Confused1307 Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 I am confused on a something that is going on in my life. I met a guy a couple of years ago through mutual friends and work. The first night I met him he asked me if I use to work at a place which I had several years before. I didn't think much of it. Many times over the next few months we started chatting on the phone. He works nights and I am off nights so we chat on occasion. It isn't if we talk every night or for more than half hour at a time. We had talked about affairs and people having them and so on. He too is married. I would go times without calling and then he would see me out with friends and always rush over to speak. A few months ago he asked me to meet him in a place so I did. We sat and talked and he asked me a lot of questions and we just chatted. Nothing happened and we talked for 3 hours. I then went home and we both agreed to not tell we had been together all that time. We had a very intimate conversation and now I see him out (most of the time his wife or her friends are around) and he barely speaks. He has never cheated and I am so confused on what to do now...I really don't know. We still talk on the phone but we have never met alone again. I think we both are probably confused and don't know what the other is thinking now. I think we both still make comments on eachothers behalf but are very nervous now. I don't know what he is thinking...or wanting...any advice would be great...Thanks Confused
Merin Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 He's married and it isn't to you... I'm unclear if you're also married Regardless... seems to me this Guy may have had an interest in starting an affair with you, BUT knows that wouldn't be okay... if he had felt meeting you out alone for 3 hours or whatever it was, was okay and good to go there wouldn't have been a reason to lie about it to your SO's. IMO it really doesn't matter what he is now thinking... I would drop it and leave it alone and if he calls you again tell him it isn't appropriate for him to be calling. My 2 cent's
cranium Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 I agree with Merin 100%. He too is married...... we both agreed to not tell we had been together all that time. Stop talking on the phone with him and talk to your SO(significant other) instead. Is something missing in your relationship? Even though you haven't been physical, you have had intimate conversations that your partners wouldn't be thrilled to know about. MW's affair began when she started confiding things to her OM that she was reluctant to confide to me; she became emotionally involved. If the intimacy is greater in the friendship than in the marriage, look out. Stop diverting energy and intimacy from your own relationship.
Bryanp Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 Hello, Just a quick question. How would you feel if your significant other was doing to you what you are doing to him? How would you feel about it or would you even care? Think about it.
michelangelo Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 He's sweetening you up to go further against your better judgement and sleep with him.
Author Confused1307 Posted August 19, 2005 Author Posted August 19, 2005 I really don't think he is trying to sweeten me up to sleep with him. If that was the case surely he would've tried to meet me again...and he hasn't. To answer the question about my h doing this with another w...well, I wouldn't like it...and I understand everyone's point on that. I try to keep it just a friendly conversation and we do well at that...however, I guess I do somewhat have feelings for him and I do not plan to let it go any further. I guess I just don't see it as "deep" as everyone else might...my real concern is am I being naive with this and his intent? Is he really trying to set me up for more?
whichwayisup Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Don't cross the line anymore unless you want this to turn into a fullblown affair. Right now you are emotionally involved with this guy and seeing if the other side of the fence is greener... It isn't. I am confused on a something that is going on in my life. I met a guy a couple of years ago Many times over the next few months we started chatting on the phone. He works nights and I am off nights so we chat on occasion. If it was an innocent friendship to start your H and his W should be included. You're slowly building up a friendship with this man, without your H's knowledge. He too is married. And so are you...So therefore having him around, talking etc is not such a good idea. If your husband finds out he will be very hurt. I would go times without calling and then he would see me out with friends and always rush over to speak. A few months ago he asked me to meet him in a place so I did. We sat and talked and he asked me a lot of questions and we just chatted. Nothing happened and we talked for 3 hours. Unless it's a friend you've known for a very long time, and your husband is aware of him, these long conversations are not appropriate...Neither of you are looking to be "just friends" as it seems there are feelings there and probably a sexual attraction too. I then went home and we both agreed to not tell we had been together all that time. We had a very intimate conversation and now I see him out (most of the time his wife or her friends are around) and he barely speaks. Both of you knew hooking up wasn't right so the decision was made not to tell your spouses. Like there is something to hide? He has never cheated and I am so confused on what to do now...I really don't know. We still talk on the phone but we have never met alone again. I think we both are probably confused and don't know what the other is thinking now. You don't know that 100% for sure. You're confused and I'm sure he is too, again my advice to NOT to see this man one on one anymore, don't put yourself in a situation where it could be hard to say no and walk away. I think we both still make comments on eachothers behalf but are very nervous now. I don't know what he is thinking...or wanting...any advice would be great Again, don't cross that line anymore. Why bother unless you want this to turn into something more. The best thing you can do now is distance yourself from him and let him know that the friendship you two have started isn't right. Another thing - What if this man came to you, poured out his heart and said he loved you and wanted to be with you forever? How would you react? Would you reject him right away or let something happen? Just afew things for you to think about... It's nice to feel desired by others, to know "hey I still got it" but when your gut knows and feels something like what you've posted about - it's time to run the other way. Read about the OW forum and see if you want to deal with outcome of your situation if you continue at this pace with this OM. And ofcourse, ruining your marriage, losing your husband. (losing in a sense of his love, his trust and respect.) I hope you figure this out. Maybe focus that energy into your man, your marriage and figure out why it is that the feelings for somebody else came into play...Maybe things aren't 100% at home, your needs aren't being met or your husband isn't around much, I don't know... Keep posting and take care.
Author Confused1307 Posted August 19, 2005 Author Posted August 19, 2005 You are right in all that you said. I think I have tried to convince myself that he was really not wanting anything out of this more than a friend to talk to but I know deep down that's not the case. I guess the many times I've seen him out with his SO and/or her friends were around and he didn't have much to say then I assumed it was all because he wasn't interested but now I think it was more because he was afraid she (SO) or her friends would notice his difference in his attitude toward me. The friends I take out with me always comment about how he damn near breaks his legs or neck when I come around...You are all great and I will def. take any advice...It isn't worth losing everything I have busted my ass for.
LoveNoLoss Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 You are in the beginning stages of what can end up being an affair. Let me tell you something... I have been a BS, WS and an OW all in the past 10 years. Neither one is worth ANYTHING. Go to some affair boards on the internet and start reading. You will be amazed at the damage that affairs cause. It takes YEARS to recover from affairs... years for a relationship to recover and years for people to recover. Affairs come with the "high" of being in love and with a new person. The thing is, you had that with your husband but you just don't remember. Affairs are based on fantasy. NOT REALITY. Affairs are not real life. Nobody is picking up the kids from daycare, scrubbing the toilet and paying the bills. Think before you act and if you choose to act, know that there will be horrible consequences...
Author Confused1307 Posted August 19, 2005 Author Posted August 19, 2005 I know there are horrible consequences. My BF just went through this and her life and the life of her kids and ex are just a total disaster. I understand what you ajusre saying....I know that if I gave up what I have for this thing in just a matter of time it will be no different than the one I am in right now...I guess I just want to be sure that is he has a motive before I start ignoring him because I don't want to lose a good friend.
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