What if you want sex but not *just* sex....?

[Coventina]

 

I've been on 4 dates now with this guy. He now casually mentions that his ex gf was an escort (which is just a polite way of saying she was a prostitute). He said this as if it is the most normal, natural thing in the world for somebody to have sex for a living.

 

I can't remember the exact context but he was talking about how she said certain clients were easy work because all they wanted was to be "fisted" and whipped. I'm sorry but none of this is normal to me.

 

Also, the health implications. Surely a prostitute would have had unprotected oral sex with hundreds of men?

[grays]

Do you think he doesnt get tested for std's? Everyone who's sexually active should be.

[Gaeta]

If she was an escort hired by an agency she was having to follow strick rules and yes, she used condoms for intercourse and also for oral and they get tested. These agencies are promising you a girl of quality that's clean, they have a reputation to keep.

 

I have a friend who dated an escort. It was her way to put herself through University she was in discord with her parents. She has left the business now.

 

You will need to date him for 3 months (no sex or protected sex) then he goes for a screening.

 

If you are the conservative and traditional type I suggest you move along to the next guy instead of making him feel dirty or below you.

[Highndry]

I've got to be honest here - any guy who is fine with his girlfriend having sex with other guys, not to mention for money, has something strange going on upstairs. Just my opinion, of course...

[Coventina]

I'm 4 dates in with a new guy. Things have been very sexually charged since the 2nd date. We've not actually had sex yet but it's becoming difficult not to.

 

Although there is a lot of physical attraction the thing I'm even more interested in is the mental connection. We talk for hours and hours. I don't want just sex or a friends with benefits thing. Are we supposed to keep holding off from sex?

[stillafool]

You do what you want to do not what you're supposed to do. If you want sex and are of age then have it. If you want to wait until you establish more of a mental connection then wait until that happens. The decision is yours to make.

[Gaeta]

Tell him you'd like to continue seeing him and getting to know him but *exclusively* and what he thinks about it.

 

His answer will tell you all you need to know.

[Coventina]

Tell him you'd like to continue seeing him and getting to know him but *exclusively* and what he thinks about it.

 

His answer will tell you all you need to know.

 

That makes sense. We started to have this conversation the other day but then it all went a bit crazy. He said, "do you want to go out with me?" which here in the UK means "do you want us to date?" or "do you want us to be exclusive/have a relationship?"

 

However I thought he meant did I want to go out with him as in did I want to go out to breakfast, so I responded with "where?"

 

And before the conversation could continue we started making out and almost having sex --- again ---. And we ended up both being horribly late for work. Jeez.

 

I am usually a very controlled, discliplined person but suddenly everything is going a bit crazy. This is the first time in a good 10 years I've even let a man I'm not in a serious relationship with into my apartment, let alone sleep in the same bed and constantly be almost ripping each other's clothes off. There is a lot more physical chemistry or whatever you want to call it going on here than I am used to or have ever experienced before and I'm not really handling it properly I guess.

[Gaeta]

He may have interpreted your answer as you're avoiding the exclusivity talk so it's your job to bring the topic back. If you are THAT attracted to each other and you share THAT much chemistry then what do you fear? Ask him in a very light and funny way : Can I be your gf?

[Coventina]

He may have interpreted your answer as you're avoiding the exclusivity talk so it's your job to bring the topic back. If you are THAT attracted to each other and you share THAT much chemistry then what do you fear? Ask him in a very light and funny way : Can I be your gf?

 

Good question. It's a situation I'm not used to. I had put it down to alcohol initially but we're like this when stone-cold sober as well. It's sort of like one second we're arguing about politics or something and the next second we're quite literally on the floor tearing each other's clothes off but it's not clear how we got there (i.e. how we seamlessly went from some kind of heated argument about politics to...that). Of course it would make sense to lose track of time a tiny bit like that if you're drunk, but not really if you're stone cold sober. It's hard to explain.

 

I made some joke about "IF I agree to see you again" and we both cracked up laughing as if the possibility of not seeing each other again is so ridiculous. But in my experience when you're only 4 dates into something seeing each other again isn't usually some sort of inevitability.

[Gaeta]

I made some joke about "IF I agree to see you again" and we both cracked up laughing as if the possibility of not seeing each other again is so ridiculous. But in my experience when you're only 4 dates into something seeing each other again isn't usually some sort of inevitability.

 

My ex-bf asked me to date exclusively on our 3rd date and I addressed exclusivity with my current bf on our 5th date. You are right in that period of time where it's normal to address it.

[heavenonearth]

Everyone's different. If you WANT to be exclusive with him, tell him.

Is it important to you that you are exclusive before having sex?

What are you afraid of?

That he will not call you back after you sleep with him?

It seems he likes you a lot as well, and that he won't just run off after you have sex.

 

Anecdote:

My boyfriend and me had sex on our second date. I then encouraged him to date others, as I was still seeing someone else, and was not sure if I should go for my BF or the other guy (the other guy seemed more of a safe bet, where as my BF was almost too good to be true).

Anyway, my BF took my advice, went on a date with another girl and came to my house afterwards basically begging me for exclusivity.

