Author Miss Spider Posted October 15, 2017 Author Posted October 15, 2017 (edited) If I am attracted to the top 1% of men In hotness what do I do? If I refuse to sleep with someone I am not feeling, should I just stay single? Or are there ways I can improve my chances? Perhaps personality counts for something to some of them? Edited October 15, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
Cobra_X Posted October 15, 2017 Posted October 15, 2017 If I am attracted to the top 1% of men In hotness what do I do? If I refuse to sleep with someone I am not feeling, should I just stay single? Or are there ways I can improve my chances? Perhaps personality counts for something to some of them? I've known many girls with similar issues. I would bet money if you worked on personal psychological issues... maybe worked through some childhood trauma... this issue diminish greatly. To be entirely honest, if you don't then you may not have a great life. 1
Author Miss Spider Posted October 15, 2017 Author Posted October 15, 2017 I can't tell you what to do. It's your life, your choices. I think you are likely gonna miss out on a lot by waiting around for someone who may or may not exist, but there is always the chance that he does. You are on here enough. The other people who are perpetually single or have serious issues finding men, they all say the same thing you do. In my experience, they stay single, or if they do find someone it won't last. Why should it last, when the only reason you are with someone is because you think they are hot? Honestly, I dunno. I'm not one of those guys. Thanks for your help, enigma. I guess I'm just really confused because I know what my 1% looks like...but I don't know if it's another woman's 1% I don't consider Clooney in my 1% at all... I know what mine is but I don't know how many girls also feel that way since it is subjective. I don't know how tough my competition is. I know it's tough, but I have no clue how tough 1
Author Miss Spider Posted October 15, 2017 Author Posted October 15, 2017 I've known many girls with similar issues. I would bet money if you worked on personal psychological issues... maybe worked through some childhood trauma... this issue diminish greatly. To be entirely honest, if you don't then you may not have a great life. Hi. What is the correlation between finding only a few people hot and wanting to be with them and other psychological issues? And perhaps I won't date/sleep with a guy/have a relationship, but I think I will live a great life, regardless.
Moves Like Jagger Posted October 15, 2017 Posted October 15, 2017 Cookie, what is the point of this thread? I've seen you put the picture of an extremely pretty brunette on your avatar. I'd put you at least at 8 in the looks scale. Yet, you put yourself as average. That doesn't make sense. Judging by your pic and your threads, you don't seem to have any problem attracting guys that you are attracted to. As others mention, you flake or break up with guys due to your "anxiety". I think that this being attracted to "hot" people is just an avoidance mechanism to avoid the fact that you have intimacy issues that prevent you from getting in a relationship with a guy that you like. Instead of finding a counselor or joining a social circle that are full of young, fit, relationship minded guys, you choose to start threads about how you flaked out on a guy or how you're extremely picky about looks even though you are in the same league as hot people. Over 3000 posts and over 60 threads and you still choose not to get outside of your comfort zone. You even mentioned how you rather play video games than meet attractive guys at all. This "anxiety" and "shyness" problems are excuses not to try. I don't think that you do not want to change at all. 2
amaysngrace Posted October 15, 2017 Posted October 15, 2017 Become a porn star. They bang lots of hot dudes and you get paid too Winning! 2
Cobra_X Posted October 15, 2017 Posted October 15, 2017 Hi. What is the correlation between finding only a few people hot and wanting to be with them and other psychological issues? And perhaps I won't date/sleep with a guy/have a relationship, but I think I will live a great life, regardless. Unhealthy emotions lead to unhealthy attractions. I don't think you should worry about who or what you attracts you. Instead you should spend your time sorting through your own psychology and discovering what is broken and then working to fix it. Perhaps even professional help would be useful. Well you have to decide for yourself "what is the point of life". You only get 1 shot. I suggest you try to optimize it. I think that this being attracted to "hot" people is just an avoidance mechanism to avoid the fact that you have intimacy issues that prevent you from getting in a relationship with a guy that you like. Instead of finding a counselor or joining a social circle that are full of young, fit, relationship minded guys, you choose to start threads about how you flaked out on a guy or how you're extremely picky about looks even though you are in the same league as hot people. Over 3000 posts and over 60 threads and you still choose not to get outside of your comfort zone. You even mentioned how you rather play video games than meet attractive guys at all. This "anxiety" and "shyness" problems are excuses not to try. I don't think that you do not want to change at all. This might be a solid explanation. I think the core diagnosis is that Cookies very likely doesn't want to change. 1
