cyphix Posted October 17, 2017 Posted October 17, 2017 Hey guys, sorry in advance if this post is a bit long, I will try and keep it as short as possible... Me: Male (Just turned 38) Her: Female (31 when I met her) A few months back I had to move out of my current house and I started looking at several share houses, one share house I looked at I met a really friendly girl who I seemed to click pretty well with, had a good chat to her during my visit, no forced conversation and everything felt very casual; I ended up not taking the place as the room was just too small for me, amongst other things. I usually communicated with her via text message and most of the time she would take a very long time to respond to messages (like 1-2 days) - you will see how this relates a little later - when I was trying to organise to look at the place I had to send her a followup message to see what was happening basically and she apologised and said she has basically been ignoring her phone the last couple days as she was studying for her Uni exams. After I decided I couldn't take the place I texted her and told her as much; after awhile she responded and said she understood and that was ok. I then followed that text up with by asking her out. After a couple of days of hearing nothing I thought she wasn't interested, but then I got a message from her saying: "Oh that is so sweet! Thank you and very flattered. Perhaps in the future but right now going through a bit of a tough time " After this we kept in contact from time to time via text message, however as stated above her replies usually took a day or two and if we actually got into exchanging a few messages back and forth, it seemed like she would randomly just not reply to something and that was the end of it. So I left it for about 2 and a half months until recently when I sent her a text message to see how she was going and said.. "Hey [her name]... just thought I'd send you a quick text to see how you're doing? How are things with you now - hopefully a bit better? Back at Uni now?" ..got a text from her the morning after saying... "Hey! Sorry, I lost all my contacts, who's this?" ...so either she did lose all her contacts or she decided to delete me as she hadn't heard from me in 2 and half months and maybe thought she never would again? Anyway, I digress..... I told her who it was and a day later she said... "Oh hey Brett! How are you? Yep things are going good, My poor lil cat passed away a few weeks ago. Yep back at Uni. How are things with you?" I then responded with.. "Oh no.....really sorry to hear about your cat I'm going pretty well....actually just finished up working at [my workplace] for 6 weeks covering someone on leave... really enjoyed it so was sad to leave.... so now back to freelancing " ...it has been a week since I sent that message and no response back. So after that long winded rundown on how I got to where I am, I will get to the meat of my question... I was planning on asking her out again the next time she responded to me, but as you now know, she never did. I know some people are really bad at responding to text messages, maybe she's just really busy and forgets!? But really, if she was interested in me wouldn't she make more of an effort to respond!? - but at the same time, if she wasn't interested in the first place she could have just said she had a boyfriend and been done with me then and there!? Hmmmm... So the thing I have been struggling with is do I send her another text asking her out? Should I even want to as she doesn't seem to be showing a keen interest? I was thinking of perhaps starting it something like - I'm not sure if you're still interested in me as you sometimes don't reply to my text messages...... ...but then I thought that's not a very good way to go about it, it #1 Seems kinda rude and #2 Doesn't seem like a great way to ask a girl out by starting it like that lol I could simply just ask her out again and see what she says!? But do I want to? I actually want this person to be into me as well - maybe she is!? But then why does she not respond to some of my messages or take ages to respond to them? You may be wondering why I don't just let her go if it's this much trouble and "there are plenty of fish in the sea" - well, let's just say I haven't had a woman in my life for quite some time nor a date or anything close; but no, that's not the only reason, whilst I would love to find that someone special, I'm not desperate and am certainly not one to settle - I just genuinely feel like we had a good connection and she seems like a really lovely girl. Hopefully I can get some good advice on how to best handle this situation. Thanks very much. Brett
Highndry Posted October 17, 2017 Posted October 17, 2017 (edited) ...it has been a week since I sent that message and no response back. So after that long winded rundown on how I got to where I am, I will get to the meat of my question... I was planning on asking her out again the next time she responded to me, but as you now know, she never did. I was thinking of perhaps starting it something like - I'm not sure if you're still interested in me as you sometimes don't reply to my text messages...... Terrible, terrible idea. She has shown no interest in you whatsoever. I could simply just ask her out again and see what she says!? But do I want to? I actually want this person to be into me as well - maybe she is!? But then why does she not respond to some of my messages or take ages to respond to them? She is not interested at all. I would not contact her again. Edited October 17, 2017 by Highndry 2
olivetree Posted October 17, 2017 Posted October 17, 2017 Sorry, I agree with Highndry. She isn't interested at all. 2
Kellens Posted October 17, 2017 Posted October 17, 2017 (edited) Hi Cyphix, It's pretty obvious that she isn't interested in you at all. It doesn't matter how busy someone is, when they are interested you will know it. I'm sorry, I know sometimes its hard to see when you're in the thick of it and lonely. I think you should start to branch out and perhaps try to court others. Good luck! Edited October 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