I told him that I'm in. And then that was that. It's just that I needed HIS PUSH in order to DARE to GO FOR IT!

It can be scary to fall in love. But sometimes you need to take risks in order to be happy!

[kassy]

Current boyfriend asked me on our 5th date, it was pretty cute and our relationship sounds similar except we were always sober and didn't have sex till the 5th date. Just ask him, he clearly already tried to ask you so I think you're pretty safe he will say yes!

 

Enjoy the great sex, I know I am!

[heavenonearth]

I've got to be honest here - any guy who is fine with his girlfriend having sex with other guys, not to mention for money, has something strange going on upstairs. Just my opinion, of course...

 

I'd like to think that you can't help who you fall in love with.

[kendahke]

You should have a talk since it seems things are headed in that direction.

[d0nnivain]

Unless he was telling you this in the context of why his past requires both of you to get tested before you have sex I would not have a 5th date with this man. It was crass of him to tell you about her "profession". To me it sounded like some sort of humble brag e.g. him telling you that you better be good in bed because he thinks he's enough of a stud to keep a pro coming back for more.

[Gaeta]

Is this the same man as in your other thread? with an ex-prostitute gf?

[kendahke]

 

I've been on 4 dates now with this guy. He now casually mentions that his ex gf was an escort (which is just a polite way of saying she was a prostitute). He said this as if it is the most normal, natural thing in the world for somebody to have sex for a living.

 

I can't remember the exact context but he was talking about how she said certain clients were easy work because all they wanted was to be "fisted" and whipped. I'm sorry but none of this is normal to me.

 

Also, the health implications. Surely a prostitute would have had unprotected oral sex with hundreds of men?

 

Stop being judgmental. In your other thread, you're burning to have sex with him.

 

Streetwalkers and escorts are two different genres of the same industry. By and large, because of the business of escort services, they are tested regularly and most likely don't have unprotected sex with customers.

 

You shouldn't be having unprotected sex with anyone, period. You don't have to have been with a professional to pick up something--just with someone too nasty and trifling to look out for their own health.

 

So stop dating him if it bothers you that much.

 

But like I said in your other thread, you really need to have a conversation with him.

 

And both of you get tested.

[Els]

I'm confused. Is this the same guy as http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/638895-guy-says-all-right-things-i-don-t-hear ???

 

We've been out for dinner numerous times, gone out for breakfast, gone out for drives, gone out for drinks, hung with his work colleagues....

 

That's quite a bit more than 4 dates, lol.

[smackie9]

OK so this guy's ex is a hooker.......Not sure why you would be toying with the idea of dating someone who doesn't see a problem with this. Already you have posted different threads about the same guy about different issues. Why not just ball it all up for us? You don't want us to see a problem with him? For your own sake, your anxiety and insecurity issues....don't date someone like this because you don't trust him. You have noticed he says all the right hings to lure you in, now you are worried this guy is just in it for sex, or doesn't have the ability to have a normal relationship. Like I always say, if it doesn't feel right, then it's not.

[Coventina]

I'm confused. Is this the same guy as http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/638895-guy-says-all-right-things-i-don-t-hear ???

 

 

 

That's quite a bit more than 4 dates, lol.

 

we have crammed ALL of that into just 4 dates. The shortest date so far has lasted 5 hours. The rest have gone on for 24 hours or more per date.

[Coventina]

Unless he was telling you this in the context of why his past requires both of you to get tested before you have sex I would not have a 5th date with this man. It was crass of him to tell you about her "profession". To me it sounded like some sort of humble brag e.g. him telling you that you better be good in bed because he thinks he's enough of a stud to keep a pro coming back for more.

 

He wasn't bragging. He's very honest, perhaps a bit too honest at times, and is not afraid to reveal things about his past that aren't especially flattering.

[Cobra_X]

But I STILL feel insecure. Like I said at the beginning of this post, I'm aware that I have issues with insecurity. But I am just really trying not to mess this one up as I think this guy is really, really cool.

Any tips to help me actually listen to what he's saying and doing and not let my insecurities ruin everything?

 

Interesting. Lots of compliments regarding how you look. I don't recommend any guy do that. Compliments should be given non verbally.

 

I don't really know how to set your insecurities aside. Do the compliments make you feel insecure?

[Gaeta]

Is this the guy that says all the right thing? I am getting a better picture here.

 

This guy keeps giving you compliments on your looks only. This put together with 4 dates of several hours all done in a short time. Those 4 dates happened over how long?

 

This man knows what he's doing, he's trying to create the illusion of 'familiarity' so you bring your guards down.

[Els]

we have crammed ALL of that into just 4 dates. The shortest date so far has lasted 5 hours. The rest have gone on for 24 hours or more per date.

 

Okay, so it's the same guy that's been dishing out compliments like candy, where most of the compliments are about your appearance.

 

Honestly, it sounds to me like everything is being piled on awfully thick and fast. It's hard to say whether there's potential for "more than just sex" or not based on that.

 

I mean, if you want to have sex with him, then have sex with him. Just be prepared for the possibility that it could actually BE "just sex", otherwise you might end up pretty heartbroken. Personally, as someone who desires a mental connection above all else (and who has it with my SO), I would wait and see how things go.