Author Miss Spider Posted October 15, 2017 Author Posted October 15, 2017 Become a porn star. They bang lots of hot dudes and you get paid too Winning! Why did I not think of this. I think I got my solution. Thanks, all. This thread can be closed now. 1
Moves Like Jagger Posted October 15, 2017 Posted October 15, 2017 (edited) Why did I not think of this. I think I got my solution. Thanks, all. This thread can be closed now. You continue to avoid the issue. Why are you starting a thread about not being able to date hot people when you have already been out on dates with guys you find attractive? It's no surprise that you're asking the thread to be closed when you have the pattern to continue to avoid your issues over and over again. I'm sorry Cookiesandough, but I'm not going to enable starting a thread that contradicts your life experiences Edited October 15, 2017 by Moves Like Jagger 1
Author Miss Spider Posted October 15, 2017 Author Posted October 15, 2017 (edited) You continue to avoid the issue. Why are you starting a thread about not being able to date hot people when you have already been out on dates with guys you find attractive? It's no surprise that you're asking the thread to be closed when you have the pattern to continue to avoid your issues over and over again. I'm sorry Cookiesandough, but I'm not going to enable starting a thread that contradicts your life experiences Thanks exploding kitten. Thanks, moves like Jagger. Thats nice of you, I'm avg, ( it's ok,don't wanna talk about it) anyway, They're attractibe but not really my type.. I don't feel a spark. I am no longer dating. I closed all my dating site accounts and deleted my tinder. It feels a bit like.....missed opportunities.. No dates. I burned bridges with all the people I've been on dates with in the past, but that's for the best. Im not dating until I work on myself. No good to string anyone along. Also, the holidays and snow is coming up, perfect time to stay in and game, so it all works out. I'll start dating again in January. Not that I'll have any more luck. I'm not dating so go ahead and close ty Edited October 15, 2017 by Cookiesandough
Chris2016 Posted October 17, 2017 Posted October 17, 2017 I'm going to go Darwinistic with OP's scenario ... We seek out the "best" genes biologically (I want to bang him/her), but I think nature also uses that to weed out people who can't adapt (genes that can't adapt). What's the saying, it's not the strongest/prettiest/smartest of the species that survives, but the one that is most adaptable to change. Sadly, speaking for a friend! 1
central Posted October 17, 2017 Posted October 17, 2017 My very picky friend's coping mechanism seems to be to find very attractive men who are good at sex, but she doesn't keep them around long. None so far share her values and interests so are not compatible for anything more. She has friends - like me - who provide everything else, including shared interests, emotional closeness, and platonic affection. If I were an insanely handsome underwear model, I'd probably be her perfect man! lol Fortunately for me, I'm good with just being a close friend, as I have someone wonderful who deeply loves me despite not being a centerfold model. 1
thecrucible Posted October 17, 2017 Posted October 17, 2017 I don't really worry about looks at all. But my problem is that I'm attracted to dominant men which is actually not good for me as I want an equal partnership. But it's weird how you can be attracted to people who are really bad for you. I hate that. As for looks, they only last a certain amount of time. There's no use having looks if there's nothing to talk about and they don't make you happy. I think you can be attracted to a wider range of people if you are prepared to endure a bit of discomfort and give people a chance you wouldn't normally be attracted to, to see if anything develops. Obviously if you feel zero attraction then that's a 'no go' but something in-between is workable. At the same time, you shouldn't feel bad if you can't be attracted to someone. If you feel like you have to force it then something's wrong from the very beginning. 2
