When A Woman Invites Me Into Her House At End of Date

[Soccer1986]

When a woman invites me into her house at the end of the date in the early stages of dating say the 2nd or 3rd date and she has not yet asked me to be the boyfriend should I accept or decline the invitation? I've always believed in politely declining the invitation. I'm especially talking about when it's late at night going on 10pm and after we've been out to dinner or wherever.

 

A woman inviting a man into her personal space is kind of an intimate thing. I figure that if she hasn't yet asked me to be the boyfriend then I'm doing the right thing to decline invitations to go into the house. I'm not saying that her inviting me in means she's definitely interested in sex but the possibility is there. I don't even want to take the risk of being tempted to cross boundaries that I wasn't ready to cross that night. Once sex takes place then it does something to a man's mind where it is harder for him to view the relationship objectively and rationally. Sex can be an addictive drug. There are dangers in opening the sex door too soon.

 

I know my weak spots. If I'm alone with a woman who initiates any kind of sexual gestures I'm going to be tempted to give in when it may not be the right time. I have enough self control not to initiate anything myself but if she starts initiating then my hormones end up ruling my decisions instead of my rational brain. The only way for me to say no to her is to not even be in a position of being alone with her and keeping all dating activities done in public.

 

Yes a man should be able to say no to a woman for sex and if that's difficult for him then he should avoid being alone with her especially late at night. The most polite way to decline an invitation would be to say "No thank you. I can't come in. I have a busy day tomorrow so I must get going".

 

It's like a well intentioned friend baking a cake for me to take home. Well if I know cake is a weakness to where I'm going to end up eating the entire thing in one sitting then I need to politely decline the offer of a cake. That might risk offending my friend but I'm the one who has to take whatever measures necessary to get control of my diet if I have a strong sweet tooth. Accepting a cake is asking for trouble.

Edited October 16, 2017 by Soccer1986

[coolheadal]

Yes it's about sex, I had at date with a woman called Rose. After the date everything was great. She had asked me to go back to her townhouse. I had politely, declined the offer. I had said it was too late and I only lived like 15 minutes from here. Of course that was the worst mistake to make but Rose wasn't the type of woman I would date on regular bases. When I invite them over they come here. But like I said if sex happens it happens. But I have to know them better than just one date. Rose was one time only. She had very soft skin not like sand paper like some women I've been with. LOL I too have strong control over my sexual functions because I don't want to end up as some sort of sex toy or sex buddy or some booty call or either short-term or casual sex BS. I am not interested in that! LTR that's for me long-term not short-term.

[d0nnivain]

If you are not ready to have sex, don't have sex. As long as your words mean Thank you, maybe later or something else definitive but kind, you will be fine.

 

That said, a few things in your post concern me.

 

1. 10 p.m. is not late at night. 1 o'clock in the morning it.

 

2. An invitation into her kitchen or living room is not necessarily an invitation to her bed. More likely it is a desire for some kissing but you can do one without the other.

 

I don't understand what you are saying here. Are you actually saying that if a woman invites you to kiss her that you will not be able to stop & you will take sex by force once you get aroused? If that is what you are saying about your lack of self restraint, stop dating & get therapy.

[Soccer1986]

If you are not ready to have sex, don't have sex. As long as your words mean Thank you, maybe later or something else definitive but kind, you will be fine.

 

That said, a few things in your post concern me.

 

1. 10 p.m. is not late at night. 1 o'clock in the morning it.

 

2. An invitation into her kitchen or living room is not necessarily an invitation to her bed. More likely it is a desire for some kissing but you can do one without the other.

 

I don't understand what you are saying here. Are you actually saying that if a woman invites you to kiss her that you will not be able to stop & you will take sex by force once you get aroused? If that is what you are saying about your lack of self restraint, stop dating & get therapy.

 

I said nothing of the kind about forcing anything if I get aroused. That wasn't even implied in my OP. I don't know where you're getting that from. I said that I have enough self control not to initiate sex but that if the woman initiates it then I won't be able to say no because now my hormones are taking control. This doesn't mean I can't stop if she stops right in the middle but if she encourages it to go on then I know I'll be too weak to put a stop to it.

