Her stepbro is moving in with us and I feel I have good reason to worry

[sglidden]

So the background is that my gf and I have been together for over 3 years now. We’re planning to marry but are waiting until we finish school to set a date. We both live with her mom and her stepdad to save money while we’re in school. Her mom trusts us because she knows we’re both committed christians and are waiting until marriage to have sex (we also have separate rooms, of course).

 

Recently her mom told us that her sb was going to be moving in with us. At first I had no problem with this at all, and wasn’t worried in the least. First, I trust my gf. She shares my values and has never given me a reason to be suspicious. I’ve always felt I could trust her because she’s never flirted with other guys and I was even her first serious bf. She’s never even made out with another guy, and she’s never even talked about any other guys. So I’ve always felt secure with her because of this. And secondly, I saw some pics of this guy, and he just isn’t her type at all. He’s a long haired metalhead punk type, even smokes, which is the exact opposite of what my gf goes for. She’s always liked the clean cut look, in fact I used to have long hair myself but she made me cut it short, so I felt pretty confident that I wouldn’t have anything to worry about, even tho his room is going to be downstairs, right next to hers.

 

So in light of all this, I’m sure you can imagine my surprise when I started hearing her talk in very sexually explicit terms about this guy with her friends. They will talk about how ‘hot’ he is, and they even discuss his specific body parts in great detail. As an example, she was talking once about how she had seen him mowing the lawn at his dad’s house without his shirt on, and she said ‘I was like uuuunnnnggghhh’ and then made this weird face like she was having trouble controlling herself. She had NEVER talked about a guy like that before. Ever. It honestly shocks me, but even more shocking to me is her response when I complain about it. She’ll just laugh and act like I’m making a big deal about nothing. She will say things like ‘it’s just talk’ or ‘you know I would never cheat on you’ or ‘omg, you’re so jealous’, and basically try to turn it around like I’m the problem. But imo I think it’s inappropriate to talk about someone else like that when you’re in a relationship, and I have never, and would never, do that. And especially not if it was a girl who was going to have a room right next to mine in a private area downstairs.

 

On top of all this, she has admitted to me that she’s attracted to him. Now, I know that’s normal, heck, I’m attracted to other girls myself, but it seems odd to me to openly admit that to your SO. She’s asked me about girls I’m attracted to, but I’ve always just said ‘no, I’m not’, just so she wouldn’t worry. But when I asked her, she’s like ‘of course, all the girls are. He’s hot’, and then she started naming a bunch of hot girls we both know and asking me am I not attracted to them. Well, of course I am, but I wouldn’t talk about it in front of her. Nor are any of them going to be living with me. I told her she was giving me reason to worry.

 

The icing on the cake tho, imho, is what she keeps saying to me to try and make me NOT worry, which to me is really f*ed up and just makes me worry more. Whenever I express my concerns, she keeps telling me I have nothing to worry about because he ‘has a gf’ or ‘he’s in a relationship’. As if otherwise, yes, I should be worried. And she even admitted this yesterday when I pressed her on it. I said to her, ‘so, you would hit on him if he was not in a relationship?’ She just shrugged her shoulders. I told her I thought she would. She said she didn’t think she would but then she gave me this helpless look and said ‘but it would be soooo hard’. I sarcastically told her thanks for putting me at ease and she gave me her usual response, ‘well, it doesn’t matter because he’s in a relationship, so there’s really nothing to worry about'.

 

I’ve about had enough of all this stress and worry and am seriously considering ending it, but I could hardly imagine being with anyone else and I do live here. I figured I’d try and get some input before deciding how to proceed. Am I wrong here? And if not, why is she suddenly acting like this? It’s so out of character for her I’m wondering if she’s testing me somehow. That’s what one of her friends told me she thinks she might be doing. Testing me to see if I really like her and will fight for her. But imho it doesn’t seem like that, and at what point is her little game going to end?

