DaveofDefeat Posted August 17, 2005 Posted August 17, 2005 Hi, I've been reading throught the forums for some time and have not found anyone in the same situation as me so I decided I should post. I am an 20 year old guy in a relationship with a 23 year old girl (24 sep 1st.) We have been "dating" for about 5 months now. However we have been friends for about 2 years. We met eachother working for the same company 2 years ago. I was shy and she was very out-going. There was just something about her... I fell in love with her and I guess you could say I became obsessed over her. We went out as friends many times. Meanwhile she went through numerous boyfriends. About 6 1/2 months ago she needed a roommate and asked if I would move in. Of course I jumped at the opportunity. So, I was her friend/ roommate. meanwhile... She still went through many boyfriends. All the while, I would occasionally tell her Of my strong feelings for her. We would kiss, almost have sex... Then she would back off and talk about how she can't do this. Would say I'm too young, too in-experienced (I was a virgin). I was hurt soo many times and so badly by this girl. However I still loved her. We would have great times together when we were alone. anyways, after living there a month and a half. I was about ready to move out. I wanted to give up. and search for someone else. But then, a mutual friend of ours who knew both of us through work (I no longer worked with her) convinced her that she should give me a shot... Now we are together. I quit smoking for her, sold my car to put a down payment on a house. We are living together in this house. She wants to have Babies get married. I do too (I think). The problem is. Everyday I remember all the hurtful things she put me through in the past (Mind you, I havent named any of them really). We have talked about it. She says she's sorry. \ I can't help feeling a little disgusted at the number of sexual partners she's had (over 20). I can't stop feeling resentment for her for hurting me so many times... But, on the other hand I love her to death. She Lived a wild lifestyle, of barhopping and sleeping around. Before I was with her It didn't bother me nearly as much as it does now! I wish she didnt have such a wild past. I wish I could go back in time and change things. I have no desire to even the playing field by sleeping with more women... I just wish she wouldn't have slept with so many other men... Right infront of my face! I want to know If anyone else out there is, or has been in a similar situation. Can you tell me. Will these feelings that keep pestering me in the back of my head subside with time? Or will they only get worse? Thanks, Dave
Rocko Posted August 17, 2005 Posted August 17, 2005 They'll only get worse the more you think about it. I would think this happens in a lot of relationships that are "un-balanced." You need to let go of the past, otherwise it will threaten your future.
Author DaveofDefeat Posted August 18, 2005 Author Posted August 18, 2005 Thank you Rocko for replying. I know I need to let go of the past and move on. I have been trying to forget the past but it has proved to be very difficult. These feelings I have seem to linger in the back of my head, and attack my brain when I let my guard up. I am not constantly dwelling on the past... In fact, When I am with my girlfriend I rarely do. Usually we just have fun together and enjoy eachothers company and love. No, these feelings I have seem to come out either when I am away from her. My mind wanders, and always seems to stumble into the back of my head where the bad thoughts lie. Or, on occasions when something comes up that reminds me of her, or my, past lives (before we were together.) For example, we run into an old boyfriend at the supermarket. I want to know If there are others on this board who are, or have been in a relationship similar to mine. Has anyone else been in a "un-balanced" relationship? Did this relationship stand the test of time for you? I think my main problem is that I never realy had any closure... In other words... I went from being ready to leave her completely, after being her "friend" for so long.... TO being her boyfriend Literally overnight... This girl, My girlfriend, is all I have... I want these feeling to go away. I only want to feel love for her. Thats it! Tell me, Do I need instant closure? Or will time slowly serve me the closure I need? Thank you, Dave
fundamental Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 It seems like you love her but you don't trust her. Perhaps you feel that she doesn't truly value you and the relationship because of all the partners. It's even worse because you were her friend while she was going through all of the boyfriends and .....the worst part is that you still see some of these exs around. You probably also feel that you are not the last guy on her list....and you are not sure if she truly wants a committed relationship at 23/24 years old. Maybe she does...maybe she doesn't. I really don't know how you deal with being in an unbalanced relationship but maybe you need to slow things down and talk with her. You have to communicate your every thought and concern to her because if you don't, you may never get the closure you need. These issues must be settled or else the relationship is probably doomed.
hjhj Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 When I was your age, I was the exact same way.. I wanted to know everybody my girl slept with. How many. When. It drove me crazy.. Now, I am 30.. At this age, it really doesnt matter at all anymore. I have matured. I have slept with my fair share, and if i meet someone i like, it doesnt matter at all about their past. I dont want tyo hear details, but i dont really think about it at all..
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