Art Vandelay Posted October 19, 2017 Posted October 19, 2017 I broke up with my GF 5 weeks ago and, surprisingly, I’m still hurting over her. I genuinely did not expect to miss her for this long based on my experiences with previous break ups. We were together for only 4 months so I’m at a loss as to why I’m still hurting for so long. It was a legitimate breakup; there were numerous red flags. I don’t have aspirations of reconciliation and I’m relieved to be out of the relationship. But damn, this pain is frustrating me. Anyone else have a similar experience? Thoughts?
KLB1996 Posted October 19, 2017 Posted October 19, 2017 Even though you're the one who broke it off, it doesn't mean you didn't care about her. You lost something too. It will take some time but you will move past it eventually. Do yourself a favor though and don't contact her again unless you truly are serious about a reconciliation. My ex bf broke up with me but continued to contact me "just to check in". I think he felt remorseful and I'm sure there were times, second guessed his decision. But it makes it harder for both of you to move on.
hippychick3 Posted October 19, 2017 Posted October 19, 2017 Even if she was the wrong person for you, she filled a space in your life during those 4 months. Now there is a void, and you're feeling that void. You probably cared about her and had positive experiences with her. You miss that. In time, you will fill that void with something or someone else. Get busy and get out there meeting new people and friends and finding new ways to fill your time.
Been Posted October 19, 2017 Posted October 19, 2017 Its a void that hasn't been filled that you are missing. May I ask what the red flags were?
Author Art Vandelay Posted October 20, 2017 Author Posted October 20, 2017 Thank you for your replies. I’ve been through a few breakups in my life and I knew I’d miss her. I implemented strict NC from the very beginning and haven’t broken it once. She reached out in an indirect way a few weeks ago but I ignored it and it didn’t affect me. I’ve lost a ton of weight, been busy with hobbies, and have been on a journey to improve my mind since before we broke up. I’m in a good place right now but it’s shadowed by my grief. I wish it were over so I could experience the full effects of the new me.
Author Art Vandelay Posted October 20, 2017 Author Posted October 20, 2017 Its a void that hasn't been filled that you are missing. May I ask what the red flags were? The three big ones: Massive age difference. She’s much younger than me. She was ok with it, I wasn’t. I think I would have been good with it eventually but the more time I spent with her, the more she revealed how immature she was in so many ways. You can be young and mature, she wasn’t. Ex Boyfriend. After my last serious relationship I vowed to never get involved with another woman whose ex/baby daddy is such a prominent part of her life. I get that he has to be in the picture but the nature of their relationship was extremely inappropriate given that she was in a serious relationship with another man. She was still in love with him when we met. My bad for not listening to my instincts. We were on completely different planes of existence. Especially with regard to career and life goals. I’m well established in my career, I make a good salary and I’m financially secure. She was the polar opposite in that aspect of our lives. She had no ambition to become anything and was way too financially dependent on me (I’m not talking about a couple of hundred dollars here and there), especially since the outflow of cash started after a couple of weeks of getting together. I like to think I wasn’t just a sugar daddy but I may never know for sure. I’m ok with that. There were others but after reading through many stories here, any one of those would have been enough for many of you to leave the relationship. I’m in a good place with my decision but given the myriad of problems I had with this girl, I’m a little worried about the longevity of my grief. 1
Been Posted October 20, 2017 Posted October 20, 2017 I think you get used to a person being around and then one day they aren't so it becomes hard to adjust to that. The reasons you listed to be honest make it sound as if the relationship would have ended very messy. I can tell you from first hand that messy break ups lead to hateful feelings. That if the break up is clean you don't end up becoming bitter or resentful towards that person.It hurts but it isn't like you regret that person even entering your life - you regret it didn't workout. Deep down you knew it wasn't going to work. And it still hurts but you made the right decision. And by doing that you avoided dragging out something that had all the signs of ending very badly.
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