caputo77 Posted October 19, 2017 Posted October 19, 2017 I was seeing this guy and he was REALLY into me when he suddenly friendzoned me. His excuse was that he had anxiety about our different religious beliefs. He said maybe down the line we'd decide it wasn't actually that big of a deal and could be together. Whatever. I agreed to be friends since he had always been pretty honest and genuine with me so it made sense to take him at his word. He continued to act like he was into me, texting me most days and asking me to hang out when I was home (I'm away at school most of the time). We went out yesterday and although everything remained platonic I felt we had a good time. He was kind of looking at me like he wanted me most of the time and kept trying to get close to me. It led to me having enough confidence to ask if he wanted to hang out tonight after he got off work since I would be in his area. I was gonna tell him I didn't want to just be friends. He answered and said he wanted to hang out, but wasn't totally sure when he'd be off work but he'd let me know. I thought it was a weird answer but let it go and said okay, and for him to let me know. I even gave him an out and said if he was feeling too tired after work that was no big deal. Fast forward to 9:00 pm (he was supposed to get off at 8) and he hadn't texted me. I was pissed and felt pretty rejected. Then at about 10 he finally texted me and apologized for not texting, saying he had hurt his back at work, gone home early, taken painkillers and fallen asleep. It's realistic because I know he was doing heavy lifting at work today. But he also lives a twenty minute drive from work. So he was fine enough to drive all the way home but not fine enough to send me a split second text saying it wasn't gonna work for us to hang out? I don't wanna be psycho but I'm just tired of games. Even if his story is true and he does actually like me, I don't want him to think he can just blow me off like that and I'll immediately be okay with it. So do I ignore the text and not answer? Do I call him out? Or do I just say "okay, feel better" and pretend nothing's wrong? I'm typically a very passive person and always give people the benefit of the doubt but it's NEVER worked for me in the past, so I want to do something different this time, but also don't want to lose him by overreacting. I work seasonally at the same place as him and have to go back for a month over Christmas. It's a casual job and I don't have to directly work with him super often, but whatever way I can make it minimally awkward while still standing up for myself would be preferred.
JEG88 Posted October 19, 2017 Posted October 19, 2017 Simple. He's just not that into you. Don't get desperate or clingy. Forget him and find someone else. 3
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 19, 2017 Posted October 19, 2017 Are you both men? Is it possible he is not out?
Miss Spider Posted October 19, 2017 Posted October 19, 2017 I know I said this in your last thread but he's not interested and you shouldn't waste anymore time & energy on him. Respond to the blow off by saying "No problem. Hope you feel better" then delete them from your contacts and move on. 1
act00 Posted October 19, 2017 Posted October 19, 2017 You gave this friend thing a try. He's acting like he's interested. Friends don't try to snuggle close to each other. When was the last time you did that with any of your platonic friends? He's not interested or he wants to keep a backup or something. He's messing with you, though not necessarily deliberately. Religion can be a really big issue later on, especially around marriage and children, so I would say if religious beliefs are causing a bump now, it's going to be an explosion later...learn about his religion, and I mean, hit every "anti" or "ex" site you can find to get "the other side." These anti sites could be completely out of control conspiracy, but you'll learn some of the real problems, and you can follow up those problems with internet searches and pro sites and decide if this is something you want in your life and if conversion or raising the children in this environment is what you want. I realize you're not destined to be married after a date or two, but let's not even start something if you can't tolerate his beliefs at all. It could also give you insight on his behaviors. I don't know about responding. Just say, "Okay, hope you feel better," and don't contact him again. Don't go out with him again. When you see him at your seasonal job, just be pleasant with him like with anyone else and go about your business. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 19, 2017 Posted October 19, 2017 What religious differences? You think he 'wants' you? Sexually? So much for religious concerns. :-/ He may be involved with another woman, but yes, he could have easily informed you that he would not make the meet-up.
Author caputo77 Posted October 19, 2017 Author Posted October 19, 2017 Thanks everyone, I appreciate the advice. I guess I was just upset last night and sort of needed to vent, but I definitely see now that this blow off was a pretty clear message that he's not into me the way I want him to be. It's a bitter pill to swallow but I get it. I answered and just said that I hoped he would feel better and left it at that. There's really no point in me trying to remain friends with him on a level any more intensive than work friends because my emotions last night have proven that it'll only hurt me. No need to hang out outside of work, no need to text every day, etc. From now on I'm just going to keep things pleasant with him so work won't be awkward and instead of obsessing over him, focus on myself Thanks again! 2
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