 

Granted a woman inviting me into her kitchen or living room is not necessarily an invitation for sex. I suppose you might argue the point that I can just get up and leave if she takes it a step further and signals me to follow her to her bedroom. If that is your point I understand but why should I even put myself in a situation where the risk (maybe not a guarantee) for sex is going to take place. I could just avoid the whole risk by not coming into the house at all. When a woman initiates sex with me or even encourages it then there's going to be a conflict between my bodily hormones vs. my rational mind. If I know that already then it would behoove me to not even risk getting into a situation where she might encourage me.

 

I'm not saying it's her fault. She may be well intentioned just like well intentioned friends and family may send me candies or other sweets as birthday or Christmas gifts. They are not aware of my strong sweet tooth and inclination to eat more food than what I need if it's right in front of me. I wouldn't knowingly offer a beer to someone who is a recovering alcoholic. That's just encouraging them to give into temptation.

 

Of course I would stop myself if she draws the boundary and stops at kissing. The same thing if a friend does not offer me cake I'm not going to ask for it. I have enough self control not to take someone else's food by force.

 

10pm is late at night for some folks because not everyone has the same work schedules. Everyone has different sleeping schedules.

[coolheadal]

If you are not ready to have sex, don't have sex. As long as your words mean Thank you, maybe later or something else definitive but kind, you will be fine.

 

That said, a few things in your post concern me.

 

1. 10 p.m. is not late at night. 1 o'clock in the morning it.

 

2. An invitation into her kitchen or living room is not necessarily an invitation to her bed. More likely it is a desire for some kissing but you can do one without the other.

 

I don't understand what you are saying here. Are you actually saying that if a woman invites you to kiss her that you will not be able to stop & you will take sex by force once you get aroused? If that is what you are saying about your lack of self restraint, stop dating & get therapy.

 

I believe he's just making random comments that had happen to him. Most of wait for the next date. I don't see why the woman has to make the first move. I had one a few months ago started to change her clothes into something more comfortable. I said fine with me. She was naked under this net dress. I was shocked so fast already!

[d0nnivain]

I just wanted to make sure. You may not have intended to say you would force somebody but on a message board messages aren't always clear. It's how I read what you wrote & it worried me.

 

If You simply meant you want to avoid situations where some body part other than your brain is driving the train that's fine. It's a method I employed when single. I didn't invite new men home until I was emotionally ready to get physical. I'm not saying it always happened the first time I let a guy in my house but the invitation didn't happen until I would have been OK with physical intimacy. If all I really wanted was coffee or more time -- there are all night diners & I was usually open to romantic walks neither of which were conducive to sex.

[BaileyB]

My first thought when I read your post is that you are over thinking this a little, making it more than it really is...

 

If you are not ready for sex, then don't have sex. There is nothing wrong with politely declining an invitation when a woman asks you to come into her home. It's possible, that she may just be interested in talking or kissing, but more than likely she is giving you the signal that she is ready to progress the relationship. My one word of advice, don't get too hung up on the "girlfriend" label. More important for me is to know that she is not having sex with anyone else (safe sex).

 

And just know, these early stages of a relationship are fraught with tension and stress... These can be hard conversations to have and it's a big step - do what feels right to you.

[planb1973]

Being invited into a woman's house is not always an invitation for sex. It could just mean she trusts you enough to invite you into her personal space as she is deciding if she wants to be intimate with you.

[Soccer1986]

Being invited into a woman's house is not always an invitation for sex. It could just mean she trusts you enough to invite you into her personal space as she is deciding if she wants to be intimate with you.

 

I don't think anyone is debating that it is a guaranteed invitation to sex but we also know that sexual encounters often times start out slowly and innocent too. Going to lunch with a work colleague doesn't guarantee sex will happen at all but if we did a survey of those work colleagues who did have sex it didn't start out that way. First it started out over lunches together.

[Eternal Sunshine]

As woman, I can tell you that I don't invite a man to my place late at night, alone, unless I am thinking sex.

 

I have invited an old friend to my place tomorrow night. Let's just say that I would be very dissapointed if the sex doesn't take place.

[normal person]

When a woman invites me into her house at the end of the date in the early stages of dating say the 2nd or 3rd date and she has not yet asked me to be the boyfriend should I accept or decline the invitation?

 

If you want to go, then accept. If not, then don't.

 

A woman inviting a man into her personal space is kind of an intimate thing.

