Highndry Posted October 15, 2017 Posted October 15, 2017 (edited) I suppose it's ok to share my vulnerabilities here, because I'm anonymous. I never, ever talk about this in real life, but my breakup has led me to be extremely skeptical of not only finding somebody suitable, but also of my own judgment when it comes to women. I feel like I was deceived by my past gf. There were a few things that were "off" a bit with her in the beginning, but no major red flags. I am a genuine, loving man who is willing to work with somebody and overlook their flaws as long as their heart's in the right place and they're trying, so I forgave her for a few hurtful things she said early on. I don't want to share too many details because I am a bit concerned she may read here, but suffice it to say I strongly believe she has BPD. This is something I never considered while dating her because not only am I not a psychologist familiar with the disorder, I was just trying to support her and survive, rather than figure her out. When I looked at the 18 behaviors another commenter posted, I think she has every one, save for maybe one or two. If I shared here the heartbreaking things she would do, she would know it was me so I cannot do that. I am still protecting her after she hurt me. I need to stop thinking like this. I now second guess myself, and wonder when the time is right how to go about meeting a woman who is actually loving and caring, not a selfish emotional vampire. I am not young anymore, but middle aged, and I am starting to wonder if I should just consider a life as a single man. I don't feel like I did very well finding the right one thus far. I never wanted kids, the world has plenty, so that limited my pool. I am very loyal and honest, and it hurts when I don't get that in return. I'm no pushover, though, and I do stand up for myself and don't allow somebody to mistreat me, so that created some extremely volatile interactions between she and I, as I wouldn't just lay down like I think she wanted. I was very upfront about what my requirements were going into this relationship, with honesty and kindness being at the top of the list, but in the end it turned out she was neither. I have myself to blame for not recognizing this sooner, but she was cunning. This is not meant as some sob story, it's how I feel and what I am going through right now. But it's left me a bit rattled, wondering why I am not very good at reading people. Also, I think I'm too willing to try something even when deep down I know it's not the right thing. Edited October 15, 2017 by Highndry
Cobra_X Posted October 15, 2017 Posted October 15, 2017 This is not meant as some sob story, it's how I feel and what I am going through right now. But it's left me a bit rattled, wondering why I am not very good at reading people. Also, I think I'm too willing to try something even when deep down I know it's not the right thing. It's not really your fault. Emotions always get in the way when you are evaluating people. Try not to go the other direction and become too jaded. You will get better at this stuff with experience. 1
smackie9 Posted October 15, 2017 Posted October 15, 2017 There are women out there that feel the same way as you do. Dating is just that, weeding through the crap to get to the good stuff. It's part of life to deal with the frustrations of dating and meeting new people. It is what it is. In the end when you strike gold, it was all worth it. Don't give up.
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