Dooder Posted October 14, 2017 Posted October 14, 2017 I apologize for this being long but so much has happened... I started dating an ex again "J"after 10 years. He has a male bestfriend who he is very close with. This bestfriend & I never met in person because he was always in prison. J" spends a lot of time with him they're "bros". The bestfriend has a woman & kids. I finally met him in person since he's been out of prison, he was very standoffish, no eye contact, acted like he didn't like me. He eventually became friendlier to a certain extent. One night, me my guy and the bestfriend was drinking and listening to music. Me and "J" starting dancing together. When we stopped, the bestfriend started slapping him on the butt while looking at me. I asked "J" why was he allowing a man to slap his butt repeatedly.."J" started slapping him back on the butt. The bestfriend then pulled his pants down & bent over so "J" could slap his naked butt. Then "J" pulled his pants down so the bestfriend could return the favor but moved out of reach before he made contact. "J" then started dry humping his bestfriend (pants up) laughing hysterically. Things got crazier...the bestfriend randomly asked "J" if he remembers when "J" sucked his d88k" "J" pretended to not hear, I said did you hear what he just asked...then "J" became angry with me for saying something. Then got in his best friends face & told him to stop saying that while smirking. When "J" turned his head I mouthed to the bestfriend "did he really do that" & the bestfriend nodded yes. I looked at it as two best friends in a bromance being drunk & playing around so I kinda over looked it. Well since that night, "J" had been drinking one night &!during an argument said "I don't even like pu&&y" then during another argument he proclaimed "I don't even like bi*%#es". (He has been drinking heavily) Not able to deal with the drinking & outbursts I started not returning calls. I started wondering if he is bi/gay. He denied it & is extremely homophobic. Wont even talk to his gay son. I went back to him. The suspect behavior with his friend continued. The bestfriend blows his phone up and popped when he don't answer. Then they have private somewhat intense whispered conversations & have left me at the house for hours waiting. One time the bestfriend said to me "you're tryna trap my bro" (I thought females try to trap men by getting pregnant so I was confused) then said "you're tryna take my bro from me...don't take him from me" I asked what in the world is he talking about...he walked away. Me & "J" have done plenty together but he wants to include the bestfriend on trips or events that should just be between me & him. We had plans to go see a movie, he cancelled claiming he was sleepy & had work in the morning (yawning & everything). Later I went to an event & ran into him with his bestfriend who had an attitude when he saw me. I was upset that I was blown off for this man. While I'm confronting "J" the bestfriend walked up started hitting "J" on the butt once again. After that night I haven't answered his calls/texts. This was a week ago. He has been texting/leaving messsges begging me to come back claimed he stopped drinking blah blah blah. I love him but if he is being deceptive I want no parts of it. The bestfriend has priority over me. They are both macho, tattoos, & work out. I know this type of image does not mean a man is not bi or gay...I'm not naive. Also I found out the woman he was with before we got back together left him & moved out west (we live on the east coast) over a fight that started early in the morning after he asked her to do something for him & she yelled "ask (bestfriend name) to do it" (bestfriend had spent the night & was currently on the couch at the time downstairs & J" had stayed up late downstairs with him) she then smacked him in the face then while he was at work packed grabbed the kid & drove out west never returning. His sister told me. He is also bipolar off mess & has PTSD from from something that happened as a youth. Also when we were together in the past, he hung with these two guys, who turned out to be fake ladies men but really down low lovers. He claimed that he stopped hanging with them because of this but only when I brought up their bisexuality. He also had an older male friend back then who would give money, pay bills, bought a car, clothes, & would pop up at his house, & privately have intense whispered conversations before leaving for hours while I waited on him. I was told by them that they had to talk to about something or taking "J" to fill job apps. The man became friendly with me & would call & tell me when "J" was with other woman which caused arguments. Back then I dismissed it because the guy was married, children, & was supposedly a "father figure" to him. But just recently I heard from someone that this man liked younger men & took care of them. What do you think...do this situation sound like a person who is bi/gay & trying to keep it a secret...or am I overreacting? I've left him alone but I still have feelings for him but I can not & will not compete with another man or woman period! That is a deal breaker among other things...