 

What do you think I should do? He will be moving in in about a week, and I’d really like to get some kind of resolution before that happens. Obviously, if this is still going on then I don’t think I could handle it.

[morrowrd]

She hasn't been with anyone else but you and doesn't mind dismissing her behavior and downplays her attraction to this guy in a sarcastic way. I do believe she might be resentful of you - and I'm wondering if she would like to spread her wings, but you're in the way. She's possibly feeling like she's missing out, which is understandable. I'd be uncomfortable with the situation myself, including the living arrangements, but really the only advice is to wait and see. Stop nagging her, or you will sink this ship, by your own hand. Focus instead on being her boyfriend, not in a needy clingy way, but do fun things with her. Make her smile, laugh, treat her well, and just relax and see what happens.

 

If she becomes disrespectful of your relationship by being obvious about an attraction to him, or somebody else, I would consider ending things or maybe separate and agree to date others. If you're meant to be, you'll be. In my opinion, her behavior is borderline, you can take it either way, but hasn't really crossed the line yet to where it's an actual deal breaker. Openly complimenting him to his face, or of course flirting, isn't anything your should live with. Oogling him (or anyone else) in front of you is also disrespectful.

 

One thing to remember, it's easy to mis-communicate when there is tension. Jealousy and resentment both are motivators of miscommunication which can lead to conflict. Watch yourself and make sure your jealousy isn't clouding any of your judgement. If you have a friend who knows you pretty well, and is able and willing to give you non-bias feedback, talk to them and see if they see, what you see.

Edited October 17, 2017 by morrowrd

[sglidden]

Thanks for the feedback, Morrowrd.

 

The problem with getting unbiased opinions is that only her friends have been there when she's talking about him. However, I'm pretty good friends myself with one of them, and she told me she thinks my gf might be trying to make me jealous on purpose, just to make sure I 'want it as much as she does' as she put it. I hope she's right, but still I think that's a pretty screwed up way to treat your SO. I would never make my gf jealous on purpose just to assess her feelings for me. I'd find some other way to test her.

 

As far as not nagging her and just trying to be a good bf, I see your point and will try that. I know I can get jealous really easy and I don't want to drive her away by letting it get the best of me. I just find her behavior really disturbing because it's so not like her to act like this. I've never even caught her looking at other guys. So you can probably understand why I'm really worried about this.

[Gaeta]

How old are you 2? and how long have you been living under her parents?

[BaileyB]

Thanks for the feedback, Morrowrd.

 

The problem with getting unbiased opinions is that only her friends have been there when she's talking about him. However, I'm pretty good friends myself with one of them, and she told me she thinks my gf might be trying to make me jealous on purpose, just to make sure I 'want it as much as she does' as she put it. I hope she's right, but still I think that's a pretty screwed up way to treat your SO. I would never make my gf jealous on purpose just to assess her feelings for me. I'd find some other way to test her.

 

As far as not nagging her and just trying to be a good bf, I see your point and will try that. I know I can get jealous really easy and I don't want to drive her away by letting it get the best of me. I just find her behavior really disturbing because it's so not like her to act like this. I've never even caught her looking at other guys. So you can probably understand why I'm really worried about this.

 

If this is true, it is a very stupid and immature thing to do. Relationships are not about making the other person jealous or "testing" the other person to assess their feelings. These kind of games have no place in a healthy, mature relationship.

[sglidden]

I'm 24, she's 22. I've been living here for about a year now.

[harrybrown]

read up on the tactics of the 180.

 

and get an option on another place.

 

If things get too tense, might be time to find another place to live.

 

If she has the hots for him, then tell her you need to step back.

 

Cool things off and perhaps move out.

 

Let her see that you will respect yourself, even if she will not respect you.

 

If you have to, then move on. Stop caring about what she says, and decide if she is going to play games, that you have had enough.

 

better to find out now, than after married with kids and have to pay alimony and child support, because she is too immature.

