sudden ghosted?

[justanickname]

So yesterday a long distance friend of mine sent me a msg to set time to talk.

He even sent some photos as my request an hour later.

Around the time, hearing nothing from him, I sent a msg "so will you be on time for talk?"

I saw "seen". But then the whole day and night (now 24+ hrs later from the time we chatted to set the talking time) no news, nothing from him.

I was quite upset and disappointed.

Half of me want to remove him from my friend list, block him forever. How can he be that rude? Half said ignorance is enough. Doing nothing and expecting nothing.

What would you do if you are in my case?

[trailwolf]

dont blame you for being upset , would have been upset myself .

[justanickname]

@trailwolf: thanks for empathy.

He just texted me again, "are you there". Honestly I don't know if I should reply, telling him the truth that he should respect me more, or just ignore the msg.

Any ideas?

[isolatedgothic]

Some people would tell you to talk to him and ask him what happened.

 

More than likely, he has had time to cook up a really great excuse.

 

More than likely, you'll accept that excuse.

 

Since you know he saw your message, and he chose not to respond until hours and hours later, the only really acceptable explanation he can give you is:

 

1) Sorry I didn't text back. My fingers were broken and I couldn't use them.

 

OR

 

2) I've been elected President of the United States and I've been really busy the past 24 hours.

 

Now tell me. Which excuse do you think he will make? Clearly, what he's done is plain rude, he ignored you, put you on the back burner, and now, whatever it was he was doing that was sooooo important that he could not talk to you, is gone. Now he has time for you.

 

I'd say become the ghost that ghosted the ghost. He did it once. He knows he can get away with it. Do you want more?

[healing light]

I am confused about why you're this upset. Do you want more from this friend? I would have just assumed something came up and he forgot to get back to you in time. I have friends that do this occasionally (they also have chaotic lives). If it was a pattern, I wouldn't put much stock into any appointment times you make with him in the future but wouldn't give it a second thought unless I was romantically interested.

[justanickname]

@healing light: would you be okay if it's time for sleep (late at night) and you wait for about 30-45 mins as the person normally being late?

This time it was worse, since he stayed silent, no apology no explanation at all...

 

I would stick with ghosting.

Thanks for your recommendation, @isolatedgothic.

[bluefeather]

This doesn't sound like a friendship. This sounds like an online relationship, and not a very good one.

 

If he was a "friend," I would have just sent a text saying, "hey, guess something came up? alright I'm gonna go to bed. hope you're ok."

[justanickname]

@Bluefeather: interesting, you gave me another view that I didn't expect.

Well, for some more history of our friendship (if any), as I wrote before, it was not the first time he didn't be on time, so, I used to text as you said "what's happened?..."

With time, I got tired of that. Really. So I decided to stay silent, as he was online, so it should be okay from him, so I expected some news from him first, as an apology. But well.

[justanickname]

In the second thought, it could be that the person got used to being asked, so he doesn't think it is something bad that made me angry. And Bluefeather has a point, maybe I take a bit more serious of the "friendship", at least I posted here (well, venting at the beginning).

 

anyway, I don't have any feeling for him, just want respect. I guess I will tell him how I think about it and let it go. I don't care if I ghost him and we don't contact anymore, but maybe he should have a chance to be aware of what he has done.

[bluefeather]

In the second thought, it could be that the person got used to being asked, so he doesn't think it is something bad that made me angry. And Bluefeather has a point, maybe I take a bit more serious of the "friendship", at least I posted here (well, venting at the beginning).

 

anyway, I don't have any feeling for him, just want respect. I guess I will tell him how I think about it and let it go. I don't care if I ghost him and we don't contact anymore, but maybe he should have a chance to be aware of what he has done.

 

It's only ghosting if you ignore or block him without telling him that you're going to stop communication. If you tell him so before ignoring or blocking, that is mature - Probably more mature than he is acting at the moment. Take care.