EthanSPK Posted October 14, 2017 Posted October 14, 2017 "Secretly"? If any guy DARES to touch me in such way, I would break his arms. He's gay. 1
Author Dooder Posted October 14, 2017 Author Posted October 14, 2017 Thank you for your reply. You are right! Straight men would not behave in this manner...
Poutrew Posted October 14, 2017 Posted October 14, 2017 Your guy is gay. Correction: he is GAY. There are instances where men act homophobic, but turn out to be secretly homosexual. For example, J. Edgar Hoover persecuted gay men through the FBI, and it turns out he was gay himself. You need to take a cue from your BFs best friends woman and get away from these two as soon as you can - I'm not saying anything violent is going to happen, just that the possibility does exist. If either man ever comes to terms with his sexuality, they will wind up with each other, otherwise, any woman unlucky enough to be with either of them will have her life wrecked... 1
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2017 Posted October 14, 2017 The way things are these days....there is no point in keeping it a secret. Whether he is gay,bi or not. The situation makes you uncomfortable. If your friend was going through the same thing, what advice would you give them? 1
mortensorchid Posted October 14, 2017 Posted October 14, 2017 I think he certainly is gay. If he's not this sounds all so very shady to begin with. I would move on. 1
Steve51 Posted October 14, 2017 Posted October 14, 2017 Why do you care and why are you even bothering? If you continue with him, knowing what you do, you will have only yourself to blame for your lousy life. Be smart; drinking, men, etc.. does not make a good catch for a girl. 1
Miss Spider Posted October 14, 2017 Posted October 14, 2017 When we stopped, the bestfriend started slapping him on the butt while looking at me. I asked "J" why was he allowing a man to slap his butt repeatedly.."J" started slapping him back on the butt. The bestfriend then pulled his pants down & bent over so "J" could slap his naked butt. Then "J" pulled his pants down so the bestfriend could return the favor but moved out of reach before he made contact. "J" then started dry humping his bestfriend (pants up) laughing hysterically. Things got crazier...the bestfriend randomly asked "J" if he remembers when "J" sucked his d88k" QUOTE] I've seen straight guys do gayer things. But where there's smoke, there's fire. Kinsey believed sexuality was more a spectrum than 3 distinct categories. If you have to question it, he is probably too close to the gay end of the spectrum for you. Sexuality is a weird thing. If you want an idea of how weird it is, look at homosexuality in the society of Ancient Greeks. 1
Author Dooder Posted October 14, 2017 Author Posted October 14, 2017 Thank you all for your comments. I appreciate it. And I am most definitely moving on with my life. 1
Steve51 Posted October 15, 2017 Posted October 15, 2017 Glad to hear this. Two of my female cousins married gay guys who pretended they were straight. We could see that they were gay but my cousins were blinded by love. Sure enough they each got left by their husbands who found boyfriends. My wife is from an alcoholic family marred by early deaths, drug abuse and domestic violence. My wife is bi but you would never know that she had a steady girlfriend for 30 years. She never hit on girls, dated them or ever told anyone without a need to know that she was bi. We are married 45 years and still no one knows she is bi except her girlfriend and me. It just sounds like the guy is very immature because I had gay friends and three bi girlfriends who never acted like that. When people ask me for the secret to a long marriage I tell them not to settle or think you can change someone simply by marrying them. Also while dating, why continue dating someone who has mental or sexual problems? Some women think they can fix a guy or stay with him because the sex is good or they are hot looking. These are not reasons to marry them and yet so many do and that is why our divorce rate is 50%. What you see is what you will get in your marriage. There is no reason for you to settle. You can fall in love with a lot of guys so don't let love keep you with a loser. 1
JEG88 Posted October 16, 2017 Posted October 16, 2017 Definitely gay. Not even bi, but gay and in denial. 1
loverboy69 Posted October 16, 2017 Posted October 16, 2017 On one hand he's playing around (disrespectfully in front of you). Usually people only do this around others whom they are comfortable with. On another hand though if he thinks it's okay to joke around about being gay with his friend while disowning his own son for such an act is the ultimate sign of hypocrisy. Men who are ashamed of their own sexuality often display these traits and sometimes threaten gay men with violence. Sorry you have to go through this OP. If your BF really is gay (as I suspect) the last thing you want to do is corner him or come at him like an accuser. These men can be dangerous. Hold your head up high and let this guy go. He's in a dark place and likely going through emotional turmoil. Be a friend but nix the romance. 1
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