[Gaeta]

I'm 24, she's 22. I've been living here for about a year now.

 

 

This young woman needs to explore who she is before meshing her life to yours. She has always been under her parents roof, she never flew on her own. She started dating you at the age of 19, her only boyfriend ever and now there you are living under the same roof as her for a year. That's too much for a young woman that has always been under the protection of her parents and has never explored life or supported herself.

 

Why are you living there? It may have sounded like a good idea at the time but it may as well have ruined this relationship and let me explain: There is a phenomenon happening when you meet young and you spend too much time together, the name of the phenemenon escapes me for now, and that phenomenon makes couples feel like siblings after a certain time. You 2 are the perfect example. You dated shortly 1 year, she is young, you are not sexual, and you move in under the roof of her parents which eventually would make you feel like a brother more than a bf. That's why now she feels comfortable telling you things like she's attracted to another man.

 

I personally think you need to move so she starts seeing you as a man again.

[sglidden]

I'm living here because it's the only place I could live right now without paying rent. I go to school full time and so can only work part time and so I have little money. Plus, all of us thought it would be good preparation for marriage. So I get what you're saying, but I'm pretty much stuck here until I graduate.

 

We don't really see each other as often as you might think tho. Our schedules don't really match, so I don't think that's an issue. We see each other a few hours a day, about the same as before I moved here.

 

Also, don't you think this would be a bad time to move out anyways? Right when this doofus is moving in? I would go crazy wondering what was going on if I didn't live here.

[Gaeta]

Don't you have family? And you could find a cheap place to rent with a bunch of other students. If you must take student loans.

 

You really think living there will make a difference? She has her own mind and if she wants to fool around with this guy she will wether you are there or not. Don't you want her to remain faithful of her own will or because you act as a guard dog? You cannot control her actions or her feelings.

[act00]

This young woman has never been able to be a grownup, be her own person, and be her own self. She still lives at home under strict patriarchal Christian guidelines to the point she has never so much as kissed another guy. From high school to now, she's been with you, her parents, their home, and the religion that tells her she's dirty if has sex, let alone kisses someone who isn't a fiancé or husband.

 

This girl is a stretching rubber band, and she wants to snap! She wants to experience life. She wants to be her own, defined person. She's stuck in this vacuum. From home growing up, high school boyfriend, to marriage to babies, stay-at-home-mom, help-meet, no identity of her own...wife and mother. Sure, she's getting the education, but that will take her nowhere if she doesn't exercise it and is the obedient religious wife who is clean and pristine and supports her patriarchal husband who rules the home while she rears the offspring, and that can become a clown car depending on beliefs.

 

You probably kissed other girls (maybe more than kiss), but you're glad she's untainted. She's not a licked cupcake or chewed bubble gum, in your opinion, I'm guessing.

 

You moved away from home and your parents. A slightly grownup move, since you're still under strict rule of parents and strict religion, but you've had a chance to fly the nest. This girl hasn't gotten to stretch her wings yet, at all. She's fighting the system. She doesn't know it, but she wants some freedom. Child to wife...nothing in between. She wants the between.

 

I don't agree with her behavior, but she really hasn't had a chance to be a grownup yet either. She's still stuck in junior high.

 

Many revert back. They play, and then they come back to what they know and want to raise their children in.

 

You are young, and you started this relationship very young, and you don't have a very adult relationship either, and people grow and change. You're either going to grow together or you're not.

 

I worked part time and went to school full time, didn't have a lot to eat, didn't sleep much, had to share my space with multiple roommates to make ends meet, fighting over house chores and groceries, and their friends and siblings being invited over to the point there were major wars over people using up my toilet paper, and I survived...move out. I hope she does.

