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Guys, why am i so hung up on my ex??

Downanddown

By Downanddown
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Downanddown Established Member

Downanddown

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Hey guys

 

Relationship was 6 years. A rocky one from the start. Currently 3 months post bu.

 

Met her when she was 3 months behind rent. Landlord was coming after her very badly so i had to help her out. She was in the middle of going through a divorce ( has 2 kids)

 

We eventually moved in together. She was between jobs for abiut 4 years then i told her i would support her if she wanted to back to school. Which she did.

 

We constantly argued about little things that blew up always. 3 years in we got into a heated argyment. She slapped me hard and through my clothes out of the house which was paying for. Always snooped thru my phone. Constantly accusing me of cheating. It got so bad at one point she broke me down to tears because of it. Never cheatee by the way. I financially supported her and her kids all the time. Trips. Gifts etc...

 

Now dont get me wrong. I was no angel. Yelled alot. Difficult time understanding her feelings alot.

 

Then by the end of it she went back to her ex husband lol. Its funny but that killed me inside.

 

Just cant figure out why i cant take her off the pedestal. Codependancy? Insecure? I just cant atop the obessive thoughts

ZayKayWill Established Member

ZayKayWill

Posted
Posted

Honestly you probably deep down inside feel that part of it is your fault. I don't know the story you know it better than any of us here, but that's partly why it took me so long to get over my ex because I just couldn't stop blaming myself for everything and it haunted me. I feel that if you know deep down inside that she was just a stupid bitch or whatever and that it wasn't your fault at all then you wouldn't still be hung up on it, but that's just my two cents from my personal experience. You basically are trying to figure out what all exactly happened but you're not finding any answers despite all your overanalyzing, essentially trapping yourself in an endless pit.

 

 

Sorry I know that all sounds pretty harsh and straightforward but that's the best I've got. What helped me was getting a life coach and just talking everything out and laying everything on the table that I wanted to understand and weed out of my brain. Basically I had someone give me the answers that I wasn't able to find on my own...if that makes sense. Lol my best advice to you would be to find someone close to you and talk everything out. Give your brain a chance to vent out any questions that might be driving you mad. If you need someone to talk to and can't find anyone you're more than welcome to reach out to me. I know exactly how it is. Good luck.

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Downanddown Established Member

Downanddown

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Thanks brother

 

How do i contact you?

Maldives Established Member

Maldives

Posted
Posted (edited)
Hey guys

 

Relationship was 6 years. A rocky one from the start. Currently 3 months post bu.

 

Met her when she was 3 months behind rent. Landlord was coming after her very badly so i had to help her out. She was in the middle of going through a divorce ( has 2 kids)

 

We eventually moved in together. She was between jobs for abiut 4 years then i told her i would support her if she wanted to back to school. Which she did.

 

We constantly argued about little things that blew up always. 3 years in we got into a heated argyment. She slapped me hard and through my clothes out of the house which was paying for. Always snooped thru my phone. Constantly accusing me of cheating. It got so bad at one point she broke me down to tears because of it. Never cheatee by the way. I financially supported her and her kids all the time. Trips. Gifts etc...

 

Now dont get me wrong. I was no angel. Yelled alot. Difficult time understanding her feelings alot.

 

Then by the end of it she went back to her ex husband lol. Its funny but that killed me inside.

 

Just cant figure out why i cant take her off the pedestal. Codependancy? Insecure? I just cant atop the obessive thoughts

 

 

I feel the same one year on I call it unfinished business there are matters that were never resolved between u two and hence the obsessive thoughts that s why and most importantly u love her

Edited by Goodguy05
Maldives Established Member

Maldives

Posted
Posted
Honestly you probably deep down inside feel that part of it is your fault. I don't know the story you know it better than any of us here, but that's partly why it took me so long to get over my ex because I just couldn't stop blaming myself for everything and it haunted me. I feel that if you know deep down inside that she was just a stupid bitch or whatever and that it wasn't your fault at all then you wouldn't still be hung up on it, but that's just my two cents from my personal experience. You basically are trying to figure out what all exactly happened but you're not finding any answers despite all your overanalyzing, essentially trapping yourself in an endless pit.

 

 

Sorry I know that all sounds pretty harsh and straightforward but that's the best I've got. What helped me was getting a life coach and just talking everything out and laying everything on the table that I wanted to understand and weed out of my brain. Basically I had someone give me the answers that I wasn't able to find on my own...if that makes sense. Lol my best advice to you would be to find someone close to you and talk everything out. Give your brain a chance to vent out any questions that might be driving you mad. If you need someone to talk to and can't find anyone you're more than welcome to reach out to me. I know exactly how it is. Good luck.

 

 

Agree too wth the above another big one self blame. The life coach sounds like a great idea there's no price to peace of mind

ZayKayWill Established Member

ZayKayWill

Posted
Posted
Thanks brother

 

How do i contact you?

 

Send me a message? Lol :)

Beachead Established Member

Beachead

Posted
Posted (edited)
Hey guys

 

Relationship was 6 years. A rocky one from the start. Currently 3 months post bu.

 

Met her when she was 3 months behind rent. Landlord was coming after her very badly so i had to help her out. She was in the middle of going through a divorce ( has 2 kids)

 

We eventually moved in together. She was between jobs for abiut 4 years then i told her i would support her if she wanted to back to school. Which she did.

 

We constantly argued about little things that blew up always. 3 years in we got into a heated argyment. She slapped me hard and through my clothes out of the house which was paying for. Always snooped thru my phone. Constantly accusing me of cheating. It got so bad at one point she broke me down to tears because of it. Never cheatee by the way. I financially supported her and her kids all the time. Trips. Gifts etc...

 

Now dont get me wrong. I was no angel. Yelled alot. Difficult time understanding her feelings alot.

 

Then by the end of it she went back to her ex husband lol. Its funny but that killed me inside.

 

Just cant figure out why i cant take her off the pedestal. Codependancy? Insecure? I just cant atop the obessive thoughts

 

Hi OP,

 

Sorry for what you are feeling. I understand the pain.

 

You ask why?

 

Because it was a 6 year relationship and you love her. Because you're attached and used to the routine you had with her and now it's gone. Because there were issues that were probably left up in the air for which you are blaming yourself for. Because you still have hope (Which is the worst because it completely stops you from looking ahead).

 

I had trouble moving on from some of my exes and what really changed that was when I came back for answers. They were rude, cold, hurtful, unemotional when I spoke to them. It hurt. But after such conversations, I always found it was like a weight was lifted off of me. Most people on here will advise to you go No Contact to protect you but sometimes we need that reminder before we are ready to cut ties. If you choose to do this, just know what you want out of the conversation and expect a world of pain because you two will not get back together. She will be cold as ice too. But, just stick to the plan, make sure your questions are answered, and keep cool. If you lose your cool, you will regret it later on and want to come back to apologize which will backfire and make it worse. Always keep cool and use the pain to help you accept things and move on.

 

Goodluck

Edited by Beachead
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