you wait until you at least meet someone and have confirmation that they want to see you again before assuming any of this this responsibility and emotional investment. It's putting the cart before the horse and it will likely turn a lot of people off. Keep the communication light before meeting, 2-4 texts to gain familiarity and set a meet, and then if they can't/don't meet, move onto the next. It's that easy. You and this girl have incompatible schedules/expectations. Breath a sigh of relief and move onto the next. Best of luck.