[coolheadal]

My friend your over thinking and you two are way to young still to even think about getting married. Is she really into you 100%. You got me doubting her because the way you make it sound she's just being a young 20 ish woman. They act like that your right smack down into her folks house under their rules. To bad you both don't have your own apartment and share in rent. Be couple. You have your own room she has hers. Like your room mates instead of couple. Do you two date or what's going here. Is she your fiancee or just your friend. Get some self-esteem and start worrying about what she's thinking. Don't you look like the guy mowing the lawn. Why don't you head out to the gym. Get her involved too. Do things together take out.. Stop worry about silly things like this.

[doyathinkso]

Plus, all of us thought it would be good preparation for marriage.

 

 

Oh, it was anything but that.

[sglidden]

The advice I'm getting seems to revolve around 'letting her go' or 'give her her freedom'. Hey, she is free. She can end it if she wants to. I would have to accept that. She says she wants to be with me. She tells me that all the time. But if she told me she wants to see other people, I would have to respect that.

 

I am sure we are a true couple. We're not just friends or roommates. We're intimate, we make out and stuff, we just don't believe in sex before marrriage, that's all. But we talk about our relationship all the time and she says she truly loves me and couldn't imagine being with anybody else. We even just talked about this last night. She told me there is no way she would date her stepbro, he's just not her type. She told me I'm worrying for nothing, that's it's normal to be attracted to other people, and that what's important in a relationship is to trust each other and be faithful. She says she's also attracted to other guys, and she said I'm also attracted to other girls, but she said there is 'no way' she would ever act on those desires, and she knows I would not either. After she was done talking, I did feel better and told her I agree with her. But I also told her the way she has been talking lately makes me feel really uncomfortable. She told me she understood and she said she'd try to 'tone it down' as she put it, but she also told me she wished I would just trust her, and she said my constant 'whining' as she put it was really getting irritating. I told her I did trust her and know she would never cheat on me, and I'd try to control my jealous nature. All and all we had a pretty good talk and I did feel pretty good about it afterwards.

 

For the record, I do trust my gf. I don't think she'd ever cheat on me. I just think her recent behavior is inappropriate when you're in a serious relationship. I mean, hearing her and her friend talk about her stepbro moving in sounds like they're getting ready for a date or something. It just doesn't seem right to me.

[Gaeta]

Just remember what we said. We're older, we have more experience and we've been in your shoes.

 

I was 17 when I met my ex-h and I married him at 20. He was my only bf and my only kiss. I went from under the wing of my father to under his wing. There was no in-between. Of course I felt like your gf, I felt he was the only man I wanted to be with but compared to whom? I had never dated anyone else ever, I could not compare him to anyone else so what was it really worth to say I only wanted him?

 

Of course we divorced down the road something like 12 years later after a long difficult marriage. From 20 yo to 30 yo I grew into the woman I was meant to be and I remember him telling me you're not like when I met you anymore Of course! I was not! did he think I would remain this innocent maleable teen girl.

 

Avoid that trap, let her grow into the woman she is meant to be.

[sglidden]

When you say "let her grow" do you mean break up with her? Because I couldn't do that. Or do you mean just let her be and don't complain when she talks about or flirts with other guys? Kind of like letting her 'vent' a little?

 

I'm not sure what you really mean by "let her grow into the woman she is meant to be". Of course I want her to be who she wants to be, I just want her to be with me. And of course I want her to really want to be with me. If she doesn't really want to be with me, then I could let her go, because I know that is what she really wants.

 

The problem, and the reason for my post, is that the way she is acting is confusing me, making me wonder what she really wants. Because she keeps saying she would never date her stepbro but she keeps acting as if she would like nothing more.

 

So yes, I came here to listen to more experienced people like yourself, but no one here as yet explained to me why they think she's acting like that, other than to say that she really wants to be with him instead, and I guess she just wants him so bad that she just can't control herself when she's around me. But I'm not convinced that's the case. She could restrain herself when I'm around, couldn't she? It would be easy to just shut up about it when I'm around. And wouldn't she normally keep her desire of someone else a secret, and try to hide it from me? I know if I really want to be with someone else I wouldn't tell my gf until I was already with them and was breaking up with her. I would think she'd do the same.