Highndry Posted October 17, 2017 Posted October 17, 2017 (edited) You need to come from a position of strength when you are asking a woman out. You are 38 years old, not a teenager. Act it, because you're not right now. Your behavior is approval-seeking, and any woman with the exception of the most desperate is going to run far and fast from somebody portraying such weakness. Should I go on? Edited October 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator reply to deleted post. ~T 1
Author cyphix Posted October 17, 2017 Author Posted October 17, 2017 (edited) Hi Cyphix, Highndry may have been a bit blunt but he is 100% correct in my opinion. It's pretty obvious that she isn't interested in you at all. It doesn't matter how busy someone is, when they are interested you will know it. I'm sorry, I know sometimes its hard to see when you're in the thick of it and lonely. I think you should start to branch out and perhaps try to court others. Good luck! Thank you for your post I guess that's what I could see, that she was taking a long time to respond, but I wasn't sure about that as that was a pattern she showed even before I asked her out - maybe she has her phone in silent a lot and forgets to check the phone often (yes I know, these sound like excuses). But I know she has been going through a tough time, so I kinda put it down to that perhaps. Either way, not really a good look..... but if she wasn't interested in the first place she could have just said she had a boyfriend........ so I kinda had mixed feelings about it all. Probably best I move onto other women that aren't sending me mixed signals I guess. Edited October 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
olivetree Posted October 17, 2017 Posted October 17, 2017 (edited) Thank you for your post, I guess that's what I could see, that she was taking a long time to respond, but I wasn't sure about that as that was a pattern she showed even before I asked her out - maybe she has her phone in silent a lot and forgets to check the phone often (yes I know, these sound like excuses). But I know she has been going through a tough time, so I kinda put it down to that perhaps. Either way, not really a good look..... but if she wasn't interested in the first place she could have just said she had a boyfriend........ so I kinda had mixed feelings about it all. Probably best I move onto other women that aren't sending me mixed signals I guess. There are no mixed signals. There are zero signs of interest from what you wrote. Not trying to be mean, just trying to help you read women better so you don't waste your time. Edited October 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3
Author cyphix Posted October 17, 2017 Author Posted October 17, 2017 (edited) You need to come from a position of strength when you are asking a woman out. You are 38 years old, not a teenager. Act it, because you're not right now. I can see what you're saying, but the situation exactly how you are making it out to seem - I asked her out once and only once, all discussion since has been on a friendly level. Your behavior is approval-seeking, and any woman with the exception of the most desperate is going to run far and fast from somebody portraying such weakness. Should I go on? What behaviour? I have merely laid out some thoughts in this post about what I had thought to say, but followed that up with I knew it was probably a bad idea to send that kind of text message....... hence I jumped on here to get some guidance. I have kept in contact with her as friends up until now very casually and I just curious if I should try and take it any further based on her behaviour. Edited October 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator rude ~T
Author cyphix Posted October 17, 2017 Author Posted October 17, 2017 There are no mixed signals. There are zero signs of interest from what you wrote. Not trying to be mean, just trying to help you read women better so you don't waste your time. Sorry, but I believe there are mixed signals. As I have said numerous times, if she wasn't interested she could have just said she had a boyfriend if she didn't bluntly want to say she wasn't interested - easy as that; but instead she gave a very valid reason on why she didn't want to get into anything now, she could of even left it at that, but she said perhaps in the future, indicating she actually did have some interest. Whether she has interest now is a different story - maybe she doesn't!? But yes, there has been mixed signals.
Imajerk17 Posted October 17, 2017 Posted October 17, 2017 (edited) Sorry, but I believe there are mixed signals. As I have said numerous times, if she wasn't interested she could have just said she had a boyfriend if she didn't bluntly want to say she wasn't interested - easy as that; but instead she gave a very valid reason on why she didn't want to get into anything now, she could of even left it at that, but she said perhaps in the future, indicating she actually did have some interest. Whether she has interest now is a different story - maybe she doesn't!? But yes, there has been mixed signals. There were no mixed signals OP. Taking so long to get back to you, not keeping the conversation going....how much clearer can you get. I mean, that she isn't interested is clear to everyone who responded to your thread. And she doesn't owe you any more than that. If she wants to give you a reason why she isn't available to you that sounds plausible but isn't quite the truth (either because she doesn't like confrontation or she thinks you're a nice guy and doesn't want to hurt you or whatever), that is her prerogative. The not in a good place to date right now sounds to me as a way of letting you down easy. And in case it IS true and she would indeed be interested in you, she knows how to get back in touch with you. But if I were you I wouldn't be waiting around in the meanwhile. Time to move on OP. Edited October 17, 2017 by Imajerk17 1
basil67 Posted October 17, 2017 Posted October 17, 2017 Sorry Brett, I'm not seeing mixed messages - she was never interested. Yes, it would have been good if she'd simply said that she wasn't interested. (She doesn't need to tell you whether or not she has a boyfriend). But you must remember that women have been raised for many centuries to not be mean, hurtful or make a fuss. This is why many women aren't so direct. When you're ever unsure, a person's actions will tell you far more than their words. Her actions were very clear.
