ras5568 Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 Hey everybody, I have a real problem on my hands. Me and my girlfriend had been dating for a little over a year and then I got sent to Iraq to serve a year with the National Guard. Now, before all of that I wasn't a perfect boyfriend. I was the average 19-20 year-old guy, but I have changed since then, and grew up a lot. I give flowers for no reason and do all that stuff. Anyways, my girlfriend was badly depressed about me leaving and 6 months passed by. Her grandmother died, and that about sent her over. She starts hanging around the wrong people and moves. Later on, she gets into drugs, and I came to find out after I got home, that she cheated on me. Now, I tried my best to support her mentally and finacially when I was over there in my free time, but I never knew about the drug use and the cheating. Anyways, I'm back in the States as of March of 2005. After the lies upon lies, she breaks down bit by bit telling me the truth. (Which took all of 5 months). However, we broke up when I got back ... I hated her, etc. etc. About a month ago, we kinda start talking again. I mean, we had been in love, talked about marriage and it had been over a 2 year relationship. Anyways, I go on this little trip with her and her family and she opens up to me and tells me how she's still in love with me, and that she'd been clean and trying to do right since I got back, so we start back dating. However, she still lives in the town that she moved to when I was gone. This bothers me, considering the guy she cheated on me with lives up there, one of her ex's which she is friends with, and the trouble she occasionally runs into up there. On the trip though, she seemed so happy and carefree. We get back, she goes back to where she lives and she gradually has these mood changes. I've had 2 directions to go in: 1. Get in college or, 2. Go full time army and move out of state. I choose the army. I told her and she asked about us. I told her she can come with me and she's happy about everything. It would be a great change for the both of us. But now, because of some type of influence from somewhere, she doesn't know about moving. She tells me she's scared, that she doesn't even know who she is anymore and has to find out before she can be happy, etc., etc. This is a roller coaster because one minute she's great, happy, calls me, comes see me, talks about our future ... and then, all of a sudden, it's Whoa! I don't know about this. I do love you, but I just have to think. She doesn't want me to come see her ... there's always an excuse. She has yet to introduce me to her friends' where she stays, which is a whopping 40 minutes from me. She hasn't even been wanting to spend time with me, knowing I only have maybe a month here. If she doesn't move with me, I won't see her again. So, what's the deal? I need some advice bad. Am I a fool in love?
Skeered Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 Have a real heart to heart conversation with her and tell her that you need to know exactly what she wants. I can understand that the move can be a freaky one to make and she may doubt herself because she is resting everything on your relationship together which has been through quite a bit lately. So let her know that you are here for her but you need to know what to expect. Reiterate to her that you are moving and when and see what her reaction and comments are..you have to move forward with your life...with or without her and you have to do what you think is best for you. She needs to figure out what's best for her...who knows maybe you leaving and moving forward will get her to focus on what she wants whether it be you or something else. How old is she?
Author ras5568 Posted August 16, 2005 Author Posted August 16, 2005 she turns 21 the end of this month. thanks alot for the advice.
NYCmitch25 Posted August 17, 2005 Posted August 17, 2005 I'm a firm believer that long distance relationships don't really work. I actually wrote this before re-reading your post seeing "If I were to "guess" She has a new fling and doesn't know how to perhaps tell you yet -- it's not really her fault, the long distance thing isn't the best way to go man." Now I see that she actually admitted it. Honestly, it's over, she is seeing someone else because she is keeping out of the loop for a reason, just stop talking to her, don't be the fool and try to get her back.. and the off chance that she isn't, well obviously things have changed anyway. Good luck with things.
Author ras5568 Posted August 18, 2005 Author Posted August 18, 2005 well hello everybody. today i decided to go visit her you know the whole suprise thing. somthn was telling me to go because of the way she was acting. i have some friends that stay close to her and i called one of them up and she told me all i needed to know plus she had a conversation with my girlfriend while i was on the phone with her (at the my girlfriend now ex didnt know i was on there) but to make a long story short i caught her in a bunch of lies she never did change. and the bad thing about it is that she never would of told me if i never came down. i geuss this is one of the many stories to learn from in life. all that glitters isnt gold........
NYCmitch25 Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 Originally posted by ras5568 well hello everybody. today i decided to go visit her you know the whole suprise thing. somthn was telling me to go because of the way she was acting. i have some friends that stay close to her and i called one of them up and she told me all i needed to know plus she had a conversation with my girlfriend while i was on the phone with her (at the my girlfriend now ex didnt know i was on there) but to make a long story short i caught her in a bunch of lies she never did change. and the bad thing about it is that she never would of told me if i never came down. i geuss this is one of the many stories to learn from in life. all that glitters isnt gold........ Look, the signs where all there, why do you have to wait to see them painted on the wall before you are going to believe any of them? I guess it's perhaps that you didn't want to believe that things were really going down this way? I think it's really hard for you man, I feel for you. You are fighting for this country and she isn't being supportive because of the long distance thing. Hopefully these circumstances won't affect your next reationship emotionally... Anyway, spare yourself of any more agony and get over this relationship, throw out her crap, stop talking to her, look up on the internet ways to get over people. Put it this way, I was luckily never cheated on but this one girl I was dating seriously for almost a year was friends with her ex, I caught her sneaking to hang out with him so I was a little upset; *she* made it a point to say that she would never do it again (but basicaly she wasn't fully over him), and I caught her *one* more time and it was over, I got rid of her faster than an a blink of an eye. I didn't need any kind of proof of cheating or whatever, she couldn't be trusted and that was it.
elijahBailey Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 hi ras, ya know what? The good thing is that you found out all of this now and not later. You just got spared a lot of grief later now. Drop her and don't look back. She's seems pretty good at lying. You can't build a relationship this way. Good luck.
Rocko Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 Originally posted by elijahBailey hi ras, ya know what? The good thing is that you found out all of this now and not later. You just got spared a lot of grief later now. Drop her and don't look back. She's seems pretty good at lying. You can't build a relationship this way. Good luck. He's Right!
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