Bluemug Posted October 15, 2017 Posted October 15, 2017 Hi all! So, after a shoddy start to the year and being dumped, I have started dating again. I met someone I went to uni with in June and we kinda hit it off. Summer was lost as I went traveling in Asia (booked along time before any of the drama hit earlier in the year), and I thought he'd loose interest. Well, things are going well. For the most part. We are both in the same profession, but him with less experience and a slightly different area to me. I understand the workload/pressures/issues that arise for us every day, but I cannot get my head around the sheer amount he always has to do. Its like looking at myself when I first started in the field, and I just can't see how I can fit into the schedule. At the moment we spend a Saturday late afternoon to Sunday early afternoon together most weeks. We live 25 minutes apart, and it's just not feasible to see each other in the week- I'm equally busy week days, But not weekends. I raised the issue of how I "fit" last night, and he's suggested that I might be looking for Something he can't give me right now (eventually the workload evens out). But where does this leave us? We love spending time together, hanging out, but I just get the feeling I'm adding to the stress rather than helping! Should I call it off? Is asking to spend a day together, out doing something, one weekend too much?
smackie9 Posted October 15, 2017 Posted October 15, 2017 I suggest you keep it casual with him and date other men. 1
Author Bluemug Posted October 15, 2017 Author Posted October 15, 2017 I suggest you keep it casual with him and date other men. I think you might be right...
smackie9 Posted October 15, 2017 Posted October 15, 2017 I have been in your shoes where a guy only had time for me once a week. I simply dumped him after the third week. IMO if a guy was really into you, he will make time to see you. You can do better my dear.
d0nnivain Posted October 15, 2017 Posted October 15, 2017 I think you are asking too much too soon. Enjoy the time you have together & use his work load as a way to avoid moving too fast. You said "summer was lost" so if you have only been dating since September it's been what, 6-7 weeks? Less than 90 days in you can't expect the same level of time or other commitment that you would get from and LTR partner. Do you speak during the week? I don't understand why you can't grab a quick bite of dinner together during the week if you only live 25 minutes apart. It doesn't have to be elaborate. Go to a pizzeria; grab something at the Wholefoods buffet but spend 1 hour together. Please explain why that is not feasible. Heck, DH & I used to meet for ice cream when time was tight
act00 Posted October 15, 2017 Posted October 15, 2017 It's so hard to say. One, you have to decide if you are okay with the limited time you get and if you can wait it out and be patient. Hopefully, as your relationship progresses, you can spend more time, as in a sleepover, watch some TV, dinner, bed, that sort of thing, or whatever works. You'll just have to plan that extra drive time. Or you may decide you're ready for more and you're unwilling to wait...especially if it seems nothing is progressing or he's just not invested. Another issue, you don't want to become a burden. Something else he has to do. KWIM? I've been in that place where dating felt like another job, another chore, so I stopped. Whatever free time I had, it was going out with the guy, and sometimes I just wanted to be alone. He says one thing but he starts feeling the pressure that the only free time he has is dating you, and you want to give him some free time, space, which takes us back to the first issue - can you work with this arrangement? Even if you have to miss a weekend? Personally, I would go for it for now and see where it goes. It's a balancing act, and I've been there. But if it's meant to me, it will work out.
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