Why am I like this? :(

[xoxox]

I've been in a relationship for a few months now. My boyfriend is fantastic and he's a guy that every woman dreams about, he's everything I ever wanted. I want to be with him, and I love him... But for some reason, I still seek for attention elsewhere. I just scheduled a meeting with my old male friend, what for? I don't know... I got excited, but then I started thinking about my boyfriend, how wonderful he is, how much he cares and loves me and I think about what I have, how lucky I am... why do I want to destroy it? He gives me everything and makes me happy, I don't want to think about other guys and focus on my boyfriend. I don't want to destroy our relationship and hurt him. What's wrong with me?

Edited October 12, 2017 by xoxox

[Gaeta]

How long have you been dating?

 

You say you are loving him but it is possible you are mistaken? It's not because a man makes us tickle in the tummy that we love him. It's much more deeper and complex.

 

I know the day I start seeking the attention of other men it's because something is missing in my relationship. What's missing in yours?

[act00]

If you truly want to have a future with your boyfriend, and if you are truly ready to close off the rest of the dating world, you won't be seeking other people and actively dating.

 

Maybe it's not so much that you don't care deeply for your guy, but that you're not ready to make your guy the one and only....and why.

 

You can be deeply in love, even married and committed, and still find yourself attracted to other men. This is life.

 

Being committed does not, in any way, turn off the attraction you feel to other men. The thing is, when you are fully devoted, you do not act on those attractions...they exist, but here is no mandatory requirement to fulfill some goal. You do not flirt, and you maintain your boundaries.

 

If you seek dating other men or other illicit affairs, there is more going on with your relationship with your man...something isn't right.

 

What is missing in your life and your relationship with your boyfriend that you seek romantic attention elsewhere?

[kendahke]

I've been in a relationship for a few months now. My boyfriend is fantastic and he's a guy that every woman dreams about, he's everything I ever wanted. I want to be with him, and I love him... But for some reason, I still seek for attention elsewhere. I just scheduled a meeting with my old male friend, what for? I don't know... I got excited, but then I started thinking about my boyfriend, how wonderful he is, how much he cares and loves me and I think about what I have, how lucky I am... why do I want to destroy it? He gives me everything and makes me happy, I don't want to think about other guys and focus on my boyfriend. I don't want to destroy our relationship and hurt him. What's wrong with me?

 

What is stopping you from calling and canceling?

 

You know that it's wrong, but you're not going to fix it? You're just going to go ahead and betray your boyfriend?

 

You may need a therapist more than you need a boyfriend at this point.

[caveman621]

You said it yourself, "I still seek for attention elsewhere." You like the confirmation that you are desirable to other men besides your boyfriend. A little ego boost! You , "Get excited." Yeah. It's easy to do that in the moment and then regret it.

 

Who initiated this "meeting" with your "old male friend?" Was it you or him? What was the relationship with him? Sexual? Do you assume there will be sex at this "meeting?"

[stillafool]

Break up with your boyfriend because you don't deserve him and be single so you can see as many guys as your ego will allow.

[d0nnivain]

Since you know this meeting with the EX is for all the wrong reasons, just cancel it.

 

 

Part of growing up is looking at the long term, not just the instant gratification stuff.

[soyou]

I can you see only reasons you do this:

 

1. You have some unresolved mental issue, insecurity which leads to the urge to look for attention all the time

 

2. No matter how awesome a guy can be. But it's not your cup of tea, you will always find yourself wander. Your bf can be perfect but he's NOT necessary who you need in your life.

[Cobra_X]

I've been in a relationship for a few months now. My boyfriend is fantastic and he's a guy that every woman dreams about, he's everything I ever wanted. I want to be with him, and I love him... But for some reason, I still seek for attention elsewhere. I just scheduled a meeting with my old male friend, what for? I don't know... I got excited, but then I started thinking about my boyfriend, how wonderful he is, how much he cares and loves me and I think about what I have, how lucky I am... why do I want to destroy it? He gives me everything and makes me happy, I don't want to think about other guys and focus on my boyfriend. I don't want to destroy our relationship and hurt him. What's wrong with me?

 

How is your relationship with your father?

[xoxox]

We started dating regularly in April this year.

 

Gaeta, it is deep, it's serious and no, I'm not scared - I always wanted a serious relationship. I truly love him, we're very close. I don't think there is something missing, he's just been very busy lately and we didn't really spend time together, we didn't talk much. I tried to meet him today but he's busy again. I just feel kind of... empty.

 

That friend messaged me yesterday, just asked how I am, we talked a little, he asked if I wanna meet and I agreed. I remember I liked him, he's a cool guy. However, I know it won't be fair to meet him. And I really wanna be with him. I just wonder if that's a deeper issue or just temporary thing.

[xoxox]

How is your relationship with your father?

 

Not so good. Why?

[xoxox]

We started dating regularly in April this year.

 

However, I know it won't be fair to meet him. And I really wanna be with him. I just wonder if that's a deeper issue or just temporary thing.

 

I really wanna be with my boyfriend I mean

[d0nnivain]

If you want to be with your BF either cancel the meet with the other guy or ask your BF if he wants to come along.

[Gr8fuln2020]

We started dating regularly in April this year.

 

Gaeta, it is deep, it's serious and no, I'm not scared - I always wanted a serious relationship. I truly love him, we're very close. I don't think there is something missing, he's just been very busy lately and we didn't really spend time together, we didn't talk much. I tried to meet him today but he's busy again. I just feel kind of... empty.