 

That is why I suspect she's up to something, like testing me somehow like her friend suggested. Otherwise I have no explanation for why she's throwing it in my face all the time. For example, why spend like an hour talking with your friend right in front of me about how the two of you are getting ready for your stepbro's arrival by getting your nails and hair done, and buying new really sexy dresses? It's like she wants to make me jealous on purpose, or else she really wants this guy. I'm certainly not buying her 'I just want to make a good impression' excuse.

 

But I will follow the advice here and try not to nag her about it anymore. Like someone here said, if she really wants to leave me for this punk, the truth will come out soon anyways.

[Gaeta]

When you say "let her grow" do you mean break up with her? Because I couldn't do that. Or do you mean just let her be and don't complain when she talks about or flirts with other guys? Kind of like letting her 'vent' a little?

In my opinion letting her grow means forget about marriage after school. She is too young and not experienced at life enough. Of course you can remain in a relationship with her but keep it a regular relationship between 2 young people searching for place in this life. She needs to graduate, she needs to move into her own place, and learn to fetch for herself. She needs to fall, dust herself, and get back up on her saddle. She cannot do that type of growing by marrying you right off school.

 

When I divorced at 33 it was the very first time in my life I had to decide for myself where I would live, what neighborhood I would like, what I would purchase for myself, etc. It was hard to learn how to make decision for myself at that age. Before my parents always made the best decision for me and then I made all my decisions with a husband. When I ended up divorced and having to make my very first decisions at 33, I didn't make the best of decisions.

 

Or do you mean just let her be and don't complain when she talks about or flirts with other guys? Kind of like letting her 'vent' a little?

 

The important question here is why do you think she allows herself to make that type of comments in front of you? I personally think it's because of that phenomena of living under her parents roof, too young, and not being sexual together, as if you were siblings. She doesn't see you as much as a boyfriend anymore but as a best friend or a brother. How do you think you can counter that? You need to go back to being a boyfriend to her. You need to move out and do your own thing. You continue dating but like normal dating. You see her a few times a week, you take her out on dates, then you go back to YOUR home.

 

She could restrain herself when I'm around, couldn't she? It would be easy to just shut up about it when I'm around. And wouldn't she normally keep her desire of someone else a secret, and try to hide it from me? I know if I really want to be with someone else I wouldn't tell my gf until I was already with them and was breaking up with her. I would think she'd do the same.

She should but she can't because she doesn't have the emotional maturity to understand what she is doing, she doesn't even have the emotional maturity to understand what is happening to her. All she knows is this guy makes her feel all fuzzy and she obeys to that.

 

That is why I suspect she's up to something, like testing me somehow like her friend suggested. Otherwise I have no explanation for why she's throwing it in my face all the time. For example, why spend like an hour talking with your friend right in front of me about how the two of you are getting ready for your stepbro's arrival by getting your nails and hair done, and buying new really sexy dresses? It's like she wants to make me jealous on purpose, or else she really wants this guy. I'm certainly not buying her 'I just want to make a good impression' excuse.

I don't think your girlfriend is clever enough to play games. I think she is more like a teen girl at heart. Women that play games with men are experienced and they know what they're doing. Not your girlfriend.

 

Again, you cannot control her, or control her feelings. You can only let her fly on her own and see where she lands. The last thing you should do is try to control her.

 

I also don't think you should stick around and endure the disrespect. I think you should remove yourself from this home.

Edited October 18, 2017 by Gaeta

[darkmoon]

but give the situation a week of quietly observing him, discreetly

 

he might be a total dick, in which case you have no worries

 

but if the teenage chatter does not stop, head off, there is more to life than this predicament, good times

[d0nnivain]

On some level that is just gross. I realize they aren't bio siblings & apparently weren't raised together but there is an ick factor.

 

You & your GF started young & this playing house under the parents' roof is a hindrance not a help to your relationship. It's too much togetherness.

