First First Date in 17 Years

[guest569]

If I had it to do again, I would not have mentioned the shyness.

 

I fake it til I make it, otherwise drawing attention to my shyness makes me withdraw even more! Anyway it sounds like the text was fine.

[jcm 800]

I fake it til I make it, otherwise drawing attention to my shyness makes me withdraw even more! Anyway it sounds like the text was fine.

 

Now that I've been through the first date, fake it 'till I make it is going to be what I do from now on.

 

Really hoping for a second date with the one from today, though. I'll likely ask tomorrow.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Glad it went well! Keep us posted!

[jcm 800]

Well, we had a quick text conversation this morning. She sent a picture of her in the Halloween costume she was making for a party she was going to last night. I would like to think that's a good sign. Haven't gotten a response to my last text, but it is typical of her to not respond during the day, and send one at night, so I'm laying low. I will definitely be asking her out for a second date if she responds tonight. If not, I'll ask tomorrow.

[staggerlee71]

always good to see a potential up and comer.

 

her sending Halloween pic is very good.

 

Keep us posted.

 

good luck, trust your gut, good job.

[jcm 800]

She had mentioned a song she really liked at one point. I am a musician. Would it be considered odd if I learned the song and sent a video of me playing and singing it? It's not a love song or anything like that. It's actually just a goofy tune.

 

Don't want to cross the line. I feel like it would have been OK to do that years ago, but it may not be looked at nicely if I did it now.

[staggerlee71]

what?? That would be smooth as ice. Play it for her in person.

 

Don't make it a big deal. Don't build it. When you have the guitar and her in the same place, just tell her, I know you like this one, and rip it.

 

She will melt. shows your listening to her, trying, and dare I say, romantic.

 

guitar and chicks go together like peanut butter and chocolate

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

what?? That would be smooth as ice. Play it for her in person.

 

Don't make it a big deal. Don't build it. When you have the guitar and her in the same place, just tell her, I know you like this one, and rip it.

 

She will melt. shows your listening to her, trying, and dare I say, romantic.

 

guitar and chicks go together like peanut butter and chocolate

 

Agree

 

But, I'd wait on this until after your second date.

 

Feel free to post it here, though

[jcm 800]

Guess my instincts are right then....I will do it in person (provided I hear from her....)

 

Yes, I am extremely shy guitarist/vocalist, and I have no idea what I am doing in the dating world.

[staggerlee71]

my partner I'm in business with has not dated in 5 years. a women has been showing interest in him and last night I read a text she sent him. it was so flirtatious and blatant and he had no idea. I was flabbergasted he let himself lose his ability to interpret the other sex

 

So moral, shape up!

 

look, go on instinct, what feels right and not always whats on your agenda. you can only talk your way out not in. Remember, she is looking for signs like you so she is not going to show you the way. you show, she reciprocates, you hold back, she does. be genuine, give her time to adjust to your flaws and have fun. a little at a time no rush for the good ones

[kassy]

Yay! Sound like you are good to go! The song thing will be a hit, agree with doing it inperson though!

 

Sounds like you are not going to have issues dating as your instincts seem pretty good. For what it's worth, if she was feeling quite nervous and shy on the first date too saying you were may have made her feel more comfortable. So I don't think it was a mistake. But in general try and keep things positive but you've got that already.

 

Have lots of fun!

[Highndry]

Guess my instincts are right then....I will do it in person (provided I hear from her....)

 

Yes, I am extremely shy guitarist/vocalist, and I have no idea what I am doing in the dating world.

 

Definitely learn the song, but play it for her in person rather than doing a video, like others said. She'll love it. Seriously. I am envious. I wish I wasn't such a hack on the guitar.

[jcm 800]

She never responded to my text yesterday, and in my overthinking mind that makes me think she's not interested, which I hope isn't true.

 

I realize she doesn't owe me anything at this point, especially not daily communication. Would I be overstepping by contacting her again today?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

She never responded to my text yesterday, and in my overthinking mind that makes me think she's not interested, which I hope isn't true.

 

I realize she doesn't owe me anything at this point, especially not daily communication. Would I be overstepping by contacting her again today?

 

I would wait.

[kassy]

Same wait, maybe give it another day. If nothing then send one more message then if nothing just move on

[1966Seahorse]

Hi jcm 800,

 

I can't add anything else to what others have said ....

 

... but I just wanted to say that you sound such a lovely person - I truly hope things go your way!

 

Good luck!

[translucentsoul]

So it got changed from coffee to a lunch date, which is very cool. It's also going to be warmer here than I thought today. The shirt I planned on wearing originally may be a little too heavy. I have two other shirts that are appropriate, but I was wearing them in my profile pics. Any reason I can't wear them today, or is that not cool?

 

Can you tell it's been a while since I've done this....?

 

I assume a guy has several similar shirts.

Or they are Steve Jobs.

[jcm 800]

So, we sent some more goofy jokey texts back and forth, and I asked her out again. To her credit, she got back to me and said that she enjoyed chatting with me, but wasn't sure where it was going. She also said that she liked me but didn't feel she was over her ex yet (but knew she didn't want to see him again) and wasn't sure if she should even be dating yet. She said she didn't want to string me along, and asked I'd be cool hanging out as friends.

 

Exes were discussed on our date, because I am just coming out of a marriage, and was up front about that on my profile. She asked some questions, and I asked her some. Her reply to me about still not being over her ex is consistent with what we talked about, so I don't feel like she was giving me the brush off.