Cobra_X Posted October 17, 2017 Posted October 17, 2017 Sorry, but I believe there are mixed signals. As I have said numerous times, if she wasn't interested she could have just said she had a boyfriend if she didn't bluntly want to say she wasn't interested - easy as that; but instead she gave a very valid reason on why she didn't want to get into anything now, she could of even left it at that, but she said perhaps in the future, indicating she actually did have some interest. Whether she has interest now is a different story - maybe she doesn't!? But yes, there has been mixed signals. Well... here is the thing. She has shown LOW interest. Most other people are assuming she is just being polite in responding to you.... and then dropping to politely let you know her lack of interest. My thought is that if you want a number on her interest level I would say 5/100. That doesn't mean it's impossible to change, but it's probably worth more effort than it's worth. I worked a couple strategies in the past for this kind of situation, but honestly once she has turned you down... unless you suddenly become rich and famous... your chances are under 10%.
Versacehottie Posted October 18, 2017 Posted October 18, 2017 She is a flake. Do not invest anything else. Stop trying to prove yourself to someone who hasn't done anything to deserve it. And calling her out on the fake "i lost all my contacts, who is this?". Lame
Author cyphix Posted October 18, 2017 Author Posted October 18, 2017 Guys - perhaps there wasn't mixed signals, perhaps there was. But to me I definitely felt there was; only she knows what her intentions were and everyone can only make assumptions. Taking so long to get back to you, not keeping the conversation going....how much clearer can you get. Well exactly why I started questioning things, but because she had shown that behaviour in messaging even when trying to rent our her room I excused it as her standard texting behaviour, but yes, if she was interested in me I would expect her to respond much quicker as she should want to - and whilst I was kinda passing it off as her standard texting behaviour I also started questioning if she should be responding quicker if she was interested and is partially what led to me posting here. The not in a good place to date right now sounds to me as a way of letting you down easy. And in case it IS true and she would indeed be interested in you, she knows how to get back in touch with you. But if I were you I wouldn't be waiting around in the meanwhile. Of course that thought crossed my mind, but there are far more easier ways to get rid of someone you're not interested in, the BF one is the most common and easiest method and is why the majority of girls use that method. So I'm led to believe she was telling the truth, but you're right, she knows how to get back in contact with me...... but no, I'm not going to be waiting around any longer. She doesn't need to tell you whether or not she has a boyfriend Never said she had to, but that's the route the majority of women take when they aren't interested in someone - because, as you said, they don't want to hurt your feelings, so they give you that reason; so she either: #1. Actually did have some interest at the time, despite what you may think and hence I have been getting mixed messages #2. Wasn't interested at the time, made up some story instead of getting rid of me easily with the boyfriend line Frankly I think #1 is far more likely. When you're ever unsure, a person's actions will tell you far more than their words. Her actions were very clear. Yes, I agree with that - that's again why I felt I was getting mixed messages and why I decided to seek out advice. Well... here is the thing. She has shown LOW interest. Most other people are assuming she is just being polite in responding to you.... and then dropping to politely let you know her lack of interest. My thought is that if you want a number on her interest level I would say 5/100. That doesn't mean it's impossible to change, but it's probably worth more effort than it's worth. I worked a couple strategies in the past for this kind of situation, but honestly once she has turned you down... unless you suddenly become rich and famous... your chances are under 10%. But seriously, your post makes more sense than most others. She is a flake. Do not invest anything else. Stop trying to prove yourself to someone who hasn't done anything to deserve it. And calling her out on the fake "i lost all my contacts, who is this?". Lame I'm not trying to prove myself or seek approval as someone else suggested.......... the primary reason I came on here to seek advice and thought about sending that stupid message to see if she actually was interested, was because I wanted to make sure she actually had some interest before asking her out again, even though I like her, I have zero interest in asking someone out if they have no interest in me and hence I just didn't want to "simply ask her out again" and hence why I was curious where her head was at. Thank you for all your posts, I will leave it be and move on.
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