 

The amount of intimacy she assigns to it is determined by her, not you. If she's letting you in, clearly she's comfortable with whatever the level it is and the implications thereof.

 

I figure that if she hasn't yet asked me to be the boyfriend then I'm doing the right thing to decline invitations to go into the house.

 

But your ideas of what's "right" are subjective. She's inviting you, so obviously she sees no problem with it. And maybe it's just me, but I think it'd be weird if you're entertaining the "boyfriend" title and you haven't even been in her house yet.

 

Yes a man should be able to say no to a woman for sex and if that's difficult for him then he should avoid being alone with her especially late at night. The most polite way to decline an invitation would be to say "No thank you. I can't come in. I have a busy day tomorrow so I must get going".

 

This is all well and good if you know your limitations and want to respect them. But be forewarned, if you decline something like this you run the risk of her feeling rejected, or that you're gay, etc. Not that those are reasons to compromise what you do or don't want to do, I'm just saying, it's food for thought. She doesn't know the reason you don't want to go in is because you doubt your self control. She'll probably think "A guy doesn't want to come inside for some practically guaranteed sexual contact? Something's up with him."

[coolheadal]

I don't think anyone is debating that it is a guaranteed invitation to sex but we also know that sexual encounters often times start out slowly and innocent too. Going to lunch with a work colleague doesn't guarantee sex will happen at all but if we did a survey of those work colleagues who did have sex it didn't start out that way. First it started out over lunches together.

 

When I was younger there was the dirty blonde supervisor with blue eyes she had drove a 1973 corvette. Now what I found out she had invited selected guys from work to her condo/apartment for lunch. Each guy told a different story. She was hot slim build tight jeans. Anyway one day she asked me out for lunch at her place. I said sure no problem. Every guy told me a different story but it all adds up to the same thing. You think it leads towards sex I have to agree with you on that one. I at the time was like you I didn't go for sex it was a long drive to her place and we ate lunch together. She asked me what I would like to drink I told her glass of milk would do be right!

 

Other than Rose chick she wasn't my type if she was then just maybe I would have slept over her place because that's where she was going with this. Again it's my right to refuse the offer.

[Cobra_X]

When a woman invites me into her house at the end of the date in the early stages of dating say the 2nd or 3rd date and she has not yet asked me to be the boyfriend should I accept or decline the invitation? I've always believed in politely declining the invitation. I'm especially talking about when it's late at night going on 10pm and after we've been out to dinner or wherever.

 

You can't think rationally after sex? That seems the opposite to me and most other men. We only think rationally after sex.

 

Do not pedestalize women. They don't like it, and it makes you seem inexperienced. This is something you should work on. There are several solid ways to do this.

 

Also, if a woman invites you back to her place it is likely for sex, but it's not guaranteed. The best approach would be to kiss for a while and slowly escalate. If she rebuffs the escalation at any point then you stop.

 

If she invites you back and you decline... and I've learned this the hard way. She is going to assume you are either not attracted to her or gay. Most women do not give second chances. In college I shot myself in the foot a couple times doing this. I actually got a reputation for being kind of a prude.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I was on a date just over a week ago where a lovely lady invited me to her house just before we were to depart. She made it very clear that she wanted sex. I declined. She then suggested that we meet a couple of days later and again at her home.

 

I have had sex on the first date before and I must say that there has been a pattern...these women have serious esteem issues and baggage. I will not accept ever again accept an invitation to go to someone's house on the first date. It also shows a serious lack of common sense and boundaries... characteristics that I need in a partner.

[coolheadal]

You can't think rationally after sex? That seems the opposite to me and most other men. We only think rationally after sex.

 

Do not pedestalize women. They don't like it, and it makes you seem inexperienced. This is something you should work on. There are several solid ways to do this.

 

Also, if a woman invites you back to her place it is likely for sex, but it's not guaranteed. The best approach would be to kiss for a while and slowly escalate. If she rebuffs the escalation at any point then you stop.

 

If she invites you back and you decline... and I've learned this the hard way. She is going to assume you are either not attracted to her or gay. Most women do not give second chances. In college I shot myself in the foot a couple times doing this. I actually got a reputation for being kind of a prude.

