Toad2 Posted October 21, 2017 Posted October 21, 2017 I've been getting these strange confusing vibes for a while now. There's a woman who I've worked with for nearly three years now, and who has been indirectly under my supervision (I'm two levels above her on the office hierarchy). For the first couple of years, it was friendly enough; a hello here, a good night there (she always came off shy). Nothing terribly special. Last Christmas she started coming into my office a bit more and just chewing the fat. Nothing significant, no insightful conversations, just fluffy stuff, mixed in with a bit of work talk. Still, the visits got longer and longer. It all tapered off in the New Year and I just sort of shrugged it off, figuring maybe she was just bored during the Christmas slowdown, and there weren't a lot of people in the office. Over the last couple of months it has picked up again. Again, it started with small talk, no big deal, but then we both started talking about friends, family; a bit more personal but still nothing scandalous. In the couple of weeks it's picked up again, and the conversation is a bit more personal, about parents, siblings, what it was like when we were growing up. Still nothing scandalous, but a bit more in the personal direction. The last few times she's come in for visits, they've been lengthy. One was nearly an hour, and yesterday it was about 45 minutes. Even more personal, and I suddenly found myself talking about my childhood, and she about her parents and conflicts with her sibling. It's still nothing shocking, but it just seems to get a bit deeper. I might still think it nothing more than her being friendly or a mild crush at best, but two things happened in the last two weeks as well. One was a staff meeting, and we ending up sitting fairly close to each other (not at the same table, but line of sight), and, while I don't think I'm a paranoid person, I could swear she was glancing over at me. I caught her eye a few times, and she looked away quickly. Then a few days later it was someone's birthday, and we have a cake and a few minutes of levity, and this time I definitely caught her looking at me at least once. Now obviously I'm a tough bind here. I do kind of like her, but I'm quite a bit older than her (she's in her late 20s), and being an indirect superior spells real trouble. But then again, I could be completely misreading things, and don't want to come off as a crazy man who thinks every woman who talks to him is in love with him.
Yosemite Posted October 21, 2017 Posted October 21, 2017 Are you married? How much older are you? She's probably trying to get in good with her boss so that she can get a promotion or raise.
Miss Spider Posted October 21, 2017 Posted October 21, 2017 There approximately 0 way to know if she is just being friendly, just being flirty, just using you as a sounding board, or is romantically interested based on the information provided. It is a bit of a bind because you are her higher-up
snowboy91 Posted October 21, 2017 Posted October 21, 2017 Nothing about it suggests to me that there is flirting. In the absence of superiority, I would just say it's a really good friendship - seems like you guys gel really well together. Although given you are higher up in the hierarchy she might be trying to get on your good side for future prospects. Not that it's a bad thing, as a friend you know how good she is at her job or otherwise! I'd go with the assumption that this is no more than a friendship, and keep pursuing it as such. I know lots of people who are in workplaces where they don't get along with anyone, so lucky you!
act00 Posted October 21, 2017 Posted October 21, 2017 Are you interested in her? That's a slippery slope, obviously. As a boss, indirect or direct, chewing the fat for an hour is not productive work time. Is that totally okay with you, her direct supervisor, other coworkers, that this woman gets to shoot the sh*t with the boss for an hour, paid, while everyone else works? She could just be schmoozing, she could be hinting at attraction, flirting, I don't know, but the only thing I'm thinking about here is the pretty young girl who flirts and hangs with the boss for hours socially during work time is going to get better treatment over someone who is maybe male, maybe older, maybe married or spoken for, maybe not someone the boss is attracted to, who is actually doing their job. Thin ice, this one. Boundaries. You're the boss.
HarmonyDriven Posted October 22, 2017 Posted October 22, 2017 Since you two have worked together for three years, clearly she feels comfortable talking to you. You allow her to do so. She may think you are more of a father figure or mentor....she seems to look up to you. IMO, if she is not talking about her love life, I doubt she is interested in you that way. On the other hand, based on what you have noted, IMO, I think you have feelings for her. I agree with other posters......probably best to keep your distance, especially if you are married and if you are quite a bit older (IMO.)
KBob Posted October 22, 2017 Posted October 22, 2017 If this has been going on for three years I wouldn't call it romantic interest. If you care to flirt with your boss boundaries then the only way to really know if it's romantic interest is to steer your conversation towards that and be more flirty or straight up ask her out. But you'll have to deal with the consequences if you're wrong, which as her boss, could be significant.
coolheadal Posted October 22, 2017 Posted October 22, 2017 Well you can date who ever you want too my friend. Why not do this meet her after work in the parking lot and ask her (you should see if she hasn't someone in her life dating I mean) you could I am sure your boyfriend or husband has plains for you two this weekend? If she comes back said she doesn't of either then you can ask her would she like to go out for dinner with you now. She can follow you there. Age doesn't matter why do you care that she's in her 20's and your bit older say you are 40 plus. Even 50 different 30 years 40 is 20 years so what. See if she single then you can approach her. If you two date you would have to move her into a different department if you want to play it safe at the job. Mine is getting a transfer nothing to do with me they burn her with the transfer where is is been for the past 3 months. She's coming home to me next month I can't wait. It worked for me but it might work for you. Take a chance on life what to you got to loose.
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