 

I applaud her honesty, and I think it says a lot about her. She could have just stopped communicating altogether, and certainly didn't owe me any explanation, much less the one I got. I think she's a really nice person, so I'm fine hanging out as friends. In fact, she helped me out immensely already. I got the first, first date jitters out of my system.

 

I'm handling it surprisingly well. Usually rejection destroys me, but I'm OK with this.

 

Onward and upward.

Edited October 24, 2017 by jcm 800

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

So, we sent some more goofy jokey texts back and forth, and I asked her out again. To her credit, she got back to me and said that she enjoyed chatting with me, but wasn't sure where it was going. She also said that she liked me but didn't feel she was over her ex yet (but knew she didn't want to see him again) and wasn't sure if she should even be dating yet. She said she didn't want to string me along, and asked I'd be cool hanging out as friends.

 

Exes were discussed on our date, because I am just coming out of a marriage, and was up front about that on my profile. She asked some questions, and I asked her some. Her reply to me about still not being over her ex is consistent with what we talked about, so I don't feel like she was giving me the brush off.

 

I applaud her honesty, and I think it says a lot about her. She could have just stopped communicating altogether, and certainly didn't owe me any explanation, much less the one I got. I think she's a really nice person, so I'm fine hanging out as friends. In fact, she helped me out immensely already. I got the first, first date jitters out of my system.

 

I'm handling it surprisingly well. Usually rejection destroys me, but I'm OK with this.

 

Onward and upward.

 

I would not consider this rejection. But it is a sign of someone who really is not ready for a relationship, but was feeling lonely and vulnerable and wanted to see what was "out there." Then she realized, whoa, I don't think I'm ready. Be her friend. You may not quite be ready either. So you never know where it could eventually go.

[jcm 800]

My thoughts exactly, but I'm honestly not expecting anything other than a friendship. Long story short, my separation/divorce caused me to relocate to my hometown, where I hadn't lived in 25 years. I have a couple of friends, but for the most part most of my friends that I grew up with left the area. I'm glad I came back, but it's been difficult meeting people and getting reacquainted with the area. Making a friend is welcome.

 

I have also wondered if I am ready for a relationship. I feel that I am; the idea of one no longer frightens me, which it did a few months ago.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You sound like a very nice guy. I'm not dating at all now, but back when I was online dating, I did make friends with several men who I didn't end up dating, but remained friends with for a time. One I'm still friends with (he has a long term girlfriend). Some were the total opposite - they were jerks if you didn't immediately want a relationship. Be the first guy . You will be appreciated and respected, and who knows, even if nothing ever happens with this woman, she may very well think of you to set up with a friend in the future. It always pays to be nice and not burn bridges!

[jcm 800]

Thank you, Cautiously, I appreciate that. It's not in my nature to be a jerk about things like that. No reason to be. If nothing else, my split from my wife has reconnected me with the more understanding side of my personality.

 

I definitely think she was feeling some pressure to make this work on a romantic level, and to be fair, so was I. Now that the pressure is off, we've already set up a time to get together on Saturday, and have been texting each other tonight.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Thank you, Cautiously, I appreciate that. It's not in my nature to be a jerk about things like that. No reason to be. If nothing else, my split from my wife has reconnected me with the more understanding side of my personality.

 

I definitely think she was feeling some pressure to make this work on a romantic level, and to be fair, so was I. Now that the pressure is off, we've already set up a time to get together on Saturday, and have been texting each other tonight.

 

Perfect .

[jcm 800]

As I mentioned before, we are going out as friends for lunch tomorrow. Having said that, I now get the feeling via some things that were said in texts from this past week that there is still potential for something more. Almost like we're testing to see how we get along without the pressure of dating. I don't want to rush anything, and certainly don't want to put any pressure on her. Not my style.

 

Believe it or not, I've never been in this exact situation before. She already knows I think she's attractive (I told her), and I already know she thinks I'm attractive (she told me), and she said she liked me, but felt she was still working through something with her ex. There's part of me that's thinking of saying something along the lines of "I like you, let's just hang out as friends, and if anything else comes up, we'll cross that bridge."

 

Or should I just keep my mouth shut, hang out, and see what happens? Just not sure if I should address it or not.

 

I'm OK if we are just friends, but I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I wasn't attracted to her.

Edited October 27, 2017 by jcm 800

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

As I mentioned before, we are going out as friends for lunch tomorrow. Having said that, I now get the feeling via some things that were said in texts from this past week that there is still potential for something more. Almost like we're testing to see how we get along without the pressure of dating. I don't want to rush anything, and certainly don't want to put any pressure on her. Not my style.

 

Believe it or not, I've never been in this exact situation before. She already knows I think she's attractive (I told her), and I already know she thinks I'm attractive (she told me), and she said she liked me, but felt she was still working through something with her ex. There's part of me that's thinking of saying something along the lines of "I like you, let's just hang out as friends, and if anything else comes up, we'll cross that bridge."

 

Or should I just keep my mouth shut, hang out, and see what happens? Just not sure if I should address it or not.

 

I'm OK if we are just friends, but I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I wasn't attracted to her.

 

I don't think I would say that. I mean, you already have. It sounds like you two are already on the same page, so just try to have patience .

 

You said, "Believe it or not, I've never been in this exact situation before. She already knows I think she's attractive (I told her), and I already know she thinks I'm attractive (she told me), and she said she liked me..." This is the unnatural thing about online dating. There's already so much "pressure" for this new relationship to be a dating relationship because that's the whole purpose of it. It accelerates things in an unnatural way and puts pressure on the daters that isn't there if you meet organically. I'm not criticizing you for doing it, just offering my personal observations after a lot of OLD experience.