 

Rose was obese, I didn't want to be rude and reject the date but I took her to the movies and etc. But I didn't want to go back with her she wasn't the type I wanted. I have the right to reject. No one gay here i into woman I will go out with who I want too. I invite them over her they stay the night with me. If want them to move in I'll do it.. I have that right they can always no. I only invite who I deem selective. I been to a lot of their houses or apartments. I use to delivery video equipment way back. I gone to some customers house and the woman were very sexual around me they wanted to go to bed with me. That stuff does happen. Give you some lunch or dinner and then go back to her room. Usually it'sex or some just want a cuddle in bed.

[coolheadal]

I was on a date just over a week ago where a lovely lady invited me to her house just before we were to depart. She made it very clear that she wanted sex. I declined. She then suggested that we meet a couple of days later and again at her home.

 

I have had sex on the first date before and I must say that there has been a pattern...these women have serious esteem issues and baggage. I will not accept ever again accept an invitation to go to someone's house on the first date. It also shows a serious lack of common sense and boundaries... characteristics that I need in a partner.

 

Very good simple! Now you know, never do it on the first date. Rose was lonely her room mate left and she was all by herself but I didn't want go back to her place. The next day she acted odd but it was okay she wasn't my type.

[Soccer1986]

If you want to go, then accept. If not, then don't.

 

 

 

The amount of intimacy she assigns to it is determined by her, not you. If she's letting you in, clearly she's comfortable with whatever the level it is and the implications thereof.

 

 

 

But your ideas of what's "right" are subjective. She's inviting you, so obviously she sees no problem with it. And maybe it's just me, but I think it'd be weird if you're entertaining the "boyfriend" title and you haven't even been in her house yet.

 

 

 

This is all well and good if you know your limitations and want to respect them. But be forewarned, if you decline something like this you run the risk of her feeling rejected, or that you're gay, etc. Not that those are reasons to compromise what you do or don't want to do, I'm just saying, it's food for thought. She doesn't know the reason you don't want to go in is because you doubt your self control. She'll probably think "A guy doesn't want to come inside for some practically guaranteed sexual contact? Something's up with him."

 

 

The only reason she would feel rejected is if she had feelings for me in the first place but as many have already pointed out her inviting me into her place is not a definitive sign of interest from her end. So if she's not interested then it's just as well that I didn't accept the invitation.

[Soccer1986]

You can't think rationally after sex? That seems the opposite to me and most other men. We only think rationally after sex.

 

Do not pedestalize women. They don't like it, and it makes you seem inexperienced. This is something you should work on. There are several solid ways to do this.

 

Also, if a woman invites you back to her place it is likely for sex, but it's not guaranteed. The best approach would be to kiss for a while and slowly escalate. If she rebuffs the escalation at any point then you stop.

 

If she invites you back and you decline... and I've learned this the hard way. She is going to assume you are either not attracted to her or gay. Most women do not give second chances. In college I shot myself in the foot a couple times doing this. I actually got a reputation for being kind of a prude.

 

 

I believe it's the woman's job to escalate things if she wants to increase the intimacy. If she's not encouraging me in the early dating stages then I take it as a blessing in disguise because then I don't have to worry about being tempted before my rational mind says it's the right time. I have enough self control as long as she's not encouraging me. Just like if you invite me to your house for dinner but don't encourage me to have some cake I won't eat it.

[Cobra_X]

I believe it's the woman's job to escalate things if she wants to increase the intimacy. If she's not encouraging me in the early dating stages then I take it as a blessing in disguise because then I don't have to worry about being tempted before my rational mind says it's the right time. I have enough self control as long as she's not encouraging me. Just like if you invite me to your house for dinner but don't encourage me to have some cake I won't eat it.

 

How old are you?

[normal person]

The only reason she would feel rejected is if she had feelings for me in the first place but as many have already pointed out her inviting me into her place is not a definitive sign of interest from her end.

 

It's not a definitive sign of interest in having sex that night. But inviting a guy into her house is a pretty definitive sign of general interest, yes. Most women don't invite men who they aren't interested into their homes. When dating someone new, I've been invited into their apartments and presumably there was no expectation of sex in that one instance.

 

You're really overthinking this.

 

So if she's not interested then it's just as well that I didn't accept the invitation.

 

Again, if she's not interested, why would she go out with you and subsequently invite you into her home? When I'm not interested in someone, I don't talk to them.

