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Why did she say this?

coledvids

By coledvids
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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coledvids Established Member

coledvids

Posted
Posted (edited)

Been broken up with my ex for about two months or so, now (she broke up with me)

 

Spoke to her yesterday - she asked me what I was doing this weekend and I said I was having a friend over. Basically told her that I was having a female friend over. Told her it's someone I've 'met" but that we are just friends.

 

During the day my ex said (in two different messages, and unrelated to the conversations we were having at the time)

 

- "I'm glad you've moved on to someone else, hope it works out well"

- "Throw yourself into your new friend, that will give you something to do"

 

Then, we had a bit of an argument in the evening and she said,

 

"Look, I've moved on. I've met someone else. There's no need for us to have contact anymore"

 

Again, this was unrelated to what we were actually discussing.

 

Previous to this (a day or two ago), she'd told me she hadn't been seeing anyone. I'm getting the feeling she's just saying this and it isn't actually true. I just think it's odd. Maybe she is seeing someone - that's fine. I just wondered what people got from that?

 

(Also no, we haven't been full NC but.... it just hasn't worked out that way)

Edited by coledvids
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Trust666 Established Member

Trust666

Posted
Posted

Who initiated the original contact leading to this?

 

What it means to me is, move on with the new girl. I have no idea what she means, she could be making it up about the new guy, it could be true etc,

 

Without knowing you 2 it's tough to know anything.

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coledvids Established Member

coledvids

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Posted
Who initiated the original contact leading to this?

 

What it means to me is, move on with the new girl. I have no idea what she means, she could be making it up about the new guy, it could be true etc,

 

Without knowing you 2 it's tough to know anything.

 

Well, I initiated on this particular day but it's kind of both of us, really.

 

Yeah, it's hard to know and I'm in the situation. She's maintained for a while that she wasn't seeing anyone. As soon as I mention a potential new partner, she mentions one. I don't know.

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted

People say weird stuff after breakups and often want to give the impression they have moved on and don't care anymore. She's probably trying to one up you because it's embarrassing for a person you dumped to start dating before you. That's an ego hit to her. It doesn't really matter if she's dating someone. Just don't talk to her again.

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coledvids Established Member

coledvids

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People say weird stuff after breakups and often want to give the impression they have moved on and don't care anymore. She's probably trying to one up you because it's embarrassing for a person you dumped to start dating before you. That's an ego hit to her. It doesn't really matter if she's dating someone. Just don't talk to her again.

 

Hey BC. This is what I'm thinking. She has maintained quite adamantly that she wasn't with anyone and now this. I do think she was surprised to learn that I'd been 'seeing' someone and is surprised at how it's making her feel. I think her ego has been hit, and part of me thinks she said it because she just wanted me to be upset about her again.

 

My friend said something which made me laugh; that exes, no matter how much they don't want you, can't stand it when they find out you're moving on/forgetting about them. I do think my ex expected me to do a lot more sitting around moping for a longer period of time.

 

My gut feeling says she isn't with anyone and that she just wants to 'save face' in this situation.

 

But I won't be talking to her again, no.

Highndry Established Member

Highndry

Posted
Posted

She definitely took a blow to her ego, so now she's trying to hurt you and save face. She's not seeing anybody, she's playing games. Count yourself lucky you're moving on from this one.

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staggerlee71 Established Member

staggerlee71

Posted
Posted

whatever her motive, this breakup needs space.

 

Until there is a line of communication that is open and honest and doesn't need decoding, its in a bad place.

 

Either start asking what you want to know or stop talking for a while so you can get a centered perspective

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coledvids Established Member

coledvids

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She definitely took a blow to her ego, so now she's trying to hurt you and save face. She's not seeing anybody, she's playing games. Count yourself lucky you're moving on from this one.

 

I think so, too. Definitely game playing. Thank you though - I count myself lucky, believe me.

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coledvids Established Member

coledvids

Posted
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Posted
whatever her motive, this breakup needs space.

 

Until there is a line of communication that is open and honest and doesn't need decoding, its in a bad place.

 

Either start asking what you want to know or stop talking for a while so you can get a centered perspective

 

I agree with you. I don't want to stay in contact anymore, it was just a messy break up but she is one of those NPD/BPD emotionally abusive type people so... I'm staying away from now.

 

Know it looks like I care and I probably do a tiny bit, but I'm not as devastated as I was when we broke up and I can do without her in my life.

Highndry Established Member

Highndry

Posted
Posted
I agree with you. I don't want to stay in contact anymore, it was just a messy break up but she is one of those NPD/BPD emotionally abusive type people so... I'm staying away from now.

 

Know it looks like I care and I probably do a tiny bit, but I'm not as devastated as I was when we broke up and I can do without her in my life.

 

It seems a lot of us guys who came here had women of that nature. I don't think those type women are the majority, I just think they cause so much damage that us guys actually seek out info online because it's so confusing and painful.

 

Lately, I've been feeling happy it's over. I can't wait to meet a woman deserving of my attention and affection, not some emotional vampire who's draining the life out of me.

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coledvids Established Member

coledvids

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It seems a lot of us guys who came here had women of that nature. I don't think those type women are the majority, I just think they cause so much damage that us guys actually seek out info online because it's so confusing and painful.

 

Lately, I've been feeling happy it's over. I can't wait to meet a woman deserving of my attention and affection, not some emotional vampire who's draining the life out of me.

 

It gets like that, yeah. The pain is so intense and isolating that you seek out comfort and help online - the damage they cause is disgusting. I'm sorry you went through a bad time though, man. Sounds like you're getting stronger because of it, though.

 

The woman I've started hanging out with is so different from those crazy BPD types... I never thought I'd meet someone like that. And it's a relief to just chill with someone and talk to someone who isn't doing things like manipulating you or playing games. It's literally like a breath of fresh air.

 

So what I'm saying to you High is, it'll happen for you too, man. Trust me, she's out there ;)

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