Chris2016 Posted October 17, 2017 Posted October 17, 2017 (edited) My very picky friend's coping mechanism seems to be to find very attractive men who are good at sex, but she doesn't keep them around long. None so far share her values and interests so are not compatible for anything more. She has friends - like me - who provide everything else, including shared interests, emotional closeness, and platonic affection. If I were an insanely handsome underwear model, I'd probably be her perfect man! lol Fortunately for me, I'm good with just being a close friend, as I have someone wonderful who deeply loves me despite not being a centerfold model. ... You would probably not want her. Edited October 17, 2017 by Chris2016 2
Author Miss Spider Posted October 18, 2017 Author Posted October 18, 2017 (edited) meh. disregard. Thanks for your input guys and gals Edited October 18, 2017 by Cookiesandough
Author Miss Spider Posted October 21, 2017 Author Posted October 21, 2017 (edited) Almost every hot guy close to my age is taken. I don't have the numbers, but it just stands to reason. There are a few exceptions, but most attractive and interesting people with their emotional ducks in row are either taken or have a line around the corner waiting for them like an Xbox on Black Friday to no longer be taken. I find it hard to really even look at incredibly good looking guys. It's like what the sun does to your eyes except to almost every cell in my body. I can't focus and feel faint. That sounds super strange. But I was on a date with a pretty good looking guy awhile ago and I fell over because I was so lightheaded. Now if he's more attractive than that wires get so crossed I can barely think. It's so silly looking at it rationally. He's just a sack of flesh like the rest of us. It just happens formed in an aesthetically pleasing way. It's just math or some ratio in the distance between and the shape of his facial features. But when it comes down to it, logic fails me. How can I knock him off his pedestal and view him ordinarily. I run and avoid attractive men now because it's so hard to look at them and I know I'll just behave so strange and be rejected so there's no point. I have a pavlonian response to just be sad when I see them now. Even the internet Edited October 21, 2017 by Cookiesandough
carhill Posted October 21, 2017 Posted October 21, 2017 Almost every hot guy close to my age is taken. I don't have the numbers, but it just stands to reason. There are a few exceptions, but most attractive and interesting people with their emotional ducks in row are either taken or have people waiting for them like an Xbox on Black Friday to get out of the relationship. Sounds pretty normal to me. I remember when a hot young lady in a short skirt stopped by the shop office one day a few decades ago to sign me up for dumpster (trash) service and she literally knocked me out of my chair, or rather I tipped it over backwards I think my ex-wife got that chair IMO, it's OK to accept who one is attracted to, yet also accept that such attraction may thin one's potential dating pool. If a hot guy wants to couple, why the heck shouldn't it be with you, right? Stick with it. There are plenty of hot guys out there who are good guys too. The timing will smile on you eventually. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted October 21, 2017 Posted October 21, 2017 Almost every hot guy close to my age is taken. I don't have the numbers, but it just stands to reason. There are a few exceptions, but most attractive and interesting people with their emotional ducks in row are either taken or have a line around the corner waiting for them like an Xbox on Black Friday to no longer be taken. I find it hard to really even look at incredibly good looking guys. It's like what the sun does to your eyes except to almost every cell in my body. I can't focus and feel faint. That sounds super strange. But I was on a date with a pretty good looking guy awhile ago and I fell over because I was so lightheaded. Now if he's more attractive than that wires get so crossed I can barely think. It's so silly looking at it rationally. He's just a sack of flesh like the rest of us. It just happens formed in an aesthetically pleasing way. It's just math or some ratio in the distance between and the shape of his facial features. But when it comes down to it, logic fails me. How can I knock him off his pedestal and view him ordinarily. I run and avoid attractive men now because it's so hard to look at them and I know I'll just behave so strange and be rejected so there's no point. I have a pavlonian response to just be sad when I see them now. Even the internet You need to get more aggressive and do what a lot of other women do...If they are all taken you have to steal a guy.... Even with the laugh emoticon, its really not that far off..This happens all the time, and shrewd women know how to play that game better than anyone.... Here is how I see it... You are at a tough age....You are past the college level and now those guys are all paired up....Sure there are other good looking dudes