Common Senseless Posted October 21, 2017 Posted October 21, 2017 Hi I had been desperately searching my mind for a clue to unlock the door towards more fulfilling relationships, and its been months, I am still searching for that clue. If it matters I am an Asian, and typically connect or date Asian women. The girls are generally between the ages of 25 to 35. Even when I was 22, I generally connect well with women within this age bracket, and if it matters, I am 32 now. Here is my issue. I believe I am not the type that would immediately attract a lady walking into a pub or club. I have had some glimpses and interests, but not at the level most men would catch eyes, I think. Nonetheless, when I do sit down and talk to a lady, we connect instantly. Irrespective of whether its a lady I met at the pub I frequent, someone from online, or at the office. We connect, she warms up, she isn't anxious at all and gets comfortable to just sit back and talk. Subsequent to that is the daily email exchanges and text messages we swap. It all goes really well. But when it comes time to ask for a formal date, I get the "I am not feeling well." "I am already on the way home, maybe another time" "I have a religious event" - wow do they have plans although its funny they are still texting/emailing me throughout the day despite attending those so-called events. At this point of rejection to my offer, I would either ignore or block them, and it just dies off. I don't understand why? I know for certain, other men don't go through that many conversations, before they get a date. But with me, its a long winded road and I am left bemused, if not amused. Based on my own thought process and reading online, I realised maybe I am the gay best friend. The guy you come to when you need a listening ear, conversation about anything and everything, and when in emotional ruins. But she sleeps with the dude who shows no similar affection.
CptInsano Posted October 21, 2017 Posted October 21, 2017 First of all, I think you're doing a of things right if you are able to approach women, have a good time talking to them and get their contact info. Many other people don't even get that far. The question of why they don't want to take it any further is complicated. I would assume that you will get the feedback in this forum that you need to be more manly in your approach, work out, change clothes and such. I will not discount that, it's indeed possible. In most cases that I have observed where I have observed men (and some women) were making connections that didn't go any further the following was true: a) They didn't talk to enough people. Making a connection is not very common, meaning that I would assume you are probably not compatible with more than 1% of women who would objectively be a good candidate. If the numbers are low simply talk to more women. b) They hit on exactly the wrong women. A classic case were some of my introverted friends trying to hook up with similarly introverted women. Absolutely nothing happened, neither side made a move. At the same time they were intimidated by women who would actively pursue them. One suggestion in that regard would be to gradually extend the circle of women you are trying to connect with. Most of all, do you have somebody who can give you RL feedback?
act00 Posted October 21, 2017 Posted October 21, 2017 A couple things stand out for me. Why aren't you arranging a date during this connection or immediately after when phone numbers are exchanged? Why are you texting and emailing for an extended period before asking them out? Don't lose that momentum on the initial meet. If they reject your suggestion, at least you won't waste a lot of time communicating with someone who isn't all that interested for days or weeks at a time. It would seem to me that there is some interest if they communicate with you, but when a date isn't forthcoming, that momentum could get lost. Maybe they like the idea of dating, but don't actually do it, and maybe they've fully friendzoned you...I don't know. The fact that these women are already on their way home or have a religious event or don't feel well, suggests to me that you're asking them out at the last minute. Why not set up a date for tomorrow or after work in the evening when they're free this week, or on the weekend? If some guy texted me to meet tonight, just as I'm leaving work or on the drive home, particularly if meeting means backtracking, I'm thinking no. I have a commute, I work super early, I go to bed super early, and the timing might just be off. If he asked when I was free during the week, at least it could give me some idea on how to plan my day and especially if I need to bring a change of clothes or some makeup to touch up and clean up before meeting -- this can depend on what field the lady works in. "Hey babe, how about tonight," (while she's driving home) isn't necessarily going to fly. Are you stopping communication and blocking (Really? Blocking?) after one rejection? That seems a bit overkill. Believe it or not, people have plans outside of you. I mean, this weekend might not work out due to prior plans, but maybe during the week or next weekend? I would hope they would suggest an alternative day, but some women expect the man to take the lead and ask, even a second ask. If after two rejections, then okay, drop the rope, but accept the notion that these women are not sitting at home waiting on the off-chance some dude might ask them out. No, they actually do stuff. Dating coworkers is not the best idea, and some women are not going to go there. Dating clients and customers crosses professional boundaries as well, and I don't know that you should expect much from this pool. Someone who is strongly religious isn't necessarily going to migrate towards a potential mate who doesn't fit within this culture or faith. With OLD this text and no meet can be pretty common. No meet, no text. Set up a date and text or email or talk as a precursor to this planned date, but if you express you'd like to meet once, even twice, with a no-go, then drop the rope. I don't know what you would think is too long, but two weeks might be reasonable...maybe less. It can be expected that the first weekend might be booked, so maybe next weekend...and of course there are weekdays if schedules allow. If I can't get a date out of them quickly, my motivation and interest drops significantly. I've done this pen-pal garbage more than once, and I'm over it. I agree with the above post, and maybe you're attracted to a type that overall isn't attracted to you as a "type," and perhaps you need to expand your horizons a little bit. Who knows what it is, but that's your mystery to solve. Maybe some friends can offer some insight. We tend to be more comfortable with what we know. Something different might feel off because it's not our normal, but maybe that other normal is a better fit, KWIM? It might help to expand, and this can be done within your preference of Asian women, I would think. Everyone has preferences and expectations, but if you have a very rigid set of ideas, then it's going to take longer to find the one that ticks every box, and you have to equally tick all of her boxes.
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