 

That friend messaged me yesterday, just asked how I am, we talked a little, he asked if I wanna meet and I agreed. I remember I liked him, he's a cool guy. However, I know it won't be fair to meet him. And I really wanna be with him. I just wonder if that's a deeper issue or just temporary thing.

 

xoxox,

 

You are insecure. Some people, when there is a lull or change in the relationship, however insignificant, begin to allow doubt to creep in. Second guessing. Wondering why... it is possible that you begin to feel that this is too good to be true during these times and yearn attention to help you cope with your insecurity. Possible?

[kendahke]

I really wanna be with my boyfriend I mean

 

Again, what is stopping you from calling this other guy and canceling?

 

Have you told your boyfriend that you're meeting this guy and you're not only looking forward to it, you're excited about it? I think that would be fair and honest of you because what you've done so far is dishonest and deceptive.

[xoxox]

You said it yourself, "I still seek for attention elsewhere." You like the confirmation that you are desirable to other men besides your boyfriend. A little ego boost! You, "Get excited." Yeah. It's easy to do that in the moment and then regret it.

 

Who initiated this "meeting" with your "old male friend?" Was it you or him? What was the relationship with him? Sexual? Do you assume there will be sex at this "meeting?"

 

That's true. I don't wanna make that mistake, but what's really behind it... Just attention seeking?

 

The guy initiated the meeting. We met several times, a few years ago, we haven't been intimate, though.

[kendahke]

he's just been very busy lately and we didn't really spend time together, we didn't talk much. I tried to meet him today but he's busy again. I just feel kind of... empty.

 

This is one of the excuses cheaters use to cheat. It's like they can't be by themselves for a short period of time, so they find someone who will give them attention and they end up cheating--then they want to use the "I'm confused" excuse.

 

Confusion on this level can be avoided by exercising some self discipline and not seeking out attention from anyone but the one you claim you love. That's really not hard to do.

[d0nnivain]

It depends on a lot of things.

 

 

Do you think this friend wants to meet you for innocent reasons? When & where will the meeting be? Would your BF be welcome?

 

 

If you feel like you have to hide it, then I'd skip the meeting. If you can be open & honest about it -- with enough transparency that your BF could attend this reunion -- it's all good.

 

 

I've met up with old friends, no problem. Most of the time I tell my SO when & where in advance; more often then not if I'm having fun, I reach out to the SO & ask that he join us.

 

 

Wanting attention & to have your ego stroked are not terrible things. Everybody wants to feel desired. Sneaking around or intentionally courting flirtations from other people while in a relationship can lead down a slippery slope to problems. If whatever you are doing undermines trust, don't do it.

[Gaeta]

We started dating regularly in April this year.

 

Gaeta, it is deep, it's serious and no, I'm not scared - I always wanted a serious relationship. I truly love him, we're very close. I don't think there is something missing, he's just been very busy lately and we didn't really spend time together, we didn't talk much. I tried to meet him today but he's busy again. I just feel kind of... empty.

 

So here is what is not going right in your relationship. Don't look any further.

 

Instead of running toward another man why not sit down with your boyfriend and find solutions?

 

You know my bf works full time on days and is at school full time at night. He's gone 16 hours a day. I don't feel lonely because he gives me a lot of attention. I get a morning call, a pm call and a good night call. In the middle of the week he'll come to my place for the night, he gets here late like 22h30 but at least we get to sleep next to each other. So, I understand your boyfriend is busy but I have not come across a man more busy than my bf so far. I am sure you can work something out.

[GemmaUK]

Not so good. Why?

 

If your relationship with your father is 'not so good' this can lead you to seek approval from men.

It sounds like this is what you are doing, you have approval from one good man but that isn't enough so you seek more men to get approval from.

[knabe]

If you are old enough to date, you are old enough to be honest. If you are not old enough to be honest, you are not old enough to date.

 

You have a voice, and you have fingers. You can cancel this meeting. The only reason you haven't is because you don't want to.

 

What kind of person do you want to be? It really is that simple. You don't NEED to know why you are considering behaving in a crappy manner. Just don't do it.

[Cobra_X]

Not so good. Why?

 

I already knew your answer before I asked. THIS is most likely your problem.

 

If your relationship with your father is 'not so good' this can lead you to seek approval from men.

It sounds like this is what you are doing, you have approval from one good man but that isn't enough so you seek more men to get approval from.

 

Pay attention to what GemmaUK is saying here. How can you expect to fix this if you don't even understand the problem. You are not weird or alone... this is a common issue for girls. No guy is going to fix this for you.. You have to do it yourself.

[kendahke]

2nd attempt:

 

What is stopping you from calling and canceling?

[kendahke]

I don't wanna make that mistake,

 

This isn't "putting salt in the cake batter instead of sugar".

 

That's a mistake.

 

This is a calculated and premeditated moved on your part. You gave this guy access and you agreed to meet with him without your boyfriend and most likely haven't told your boyfriend that you're meeting him.

 

I take it by your reluctance to answer my question that your answer is: I love the attention other men give me more than I love and respect my boyfriend and that's why I will not cancel this date.

[xoxox]

2nd attempt:

 

What is stopping you from calling and cancelling?

 

I cancelled, but I went through all the replies and I started wondering if I really wanna be with my bf... I love him and stuff but is he really the one? I still think about other guys so...