out there, but now you have to weed between the players, ex convicts, do nothing basement dwellers...and the few remaining are having a field day with options..Then you may find a guy that fits your criteria, but he's recently divorced with two little kids and a bitter and pissed off ex that will put the screws to you every chance she gets....It's really tough.. And Ive said this before...No disrespect to anyone, but most if not all good looking and desirable guys really don't need OLD.so to look there is almost pointless..The only top shelf guys I know that used it, only did so to get easy lays.... They have opportunities everywhere and in every place they go on a daily basis, and they can probably name a collection of women that would drop what they are doing instantly if he showed the littlest of interest... Realize that, IME, there are probably 30+(maybe more?) truly good looking and desirable women for every one equivalent guy..The numbers clearly work in their favor, so that's probably a good reason you are having issues... I don't intend to further your depression with this reality, but then again, who says you can't have your way as well?? My advice is DON'T settle...It may take longer than you like, but my guess is it will happen...You have a lot going for you.. TFY 1
Author Miss Spider Posted October 21, 2017 Author Posted October 21, 2017 (edited) Lol thank you carhill for the encouragement You need to get more aggressive and do what a lot of other women do...If they are all taken you have to steal a guy.... Even with the laugh emoticon, its really not that far off..This happens all the time, and shrewd women know how to play that game better than anyone.... Here is how I see it... You are at a tough age....You are past the college level and now those guys are all paired up....Sure there are other good looking dudes out there, but now you have to weed between the players, ex convicts, do nothing basement dwellers...and the few remaining are having a field day with options..Then you may find a guy that fits your criteria, but he's recently divorced with two little kids and a bitter and pissed off ex that will put the screws to you every chance she gets....It's really tough.. And Ive said this before...No disrespect to anyone, but most if not all good looking and desirable guys really don't need OLD.so to look there is almost pointless..The only top shelf guys I know that used it, only did so to get easy lays.... They have opportunities everywhere and in every place they go on a daily basis, and they can probably name a collection of women that would drop what they are doing instantly if he showed the littlest of interest... Realize that, IME, there are probably 30+(maybe more?) truly good looking and desirable women for every one equivalent guy..The numbers clearly work in their favor, so that's probably a good reason you are having issues... I don't intend to further your depression with this reality, but then again, who says you can't have your way as well?? My advice is DON'T settle...It may take longer than you like, but my guess is it will happen...You have a lot going for you.. TFY And thank you tfy. Couldn't agree with you more on the bolded. I'm not shrewed and competitive when it comes to dating. I know a lot of women who are and it's not unusual for really good looking guys to have a less conventionally attractive gf. It's not all about looks for all attractive guys. A lot of them want to be prettier than their gf lol. Anyway, I don't think I can be ambitious about it where I'm fighting for a man. Maybe that is the problem. . It's hard to say this, but I don't go out a great deal and when I do it's dinner or shopping with family and friends. I go to social settings like bar maybe 3 times a year with a big group. If I see a good looking guy at the grocery store, and if I do a quick maneuver to another aisle and revisit that one later. No...my anxiety is not helping me. I wish I could find the players and ex cons No but I'd totally go on a date with a player at least...sounds sad but that's how slim my pickings are... Edited October 21, 2017 by Cookiesandough
chinadiary Posted October 29, 2017 Posted October 29, 2017 Your perspective will change as you get older, because you're a woman. I think a lot more men than women continue to rate potential partners by hotness into their 40s and 50s. Women become more sensible. We stop rating on looks and like a guy who can hold a conversation, make us laugh, who is interesting and interested in getting to know who we are inside. IMO it is really unattractive to see an older man obsessed with his appearance and chasing young girls. He's no loss to single older women because that just denotes shallowness. I feel for the girls he dates because they're getting a poor deal. 2
Author Miss Spider Posted October 29, 2017 Author Posted October 29, 2017 chinadiary, ty. do you mind me asking your age group?