[SmartDude]

In my experience, women do not appreciate when their passion is denied. If they have already decided they like you, then it seems like you only have a small window of time in wich to act.

 

A woman inviting me into her house after a date is a kind of test. Most of the time its because she wants to know if I am going to TRY to have sex with her. She will never be explicitly obvious, its always a game. If I don't figure it out and make a move at that point, I won't get sex and she won't get sex..That is just how women are most of the time it seems. They want to see if you can be passionate or if you are just a dud. If you are weird in bed then *bam* they have solved that mystery and a relationship is out of the question. If you don't have sex with them they will think your rejecting them.

 

Its pretty messed up, I feel you bro:eek:

 

I have failed to seal the deal several times. Having the women fully agreeing to dates the next day and then ghosting me. It has happened to the best of us at one time or another.

[Miss Spider]

I believe it's the woman's job to escalate things if she wants to increase the intimacy. If she's not encouraging me in the early dating stages then I take it as a blessing in disguise because then I don't have to worry about being tempted before my rational mind says it's the right time. I have enough self control as long as she's not encouraging me. Just like if you invite me to your house for dinner but don't encourage me to have some cake I won't eat it.

 

:confused::confused:

 

 

 

 

 

 

[act00]

If a woman invites you to her home, it is not an invitation for sex, but that she's comfortable with you, and you can have a place to hang out, watch a movie, make out, but it doesn't have to be sex. If you have zero self-control, even in situations where you don't want to have sex, then you are correct to avoid any place where clothes have a habit of coming off.

 

If you don't want sex, you have to say no. If she rejects you over it, so be it. You have to have the ability to stop a situation or behavior you are uncomfortable with. End of story.

 

Again, just because an invitation to come over occurs, does not mean sex is on the table...there's a high likelihood she is open to it, but it isn't a 100% given...and hopefully you and/or she will say so before going over, so that even if things get a little hot and heavy, one or both of you can stop it before it goes further.

 

I wouldn't mind having men over, as going out is expensive, but I don't because of the sex expectation and I know how easy it is to slip. I avoid going to a man's home because I think they think my going over means I'm open to sex, when I'm not. I don't have a problem pointing out that it would be nice, but I don't want sex yet, so it has to be "rated PG." See where it goes, but it is a slippery slope with all that privacy. I do have the ability to say no, however, when things start moving too fast, and will leave if he can't control himself, and you can do the same...and if saying no results in no call-back, do you think you'd get a call-back after the sex? If they're not interested in you beyond your parts, they're already one foot out the door.

[Soccer1986]

In my experience, women do not appreciate when their passion is denied. If they have already decided they like you, then it seems like you only have a small window of time in wich to act.

 

A woman inviting me into her house after a date is a kind of test. Most of the time its because she wants to know if I am going to TRY to have sex with her. She will never be explicitly obvious, its always a game. If I don't figure it out and make a move at that point, I won't get sex and she won't get sex..That is just how women are most of the time it seems. They want to see if you can be passionate or if you are just a dud. If you are weird in bed then *bam* they have solved that mystery and a relationship is out of the question. If you don't have sex with them they will think your rejecting them.

 

Its pretty messed up, I feel you bro:eek:

 

I have failed to seal the deal several times. Having the women fully agreeing to dates the next day and then ghosting me. It has happened to the best of us at one time or another.

 

Worst case scenario is we have sex, I suck in bed and then the next morning she regrets it so much she falsely accuses me of rape. I can take the rejection afterwards but a regretted consensual encounter being equal to rape in her mind is a scary thing. The prospect of a false rape charge is one of the biggest things that has discouraged me from even dating in the last 6 years. I had a nightmare one night that a female friend of mine told everyone that I raped her.

 

Ever since I had that dream I cut off association with her taking it as a warning sign from The Lord that I probably should never have sex with a woman ever again.

[joseb]

Worst case scenario is we have sex, I suck in bed and then the next morning she regrets it so much she falsely accuses me of rape. I can take the rejection afterwards but a regretted consensual encounter being equal to rape in her mind is a scary thing. The prospect of a false rape charge is one of the biggest things that has discouraged me from even dating in the last 6 years.

 

Wow that's some messed up thinking.

 

This, coupled with your "lack of control" statements suggests you might need someone to talk to about these issues.