 

You need a plan B. Where will you go & how will you pay for it, if you & she break up? You can't expect her parents to continue to put a rent free room over your head. It's also a karma thing If you have a plan B you might not need it.

 

See what happens when the step-brother gets there. He may have no interest in your GF which could kibosh the whole thing. Although he may be physically appealing your GF may realize that he's not her type.

 

Keep your eyes open but plan for the worst.

[normal person]

When you say "let her grow" do you mean break up with her? Because I couldn't do that.

 

At least act like you're prepared to, should you have to.

 

I'm not sure what you really mean by "let her grow into the woman she is meant to be".

 

To me, that's a way of saying "getting married when you're this young is a bad idea because you don't know who you are or what you want out of life yet, especially considering you haven't experienced much else and likely will have a desire to later on, even though you can't comprehend that right now," which I agree with.

 

The problem, and the reason for my post, is that the way she is acting is confusing me, making me wonder what she really wants. Because she keeps saying she would never date her stepbro but she keeps acting as if she would like nothing more.

 

Well she's attracted to him and has no reason to stop acting like it because she's not facing any real consequences from you when she does it. She gets the security of the relationship with you and the excitement of thinking about the other guy. She gets to have the cake and eat it.

 

but no one here as yet explained to me why they think she's acting like that, other than to say that she really wants to be with him instead, and I guess she just wants him so bad that she just can't control herself when she's around me.

 

She's acting like that because she's attracted to him, it feels good, and isn't facing any real consequences when she does. So why stop?

 

She could restrain herself when I'm around, couldn't she? It would be easy to just shut up about it when I'm around. And wouldn't she normally keep her desire of someone else a secret, and try to hide it from me? I know if I really want to be with someone else I wouldn't tell my gf until I was already with them and was breaking up with her. I would think she'd do the same.

 

She could restrain herself, but she doesn't. She could keep it a secret, but she doesn't. You would do things one way but she isn't doing them that way. Why? Several possible reasons: 1). She's young and immature, 2). She doesn't respect you enough to stop, 3). She's testing you, 4). She's not as nice as you are, 5). She's only "been" with one guy her whole life, is entering her prime as a beautiful women who could probably have her choice of men, and has biological urges to explore other options and possibilities because her natural instincts don't coincide with the societal constructions of religion, 6). Some combination of those things

 

For example, why spend like an hour talking with your friend right in front of me about how the two of you are getting ready for your stepbro's arrival by getting your nails and hair done, and buying new really sexy dresses? It's like she wants to make me jealous on purpose, or else she really wants this guy. I'm certainly not buying her 'I just want to make a good impression' excuse.

 

She's doing it because it feels good for her, and despite not buying the excuse, you don't do anything to stop her. You don't break up with her (or threaten to), you don't put your foot down in any way, you don't exercise your value and demonstrate that you could be with someone other than her, you just aren't "manning up." If some chick did this to me, I would be gone so fast, so would any guy with any self-respect. She's honestly treating you like her brother and her actual (step) brother like her boyfriend. You're letting it happen. Being overly jealous of the guy isn't a very good look, so if I were you, I'd just break up with her very confidently and calmly and see how she took it. My bet is that she'd change her tune real quick. Don't try to negotiate an appropriate level of disrespect she can show you. Either your the guy she wants/desires/respects, or you're not, and you're moving on.

[rightondude]

wait this is her step brother?!?! That's um...I mean the next time she starts talking about how hot he is, I'd casually mention how that if she wants to go bang her stepbrother, go ahead and sign up for the Jerry Springer show and move out to the trailer park.

[EthanSPK]

OP, my father left his house when he was 18 years old, I left my house this year (I'm 23) but could have done it before had it not been for external pressures.

 

The way I see it, you have no valid reason for not moving out. Besides you don't have to put up with her bullshyte - if my significant other said something about being sexully attracted to another guy, I'd dump her on the spot immediately. That's just emasculating and thoughtless.