Author Miss Spider Posted October 29, 2017 Author Posted October 29, 2017 (edited) Your perspective will change as you get older, because you're a woman. I think a lot more men than women continue to rate potential partners by hotness into their 40s and 50s. Women become more sensible. We stop rating on looks and like a guy who can hold a conversation, make us laugh, who is interesting and interested in getting to know who we are inside. IMO it is really unattractive to see an older man obsessed with his appearance and chasing young girls. He's no loss to single older women because that just denotes shallowness. I feel for the girls he dates because they're getting a poor deal. I have gotten older I changed my perspective on this entire thing a little bit ago. I totally see the the err of my mindset at the time. I don't know why I was this way. . Tysm this threads closable... Edited October 29, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
Author Miss Spider Posted December 18, 2017 Author Posted December 18, 2017 (edited) I want to add my thoughts here because it feels nice to chronicle my growth as a person. When I made this thread a few months back, I was stuck on an ex-bf. I was convinced his physical attractiveness was what made me happy and what I needed in my life to be happy again. I was still dating and going after guys with similar looks. While they were nice to look at, they were not the personality type I was attracted to. At all. A lot of them did not even display good character(using derogatory words for females, criticizing other women's bodies, dead beat fathers, dope dealers, list goes on)on dates. I continued dating them because of their appearance. I played games constantly. I threw wrenches in for excitement and acted reprehensibly. I was not happy. My self-esteem was not improving. I felt empty. I decided that this was not what I wanted in life. I didn't feel like a good person or who I really am. I was being a fraud. I was treating these attractive guys like nothing more than a game I wanted to win and discard afterwards. On top of that, even 'winning' brought me very little and very fleeting satisfaction. I can had an epiphany a month ago while I was watching some documentaries. These documentaries followed the lives of different people going through different struggles. Some of these people had the most wonderful personalities!!! I began to see that the physical was not as important to me as I thought it was. Sure, it matters a bit - but beyond that threshold the real meaning is who the person is inside. That they are kind, genuine, passionate, etc. How mislead I was to have put so much emphasis appearance in dating! No wonder I never felt a connection. I was using it as a way to bolster my self-esteem, like a sad PUA. I was really sad and embarrassed about how I destructively I behaved and my shallow priorities. I suppose it could have been worse. I shouldn't dwell in the past because I can't take it back. I am just happy to be a renewed, better person, and all because of some recharge time. I will probably start dating again after Christmas if I can stop my documentary addiction. I am very glad I took a break. I should have listened much earlier to others who suggested it, but I'm stubborn. Taking a break was the best decision and completely changed my dating perspective!!! I am finally over my ex. Moreover, I am completely over the superficial mindset which may have kept me from finding real happiness and connection with someone special if that person exists for me! Edited December 18, 2017 by Cookiesandough 6
Chilli Posted December 21, 2017 Posted December 21, 2017 ... You would probably not want her. Ha , exactly what l was thinking . 2
BluEyeL Posted December 22, 2017 Posted December 22, 2017 I sometimes wonder how much of this chase of the so called hot people is truly because of the attraction and how much is needing the bragging rights in front of others. I'm no better I once dated a guy who was both conventionally attractive and successful and I realized that although we were clearly not a match I dated him longer than I should have because I would have loved to brag around about having a hot and successful boyfriend. Otherwise conventional good looks and six packs without something else actually do nothing for me. It's just like a pretty object to look at but not necessarily be attracted to. 2
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