 

But if you're doing this for the rent-free apartment... I don't know, it's not worth it. I'd rather live in a rathole than being verbally cucked by my SO in a rent-free apartment.

[Cobra_X]

When you say "let her grow" do you mean break up with her? Because I couldn't do that. Or do you mean just let her be and don't complain when she talks about or flirts with other guys? Kind of like letting her 'vent' a little?

I'm not sure what you really mean by "let her grow into the woman she is meant to be". Of course I want her to be who she wants to be, I just want her to be with me. And of course I want her to really want to be with me. If she doesn't really want to be with me, then I could let her go, because I know that is what she really wants.

 

Let me give you some first hand experience 10 years out from where you are now. I grew up very strong in the faith and married my first GF... we were both virgins. She had an explosive affair about 7 years into the marriage. She actually left the faith after I divorced her and is Atheist today.

 

If she truly has faith... then she won't be out flirting with other guys. This is something I wish that I knew before.

 

IF she is acting in an unchristian manner. Don't whine about it... call her on the carpet for it. Lusting after other men is not acceptable!!

 

The problem, and the reason for my post, is that the way she is acting is confusing me, making me wonder what she really wants. Because she keeps saying she would never date her stepbro but she keeps acting as if she would like nothing more.

 

So yes, I came here to listen to more experienced people like yourself, but no one here as yet explained to me why they think she's acting like that, other than to say that she really wants to be with him instead, and I guess she just wants him so bad that she just can't control herself when she's around me. But I'm not convinced that's the case. She could restrain herself when I'm around, couldn't she? It would be easy to just shut up about it when I'm around. And wouldn't she normally keep her desire of someone else a secret, and try to hide it from me? I know if I really want to be with someone else I wouldn't tell my gf until I was already with them and was breaking up with her. I would think she'd do the same.

 

Here is the thing. You expect her to act like a Christian woman. She isn't. She is acting like an immature girl. She likely says this stuff to fit in with her friends. That is the context to my understanding.

 

She is also subconsciously testing you. She is wanting you to display a mature and masculine reaction to her poor behavior. Your reaction so far tells her that you are a pushover. You complain about this like a whiny child, but otherwise take no action.

 

Remember how she forced you to cut your hair? This other guy has not cut his hair. You think that means she won't be attracted to him. You fail to understand that she exercises control over you and that makes you seem like a b*tch to her. It's very unattractive. This other guy has never cut his hair... and is clearly not dominated by a woman.

 

You come across like a p*ssy, while the other guy seems like a real man. Do you understand?

 

That is why I suspect she's up to something, like testing me somehow like her friend suggested. Otherwise I have no explanation for why she's throwing it in my face all the time. For example, why spend like an hour talking with your friend right in front of me about how the two of you are getting ready for your stepbro's arrival by getting your nails and hair done, and buying new really sexy dresses? It's like she wants to make me jealous on purpose, or else she really wants this guy. I'm certainly not buying her 'I just want to make a good impression' excuse.

But I will follow the advice here and try not to nag her about it anymore. Like someone here said, if she really wants to leave me for this punk, the truth will come out soon anyways.

 

I don't know where your brain is at on this. She makes lusty statements about this guy. Shows she is trying to do things to get his attention. She is not only disrespecting YOU but also YOUR FAITH. You take this like a wimpy child. Women don't want to marry wimpy children. Hell... You even live with HER PARENTS thats weenie points squared.

 

I do not think she wants to leave you for this other guy. I think she wants you to grow a pair of balls and stand up to her. This is something she is doing subconsciously.

 

I went though the exact same things you are describing. Everything was very similar. I'm telling you now what this stuff means. Nobody ever told me why my xWife did what she did. I was her doormat for years because I thought that was what is required of a man. It's a lie. It took an affair and tons of pain to figure this out on my own. I'm offering you this painfully learned truth in the hopes you will not make my mistakes.